MIK1000 Posted December 28, 2011 Posted December 28, 2011 Long story short, we were going out for 16 months, both young (20/18) and the relationship was very intense, loving and we were as close a couple as you could be at that age. She goes away for the summer to america to work at a summer camp, misses me and contacts me a lot for the first couple of weeks and then becomes distant. Then breaks up with me when I argue with her about it, then gets with another guy just after that. Arrives home and is in a LD relationship with this new guy. I've been NC and ignoring her act to help me to heal. I thought I didn't want her back. Then the other night she came into the pub I work in and was hanging around the bar, as if she was waiting for me to speak to her but she didn't start any conversation. I then heard from another of the bar staff that he saw her staring at me a lot. I made a thread on here, got advised to break NC and ask her out or something as it was a good opportunity to get her back. I decide to text her today, a few days after she was in the bar. I figured i would just open the lines to communication. Here's how it went: Me - Hey. Sorry I didn't get much of a chance to speak to you the other night, wasn't trying to be rude or anything, was so busy. Hope you had a good christmas. x Her - Hey. It's alright, didn't think you would anyway. Hope you had a good christmas too. x Me - Thank. You mean because of the train station the other week (meaning because i blanked her when i saw her a the train station). At this point she took hours to reply, perhaps she was working. Her - Yeah well that and I suppose just from things I've heard. Me - I only blanked you because u did the same to me when i got the gamecube and I said hi. just immature of us both I guess. (she contacted me to give me back a 10 year old console which meant nothing to me, then said nothing when she met me to give me it.) What have you heard? Her - Yeah. Not much, just a couple things your friends have said to mine. x Me - I didn't know my friends had spoke to yours a part from tony. what have they said on behalf of me?x Her - Eh well amy has spoke to a few of them. Nothing nice. x Me - Can we speak in person because I've literally not been able to talk to you about anything that happened other than through text or Facebook. x It's been forty minutes and no text back, granted it's late. Have I just made a huge mess of things in terms of making it look like I've moved on? A big part of me really needs to talk to her about what happened in person, because it happened while she was away from home and i never got to speak to her about it, and then I've been NC since she got back. It's an extremely unnatural end to a very intense relationship.
Author MIK1000 Posted December 28, 2011 Author Posted December 28, 2011 Her reply - "I'm sorry but I don't think it will be a good idea. What do you want to talk about?" Me - I just wanted an explanation of what really happened and some proper closure really because although I've moved on, it's still very strange to basically have the person that you were closest to in this world go away, remove you from their life via Facebook. I'm not trying got get back with you or anything. If you don't feel like you owe me that then that's fine. I've got this far without it. -------- I'm pleased with my reply, this isn't really the situation I wanted to get myself into but now at least i know that her behaviour at the bar ect wasn't her secretly wanting me back or anything. She must be in love with her new guy.
gibson Posted December 28, 2011 Posted December 28, 2011 I told you in your other thread that you were not ready to contact her yet. You have no confidence and you are not the guy she first met and feel in love with yet. You need more time to heal and get yourself back. So to answer your question... No, you did not ruin it. You just need to wait till you are ready and hear / see her down the road. In the future... 1. Don't explain / defend yourself. 2. Don't ask for permission to see her. Next time, just tell her where you are going to be if she cares to talk or clear it up whatever she was accusing you of. 3. Don't admit to being a b1tch (train thing, game console thing, etc.) Next time say, Yeah, I was a real d1ck wasn't I or you know how I can be a d1ck and immediately change the subject to something funny or positive.
gibson Posted December 28, 2011 Posted December 28, 2011 Me - I just wanted an explanation of what really happened and some proper closure really because although I've moved on, it's still very strange to basically have the person that you were closest to in this world go away, remove you from their life via Facebook. I'm not trying got get back with you or anything. If you don't feel like you owe me that then that's fine. I've got this far without it. Words cannot describe how pathetic that reply made you look. You are in no shape or condition to be talking / writing to your Ex! Otherwise, you would never have sent anything remotely close to what you did. I'm pleased with my reply You might be but she just threw up in her mouth!
Author MIK1000 Posted December 28, 2011 Author Posted December 28, 2011 I told you in your other thread that you were not ready to contact her yet. You have no confidence and you are not the guy she first met and feel in love with yet. You need more time to heal and get yourself back. So to answer your question... No, you did not ruin it. You just need to wait till you are ready and hear / see her down the road. In the future... 1. Don't explain / defend yourself. 2. Don't ask for permission to see her. Next time, just tell her where you are going to be if she cares to talk or clear it up whatever she was accusing you of. 3. Don't admit to being a b1tch (train thing, game console thing, etc.) Next time say, Yeah, I was a real d1ck wasn't I or you know how I can be a d1ck and immediately change the subject to something funny or positive. Your right. But I'm relieved I did, because now I know finally after her refusing to meet me, that she wasn't pondering the prospect of me and her when she was hanging around the bar. Now I know there's no chance of reconciliation at present, I can put her to the back of my mind. We're going to bump into each other from time to time over the years because we live round the corner from each other. Maybe at some point down the line their will be a chance for us, but at least I know that it's not now.
Author MIK1000 Posted December 28, 2011 Author Posted December 28, 2011 Words cannot describe how pathetic that reply made you look. You are in no shape or condition to be talking / writing to your Ex! Otherwise, you would never have sent anything remotely close to what you did. You might be but she just threw up in her mouth! I think it's a pretty dignified reply, and doesn't make me look pathetic. It's maybe not ideal, but i think i'd dug myself a hole by asking to meet her, and she dug me a deeper hole by refusing that. Then I hit back by saying I just wanted an explanation of things, and stated I wasn't try to get back with her, then said I'd also be fine without it.
Author MIK1000 Posted December 28, 2011 Author Posted December 28, 2011 Her reply - I know it ended badly. You know what really happened. I can't meet you this week. x Well obviously I'm not going to ask for a meeting next week. I guess i should reply by saying something like "Ok then. Good luck with exams. Cya x"
wilsonx Posted December 28, 2011 Posted December 28, 2011 you are not ready, shes not ready leave it alone and keep healing You are using the term "I Think" and "I Guess" shows lack of confidence
gibson Posted December 28, 2011 Posted December 28, 2011 (edited) Her reply - "I'm sorry but I don't think it will be a good idea. What do you want to talk about?" Translation - I do not want to see / talk to you. I am just being nice now so you will leave me alone. It was a mistake to go to your bar, thanks for reminding me again why I dumped you in the first place. PS - What happened to the confident man that swept me off my feet? Me - I just wanted an explanation of what really happened and some proper closure really Translation - I need you to tell me again and confirm what it is about me you don't like. After hearing that again, if I am satisfied with your explanation, I will allow you to dump me all over again. Even though we don't talk or communicate anymore... The first time you dumped me wasn't real and didn't count. So this time, really hurt me and dump me once again so I get it this time. because although I've moved on Translation - Nothing says I moved on more than me asking you for permission to be told why you don't like me and to be dumped for real this time. Nevermind that I haven't see or heard from you in months, we were just on a break... right? it's still very strange to basically have the person that you were closest to in this world go away, remove you from their life via Facebook. Translation - As you can clearly see, I do not know we have broken up and what that means. The fact that you did broke up via Facebook only tells me that you are brave and will have no issues seeing me when you already said you do not and telling me again what you were scared to tell me the the first time, in person. I'm not trying got get back with you or anything. Translation - Let me try to tell you more lies to you and I both know are not true. Are they working? God, I hope so. If you don't feel like you owe me that then that's fine. I've got this far without it. Translation - Even though you said it wasn't a good idea to meet and I went ahead and ask you for permission to see you and tell me what you were afraid to do the first time in person, let me go ahead and give you an out just in case you really, really, really, really need one. I wouldn't want to put you out, having to meet with me when you said you don't want to and tell me what should be painfully clear already... that we broke up and it's over. Edited December 28, 2011 by gibson
Author MIK1000 Posted December 28, 2011 Author Posted December 28, 2011 Translation - I do not want to see / talk to you. I am just being nice now so you will leave me alone. It was a mistake to go to your bar, thanks for reminding me again why I dumped you in the first place. PS - What happened to the confident man that swept me off my feet? Translation - I need you to tell me again and confirm what it is about me you don't like. After hearing that again, if I am satisfied with your explanation, I will allow you to dump me all over again. Even though we don't talk or communicate anymore... The first time you dumped me wasn't real and didn't count. So this time, really hurt me and dump me once again so I get it this time. Translation - Nothing says I moved on more than me asking you for permission to be told why you don't like me and to be dumped for real this time. Nevermind that I haven't see or heard from you in months, we were just on a break... right? Translation - As you can clearly see, I do not know we have broken up and what that means. The fact that you did broke up via Facebook only tells me that you are brave and will have no issues seeing me when you already said you do not and telling me again what you were scared to tell me the the first time, in person. Translation - Let me try to tell you more lies to you and I both know are not true. Are they working? God, I hope so. Translation - Even though you said it wasn't a good idea to meet and I went ahead and ask you for permission to see you and tell me what you were afraid to do the first time in person, let me go ahead and give you an out just in case you really, really, really, really need one. I wouldn't want to put you out, having to meet with me when you said you don't want to and tell me what should be painfully clear already... that we broke up and it's over. Look I'm not a robot. And she's not some super analytical mind reader. I shouldn't have contacted her in the first place. Her staring at me and hanging around at a bar isn't a proper indication that she's interested in me, who knows what the hell she was thinking. I should have listened to myself, because I would never have broken NC had it not been for my mum's advice and the advice on here. Now I'm gutted, probably because I before i thought that she was missing me, and my NC was bothering her. But her replies seem like she's not bothered at all, and by refusing to meet me she really not missing me or bothered by the NC. This is both a good and a bad thing, bad because now I feel like sh*T because the person whom I thought once loved me deeply, actually seems to have felt no impact of losing me. A good thing because now I can give up hope of ever getting her back. Sh*T this was a lot easier a week ago when I thought I hated her and wouldn't even consider getting back with her.
CaliBabe Posted December 28, 2011 Posted December 28, 2011 Give yourself a break, your human. Just pick up the peices and move on. You never know what wonderful things the future can bring you. Keep your head up and a positive energy !
Author MIK1000 Posted December 28, 2011 Author Posted December 28, 2011 Give yourself a break, your human. Just pick up the peices and move on. You never know what wonderful things the future can bring you. Keep your head up and a positive energy ! Yeah you're right. The funny thing is, before I started going out with my ex, I had been deeply infatuated with a girl for about six months but she had no interest in me, I was depressed about it and thought about her 24/7. Then my ex came along just about the time I was getting over that girl and I was like WOW, how can something so amazing come along when you don't expect it at all. Hopefully the same will happen again, maybe not in the form of a relationship but with something else. I'm not really sure if it would be wise to enter into another relationship at my age. I'm just about to turn 21 and it's unlikely at this stage that things will last. I've got a good social life and so should just enjoy that because I don't think I can handle having my heart broken many more times before I reach the age to settle down.
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