Inexperienced males vs females with too much experience

[LTP]

In my experience, if you want a relationship, you will make time for one. I know people with masters degrees at 22, and only one of them has never had a relationship.

 

Some people have trouble getting one and others decide to be choosy and no, not everyonecan easily make time for one. You had sex within 90 minutes of meeting your boyfriend. That's your decision. Others choose to wait months or even until marriage. I just see a pattern of the more experienced looking down on the less experienced in this thread and I find that unfortunate. There's a lot more in life than at what age someone has their first relationship.

[Woggle]

What if it's somebody who had to build a life for himself with no help from anybody and then when he makes it he decides to focus on relationships? Some people have to grind like that to make it happen.

[Emilia]

Some people have trouble getting one and others decide to be choosy and no, not everyonecan easily make time for one. You had sex within 90 minutes of meeting your boyfriend. That's your decision. Others choose to wait months or even until marriage. I just see a pattern of the more experienced looking down on the less experienced in this thread and I find that unfortunate. There's a lot more in life than at what age someone has their first relationship.

 

I think the question throughout this thread was whether those of us that are more experienced would date virgins. That's not just 'how old were you when you first had sex' question. It's more like 'never had sex because I've never made time for romantic relationships'. Somewhat different, non?

 

No looking down on anyone here, as I said we all have to start somewhere. I'm merely explaining why it's a red flag to me.

[Emilia]

What if it's somebody who had to build a life for himself with no help from anybody and then when he makes it he decides to focus on relationships? Some people have to grind like that to make it happen.

 

Hands up from me again! Came to the UK with a suitcase when I was 20 years old with 30 pounds in my pocket and had to study for my science degree while I worked full time. Still managed a serious relationship that lasted 9 years.

[MrNate 2.0]

Whether you are experienced or not, (both of which are subjective anyway)why are you all trying so hard to justify yourselves? I see nothing wrong with what any of you are doing. You all seem like chill people.

 

Regardless of what side of the fence you are on, live your life how you choose. The opinions of others should always fall second to that. Many times we try hard to justify ourselves to fit within the 'norm' (whatever it may be at the time) in fear of judgment, instead of living your life on your terms, which is the ultimate fulfillment.

 

So just take a step back and chill. Live your life by your rules and your terms, because in the end, the grave claims us all. Regardless of how you may decided to have lived your life.

 

You're the one who matters the most, so live that way.

 

Be easy.

[LTP]

I think the question throughout this thread was whether those of us that are more experienced would date virgins. That's not just 'how old were you when you first had sex' question. It's more like 'never had sex because I've never made time for romantic relationships'. Somewhat different, non?

 

No looking down on anyone here, as I said we all have to start somewhere. I'm merely explaining why it's a red flag to me.

 

I have seen threads here and elsewhere about how difficult it is for inexperienced males and also threads about females with "too much experience". I was wondering which is a more difficult position to be in. Based on this thread, being inexprienced of either gender is tough. The inexperienced are judged overly harshly in my opinion.

[zengirl]

What if it's somebody who had to build a life for himself with no help from anybody and then when he makes it he decides to focus on relationships? Some people have to grind like that to make it happen.

 

Well, everyone is an individual, but I find many people with that particular mentality are not good partners when the chips are down (for them, more than for their partner) because they figure, "crisis time = better off alone" so they bail (emotionally or totally) when things go really wrong, rather than realizing you can build things together, rely on other people, and be a more productive human being for it. Now, I certainly understand someone being in a situation where they just didn't find a relationship for awhile because they had to travel somewhere obscure for work or work 80 hour weeks and just didn't run into anyone but it depends how long that was.

 

Anyone who's put themselves in those situations for decades has let their personal life skills decay because they've been so focused on 'making it.' That's fine, but that's what life is: prioritizing. You really can't have it all. And when you focus on one sphere, another sphere suffers. Instead of everyone trying to be and do everything, we're better off accepting that, I think.

 

As to someone whose just been stuck in "Survival" mode for so long. . . no thank you. "Survival" mode makes people mean and uncaring. I can certainly pity someone who's stuck in that mode, but they're dangerous to even be close to. That's a huge warning flag for me. But most people aren't so extreme that they go a decade without a relationship because of something they had to survive or even something they wanted to build. Those people that do probably aren't the relationship type or won't be good at being the relationship type for awhile after their priorities shift.

[iris219]

Here’s my concern about dating an inexperienced man of a certain age: The men I know who haven’t had relationships (or very few relationships) are largely unable to. They either don’t have the emotional capability to sustain a relationship or they don’t have the social skills required to obtain a relationship—usually it’s both. I’ve never met a well adjusted, mentally stable, emotionally intelligent person who had never had a relationship after a certain age. I’m sure there are some, but I don’t know any.

 

Even busy people who aren’t looking for relationships end up in them. I don’t know anyone who’s been too busy with school or career to at least have a few LTR relationships.

 

I’m not sure if there’s such thing as a woman who’s too experienced because men don’t seem to care.

[Untouchable_Fire]

It wasn't really much of a relationship and I didn't cheated (you can say almost but it's not an affirmation) so it doesn't count.

 

I kind of agree with you... but also recognize that your actions were still inexcusable... despite the fact that you were in a bad situation.

 

Nazi's claimed they were just following orders at the Nuremburg trials... yet they still went to jail. While not the same scale... the principal applies to you as well.

 

Ain't that the truth. One of my exes told me about a previous girlfriend he described as wild in bed while really what she tried to do was shoving her finger up his bum (which he hated and I never ever tried that with him for that reason).

Experience doesn't replace finesse I agree.

I love sex and I am sexually experienced. I am financially independent and buy my own clothes or car when I wish One more data point as carhill would say.

 

Yes, that is exactly the issue.

 

See, you have confused experience with CONFIDENCE. You don't really care if the guy is experienced or not. What you really want is for him to be confident.

 

Experience often creates confidence... but not always.

 

Yeah... I hear that from women all the time... "I can buy my own... XYZ"... at this point it's just blah, blah, blah... because once your in a relationship its all about the money.

 

My cousin's GF said that to him "I can buy my own... Blah, Blah, Blah". She is 28 with 2 kids... works as a bank teller for $9 an hour. Her house is HUGE... like a $500,000 house. Turns out she primarily "Buys her own... XYZ" on child support money. Which figures.

 

I think it's quite well known that a few monks and nuns had homosexual experiences while locked up in those godforsaken places. Their cruelty to children they taught in religious schools is also well recorded so I wouldn't base my life around their value system just yet. Again you are discussing something you have no experience of.

 

I've had relationships that started with a long period of abstinence and some that didn't. I can honestly say the ones that started with no sex had a much deeper emotional connection. I can't say if that is the same for women.

 

In regards to Monks... People are just as cruel without a vow of chastity. I watched a documentary on Budhist monks in Cambodia... I'm simply shocked at how cruel they are to the poor people.

[LTP]

Here’s my concern about dating an inexperienced man of a certain age: The men I know who haven’t had relationships (or very few relationships) are largely unable to. They either don’t have the emotional capability to sustain a relationship or they don’t have the social skills required to obtain a relationship—usually it’s both. I’ve never met a well adjusted, mentally stable, emotionally intelligent person who had never had a relationship after a certain age. I’m sure there are some, but I don’t know any.

 

Even busy people who aren’t looking for relationships end up in them. I don’t know anyone who’s been too busy with school or career to at least have a few LTR relationships.

 

I’m not sure if there’s such thing as a woman who’s too experienced because men don’t seem to care.

 

I don't understand these generalizations. Some people just fall into relationships without much effort. Others can make considerable effort and have nothing to show for it. Still others choose to wait and sometimes it's a combination. This thread has shown that it would be wise for the inexperinced to avoid the subject. If they don't then an inexperienced 25 year old could very well turn into an inexperienced 30 or 35 year old. I see too many people making quick judgments before getting to know the person.

[Emilia]

 

I’m not sure if there’s such thing as a woman who’s too experienced because men don’t seem to care.

 

I suppose 'too experienced' could be someone with too much baggage but then again bad things can happen to anyone

[Emilia]

I don't understand these generalizations. Some people just fall into relationships without much effort. Others can make considerable effort and have nothing to show for it. Still others choose to wait and sometimes it's a combination. This thread has shown that it would be wise for the inexperinced to avoid the subject. If they don't then an inexperienced 25 year old could very well turn into an inexperienced 30 or 35 year old. I see too many people making quick judgments before getting to know the person.

 

They are not generalisations. These are observations made by people such as iris or myself. This is how some of us see those that are less experienced or not experienced at all. I believe from what I have seen that not forming a romantic and loving relationship when most of your peers do (it's relatively easy in your early 20s especially at college) it's because you don't want to. Don't hide behind excuses of being busy.

 

You can't hide your lack of experience by the way. It's obvious to those that know what to look for.

[ThaWholigan]

They are not generalisations. These are observations made by people such as iris or myself. This is how some of us see those that are less experienced or not experienced at all. I believe from what I have seen that not forming a romantic and loving relationship when most of your peers do (it's relatively easy in your early 20s especially at college) it's because you don't want to. Don't hide behind excuses of being busy.

 

You can't hide your lack of experience by the way. It's obvious to those that know what to look for.

 

I actually disagree here. There are many who do want to but have trouble doing so regardless.

[Emilia]

I actually disagree here. There are many who do want to but have trouble doing so regardless.

 

Ok you mentioned before that you had social anxiety

[zengirl]

I don't understand these generalizations. Some people just fall into relationships without much effort. Others can make considerable effort and have nothing to show for it. Still others choose to wait and sometimes it's a combination. This thread has shown that it would be wise for the inexperinced to avoid the subject. If they don't then an inexperienced 25 year old could very well turn into an inexperienced 30 or 35 year old. I see too many people making quick judgments before getting to know the person.

 

I don't understand how the inexperience is not a PART of the person. When you are "getting to know" the person, you are just assessing their views, experiences, behaviors, thoughts, and feelings. Their inexperience is a part of that. In fact, learning about it and deciding based on it IS deciding based on getting to know the person.

 

Of course, some people fall into relationships more easily than others, yes. And going strictly by measures of quantity (high or low) is a poor data point in most cases, yes. But if someone has NEVER experienced a successful relationship at a certain age, statistics would suggest it will become more and more unlikely for them to do so. Not impossible, but statistically rarer. As Iris said upthread, there are usually reasons such things happen that are deeply embedded in the person's personality. Now, if a person were to overcome those things, I do not think the inexperience would hinder them, but the inexperience makes it more difficult for them to overcome those things and exponentially more over time. Hence the Catch-22. It's unfortunate, but it's not mythical. It's very much a reality.

 

Someone who wants a relationship and has not found one, consistently, who has not majorly changed the whole way they approach their world, probably will still not find a relationship. And someone who HAS changed the whole way they approach their world would've been through such a core-shaking experience that the rest of it wouldn't matter anymore; they'd have a good "explanation" (for others and themselves) for why they were changing their lives suddenly after years of the same pattern.

[Woggle]

What is so wrong with no wanting a relationship at a certain point in your life? Sometimes it can distract from what you want to accomplish. If I hadn't wasted time on my ex who knows how much more I could have accomplished. I went from damn near homeless to a homeowner within a matter of years with her. I could have built better life I could be sharing with my current wife.

[ThaWholigan]

I don't understand how the inexperience is not a PART of the person. When you are "getting to know" the person, you are just assessing their views, experiences, behaviors, thoughts, and feelings. Their inexperience is a part of that. In fact, learning about it and deciding based on it IS deciding based on getting to know the person.

 

Of course, some people fall into relationships more easily than others, yes. And going strictly by measures of quantity (high or low) is a poor data point in most cases, yes. But if someone has NEVER experienced a successful relationship at a certain age, statistics would suggest it will become more and more unlikely for them to do so. Not impossible, but statistically rarer. As Iris said upthread, there are usually reasons such things happen that are deeply embedded in the person's personality. Now, if a person were to overcome those things, I do not think the inexperience would hinder them, but the inexperience makes it more difficult for them to overcome those things and exponentially more over time. Hence the Catch-22. It's unfortunate, but it's not mythical. It's very much a reality.

 

Someone who wants a relationship and has not found one, consistently, who has not majorly changed the whole way they approach their world, probably will still not find a relationship. And someone who HAS changed the whole way they approach their world would've been through such a core-shaking experience that the rest of it wouldn't matter anymore; they'd have a good "explanation" (for others and themselves) for why they were changing their lives suddenly after years of the same pattern.

 

Haha, doesn't make for encouraging reading .

 

I think the best thing an inexperienced man can do is hire escorts :laugh:

 

I kid, I kid......

[Ross MwcFan]

To be honest I don't think I want a relationship, I don't feel like I'm in the right place in my life to have one.

 

But at the same time it feels unhealthy for me to continue never having any offline relationship experience with women at the age I am now, the thought of continuing like this just seems like a shame.

 

I would love to experience physical affection with a woman though, I would love that more than anything, but again, I don't think I'm in the right place in my life to be able to achieve that.

[silvermercy]

Maybe I should have started another thread but just a quick question since I can tell by people's responses I'm screwed (pun intended) for leaving it too late, even as a female older virgin (and I'm not 27 but 29 unfortunately). (I just don't want to date from Christian sites because I'm not overly religious). I forgot to mention I had a huge case of adult acne a few years ago and I lost time there, too, apparently. Now I'm cured though. (You have to know severe acne & dating are almost incompatible; simply look up all the acne forums to see how bad things are in terms of dating for both genders).

 

OK... But now, since no amount of beauty, charm, intelligence, humour or anything else will save me from posting cat pictures and videos on youtube in the future, what SHOULD I do? Get drunk and give my virginity away to someone from a night club or Craig's list (even though I'd need therapy afterwards I suppose)? Lie to the men I meet and pretend I'm not a virgin hoping he can't tell? Maybe if he drinks lots of wine he'll be too drunk to notice... Try hypnosis to become promiscuous (or... hopefully a lesbian)? Hire a male prostitute so I can tell him exactly what I want and take it slow (even though I googled, and it's really hard to find anyone - well, unless you're a gay male I suppose). Last but not least, IF I ever go back to dating (which I'm truly and utterly discouraged to do now), how do I NOT scare a man away when I tell him that (and hopefully also not invite the creepy ones in either)?

 

Help? Seriously, I'm so down now it's no joke.

[LTP]

I don't understand how the inexperience is not a PART of the person. When you are "getting to know" the person, you are just assessing their views, experiences, behaviors, thoughts, and feelings. Their inexperience is a part of that. In fact, learning about it and deciding based on it IS deciding based on getting to know the person.

 

Of course, some people fall into relationships more easily than others, yes. And going strictly by measures of quantity (high or low) is a poor data point in most cases, yes. But if someone has NEVER experienced a successful relationship at a certain age, statistics would suggest it will become more and more unlikely for them to do so. Not impossible, but statistically rarer. As Iris said upthread, there are usually reasons such things happen that are deeply embedded in the person's personality. Now, if a person were to overcome those things, I do not think the inexperience would hinder them, but the inexperience makes it more difficult for them to overcome those things and exponentially more over time. Hence the Catch-22. It's unfortunate, but it's not mythical. It's very much a reality.

 

Someone who wants a relationship and has not found one, consistently, who has not majorly changed the whole way they approach their world, probably will still not find a relationship. And someone who HAS changed the whole way they approach their world would've been through such a core-shaking experience that the rest of it wouldn't matter anymore; they'd have a good "explanation" (for others and themselves) for why they were changing their lives suddenly after years of the same pattern.

 

Most everybody said the inexperience is a red flag. Not a yellow flag. A red flag. Let's assume a 25 year old has never had a relationshop due to social anxiety. He manages to overcome that. He's overcome the barrier but he will still not get anywhere due to being judged for inexperiece. From what I see in this thread he will likely be single for life. *facepalm*

[Emilia]

Maybe I should have started another thread but just a quick question since I can tell by people's responses I'm screwed (pun intended) for leaving it too late, even as a female older virgin (and I'm not 27 but 29 unfortunately). (I just don't want to date from Christian sites because I'm not overly religious). I forgot to mention I had a huge case of adult acne a few years ago and I lost time there, too, apparently. Now I'm cured though. (You have to know severe acne & dating are almost incompatible; simply look up all the acne forums to see how bad things are in terms of dating for both genders).

 

OK... But now, since no amount of beauty, charm, intelligence, humour or anything else will save me from posting cat pictures and videos on youtube in the future, what SHOULD I do? Get drunk and give my virginity away to someone from a night club or Craig's list (even though I'd need therapy afterwards I suppose)? Lie to the men I meet and pretend I'm not a virgin hoping he can't tell? Maybe if he drinks lots of wine he'll be too drunk to notice... Try hypnosis to become promiscuous (or... hopefully a lesbian)? Hire a male prostitute so I can tell him exactly what I want and take it slow (even though I googled, and it's really hard to find anyone - well, unless you're a gay male I suppose). Last but not least, IF I ever go back to dating (which I'm truly and utterly discouraged to do now), how do I NOT scare a man away when I tell him that (and hopefully also not invite the creepy ones in either)?

 

Help? Seriously, I'm so down now it's no joke.

 

None of the above.

 

Widen your social circle. The best way to meet people is through friends. Join meetup groups, get fit and keep in shape. Take up interests that men are into as well because it helps you to meet them that way. Do you have much interraction with men at work? Not suggesting that you should date your colleagues as well but that you should practice interactions on them.

 

There will be plenty who don't care that you are a virgin as long as you are socially comfortable around them.

[Ross MwcFan]

Most everybody said the inexperience is a red flag. Not a yellow flag. A red flag. Let's assume a 25 year old has never had a relationshop due to social anxiety. He manages to overcome that. He's overcome the barrier but he will still not get anywhere due to being judged for inexperiece. From what I see in this thread he will likely be single for life. *facepalm*

 

Then women would be more likely to give him a chance I guess. As they'll know why he is inexperienced and find it understandable.

[Emilia]

Most everybody said the inexperience is a red flag. Not a yellow flag. A red flag. Let's assume a 25 year old has never had a relationshop due to social anxiety. He manages to overcome that. He's overcome the barrier but he will still not get anywhere due to being judged for inexperiece. From what I see in this thread he will likely be single for life. *facepalm*

 

It's a drawback if it's twinned with social anxiety. It would help if you put yourself in an environment where you met lots of women on a daily basis. Once you feel at ease with them through light communication it becomes so much easier to build rapport and find someone

[ThaWholigan]

Most everybody said the inexperience is a red flag. Not a yellow flag. A red flag. Let's assume a 25 year old has never had a relationshop due to social anxiety. He manages to overcome that. He's overcome the barrier but he will still not get anywhere due to being judged for inexperiece. From what I see in this thread he will likely be single for life. *facepalm*

 

My friend, do not look for empathy. You will barely get even sympathy. It is a catch 22 that you will have to find your way out of somehow. Do your best to ignore the negative connotations in what people say as they don't mean anything by it, they are just explaining that it's the way it is. I don't want to be single for life either, but honestly I doubt it will come to that. I am quite shallow anyway, I don't want to date a woman I am not physically attracted to, so I don't complain personally. I look for solutions and try to help others to do so instead.

-------------------------------------------

Silvermercy, I don't think you should give your virginity away in the ways you specified (male escort might not be terrible idea, I am not against the escort method). All I can say is that in your position, I would possibly try and revise my sexual outlook.

[LTP]

Maybe I should have started another thread but just a quick question since I can tell by people's responses I'm screwed (pun intended) for leaving it too late, even as a female older virgin (and I'm not 27 but 29 unfortunately). (I just don't want to date from Christian sites because I'm not overly religious). I forgot to mention I had a huge case of adult acne a few years ago and I lost time there, too, apparently. Now I'm cured though. (You have to know severe acne & dating are almost incompatible; simply look up all the acne forums to see how bad things are in terms of dating for both genders).

 

OK... But now, since no amount of beauty, charm, intelligence, humour or anything else will save me from posting cat pictures and videos on youtube in the future, what SHOULD I do? Get drunk and give my virginity away to someone from a night club or Craig's list (even though I'd need therapy afterwards I suppose)? Lie to the men I meet and pretend I'm not a virgin hoping he can't tell? Maybe if he drinks lots of wine he'll be too drunk to notice... Try hypnosis to become promiscuous (or... hopefully a lesbian)? Hire a male prostitute so I can tell him exactly what I want and take it slow (even though I googled, and it's really hard to find anyone - well, unless you're a gay male I suppose). Last but not least, IF I ever go back to dating (which I'm truly and utterly discouraged to do now), how do I NOT scare a man away when I tell him that (and hopefully also not invite the creepy ones in either)?

 

Help? Seriously, I'm so down now it's no joke.

 

This thread is brutal and depressing, but from what I've seen over the years, it's not as bad for inexperienced women. Most of those criticizing the inexperienced in this thread were women after all. Go back to dating and why not do it soon. Adjust your criteria if you need to and don't rush things. Don't change who you are. Among all the women who have posted in this thread, you'd be the most desirable by far to not just me, but many other men.