chados Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 so i met my ex yesterday, and its been really hard. i dont want to see her right now, ive worked so hard to move on. and of course she has to initiate contact with me. she started to get tears in her eyes. i didnt act miserable. i just told her like ive already told her before. i dont want to have any contact right now. its like she's really trying to convince herself that she made the right choice. she's acting like the gigs treads explains. it feels like she's trying to get some sign that i want her back. even though she says its over. she also told me that "i" made it clear that it was over. so all of the sudden i broke up with her or what? i just told her that i accepted the breakup, and respected her wishes. is she really over me if she cries everytime the relationship comes up?. doesnt sound logical right?
shook187 Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 time will tell, some women just love you to feel they are sorry, makes it easier for them to move forward.
The_Good_Me Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 It sounds like she's not over it yet. She has found a reason to end the relationship but she isn't liking the thought of losing you altogether which is pretty natural. Dumpers grieve too and it hurts them a lot. I've just helped my friend with a break up where she was the dumper and I saw a BU from a dumpers eyes for the first time. Of course I asked her if she really wanted it to end if she was getting that upset over it but she always assured me it was for the best. It's never nice losing someone whether you initiate it or not. Try and drop off her radar now. If she decides she wants you, she will come find you.
SkyEmtRN Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 Permission to board your boat? Sounds like we in the same damn situation.. My girl trying to convince herself that she made the right choice. I asked her if she was happy with the break up, she took many minutes to respond and she didnt even say yes or no she just said relieved. You can be relieved but still not happy vice versa. Meanwhile the only flaw I had was that I wouldn't spend much time with her as much as she wanted. Never cheated, never called her bad names, never disrespected her etc. She to is in Gigs. Nothing makes sense with these girls... Are they over use if they keep trying to contact us? If they keep wondering what where up to? If they still cry about the break up? If they still feel guilty? If they try to keep the conversation running when you try so hard to shut it down? To me I don't think they are. Lets look at a previous ex. When we see them do we cry, do we try to keep a convo open with them, do we wonder what their up to? Their words may say one thing, but their body language says another... That's all I can get out of this Chados....not a direct answer but its something...
Author chados Posted December 26, 2011 Author Posted December 26, 2011 i see what your guys are saying... the only thing i asked for was to be left alone. but she couldnt respect that. maybe she will come back maybe not, maybe i would take her back and maybe not. but right now i just want to heal. it really sucks the passion out of my life. as soon as im feeling better she's back. right now i just feel theres nothing that makes me happy in life. i know that i will feel much better tomorrow. if i respect her decision to break up with me, i just feel that she should respect my wish to be left alone
SkyEmtRN Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 i see what your guys are saying... the only thing i asked for was to be left alone. but she couldnt respect that. maybe she will come back maybe not, maybe i would take her back and maybe not. but right now i just want to heal. it really sucks the passion out of my life. as soon as im feeling better she's back. right now i just feel theres nothing that makes me happy in life. i know that i will feel much better tomorrow. if i respect her decision to break up with me, i just feel that she should respect my wish to be left alone Yea I hear ya out on that one. First she tells me its best that we don't talk...ok I agreed. Next day she messages me...that same day I say its best we dont talk...next day...she still messages me. I do good when I don't talk to her but theres moments where I feel I break down. And when she does message me my heart just drop to the floor...even the sound of "message recieved" sets me off...
Author chados Posted December 26, 2011 Author Posted December 26, 2011 Yea I hear ya out on that one. First she tells me its best that we don't talk...ok I agreed. Next day she messages me...that same day I say its best we dont talk...next day...she still messages me. I do good when I don't talk to her but theres moments where I feel I break down. And when she does message me my heart just drop to the floor...even the sound of "message recieved" sets me off... if theres anything i know for a fact, do not contact. its amazing how much easier it is to not know what shes up to.
ToothpasteLove Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 I think they cry because of the guilt sometimes.. my ex cried because of the guilt.. and i held onto the hope she wanted me back because she was still crying over us.. i held on for 7 month till it got the point i told her to go eff herself.. and it felt so great to tell her that.. because for the first time i really ment it.. i havent looked back since.. its been i think a month since that day.. i dont count anymore.. if she wanted you she would be with you.. you have to remember that.
Author chados Posted December 26, 2011 Author Posted December 26, 2011 I think they cry because of the guilt sometimes.. my ex cried because of the guilt.. and i held onto the hope she wanted me back because she was still crying over us.. i held on for 7 month till it got the point i told her to go eff herself.. and it felt so great to tell her that.. because for the first time i really ment it.. i havent looked back since.. its been i think a month since that day.. i dont count anymore.. if she wanted you she would be with you.. you have to remember that. yeah, i dont think a person can miss you if you dont give them the chance, it could take months or years to realize you made a mistake, and if she does, ive probably moved on. im not getting my hopes up, i just want to move on. why cant she respect that. just because she is miserable from time to time doesnt give her the right to drag me along.
SkyEmtRN Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 yeah, i dont think a person can miss you if you dont give them the chance, it could take months or years to realize you made a mistake, and if she does, ive probably moved on. im not getting my hopes up, i just want to move on. why cant she respect that. just because she is miserable from time to time doesnt give her the right to drag me along. Yea, but her being miserable is a way of showing that she does care, it may not be the way we want but its still caring. Rather have her be miserable then be a cold hearted rutheless bitch that some dumpers are...
Jono85 Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 crying stems from their care for you. trust me when i say that DOES NOT mean they're not over you, or still want to be with you. it's out of guilt, b/c they DO care for you. they just don't want to be with you and feel terrible b/c of it. i've been there and have done this when i was breaking up with a girl i just wasn't in love with. i felt very guilty b/c i knew she'd done nothing wrong and it wasn't fair.
Author chados Posted December 27, 2011 Author Posted December 27, 2011 for whatever reason it might be, i really cant explain how much pain it causes. i just think she could show some respect, its been 2 months and ive had times when i felt truly happy. but now im back again because of her. i cant work, cant eat. right now all passion for life is gone.
SkyEmtRN Posted December 27, 2011 Posted December 27, 2011 i cant work, cant eat. right now all passion for life is gone. C'mon man don't think like that.
Author chados Posted December 27, 2011 Author Posted December 27, 2011 C'mon man don't think like that. ive been going through so much this past 2 years. its not just about this. im feeling great one day and then someone just has to contact me because she feels that its weird to not talk.
SkyEmtRN Posted December 27, 2011 Posted December 27, 2011 ive been going through so much this past 2 years. its not just about this. im feeling great one day and then someone just has to contact me because she feels that its weird to not talk. I understand your pain....but "Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now if you know what you're worth then go out and get what you're worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain't you! You're better than that!"
Author chados Posted December 27, 2011 Author Posted December 27, 2011 I understand your pain....but "Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now if you know what you're worth then go out and get what you're worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain't you! You're better than that!" yeah i know and normally i am strong, its just when it hits you over and over again and never stops. its hard to hit back. i will feel better tomorrow
fificremefarben Posted December 27, 2011 Posted December 27, 2011 Chados, I'm 5 months BU (4 months NC- his choice) as of today (he dumped me for someone else) and, let me tell you, I still have the lowest of low moments where I'll start crying (usually into my dinner for one, lol) simply because my best friend and lover treated me this way after all of the years we spent together. The only consolation I can offer is that the low moments get fewer and further between and, to try to see them as overall "progress", I've started reflecting on how much longer than usual it has been since my last one, and that it'll be longer until the next one. That's progress, in my eyes, and it keeps me going. I'm not sure if this helps in any way, and I'm sorry if it doesn't, but it's what helps me to get through the low points and hopefully it can help you too. Chin up, we won't feel this way forever. xx
Author chados Posted December 27, 2011 Author Posted December 27, 2011 Chados, I'm 5 months BU (4 months NC- his choice) as of today (he dumped me for someone else) and, let me tell you, I still have the lowest of low moments where I'll start crying (usually into my dinner for one, lol) simply because my best friend and lover treated me this way after all of the years we spent together. The only consolation I can offer is that the low moments get fewer and further between and, to try to see them as overall "progress", I've started reflecting on how much longer than usual it has been since my last one, and that it'll be longer until the next one. That's progress, in my eyes, and it keeps me going. I'm not sure if this helps in any way, and I'm sorry if it doesn't, but it's what helps me to get through the low points and hopefully it can help you too. Chin up, we won't feel this way forever. xx thanks ya i know, but its just that she wont respect it. i dont care if she's sad, theres nothing i can do to help her without making myself feel worse. i just want to live my life right now.
Desensitized Posted December 27, 2011 Posted December 27, 2011 2 months post BU isn't enough time to heal, especially if you truly loved her. Took me approx. 1 whole year to get over my ex-fiancee. Give it time. Don't count the days of NC, as you have been, counting the days is a drawback. Take each day one day at a time, and exercise! Exercise is your best friend!
fificremefarben Posted December 27, 2011 Posted December 27, 2011 Exercise is your best friend! Haha! I hear that, Desensitized. It took my first love leaving me to get me into the gym for the first time in my life! For that, I'm really grateful, because I love the gym! I guess you have to find the postives in every situation, eh?
SkyEmtRN Posted December 27, 2011 Posted December 27, 2011 2 months post BU isn't enough time to heal, especially if you truly loved her. Took me approx. 1 whole year to get over my ex-fiancee. Give it time. Don't count the days of NC, as you have been, counting the days is a drawback. Take each day one day at a time, and exercise! Exercise is your best friend! I agree....not trying to give hope or anything. But anything can happen within in the next 5 minutes or even tomorrow. I'm trying to take mine day by day and yes i still hoping for reconciliation and it would be nice. But right now, she doesn't want to get involved with anybody and she doesn't know what she wants. I can't control that but she knows I care about her and I'm working on my mistakes. She's not getting involved with any other guy and the way she told me, I believe her becuase the last time I talked to her, she sounded like the old sincere self. I never expect a text from my ex any more, but it just some how pops up and boy does my heart drop. I guess what I'm trying to say is all we can do is let time take its course of action... Be strong brother
Desensitized Posted December 27, 2011 Posted December 27, 2011 Haha! I hear that, Desensitized. It took my first love leaving me to get me into the gym for the first time in my life! For that, I'm really grateful, because I love the gym! I guess you have to find the postives in every situation, eh? Indeed. When one door closes, another one opens. Thanks to my ex, I am now in the best shape of my life! I am happy that you are happy, though, a minute spent depressed is a minute you could of spent happy! Sorry for the cliche
Author chados Posted December 27, 2011 Author Posted December 27, 2011 i really want to delete her from facebook, even though i can just block all of her updates. but i still dont want to show her that its hurting me. ive told her that im moving on. i still want to leave on a good note. is it better to write a message and then delete? im not expecting to talk with her until im over her or she's telling me that she wants to try again.
BigDumbFoot Posted December 27, 2011 Posted December 27, 2011 Dude, you are torturing yourself by keeping her as a friend on facebook. But if you can handle it then more power to you! I couldn't.. In fact, it got so bad I had to completely delete my account. Do you find yourself stalking her a lot? (via facebook of course)
Author chados Posted December 27, 2011 Author Posted December 27, 2011 well she's probably stalking me more, i do check up on her sometimes. anyway, ive deleted her now
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