MissMoni Posted December 27, 2011 Posted December 27, 2011 Hi all, This is my first time posting in the "Dating" section, most of my posts (ok, all, lol) have been limited to the Breakup/Reconciliation/Coping forum. It's been one year since my breakup with my first and only boyfriend, and although for the most part I am over him, I think the final push I need is to start seeing other people. The thing is, I never dated before my ex, and my ex and I only talked for a couple of weeks before becoming official (we had known eachother for a couple of months before through mutual friends/an organization). Here I am, 22, single, and totally clueless about where to start. I have been asked for my number a couple months ago, but the guy turned out to be a creep so nothing came out of that. Coworkers have promised to "set me up" with guys, but still no dates. My ex breaking up with me made me question a lot of whether or not I was attractive or even a good person, we were together for 2 yrs but I still think it took a toll on my self esteem. I'm getting over that, have a good job, have lost over 20 pounds, graduated from college, etc. I'm shy around people I don't know very well, but consider myself to be friendly..I just don't know how to get guys to give me a chance. I'm not drop dead gorgeous or anything..and I'm usually really busy during the week working. My friends don't really live near me, and I'm saving up for my first car, so I don't really go out as much as I guess other 22 year-olds do. I would really like to meet someone new, as I'm beginning to worry I'll never be in another relationship again.. I'm just wondering, how do you ladies or men around my age meet new people? Should I be going out to clubs or something? I'm not really a partier and always worry that that makes me seem "boring" to people. I'd rather not meet anyone online due to safety reasons, as well as I believe you can build a stronger connection by actually talking and meeting someone in real life. I know everyone says that I should be patient, and I am trying..I'm just scared I'll never meet anyone. Help please! I'm very new to all of this.
lululucy Posted December 27, 2011 Posted December 27, 2011 If you aren't a big partier, don't try to meet guys in that environment -- you will feel out of your comfort zone and won't necessarily have the same ideas of what constitutes having a good night out, making any potential relationship difficult. Not to mention a lot of guys are the bar are only looking for a fling. I think the best bet is not one-on-one set ups (I'm 23; I find that kind of situation incredibly uncomfortable for a first date, not to mention if safety is your concern it isn't much better than OLD) but perhaps getting your co-workers to invite you out with a guy they think you'd mesh with under the guise of drinks or dinner so you can get to know him where you're all comfortable. You're still really young hun. I know what you mean about dating someone screwing up how you feel about yourself for a long time -- it sucks but you have to rebuild your self-esteem and get back in the water. Even if you didn't date anyone for five years (unlikely!), you would still be only 27 the next time you did. Don't put a time frame on finding a new boyfriend, try to enjoy meeting new people and getting to know them before seeing where it's going to go.
Author MissMoni Posted December 27, 2011 Author Posted December 27, 2011 Thanks for your advice, lululucy! My coworkers are a bit older (26ish) so usually some of the guys they know are a bit more mature, which I find a plus. I think I just need to be patient, like you said, and focus on rebuilding myself a bit more
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