chados Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 (edited) many of you probably know this rule, dont contact her the first day, or wait at least 10-20 minutes before texting back. just so you wont look desperate. how many of you girls wait lets say 20 minutes before answering a guys text? just want to know how common this is. right now im texting with a girl and she do answer and theres definitely some smily faces going on. but lets be honest, it drives you insane doesnt it? edit: okey it takes her between 20-30 minutes for each text. is this a sign to let go? im really not a guy that will chase someone. Edited December 26, 2011 by chados
Author chados Posted December 26, 2011 Author Posted December 26, 2011 edit: okey it takes her between 20-30 minutes for each text. is this a sign to let go?
HughHardcastle Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 I still don't get these arbitrary rules about how long it should take to text someone. These days, people are ALWAYS by their phones. I texted a girl on Thursday night, and she replied back like 3 minutes later, to which I replied back 3 minutes later, and then she sent me another one right back. Are both of us now suddenly desperate? Hardly.
Emilia Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 I reply to texts as soon as I see them though I don't carry my mobile around constantly so sometimes take a while. Never play games with people. If I see a guy pacing himself and measuring out his response time I assume he isn't confident enough to convey his interest or that he isn't that into me. Either way it's a turn off.
Pizzaman81 Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 It varies with different people. I have broken the "rule" many times and and those in the past still ended up being in a relationship with me. I think the bottom line is if you two like to talk, just talk! If they are interested and can find time, why not.
Philosoraptor Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 People who play games lack a lot of the emotional maturity that it takes to be in a relationship. Games will be played during the relationship as well and lead to a lot of insecurity and issues that could have been avoided. If someone is waiting to respond to not look desperate with me I really don't want to waste time with them.
phineas Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 (edited) People who play games lack a lot of the emotional maturity that it takes to be in a relationship. Games will be played during the relationship as well and lead to a lot of insecurity and issues that could have been avoided. If someone is waiting to respond to not look desperate with me I really don't want to waste time with them. Pretty much this. I rarely txt. usually to just set up a date. But if a woman takes too long to respond & I know their just sitting at home doing nothing i'll call them out & tell them they need to be more responsive when setting up plans because I got better things to do. If I don't know what their doing i'll tell them to call me when they arn't so busy so we can set something up because I got stuff to do. They either shape up or ship out. I've hit the point where I don't care anymore to chase after a woman & would rather be single than deal with that grade-school crap. I'm almost 40 & so are the women I try to date. Time to grow up. Edited December 26, 2011 by phineas
Author chados Posted December 26, 2011 Author Posted December 26, 2011 i agree, its just immature to ignore someone just to get some interest back. the reason i asked was because ive been talking to a girl earlier and she did exactly the same thing. i would never chase someone.
ScienceGal Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 I don't play games. If I like you, I write back as soon as I see the message.
xpaperxcutx Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 I still don't get these arbitrary rules about how long it should take to text someone. These days, people are ALWAYS by their phones. I texted a girl on Thursday night, and she replied back like 3 minutes later, to which I replied back 3 minutes later, and then she sent me another one right back. Are both of us now suddenly desperate? Hardly. This. I carry my phone with me everywhere ( social and work related purposes) so when my phone does the message ding I'm reading and replying almost immediately. I think the whole waiting and answering is so last decade, when people are still getting into mobile phones and worrying about limited messaging. Honestly, I can forgive if you take hours to respond, but if you wait two, three days to get back to me with a simple hi, you will know you will not get a respond because I will already have deleted you from my contacts ( this only applies to dates).
Pizzaman81 Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 This. I carry my phone with me everywhere ( social and work related purposes) so when my phone does the message ding I'm reading and replying almost immediately. I think the whole waiting and answering is so last decade, when people are still getting into mobile phones and worrying about limited messaging. Honestly, I can forgive if you take hours to respond, but if you wait two, three days to get back to me with a simple hi, you will know you will not get a respond because I will already have deleted you from my contacts ( this only applies to dates). I get so excited when I send a text message to a girl on my iPhone when the message turns blue! I'm like... YES! This is FREE!
xpaperxcutx Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 I get so excited when I send a text message to a girl on my iPhone when the message turns blue! I'm like... YES! This is FREE! UMM nothing is free for the Iphone. Android for win!
Twos Company Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 I text back within various times, depends on the content of the text and what we're talking about. If it's a direct question, I'll answer it within about half hour at the most. Sometimes the text convo ends naturally, not requiring a reply. I'm going through something similar at the moment though, I'm in contact with a guy (had one date) but I get at most one to two texts every couple of days, this just seems to be his style, course I am wondering if he's all that interested. Personally I'd like a call or at least more text contact. When you don't know someone, it's very hard to progress when the contact is minimal, perhaps this is deliberate on their side, gets hard trying to figure out really.
Thieves Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 I don't play games. If I like you, I write back as soon as I see the message. I agree, I do the same thing. I've never totally understood those kind of 'reply time' rules. It's confusing to me. It may take me a little longer if it's an actual email message, because I like to take the time to write out meaningful/thoughtful messages in return, but quick text messages? ASAP, usually. If a person considers you 'desperate' for getting back to them quickly, well, then that says a bit more about them than you. Like someone said, nearly everyone has their phone with them all of the time nowadays, so waiting three days to respond to a simple text message and then giving the entire 'I was busy' excuse doesn't exactly work like it used to...
Bullet Proof Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 If I am just starting to date a guy I will wait a bit to return a text (20 minutes), not because I think I will come off needy but because I don't want them to always expect me to return a message within 2 minutes! Because then if I don't they freak out and send you 20 more text messages wondering. I like to test their patience and 'clingy'ness a bit first. Now, if I reply to something and they reply back immediately I will reply back fairly quickly if we are having a conversation. I don't always have my phone on me or have the time to reply to text messages if I am out with family/working/etc (i find it rude to text while hanging out with others), so then they will not get a reply straight away.
xpaperxcutx Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 I text back within various times, depends on the content of the text and what we're talking about. If it's a direct question, I'll answer it within about half hour at the most. Sometimes the text convo ends naturally, not requiring a reply. I'm going through something similar at the moment though, I'm in contact with a guy (had one date) but I get at most one to two texts every couple of days, this just seems to be his style, course I am wondering if he's all that interested. Personally I'd like a call or at least more text contact. When you don't know someone, it's very hard to progress when the contact is minimal, perhaps this is deliberate on their side, gets hard trying to figure out really. Hmm... what do those one to texts usually consist of? I'm communicating with a potential date right now and most of our interactions consists of texting. He contacts me at various times of the day but it's usually at night after my work ( I'm going to assume he's doing it deliberately as to give me space). We can talk about pretty much anything and he will reply with 3-10 minutes.
phineas Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 If I am just starting to date a guy I will wait a bit to return a text (20 minutes), not because I think I will come off needy but because I don't want them to always expect me to return a message within 2 minutes! Because then if I don't they freak out and send you 20 more text messages wondering. I like to test their patience and 'clingy'ness a bit first. Now, if I reply to something and they reply back immediately I will reply back fairly quickly if we are having a conversation. I don't always have my phone on me or have the time to reply to text messages if I am out with family/working/etc (i find it rude to text while hanging out with others), so then they will not get a reply straight away. Waiting to reply to an initial txt is fine. I don't drop what i'm doing to txt myself. I wait until I have a free moment. But trying to set-up plans & having to wait 20mins between responses? annoying.
Twos Company Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 Hmm... what do those one to texts usually consist of? I'm communicating with a potential date right now and most of our interactions consists of texting. He contacts me at various times of the day but it's usually at night after my work ( I'm going to assume he's doing it deliberately as to give me space). We can talk about pretty much anything and he will reply with 3-10 minutes. I let him initiate, they are just catch up texts really, how are you, how was your day, quite long, and conversational, I reply , then he replies, then I reply...then nothing till a day or two later! He wished me a Happy Christmas' text yesterday, I said the same, plus added we should chat later if he was about...no reply...not how I like it at all.
xpaperxcutx Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 I let him initiate, they are just catch up texts really, how are you, how was your day, quite long, and conversational, I reply , then he replies, then I reply...then nothing till a day or two later! He wished me a Happy Christmas' text yesterday, I said the same, plus added we should chat later if he was about...no reply...not how I like it at all. There could be two possibilities- 1) his interest is lukewarm or, 2) he's not a texting person. Has he initiated a second date? I would suggest you do a followup date if you see him as a potential. There's nothing like letting a date fizzle out by allowing too much time to pass by you.
Twos Company Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 I could hazard a guess but you are right, there are really only those two possibilities. He has said by text that we should do it again, I responded I'd like that, so he knows I'm up for a second date. I would like to see him, but right now i think if he doesn't ask me out firmly by this weekend I will let this one go as it will be just too frustrating and I will end up feeling I've wasted my time.
Cypress25 Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 30 minutes is too long to wait for a response? Texting is not Instant Messenger, people are busy and they don't always have their phone with them, so it might take awhile to get a response. It usually takes me several hours to respond to a text. I don't keep the guy waiting on purpose, but I don't always hear my phone beep when it's in my bag, and I don't text while I'm driving or when I'm busy at work. I'm not the type who will drop everything just to respond to a text. Surely people don't really expect an immediate response? If we're having an ongoing convo via text, that's different, but those convos can't go on forever either. Someone has to send the last text, which means the other person has to eventually stop responding. Constant texting, especially in the early dating stage, is not good.
xpaperxcutx Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 30 minutes is too long to wait for a response? Texting is not Instant Messenger, people are busy and they don't always have their phone with them, so it might take awhile to get a response. It usually takes me several hours to respond to a text. I don't keep the guy waiting on purpose, but I don't always hear my phone beep when it's in my bag, and I don't text while I'm driving or when I'm busy at work. I'm not the type who will drop everything just to respond to a text. Surely people don't really expect an immediate response? If we're having an ongoing convo via text, that's different, but those convos can't go on forever either. Someone has to send the last text, which means the other person has to eventually stop responding. Constant texting, especially in the early dating stage, is not good. I have to keep this in mind since I'm guilty of doing this. But overall a response is warranted if questions are asked. Small chat and conversations should be saved in person or for the phone.
ToothpasteLove Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 I used to play the 'texting game' i would take as long to text back as the other person took to text me.. now i just text back when i get the text.. i feel there is no point in those games.
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