PoppyLove89 Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 Why are some people worth that second chance and others aren't? The ones that aren't, are we just that easy to get over? I was with my ex for a year and he never did anything but love me. Now he acts as though he hates me yet I've been nothing but polite if I ever saw him since BU.
perfectlyflawed459 Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 I believe everyone is worth a second chance, however you may not get it right away like some people do. Every couple is different, butI think in most cases a significant amount of time apart is almost a requirement in order for things to even have a chance of working out again. Plus, it is also good to realize that a break up doesn't just affect you the dumpee, it really does hurt both parties. I think that is a mistake most of us dumpees make, not realizing that the dumper took some damage as well. We are so focused on what we want we don't really think about how they feel. He may be acting like that because he is hurt. When emotions are high and such, people act in funny ways ya know? I know people that have gotten back together after acting like they hated each other, however it took months to years. I have had two exes come back. One took three months and the other took three years! And these guys were "so in love" with the many girls they dated and they treated me like they hated me too. You really just gotta start healing and moving on, even thought that is really hard, because it always seems to happen when you least expect and are far out of the dumper's life.
leoc1973 Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 Why are some people worth that second chance and others aren't? The ones that aren't, are we just that easy to get over? I was with my ex for a year and he never did anything but love me. Now he acts as though he hates me yet I've been nothing but polite if I ever saw him since BU. Yes that is what blows my mind the most. Its literally baffleing to me. I had sex with my ex literally every day leading up to our breakup. Like passionate sex that she initiated. Sex that means something like on the kitchen table, living room floor. I know sometimes when women check out emotionally the though of making love repulses them. Let alone that great passionate lovemaking that is why I am so confused how now she acts like we are friend who haven't seen each other in like 10 years. You know the kind of friends that you give a quick hug to and then some useless banter and then walk away. How do you go from so close in every way to just nothing. I don't know just my 2 cents it just hard to grasp the turning off of emotions like that.
Author PoppyLove89 Posted December 26, 2011 Author Posted December 26, 2011 I guess the old saying "there's a thin line between love and hate" is true...when all you've ever known is how to love someone, how are you supposed to behave once you're no longer together? I guess there's no grey area. This is just their way of acting out/dealing with things/detaching themselves from the situation but my guess is most will regret being mean to someone who didn't deserve it. I've been NC and focusing on my friends and family as well as throwing myself into my work. I'm out for my birthday tonight and I'm hell-bound on looking fierce and having an amazing time with my closest friends Hope you both had an amazing Christmas, this time next year who knows, we might look back and laugh at ourselves...but we'll definitely be in a better place!
Philosoraptor Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 Someone is worth a second chance once they have proven they have made the emotional growth needed for the relationship to succeed and that I would like to make a relationship succeed with them. It has to be earned and is not a right.
ZimboGon Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 Plus, it is also good to realize that a break up doesn't just affect you the dumpee, it really does hurt both parties. Is that true when the ex leaves you for another person? She jumped ship to something new and exciting, to a person who could never take care of her like i did.
fucpcg Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 I think perfectly flawed nailed it. As far as speaking as a person whose ex hates him, I can play that role. In the last 10 months I've studied our relationship endlessly, and can say I honestly earned being dumped. It was hard for me to see it, because at times I know I have been the worlds greatest boyfriend to my ex, but at the end I was probably the worlds worst boyfriend. It took me about 1.5 months after being dumped to see how wrong I got things, and it took really the full 10 months to totally understand everything I got wrong, how bad it really was, why I did it, why she wont talk to me, and to just be able to say to my own friends (who stick up for me) I screwed up, this one is totally on me. There are plenty of stories in here about exs hating the dumpee that have no merit, I am sure. That could very easliy be your story as well. Just do your best to best honest about what all happened, and make sure you learn a lesson here, if there is one to learn.
perfectlyflawed459 Posted December 27, 2011 Posted December 27, 2011 Is that true when the ex leaves you for another person? She jumped ship to something new and exciting, to a person who could never take care of her like i did. Sounds like she has what everyone on here would call GIGS. Just because she wears this mask that says she is happy does not MEAN she is truly happy on the inside. My ex did this. He left me then jumped into a relationship, and that ended quickly. He admitted he was never truly happy with her and that he never was able to find a girl that made him as happy as I did. He choose someone else over me again and still says no one has made him as happy as I did. He has like major GIGS, but what do you expect from a 17 year old boy? When an ex finds someone else, that doesn't necessarily mean the other party is "better", or that they have forgotten about you. To the ex, it is just as you said, it is "something new and exciting." Being with the same person for so long can get boring to people and they start to wonder what is out there. That is where the whole GIGS deal kicks in. It is best to not hold a grudge against them because of this, you just need to let them go and live their life. Realize that you truly are valuable and embrace the many blessing in your life instead of focusing on your ex. Forgive your ex and forgive yourself for anything you did to cause the break up, because they really do take two. Not meaning to cause falso hope, but NC does not mean forever. If you want this person back in your life, you need to allow her to live her life how she wants. You never know what could happen in the future, but by then both of you guys will hopefully be more mature and have the right mindset to build a new and stronger relationship/friendship.
perfectlyflawed459 Posted December 27, 2011 Posted December 27, 2011 I think perfectly flawed nailed it. As far as speaking as a person whose ex hates him, I can play that role. In the last 10 months I've studied our relationship endlessly, and can say I honestly earned being dumped. It was hard for me to see it, because at times I know I have been the worlds greatest boyfriend to my ex, but at the end I was probably the worlds worst boyfriend. It took me about 1.5 months after being dumped to see how wrong I got things, and it took really the full 10 months to totally understand everything I got wrong, how bad it really was, why I did it, why she wont talk to me, and to just be able to say to my own friends (who stick up for me) I screwed up, this one is totally on me. There are plenty of stories in here about exs hating the dumpee that have no merit, I am sure. That could very easliy be your story as well. Just do your best to best honest about what all happened, and make sure you learn a lesson here, if there is one to learn. I did this too. I thought I was the "perfect girlfriend." And I was too for the majority of our relationship, but it took me a few months also to realize that I helped start the fall of our great relationship. I developed terrible qualities that weren't there for most of our relationship and I realized that I truly did cause him as much pain as he caused me. I don't blame him for wondering what else is out there. I am glad I realized this too, instead of just listening to all my friends who where on my side by default. I needed to realize that what I did was wrong and learn from it. Thank goodness, because I believe I have become a much better, more positive person from all this That is something most dumpees need to realize, a break up takes TWO. No one is perfect.
ZimboGon Posted December 27, 2011 Posted December 27, 2011 Thanks for the input. I understand completely and that is what i'm doing. I've adressed the problems in our relationship, i have figured out what went wrong and simply by doing that, it makes me confident that if we ever to reunite it will work. Towards the end, i made mistakes, but ultimately it was her lies that ended the relationship because of this other guy. I'm in 4 weeks NC at the moment, word is her new relationship isn't going to well. I was her first love, first major relationship and i was good and sweet to her so basing it on that i feel she'll come back. When we broke up, it wasn't one of those... "I'm not in love with you anymore break-ups." It was more her being confused because of this new guy, and she even asked me to wait for her. Which makes me even more confused when she started treating me like dirt post BU. At first she apologized, but when things started working with this guy she just turned completely cold. Too bad for her things are starting to crumble now.
perfectlyflawed459 Posted December 27, 2011 Posted December 27, 2011 Thanks for the input. I understand completely and that is what i'm doing. I've adressed the problems in our relationship, i have figured out what went wrong and simply by doing that, it makes me confident that if we ever to reunite it will work. Towards the end, i made mistakes, but ultimately it was her lies that ended the relationship because of this other guy. I'm in 4 weeks NC at the moment, word is her new relationship isn't going to well. I was her first love, first major relationship and i was good and sweet to her so basing it on that i feel she'll come back. When we broke up, it wasn't one of those... "I'm not in love with you anymore break-ups." It was more her being confused because of this new guy, and she even asked me to wait for her. Which makes me even more confused when she started treating me like dirt post BU. At first she apologized, but when things started working with this guy she just turned completely cold. Too bad for her things are starting to crumble now. I am sorry all that is going on. I would advise you drop completely out of her life, as in don't even hunt for answers on how her life is going with her new man. Just shut her out completely because NC is all about YOU. If you sort of stick around in her life, she won't realize how special you really were and will only take you for granted. Remember, people do not realize what they have till it is gone.
ZimboGon Posted December 27, 2011 Posted December 27, 2011 I am sorry all that is going on. I would advise you drop completely out of her life, as in don't even hunt for answers on how her life is going with her new man. Just shut her out completely because NC is all about YOU. If you sort of stick around in her life, she won't realize how special you really were and will only take you for granted. Remember, people do not realize what they have till it is gone. Thanks for helping me out here. I was just uneasy about this new guy, he cheated on his last girlfriend and i hear he's emotionally unstable, so i asked a bunch of our mutual friends to watch over her since i can't so thats how i know all about them. But, i've been doing a good job dropping out of her life. She wanted to be friends, and when i asked if she really didn't want to date, she replied "No, not right now.". I told her we couldn't be friends, and that i hope she doesn't regret her decisions because i loved her. So, 4 weeks NC going strong, except for one hiccup that was a merry christmas text. But if she does come back, i'll take her with open arms.
perfectlyflawed459 Posted December 27, 2011 Posted December 27, 2011 Thanks for helping me out here. I was just uneasy about this new guy, he cheated on his last girlfriend and i hear he's emotionally unstable, so i asked a bunch of our mutual friends to watch over her since i can't so thats how i know all about them. But, i've been doing a good job dropping out of her life. She wanted to be friends, and when i asked if she really didn't want to date, she replied "No, not right now.". I told her we couldn't be friends, and that i hope she doesn't regret her decisions because i loved her. So, 4 weeks NC going strong, except for one hiccup that was a merry christmas text. But if she does come back, i'll take her with open arms. I know it is hard to see her with someone else, but if he is really that bad, I am sure there will be point where she realizes that she made the wrong decision. The hard thing is that as much as we see how wrong someone can be, people with GIGS can be very stubborn and do the illogical thing. That is good you are going strong with NC, keep it up! It will pay off in the long wrong. If she does come back, don't be so quick to get back with her. You need to make sure she is being sincere and take things very very VERY slow. Best of luck to you and we are all here for you
ZimboGon Posted December 27, 2011 Posted December 27, 2011 I know it is hard to see her with someone else, but if he is really that bad, I am sure there will be point where she realizes that she made the wrong decision. The hard thing is that as much as we see how wrong someone can be, people with GIGS can be very stubborn and do the illogical thing. That is good you are going strong with NC, keep it up! It will pay off in the long wrong. If she does come back, don't be so quick to get back with her. You need to make sure she is being sincere and take things very very VERY slow. Best of luck to you and we are all here for you Thanks, this forum has been great at helping me deal with everything and understand it. I'm thankful there are understanding people here like you. You're right about the whole stubborn GIGS thing. He used so many methods to manipulate her it wasn't even funny, from indirectly insulting me, using the whole low self-esteem pathetic card, and basically being her emotional doormat whenever we had relationship issues. I warned her several times about what he was doing, and i even predicted exactly what he was going to say before he said it. She would never believe me. Some people only see what they want to see sometimes haha. I just hope she learns the hard way and come back =P
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