PoppyLove89 Posted December 27, 2011 Posted December 27, 2011 (edited) Went out for my birthday tonight (Boxing Day) my ex obviously knows its my birthday, since we spent it together last year and he told me he loved me for the first time on my 21st last year, (we broke up almost two months ago) and guess where he shows up?! In the cocktail bar in my work where he knows I'll be with my friends. I could understand the coincidence if him and his friends ventured there every time, or even occasionally, when they went out but they don't. They're never, ever there. He made a point of walking past me twice with a smug grin on his face. My friends and I just left when I told them he was there. Then we went onto the next club and oh look, there he was again...talking to his friend but looking over constantly. Then when I was talking to a mutual friend with whom I went to school, he called her over and started talking to her - despite the fact that I was clearly talking to her. Following this, he walked past me and I said, "At least say 'Hi' don't be rude." and he goes, "What? Go back to dancing with your mate!" I said "What?" And he goes "Go back to dancing with your f*cking mate" - I was dancing with my GAY best-friend but he didn't know he was gay as he'd never met him before. I left him to it after this, I wasn't making any more effort to be polite. He broke away from his friends another three/four times just to circle the club and have a "look around"...look to see where I was more like!!! It was obvious that he wanted a reaction from me, I'm not an idiot. It's clear he still has feelings for me and wants to see if he still has the power to make me come running, else he'd be more than happy to keep his distance. If my first ever ex walked into the club, I'd quite happily walk straight out - I have no interest in seeing/talking to him and I know my current ex well enough to know he'd do the same if his first ex walked in. Hell, even when he dumped her and she came begging to his house, he took one look at her and walked out the house straight away - wouldn't give her the time of day. WHAT IS HE PLAYING AT????? If he still has feelings for me, why doesn't he just 'fess up?! Edited December 27, 2011 by PoppyLove89
Zabs Posted December 27, 2011 Posted December 27, 2011 Well Poppy...jealousy seems to have raised it's ugly head there... Clearly, he doesn't like the idea of you being with someone else and like I've siad in loads of posts..it's not always the message that you are trying to convey that ends up being received. It could appear to him that you are 'trying' to make him jealous...He sees that his 'circling' should be enough for you to see that he wants you..and his anger relates to the frustration he feels for you you being 'oblivious' to it..because to him it is very clear cut. To you...it's black and white. You think..If you care just say so and I will be more responsive. I am not playing Hook-a-Duck. It's mature to 'talk'. From experience, that doesn't seem to be the way things go. So what to do next? I guess wait and see what his next move is. If it's a text..respond cordially. If you bum into him on NYE...wish him HNY.ect. From what you say it is definitely salvageable, assuming that is what you want? Much love Zabs xx:cool:
Author PoppyLove89 Posted December 27, 2011 Author Posted December 27, 2011 I really don't know what's going on in his head. I wouldn't be surprised if he just wants to see that I still have feelings for him and would come running the minute I see him... I don't think he wants to reconcile, whenever I dane to talk to him (just say hi) he acts as though he can't get away fast enough but he always has a grin on his face like he's loving the attention. I think it's a case of it being an ego boost to him, which is why I've learnt to 'ignore' him back now...it makes him circle more. Also, I should mention that when he came to my place of work last night, he wasn't with his normal group of friends as they were in another club so it's almost like he grabbed someone else in their group (a friend I'd never seen/heard of in the year we were together) and just happened to suggest they go there. He made it a point to walk in through the entrance where my friend and I were stood despite the fact that there are 3 possible entrances right next to each other. I don't even know if I want him back. I don't recognise the guy he's turned into and our memories don't give me that warm glow anymore, they feel foreign to me now because he's changed so much. He should just be honest with himself, I think that's the real issue here, he's kidding himself. If he still has feelings, which he clearly does following last night's escapades, he should let me know because at this rate he's pushing me and my feelings out the door...and I'm about ready to slam it shut!
Philosoraptor Posted December 27, 2011 Posted December 27, 2011 He's taken the horribly immature route and is trying to "win" by hurting you more than he is hurting. Let him feel like he has his shallow victory and heal within yourself without worrying about him. Forgive yourself for any mistakes you have made and make a promise to learn from them. Forgive him for his actions within yourself, no need to talk to him. He will still be trying to "win" when you are done healing. He wont matter to you at all anymore and his healing process will have to begin at that point, or he will rebound and never face it. Either way it doesn't matter. You can find your happiness.
wilsonx Posted December 27, 2011 Posted December 27, 2011 (edited) poppylove, I know it hurts, he acts like an egocentric assclown, but its just a phase in his life. Right now, its no excuse for how hes treating you I know and it hurts like a champ, trust me. All I ask is that you be understanding and read other peoples' stories and brush off his childishness to him growing up. Let him get hurt a few times and it will click in to where you are at now. Trust me one day he will apologize to you you, my ex who has never once apologized for anything or admitted fault to anything she has done did so a few days ago. It did not make the pain go away either but it showed me she understood and that she is growing up. Edited December 27, 2011 by wilsonx
Author PoppyLove89 Posted December 27, 2011 Author Posted December 27, 2011 You're both right, he is acting immature - trying to get the last punch in, so to speak. I actually looked at him at one point in the night and thought, "I genuinely would rather never ever see you again than see the person you've turned into". He's turned into someone I don't recognise and have no desire of being with. It's obvious he hates the thought of me moving onto someone else, he made this clear when I was talking to a friend and he kept staring over then scolding me for it later on...guess he's worried I might move on before him and the won't be the one I'm in love with. Well I'm sorry but I'm not gonna stay miserable and lonely just to make him feel like he's come off better. Least I can hold my head up high and say I've never acted with anything but dignity and treated him with respect - being polite etc. He'll come to regret his ways I'm sure, in fact, I know he will.
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