Male virgin = Seeing an escort??

[Ross MwcFan]

C'mon dudes,

 

If I can get laid ANYBODY can get laid.

 

Get out there and play the numbers and get your rejections...

 

I've got no idea of how to go about it in the right way.

 

I'm too scared to just walk up to women on the street or at the bus stop who I've never seen before and ask for phone numbers.

 

I still live at my mums so that makes things awkward.

 

I don't have a job.

 

I'm suffering from extreme depression and anxiety.

 

I don't even think I feel ready for dating/ONS's/relationships right now anyway.

 

I guess before I can do dating/ONS's/relationships is to work on myself first, but that's proving to be very hard, and I fear that I'm going to make it to 40 years old and still have never experienced anything with a woman (I'm 36 now).

Edited January 5, 2012 by Ross MwcFan

[jobaba]

I've got no idea of how to go about it in the right way.

 

I'm too scared to just walk up to women on the street or at the bus stop who I've never seen before and ask for phone numbers.

 

I still live at my mums so that makes things awkward.

 

I don't have a job.

 

I'm suffering from extreme depression and anxiety.

 

I don't even think I feel ready for dating/ONS's/relationships right now anyway.

 

I guess before I can do dating/ONS's/relationships is to work on myself first, but that's proving to be very hard, and I fear that I'm going to make it to 40 years old and still have never experienced anything with a woman (I'm 36 now).

 

On the two bolded ... forget that right away.

 

1) There are women who are in your same situation.

 

2) There are women who will date you despite not having the above (so long as you're on your way to changing the situation).

 

As for the rest...

 

Just be yourself and ask out women. One of them will accept you for who you are. You just have to go through a LOT of them. Work on yourself at the same time you are pursuing.

 

It pains to me to meet guys like you who can't get a woman and then women are rejecting men left and right because their hair is parted the wrong way.

[Emilia]

 

It pains to me to meet guys like you who can't get a woman and then women are rejecting men left and right because their hair is parted the wrong way.

 

You mean we should date men who live at home with their mum, can't hold down a job and have no social skills?

 

(no disrespect Ross)

 

By the way the advice of 'just be yourself' is terrible. You have to be a certain way to attract mates successfully. It has been discussed on LS ad nauseam

[somedude81]

C'mon dudes,

 

If I can get laid ANYBODY can get laid.

 

Get out there and play the numbers and get your rejections...

No, it's because you have figured out how the game works and have won a few times.

 

Me and the rest of the boys are still trying to read the instruction manual that appears to be in French or Italian.

 

One thing I do know is that it's more than just getting rejections till a girl says yes.

[somedude81]

You mean we should date men who live at home with their mum, can't hold down a job and have no social skills?

 

(no disrespect Ross)

 

By the way the advice of 'just be yourself' is terrible. You have to be a certain way to attract mates successfully. It has been discussed on LS ad nauseam

Not all of us who are struggling with women are unemployed living with mom. Or have poor social skills.

[jobaba]

You mean we should date men who live at home with their mum, can't hold down a job and have no social skills?

 

(no disrespect Ross)

 

By the way the advice of 'just be yourself' is terrible. You have to be a certain way to attract mates successfully. It has been discussed on LS ad nauseam

 

You don't speak for all women.

 

And THANK GOD for that...

[Emilia]

You don't speak for all women.

 

And THANK GOD for that...

 

I think it's fair to say however that I speak for a huge chunk of them. Many women want a family and want a husband and children. They want a man who can provide at least his share of the financial and social responsibility. You are not doing anyone a favour if you deny that. It goes beyond rejecting men because 'they part their hair the wrong way'

[ThaWholigan]

Personal growth is certainly a must, I realize that in some ways I am still a child, and I am not angry nor complacent about this. I think that an important skill for many men (and women too) to learn is to be able to detach from their emotions every now and then and gain more clarity about life and such, without getting upset or angry about it all. Life can be disappointing, but I'd rather be optimistic and positive than be pissed about everything all the time. I have friends like that, and as much as I love them dearly, I can't be around them all the time, especially recently.

 

Jobaba, I think Emilia is right if I am honest: There aren't many women on the radar on the lookout for unemployed, socially awkward men who live at home with mum. Sure, they are out there, but even if you take away the socially awkward bit, it's going to be difficult to find someone, especially if, as some would put it, you're not keen on "dating at your level".

 

I think there is lots of good info to be had from some on here, but it's just like learning from the PUA stuff: filter out the less useful stuff and take in the good parts.

 

As for "Just Be Yourself".......well, technically it's right, but it's not something I would tell a socially awkward man who wants to date women. There are still valuable skills he can learn, not necessarily to change who he is, but to augment who he is, adding to his core foundation. Change ain't so bad anyway, I can't imagine what my life would be like if I stayed exactly the same .

[KathyM]

Whether the negatives outweigh the benefits, is not up to you to decide. Almost everything people do is a calculated risk. A 30 year old virgin sleeping with his girlfriend for the first time, can catch the clap as easily as Charlie Sheen. Tomorrow your husband or boyfriend can have a homosexual secret, cheat with you at a glory hole at your local airport, and later put out a red carpet welcoming you to the world of AIDS.

 

There are about 3 billion scenarios in which you can get an STD, prostitution is one of many. If you're so scared of STD's, don't have sex, it's the only sure way to avoid it.

 

I don't know if I'd give it another shot with another prostitute, after seeing how annoying it is to get served. But I do know this, the benefits and relief from such an experience would certainly outweigh the risk involved for many people. More people than you will ever imagine go to prostitutes, they just don't talk about it like guys do here because of the moral stigma attached to it.

 

 

 

 

 

I can't speak for other men, but me personally, I can survive without sex for a while, but right now I'm like 8 months in and it feels horrible, debilitating even. Some guys take blue ball torture for jesus, others join the monks in Tibet, I admire their discipline and spiritual might, but me, that's just not for me.

 

When's the last time you had sexual relations of any kind? It's always amusing when women tell guys to shut up and take it, yet they get to have sex whenever they want. Even if you aren't having sex, the person whose in the desert but knows where the water is will be more psychologically sound than the person who has no clue and thinks he's going to die.

The higher the numbers, the higher the risk. You really think the risk of getting an STD from a high risk person, the risk of arrest, prosecution and a police record are worth some half hour of mechanical passionless, unfulfilling sex with some ho that's been used by hundreds or thousands of men as a recepticle? Have some standards for yourself, dear boy. Work on getting a real woman who can give you more than this crap. And the statistics for patrons are not what you would think. 15% of men in the U.S. have been to a prostitute, with the majority of them being married men (75% of the clients are married). The majority of men don't think it's worth the risks involved, and of those that have done it, most report that it was a very unfulfilling experience, devoid of emotion.

[KathyM]

I've got no idea of how to go about it in the right way.

 

I'm too scared to just walk up to women on the street or at the bus stop who I've never seen before and ask for phone numbers.

 

I still live at my mums so that makes things awkward.

 

I don't have a job.

 

I'm suffering from extreme depression and anxiety.

 

I don't even think I feel ready for dating/ONS's/relationships right now anyway.

 

I guess before I can do dating/ONS's/relationships is to work on myself first, but that's proving to be very hard, and I fear that I'm going to make it to 40 years old and still have never experienced anything with a woman (I'm 36 now).

Counseling (and possible medication) will help you overcome your anxiety and depression, will teach you how to take steps to overcome these other issues, and will challenge you to get yourself out there and take an active role in pursuing what you want. I just did a mock counseling session for a class I'm taking where I was the therapist and my client had anxiety, depression, and isolated herself because of social anxiety. Part of therapy was to get the client to take small steps to becoming more social, and as the client got more comfortable with the small steps, she was challenged to take on more challenging things. Start with small steps, like maybe joining a gym where you don't have to interact with a lot of people, but it gets you out there and used to being around people without having the pressure to interact. Then you add something a little more challenging, until you become comfortable with greater levels of social interaction. But I would strongly suggest going to see a counselor. And there are medications, even herbal remedies, that you can take for social anxiety. You just have to start taking steps to change your situation, or it will not change. You have to take an active role in changing this.

[Lizzie60]

Hiya everyone.. I'm back.. after over a year.

 

I have not read the whole thread.. but

 

...yes my dear, it is a very good option, she will show you how to talk to a lady and how to approach, etc...

 

but the only thing..you need cash..they don't take debit..

[KathyM]

Hiya everyone.. I'm back.. after over a year.

 

I have not read the whole thread.. but

 

...yes my dear, it is a very good option, she will show you how to talk to a lady and how to approach, etc...

 

but the only thing..you need cash..they don't take debit..

Yeah, for 1/2 hr at $200, you'll be getting a charm school lesson on talking and meeting women in real life. lol.

[Ross MwcFan]

Counseling (and possible medication) will help you overcome your anxiety and depression, will teach you how to take steps to overcome these other issues, and will challenge you to get yourself out there and take an active role in pursuing what you want. I just did a mock counseling session for a class I'm taking where I was the therapist and my client had anxiety, depression, and isolated herself because of social anxiety. Part of therapy was to get the client to take small steps to becoming more social, and as the client got more comfortable with the small steps, she was challenged to take on more challenging things. Start with small steps, like maybe joining a gym where you don't have to interact with a lot of people, but it gets you out there and used to being around people without having the pressure to interact. Then you add something a little more challenging, until you become comfortable with greater levels of social interaction. But I would strongly suggest going to see a counselor. And there are medications, even herbal remedies, that you can take for social anxiety. You just have to start taking steps to change your situation, or it will not change. You have to take an active role in changing this.

 

I'm already taking medication but I'm not sure if it's helping at all, in fact I've tried loads of different ones, so it's not that likely that I'll find any that are better, and the doc's always seem to be against changing the medication anyway.

 

I'm also going to therapy, but that's making me feel a lot more pressured and on edge, because he wants me to start doing stuff like voluntary work, joining groups, and driving really long distances (I have no confidence with driving).

 

I've made a journal about me trying to improve my life here, http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t299812/

 

The small steps that you suggest though is good advice, I need to start off very small.

[KathyM]

I'm already taking medication but I'm not sure if it's helping at all, in fact I've tried loads of different ones, so it's not that likely that I'll find any that are better, and the doc's always seem to be against changing the medication anyway.

 

I'm also going to therapy, but that's making me feel a lot more pressured and on edge, because he wants me to start doing stuff like voluntary work, joining groups, and driving really long distances (I have no confidence with driving).

 

I've made a journal about me trying to improve my life here, http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t299812/

 

The small steps that you suggest though is good advice, I need to start off very small.

It might be good to get a second opinion from another doctor in a different organization. Sometimes it takes a while to find the right fit, both in doctors and in medication. Might be worth it to interview another doctor or two to find out if they would recommend something different than what you are doing now. And definately try taking small steps toward being more social. If you feel joining groups is too much for you right now, start small and join something where you will be among people without pressure to participate or interact, such as joining the gym that I mentioned. Take things at a gradual pace, and I think you will have more success. I know some counselors believe you should jump in with both feet and face your fears in order to get over them, but that can backfire. I think taking small steps, and then increasing them as you feel more comfortable is a better plan. Same with the driving. Taking long trips may be too much for you to handle right now, so try taking a drive someplace closeby, and gradually increase the driving distance to coincide with your comfort level. I know where you're coming from. My mother has social anxiety disorder because of a speach impairment she's had all her life, so it's a struggle to get her out of the house, and she is afraid of driving, so we try to work with her to take small steps so she can challenge herself without getting too overwhelmed. You may want to join a support group for people with social anxiety disorder, as well. You may find you feel comfortable there because people are dealing with the same struggles that you are, and it's good to get to know people who understand what you're going through and offer you their support.

[Wolf18]

On the two bolded ... forget that right away.

 

1) There are women who are in your same situation.

 

2) There are women who will date you despite not having the above (so long as you're on your way to changing the situation).

 

As for the rest...

 

Just be yourself and ask out women. One of them will accept you for who you are. You just have to go through a LOT of them. Work on yourself at the same time you are pursuing.

 

It pains to me to meet guys like you who can't get a woman and then women are rejecting men left and right because their hair is parted the wrong way.

 

 

Being unemployed and living with your parents DOES matter to women ,even the ones who are unemployed and living with their parents. If women wanted to date their equivalents, no man would be single.

 

 

I support Ross' stance 100% . What is all the queefing I hear from kathyM about how he omg needs a psychiatrist and more meds. Until maybe 2 generations ago, most men in Europe lost their virginity to a prostitute. My grandfather (who btw, was always a ladies man) lost it at 15 to a hooker, as was common for young men at that time. It didn't make them all into rapists and perverts, there's a lot more of that now that prostitution is deemed "wrong" by the Uterocracy.

 

Considering the fact that most women have double the sex partners of men by 30, it still blows me away that someone will put Ross down for banging a hooker once a month.

 

It's simply more cost efficient. Ross can use the little money he has to go out and waste his time/money at the pub/nightclubs trying to get unattainable women ,or he can use that money and get guarenteed poon. You guys are the crazy ones.

[jobaba]

I think it's fair to say however that I speak for a huge chunk of them. Many women want a family and want a husband and children. They want a man who can provide at least his share of the financial and social responsibility. You are not doing anyone a favour if you deny that. It goes beyond rejecting men because 'they part their hair the wrong way'

 

God forbid in 2012 that Emilia, hailing from parts unknown, but currently residing in one the most expensive and cosmopolitan cities in the world, loses her cushy white collar pencil pusher job during a worldwide economic recession or worse contracts a crippling and pervasive disease and is unable to work and ends up living back at mum's flat at the tender age of ... whatever.

 

Would you be able to find a man then? Well, the answer is probably yes, because a lot of men just want a non obese body for fornication, but your attitude would still suck then as it sucks now.

 

Ross McEwen knows he needs a job and to move out of the house. I'm sure he's on his way to doing those things. Don't tell him no woman will want him until he's accomplished those things.

 

It's not true...

[Wolf18]

God forbid in 2012 that Emilia, hailing from parts unknown, but currently residing in one the most expensive and cosmopolitan cities in the world, loses her cushy white collar pencil pusher job during a worldwide economic recession or worse contracts a crippling and pervasive disease and is unable to work and ends up living back at mum's flat at the tender age of ... whatever.

 

Would you be able to find a man then? Well, the answer is probably yes, because a lot of men just want a non obese body for fornication, but your attitude would still suck then as it sucks now.

 

Ross McEwen knows he needs a job and to move out of the house. I'm sure he's on his way to doing those things. Don't tell him no woman will want him until he's accomplished those things.

 

It's not true...

 

 

I'm pretty sure Emilia said not long ago, that she was a woman in her 40's with infantile interests like surfing, so she mostly just hooked up with surfers half her age instead of having real relationships. I don't understand why someone whose just into hooking up needs you to have a great job.

 

But anyway Jobaba, don't expect people to sympathize with the unemployed or other unfortunate people. Women know it does't matter if they have a great job or not to most men, but to them it does , why? "Well just because". One gender is more equal than the other.

[oaks]

Until maybe 2 generations ago, most men in Europe lost their virginity to a prostitute.

 

Syphilis was widespread, too. Thankfully things have changed a little.

[Wolf18]

Syphilis was widespread, too. Thankfully things have changed a little.

 

Advances in medicine as well as condom use changed that, not a hypocritical moral war. I'm going to look up STD rates in places where prostitution is widespread and more socially acceptable such as Holland and Germany, something tells me they won't be any worse than in the hypocrite Anglophone countries like USA and Canada.

[Ross MwcFan]

God forbid in 2012 that Emilia, hailing from parts unknown, but currently residing in one the most expensive and cosmopolitan cities in the world, loses her cushy white collar pencil pusher job during a worldwide economic recession or worse contracts a crippling and pervasive disease and is unable to work and ends up living back at mum's flat at the tender age of ... whatever.

 

Would you be able to find a man then? Well, the answer is probably yes, because a lot of men just want a non obese body for fornication, but your attitude would still suck then as it sucks now.

 

Ross McEwen knows he needs a job and to move out of the house. I'm sure he's on his way to doing those things. Don't tell him no woman will want him until he's accomplished those things.

 

It's not true...

 

I'm trying to accomplish those things, I'm taking little steps, and working on myself. But it feels like I'm never going to get there.

[ThaWholigan]

Advances in medicine as well as condom use changed that, not a hypocritical moral war. I'm going to look up STD rates in places where prostitution is widespread and more socially acceptable such as Holland and Germany, something tells me they won't be any worse than in the hypocrite Anglophone countries like USA and Canada.

 

One of my brothers went to Amsterdam and paid for half an hour with a window girl, even took a picture (really really hot puerto rican girl). Him and a bunch of friends went there, got super high and went to red light district. Ever since, he's been DYING to get me to go there. I would only be going to smoke some white rhino & a lil sour diesel really .

 

Honestly, I'm not against it, but I'm really do NOT want the stigma and am uncomfortable with lying about it, I'd rather disclose being a virgin than seeing an escort. I don't even think it's nasty, but I must be tactful as I know that it will shrink the pool of women who would want to date me.

[Wolf18]

One of my brothers went to Amsterdam and paid for half an hour with a window girl, even took a picture (really really hot puerto rican girl). Him and a bunch of friends went there, got super high and went to red light district. Ever since, he's been DYING to get me to go there. I would only be going to smoke some white rhino & a lil sour diesel really .

 

Honestly, I'm not against it, but I'm really do NOT want the stigma and am uncomfortable with lying about it, I'd rather disclose being a virgin than seeing an escort. I don't even think it's nasty, but I must be tactful as I know that it will shrink the pool of women who would want to date me.

 

 

Walk, no RUN to your nearest airport.

 

Don't believe what the women here say, go and do what you have to do.

 

I have a guy in my family (my uncles stepson) who is a 30 year old virgin. He was born premature so he his face is disfigured and he has a whole myriad of social problems. Me and a few other guys in the family asked him if he wanted to lose it to an escort on his birthday, he got offended like a typical prissy mommas boy. He's probably never going to have a relationship, but instead of facing up to that and finding a solution he chooses to live in a world of fantasy.

 

Of course, all the women of America would pet his head and say a patronizing "good boy, you're such a great guy and one day she will find you", but are they going to **** him? ROFL no. So now poor Albert's going to die a virgin, thanks to women like Kathy M. I bet she doesn't care either.

 

Of course, I'm not saying you're in this boat. My point is however, the women who are proud that you're too good to sleep with a smoking hot, STD free hooker in Amsterdam, aren't in your situation (of being an older version) and aren't going to sleep with you anyway.

[somedude81]

One of my brothers went to Amsterdam and paid for half an hour with a window girl, even took a picture (really really hot puerto rican girl). Him and a bunch of friends went there, got super high and went to red light district. Ever since, he's been DYING to get me to go there. I would only be going to smoke some white rhino & a lil sour diesel really .

 

Honestly, I'm not against it, but I'm really do NOT want the stigma and am uncomfortable with lying about it, I'd rather disclose being a virgin than seeing an escort. I don't even think it's nasty, but I must be tactful as I know that it will shrink the pool of women who would want to date me.

Don't worry about lying.

 

When you get to a certain age, hardly anyone asks you how you lost your virginity.

 

If someone does ask, and you want to give them an answer, just say you lost it to a girl you met at the pub. If they ask how it was, say you were too drunk to remember. Tada!

[KathyM]

Walk, no RUN to your nearest airport.

 

Don't believe what the women here say, go and do what you have to do.

 

I have a guy in my family (my uncles stepson) who is a 30 year old virgin. He was born premature so he his face is disfigured and he has a whole myriad of social problems. Me and a few other guys in the family asked him if he wanted to lose it to an escort on his birthday, he got offended like a typical prissy mommas boy. He's probably never going to have a relationship, but instead of facing up to that and finding a solution he chooses to live in a world of fantasy.

 

Of course, all the women of America would pet his head and say a patronizing "good boy, you're such a great guy and one day she will find you", but are they going to **** him? ROFL no. So now poor Albert's going to die a virgin, thanks to women like Kathy M. I bet she doesn't care either.

 

Of course, I'm not saying you're in this boat. My point is however, the women who are proud that you're too good to sleep with a smoking hot, STD free hooker in Amsterdam, aren't in your situation (of being an older version) and aren't going to sleep with you anyway.

Some people actually value themselves and value others more than they value getting off on some used recepticle. I admire someone, like your uncle's stepson, who has character and doesn't want to lower himself to do something destructive or beneath him. Not wanting someone to do something destructive is caring. (And you don't know who is STD free and who is not, btw. Just because tests showed that a hooker at some point in testing did not have detectable signs of infection doesn't mean that she wasn't recently infected. Some STDS cannot be detected for six months after infection, even though they can certainly be transmitted during that time.) A man who has character, standards and self control has a lot more value to a woman than someone without, and that character will matter to a lot of women.

[Ross MwcFan]

Some people actually value themselves and value others more than they value getting off on some used recepticle. I admire someone, like your uncle's stepson, who has character and doesn't want to lower himself to do something destructive or beneath him. Not wanting someone to do something destructive is caring. (And you don't know who is STD free and who is not, btw. Just because tests showed that a hooker at some point in testing did not have detectable signs of infection doesn't mean that she wasn't recently infected. Some STDS cannot be detected for six months after infection, even though they can certainly be transmitted during that time.) A man who has character, standards and self control has a lot more value to a woman than someone without, and that character will matter to a lot of women.

 

I'm not keen on the fact that you talk about people lowering themselves if they sleep with a hooker as though it's a 'fact'.

 

It is just your opinion.

 

Personally IMO, I think dying a virgin is more de-valuing than sleeping with a hooker. I'd have a lot more respect for a guy in his situation, if he slept with a hooker, than him thinking that he's 'above that' and ends up dying a virgin. The latter just seems sad.

 

But what matters when it comes down to it, is how 'he' feels about it.

Edited January 6, 2012 by Ross MwcFan