Inexperienced males vs females with too much experience

[Untouchable_Fire]

Help? Seriously, I'm so down now it's no joke.

 

Don't listen to these retards. This website is just packed with the worlds most dysfunctional daters.

 

Most guys will absolutely not hold it against you that you are a virgin at 29. In fact many guys will view that as a HUGE positive.

 

We look at it like this. If you can wait this long to have sex... 1. It must mean something special to you... and 2. We can trust you to not run around cheating later on.

 

So... should you just run out and sleep with the first guy you see? Hell NO! make it special.

 

Why are you letting a bunch of ho bags who lost their virginity in the back of an El Camino at the age of 12 make you feel bad? Do you think they are anything special?

 

I dated nothing but tall skinny model looking girls for years after college. They were very "sexually experienced", but the first mindblowing sexual experience I had was with a GF who was chubby and inexperienced. She made me wait 5 months and it was worth every second!!!

[silvermercy]

None of the above.

 

Widen your social circle. The best way to meet people is through friends. Join meetup groups, get fit and keep in shape. Take up interests that men are into as well because it helps you to meet them that way. Do you have much interraction with men at work? Not suggesting that you should date your colleagues as well but that you should practice interactions on them.

 

There will be plenty who don't care that you are a virgin as long as you are socially comfortable around them.

I'm job hunting at the moment, so I don't work... I also just moved in yet another foreign town so I know nobody here yet. I'm always comfortable around men, albeit a little shy. Maybe it's my bad luck, in most of the jobs / classes I had all my colleagues were females. In one example, all my classes at Uni had about 40 females and 2 males. One seemed gay to me and the other had a GF. Maybe there is another explanation of course: that I am cursed...

 

Thanks sooooo much everyone! Especially LPT and Fire for your wonderful words!! Thank you so much!!!

[LTP]

None of the above.

 

Widen your social circle. The best way to meet people is through friends. Join meetup groups, get fit and keep in shape. Take up interests that men are into as well because it helps you to meet them that way. Do you have much interraction with men at work? Not suggesting that you should date your colleagues as well but that you should practice interactions on them.

 

There will be plenty who don't care that you are a virgin as long as you are socially comfortable around them.

 

I haven't agreed with you much in this thread, but I do generally agree here.

[Emilia]

Why are you letting a bunch of ho bags who lost their virginity in the back of an El Camino at the age of 12 make you feel bad? Do you think they are anything special?

 

 

You are one damaged nutcase. Yuck

[Emilia]

I'm job hunting at the moment, so I don't work... I also just moved in yet another foreign town so I know nobody here yet. I'm always comfortable around men, albeit a little shy. Maybe it's my bad luck, in most of the jobs / classes I had all my colleagues were females. In one example, all my classes at Uni had about 40 females and 2 males. One seemed gay to me and the other had a GF. Maybe there is another explanation of course: that I am cursed...

 

 

You can 'cheat' by feigning having male interests. You probably studied something that mainly women are into. Just talk to guys you know and try to pick a couple of things they tend to like and you can tolerate and join groups/social circles based on that. Something outgoing like a type of sport is better than gaming for example which is often done by introverts. You are a smart girl I'm sure you can find compatible interests with men that you enjoy too

[zengirl]

Most everybody said the inexperience is a red flag. Not a yellow flag. A red flag. Let's assume a 25 year old has never had a relationshop due to social anxiety. He manages to overcome that. He's overcome the barrier but he will still not get anywhere due to being judged for inexperiece. From what I see in this thread he will likely be single for life. *facepalm*

 

Sure, but there's also the major point that the term "inexperience" means a variety of things. "Inexperience," when recognized, is going to seem like a major incompatibility --- and any major incompatibility is a red flag. But what one person sees as "inexperience," another might not.

 

Really, what I think most people look for is someone whose experiences have been compatible (not necessarily the 'same' though sometimes that's what that means and sometimes it isn't) with theirs. Therefore, if someone wants to wait till they're married to have sex, and they go out with someone else who thinks that's bollocks. . . there's a major incompatibility. As to relationship experience, if someone hasn't wanted to look at relationships till they've established themselves as a person, I'd find them incompatible (irrelevant now, but it's only my POV that I have) with me because I found that being in relationships helped me understand myself and learn how to be me both inside and outside relationships. I would think that putting such things off for an extended time, like a decade, without any significant reasons, would be not fitting with my worldview.

 

That'd be a red flag the same way someone being a devout Christian would be a red flag for me; there's absolutely nothing "wrong" with it in theory, but it isn't something I want to incorporate in my life.

 

As to inexperience because of long-term (a whole lifetime!) striking out. . . well, if you constantly want something and constantly don't get it, I do think you're broken, sorry. Not that you cannot be fixed, but you cannot be fixed without first finding out where you're broken, admitting it, and fixing the problem. It's not just luck. Some of it is luck, and some is priorities, and some is skill, but if someone has never had a relationship and is reaching their mid-twenties, they're either not that interested in prioritizing relationships or doing something really wrong.

 

If you ever find yourself banging your head against a wall for a long period of time, you probably put it there. And you're the only one who can tear it down. But first you have to admit you put it there and figure out why you did.

[Ross MwcFan]

Don't listen to these retards. This website is just packed with the worlds most dysfunctional daters.

 

Most guys will absolutely not hold it against you that you are a virgin at 29. In fact many guys will view that as a HUGE positive.

 

We look at it like this. If you can wait this long to have sex... 1. It must mean something special to you... and 2. We can trust you to not run around cheating later on.

 

So... should you just run out and sleep with the first guy you see? Hell NO! make it special.

 

Why are you letting a bunch of ho bags who lost their virginity in the back of an El Camino at the age of 12 make you feel bad? Do you think they are anything special?

 

I dated nothing but tall skinny model looking girls for years after college. They were very "sexually experienced", but the first mindblowing sexual experience I had was with a GF who was chubby and inexperienced. She made me wait 5 months and it was worth every second!!!

 

You're equating that to people with normal sexual lives?

[lululucy]

Don't listen to these retards. This website is just packed with the worlds most dysfunctional daters.

 

Most guys will absolutely not hold it against you that you are a virgin at 29. In fact many guys will view that as a HUGE positive.

 

We look at it like this. If you can wait this long to have sex... 1. It must mean something special to you... and 2. We can trust you to not run around cheating later on.

 

So... should you just run out and sleep with the first guy you see? Hell NO! make it special.

 

Why are you letting a bunch of ho bags who lost their virginity in the back of an El Camino at the age of 12 make you feel bad? Do you think they are anything special?

 

There is something really wrong with you, dude.

 

Besides commenting on how deranged you are, you're totally wrong about guys seeing it as "huge positive". I have friends that are apathetic towards a woman's virginity but once you pass the early twenties, there is no way it is seen as a positive attribute. I don't think silver is a lost cause by any means and I've already sent her a PM about this but I don't think you should be feeding her lies about how this is going to help her dating life in the future.

[LTP]

There is something really wrong with you, dude.

 

Besides commenting on how deranged you are, you're totally wrong about guys seeing it as "huge positive". I have friends that are apathetic towards a woman's virginity but once you pass the early twenties, there is no way it is seen as a positive attribute. I don't think silver is a lost cause by any means and I've already sent her a PM about this but I don't think you should be feeding her lies about how this is going to help her dating life in the future.

 

A lot of men find virginity in women to be a positive, including men well past their early 20s. Only one man in this thread looked at it as a negative. Based on what I've seen here and elsewhere the majority will find it to be a neutral, which is not a bad thing at all. Many men won't even ask.

[kaylan]

Yes yes, I get it. Everyones unique and you shouldnt generalize.

 

HOWEVER, generalizations exist because they show a trend.

 

The trend is this: Veterans > Rookies.

 

Thats how it works in most everything in life. Despite exceptions to the rule that happen, for the most part experience in something makes you better at that thing than someone without experience. Be it sex, politics, soccer, cooking, relationships...the more you learn, the better you can and usually will become.

 

/thread

 

A lot of men find virginity in women to be a positive, including men well past their early 20s. Only one man in this thread looked at it as a negative. Based on what I've seen here and elsewhere the majority will find it to be a neutral, which is not a bad thing at all. Many men won't even ask.

Lmao, are you kidding? Most men will ask how many people a girl has slept with. And if she seems rather inexperienced he will ask if shes a virgin.

 

Men will find it a positive in the sense that he may be the only one to ever "conquer this new land."

 

And the same time, from many dudes Ive talked to, it can be a negative because they want someone who will be able to fulfill them sexually and who is without hangups. A lot of guys I have known who have been with virgins tend to shy away from it now because of the hangups.

 

Sure it lacks patience, but it is what it is. Its a "been there, done that" scenario for most of em. And usually the underlying reasons for the girl being a virgin doesnt necessarily match up with them in the long term.

 

What I really want to know is if these older virgin women would lose it to older virgin men.

Don't listen to these retards. This website is just packed with the worlds most dysfunctional daters.

 

Most guys will absolutely not hold it against you that you are a virgin at 29. In fact many guys will view that as a HUGE positive.

 

We look at it like this. If you can wait this long to have sex... 1. It must mean something special to you... and 2. We can trust you to not run around cheating later on.

 

So... should you just run out and sleep with the first guy you see? Hell NO! make it special.

 

Why are you letting a bunch of ho bags who lost their virginity in the back of an El Camino at the age of 12 make you feel bad? Do you think they are anything special?

 

I dated nothing but tall skinny model looking girls for years after college. They were very "sexually experienced", but the first mindblowing sexual experience I had was with a GF who was chubby and inexperienced. She made me wait 5 months and it was worth every second!!!

Lmao....dude, just look up the stories of the women who waited for marriage to have sex. Then realized sex with their hubby didnt satisfy them so they cheat or divorce.

 

Or the stories of people who only been with one person, and despite being older, still go through that stage of wanting to experience other people just to make sure they arent missing out on anything.

 

Experience is a part of the game. Its how you figure out what you want and need.

 

Tbh, I know of no guy in his mid 20s or older that says its a huge positive for a woman to be a virgin when shes that age or older. When topics like that come up guys usually wonder what her issue is and if shell even click with them. From what I have seen the girls were either, not very attractive, too religious, or had something going on emotionally that closed them off to people.

 

This is not the case for everyone, but it was the case for a lot of them. Thats why the generalization exists in a guys mind. The same way a woman will assume a male virgin in socially inept, awakward or unattractive...because usually thats what you see a lot of the time.

Edited December 28, 2011 by kaylan

[LTP]

Sure, but there's also the major point that the term "inexperience" means a variety of things. "Inexperience," when recognized, is going to seem like a major incompatibility --- and any major incompatibility is a red flag. But what one person sees as "inexperience," another might not.

 

Really, what I think most people look for is someone whose experiences have been compatible (not necessarily the 'same' though sometimes that's what that means and sometimes it isn't) with theirs. Therefore, if someone wants to wait till they're married to have sex, and they go out with someone else who thinks that's bollocks. . . there's a major incompatibility. As to relationship experience, if someone hasn't wanted to look at relationships till they've established themselves as a person, I'd find them incompatible (irrelevant now, but it's only my POV that I have) with me because I found that being in relationships helped me understand myself and learn how to be me both inside and outside relationships. I would think that putting such things off for an extended time, like a decade, without any significant reasons, would be not fitting with my worldview.

 

That'd be a red flag the same way someone being a devout Christian would be a red flag for me; there's absolutely nothing "wrong" with it in theory, but it isn't something I want to incorporate in my life.

 

As to inexperience because of long-term (a whole lifetime!) striking out. . . well, if you constantly want something and constantly don't get it, I do think you're broken, sorry. Not that you cannot be fixed, but you cannot be fixed without first finding out where you're broken, admitting it, and fixing the problem. It's not just luck. Some of it is luck, and some is priorities, and some is skill, but if someone has never had a relationship and is reaching their mid-twenties, they're either not that interested in prioritizing relationships or doing something really wrong.

 

If you ever find yourself banging your head against a wall for a long period of time, you probably put it there. And you're the only one who can tear it down. But first you have to admit you put it there and figure out why you did.

 

That's a poor comparison. It's nothing more than the popular kids in high school looking down on others. There is nothing wrong with waiting and people who start in high school are no better than those who start later in life.

[LTP]

Yes yes, I get it. Everyones unique and you shouldnt generalize.

 

HOWEVER, generalizations exist because they show a trend.

 

The trend is this: Veterans > Rookies.

 

Thats how it works in most everything in life. Despite exceptions to the rule that happen, for the most part experience in something makes you better at that thing than someone without experience. Be it sex, politics, soccer, cooking, relationships...the more you learn, the better you can and usually will become.

 

/thread

 

 

Lmao, are you kidding? Most men will ask how many people a girl has slept with. And if she seems rather inexperienced he will ask if shes a virgin.

 

Men will find it a positive in the sense that he may be the only one to ever "conquer this new land."

 

And the same time, from many dudes Ive talked to, it can be a negative because they want someone who will be able to fulfill them sexually and who is without hangups. A lot of guys I have known who have been with virgins tend to shy away from it now because of the hangups.

 

Sure it lacks patience, but it is what it is. Its a "been there, done that" scenario for most of em. And usually the underlying reasons for the girl being a virgin doesnt necessarily match up with them in the long term.

 

What I really want to know is if these older virgin women would lose it to older virgin men.

Lmao....dude, just look up the stories of the women who waited for marriage to have sex. Then realized sex with their hubby didnt satisfy them so they cheat or divorce.

 

Or the stories of people who only been with one person, and despite being older, still go through that stage of wanting to experience other people just to make sure they arent missing out on anything.

 

Experience is a part of the game. Its how you figure out what you want and need.

 

Tbh, I know of no guy in his mid 20s or older that says its a huge positive for a woman to be a virgin when shes that age or older. When topics like that come up guys usually wonder what her issue is and if shell even click with them. From what I have seen the girls were either, not very attractive, too religious, or had something going on emotionally that closed them off to people.

 

This is not the case for everyone, but it was the case for a lot of them. Thats why the generalization exists in a guys mind. The same way a woman will assume a male virgin in socially inept, awakward or unattractive...because usually thats what you see a lot of the time.

 

I don't even know where to begin. Sex is not a job or a sport and it's ludicrious to compare it to those things. If a man or woman asks about previous partners, they should refuse to answer. The one thing that it's fair to ask for is a negative STD test. That's it. You are extremely judgmental toward the inexperienced and surprise, surprise your friends, chosen by you, are also. These generalizations lead to trouble. It's sad so many are so impatient that they will prioritize first time sex over what they are like as a person. Just sad.

[LTP]

The trend is this: Veterans > Rookies.

 

This is better: sex just within committed relationships > sex with whoever.

[kaylan]

Sex isnt a sport. But skill at ANYTHING gets better with experience. How you can argue that I have no idea.

 

And a woman who doesnt tell the truth about her past is not a woman I date. A persons past provides info on the person they are.

 

Everyone has the right to be judgemental in their dating life. Im proud of it. I want an equal in a relationship. Ive been the noob and the teacher before. I dont enjoy either dynamic.

Edited December 28, 2011 by kaylan

[Cracker Jack]

LTP, dude, what explanation or type of feedback are you seeking? Pretty much everything the majority of the posters went over in this topic is reality. It might be a bit disheartening to read, and you don't have to agree with them, but that's how it is for most people.

[kaylan]

EDITED MY LAST POST:

 

Sex isnt a sport. But skill at ANYTHING gets better with experience. How you can argue that I have no idea.

 

And a woman who doesnt tell the truth about her past is not a woman I date. A persons past provides info on the person they are. If her sexual past involves things like a lot of unprotected sex or many random hookups, how does that not have any bearing on a relationship? Its a part of who they are isnt it?

 

Everyone has the right to be judgmental in their dating life. OP deems me not dateable given my sexual past, and she has every right to and is very right to dismiss me. There would be no fit with us.

 

But Im proud of my judgments. It means I will chose the best partner for me. Only I can decide that. I want an equal in a relationship. Ive been the noob and the teacher before. I dont enjoy either dynamic.

[LTP]

Sex isnt a sport. But skill at ANYTHING gets better with experience. How you can argue that I have no idea.

 

And a woman who doesnt tell the truth about her past is not a woman I date. A persons past provides info on the person they are.

 

Correction: Sex with THE SAME PERSON gets better with experience. Every person has different needs and desires. The whole thing about training isn't going to matter to a couple in love. They will enjoy the whole process rather than worry about performance.

[LTP]

EDITED MY LAST POST:

 

Sex isnt a sport. But skill at ANYTHING gets better with experience. How you can argue that I have no idea.

 

And a woman who doesnt tell the truth about her past is not a woman I date. A persons past provides info on the person they are. If her sexual past involves things like a lot of unprotected sex or many random hookups, how does that not have any bearing on a relationship? Its a part of who they are isnt it?

 

Everyone has the right to be judgmental in their dating life. OP deems me not dateable given my sexual past, and she has every right to and is very right to dismiss me. There would be no fit with us.

 

But Im proud of my judgments. It means I will chose the best partner for me. Only I can decide that. I want an equal in a relationship. Ive been the noob and the teacher before. I dont enjoy either dynamic.

 

I'm male and hetero so you're not dateable for other reasons. Somone like silvermercy is dateable and the reason is I agree with her values. I find personality most important, though sex and physical attraction are important too.

[Oxy Moronovich]

Correction: Sex with THE SAME PERSON gets better with experience. Every person has different needs and desires. The whole thing about training isn't going to matter to a couple in love. They will enjoy the whole process rather than worry about performance.

You say that like it's a definite truth. It's not. Sex with the same person does not automatically get better with experience.

 

In many cases, sex with the same woman gets worse. Like when she lets her looks go or she is a prude who is unwilling to try new things.

[LTP]

LTP, dude, what explanation or type of feedback are you seeking? Pretty much everything the majority of the posters went over in this topic is reality. It might be a bit disheartening to read, and you don't have to agree with them, but that's how it is for most people.

 

I'm trying to find out what reality is and not everyone has the same opinions.

[kaylan]

Correction: Sex with THE SAME PERSON gets better with experience. Every person has different needs and desires. The whole thing about training isn't going to matter to a couple in love. They will enjoy the whole process rather than worry about performance.

That logic doesnt fly much though because that person has NEVER had sex to begin with. Sure practice can make it better. But using your logic I can say something along the lines of this: I love chess, Im pretty decent at it. But im playing a noob. Chances are I can teach the noob and make them better, but it is possible that I can get a more satisfying experience from someone on my level. I could say the same thing about relationships. Just like OP did. Why would I date someone whos never had a relationship. It would say a lot about their ability to have them.

 

So why at an older age, where sex will obviously be a big deal to the virgin, should I invest in someone I could possibly be very incompatible with. Especially given the long wait thats going into having sex with that person. With someone more like myself, I will know if we click within the first month, and if we dont click, then pulling the plug is easier.

 

Everyone has different needs and desires. And I desire an equal. Im not worrying about just the performance. Its about all the emotional pressure that goes into being someones first, its about how much the relationship changes after sex especially since you are their first, and its about how much their personality changes after theyve experienced sex.

 

A lot of people will tell you that you go through changes once you start to experience sex and relationships more. I have a very different outlook on both since I lost my virginity at 18. Back I spoke just like you and OP. But through experience, what I want and need has changed a bit.

 

Thats life.

[LTP]

You say that like it's a definite truth. It's not. Sex with the same person does not automatically get better with experience.

 

In many cases, sex with the same woman gets worse. Like when she lets her looks go or she is a prude who is unwilling to try new things.

 

As two people get used to each other they learn more and more what each other likes and sex is quite likely to improve. If one or both stop making an effort, that's a different story and it could get worse.

[silvermercy]

I promised myself I'd not come back to this thread but curiosity won over.

I'm curious as I don't think I have this answer properly yet: What is the definition of TRUE love and how come an act like sex, while necessary, wins over everything else so as not to date someone who is not experienced?

 

Let's see some definition of True Love:

 

"Love is not wanting to go anywhere without her. Love is not caring what other people think about the two of you. Love is when you feel depressed and sickly when you're not with her. You feel like your life has no meaning or purpose without her. And that if she wasn't holding your hand you would float away to heaven from where she came. Love is caring for her physically and emotionally. It's telling her everyday, anytime, anywhere, anyhow, for no just reason that you love her. Love is telling her u want to spend the rest of your life with her. Love is wanting to marry her even tho ya'll haven't been dating that long. That you would do anything and everything for her. It's the feeling that you would give up everything just to see her smile or look into her beautiful eyes or hear her soft, soothing voice. Love is pure happiness. Love is the feeling you get when all you have to do is think of her and it brings a smile to your face and a yourning to your heart. Love is not being able to think about nothing but her. Love is having the sweetest dreams about her and waking up with a smile on r face. Love is an overwhelming feeling of pure bliss when the 2 of u kiss. Love is wanting to hold her in ur arms till the end of time. Love is wishing ur time with her never ends, that your lips would be locked together forever, that she'd be in ur arms till the end of time, that u could cuddle with her for all of eternity. Love is being hel..."

 

- Now how does the above tie in perfectly (if at all) with not dating someone because of lack of experience? To me that means that a) either that person has not or cannot feel true love and b) is a hypocrite by putting down inexperienced people as having red flags when this person has this HUGE red flag him/herself: that is, putting so much emphasis on sex skills over any other compatibility (even if they are hypothetically 99-100% in everything else) perhaps because they are "tired" of being the de-virginator or something.

Also, if they think the virgin is going to be clingy, why did they sleep with her in the first place? (Obviously they've learnt their lesson with the first virgin I gather). If you continue doing it, what makes them think they were not players? If not now, they definitely WERE at some point in life. So... quite a lot of red flags here! LOL

I'm 100% sure even experienced people agree, too.

 

 

Thanks LTP!!! I wish there were people like you in my area!

[samsungxoxo]

I'm currently 24 years old (will be 25 on April) and no offence but regarding the poster saying men always asking how many partners we slept with: if a man ever ask me that on a date, even though my number is still 1 till this day (hasn't change since 2007) I would dumped him right away. Honestly that's none of anyone's business and if that's all he wanted to know, then he can take a hike because I'm gonna declined that question.

[kaylan]

You say that like it's a definite truth. It's not. Sex with the same person does not automatically get better with experience.

 

In many cases, sex with the same woman gets worse. Like when she lets her looks go or she is a prude who is unwilling to try new things.

Hes right LTP.

 

Sometimes people work at not so good sex and it gets better. Sometimes they work at it and it stays the same or gets worse.

 

If the virgin was willing to have sex earlier on so we could see if we were compatible, then Id be ok with dating one. But most of the time, they want you to be "the one", or date quite a while before having sex. So what happens if there was no compatibility and you have to pull the cord? Then it hurts a lot to break away from that person, but ya gotta do it.

 

Id rather avoid that, and I can avoid it by dating women who already have enough life experience to know that sexual compatibility is very important to a relationship. A girl like OP, who says sex isnt that important to her, is def not a girl I could date. For me physical compatibility is as important as mental and emotional compatibility. All 3 are needed for a good relationship and none is more important than the other. I would not take the risk with a girl who had any red flags in either area.