No more wondering! (yay!) Why he doesn't want to get back together.

[qqqttt]

He never actually talked to ME about it. He recently told me that we may be able to be friends one day, but now he just has too much spite towards me right now.

 

However, a new friend of mine had been talking to my ex about a relationship he was trying to get back together. Through this process my ex ended up telling him a lot about his own life. At one point in the conversation he said that if he could trust me, we'd be back together in a heartbeat. He then said he didn't think he could take me back even if he trusted me because the things that caused us to break up (the hurt and mistrust) would still be there. There was never any cheating, btw! Just making that be known

 

My friend asked him a couple of questions, one being along the lines of "if she changed, would you take her back?" He said he didn't believe that people change. He said he knew I was trying, but I couldn't and that's just the way I am. Basically that things would go great for a month or two and then everything would go back to the way they were before the last couple of months.

 

He says he deserves better, he can do better, and doesn't want to deal with it anymore. He just wants to be single because he's happy that way. He doesn't like the fact that I'll "probably end up with someone else," but says he needs to suck it up.

 

Bah. I'm being forced to change a lot lately. I've had to quit school to work four jobs to help pay medical bills for my mother and father. I've been through a lot of therapy since we broke up and plan to keep going. It sucks he doesn't think things will be different, but obviously there isn't anything I can do.

 

Well. At least I know now what he's feeling. He could have made things much easier and told me this all months ago!! I'm faced with two options now. One, keep bettering myself, keep being friends, and maybe he'll see there is an actual change in me. Two, keep bettering myself and cut him out entirely. If he was the one who sucked in the relationship, this decision would be a lot easier :/ For now I'm not really doing either choice except for continuing to work hard.

[Philosoraptor]

Did he ever admit his faults? Seems like you've both accepted you as the scapegoat. I'd go with option two. Everyone makes mistakes and you will find better.

[qqqttt]

He's only really done one thing wrong in the relationship and it happened in the first year. He lied to me about his ex girlfriend, but it was kind of better to hear the truth. He had told me the girl and him dated, then she moved, but in reality he met her online and they never met in person. I got angry and things sucked for a month or two, but he made it up to me and hasn't lied to me (that I know of) for the past two year. He didn't lie other than that in the first year as well.

 

So pretty much, I'm rightfully the scapegoat.