How greatly do your SO's preferences factor into your dress choices?

[Els]

Mainly curiousity here. So, today the bf and I went clothes shopping together for the first time in all the years we'd been together - I had never had an interest in clothes shopping before so there had been no reason to go previously. He does not usually express his opinion of what I wear unless I ask him, as he believes that the most important thing is for me to be comfortable, but if I genuinely care about the aesthetics he does have some rather blunt and strong opinions. So I thought the trip would be a nice way to see what sort of styles he prefers.

 

What I learnt was that - I will never know. I can't seem to figure out any pattern or similarity in the clothes that he said he thought looked good. The only pattern I can see is that there were a greater number of 'aye's from the more expensive shops and a greater number of 'nay's from the cheaper shops. Well, not terribly surprising, but unless I'm going with him, in which case he pays, I'm going to be shopping from the thrift stores, because I plain can't afford anything else.

 

I'm not sure how the few dresses that I had previously bought from the thrift stores happened to be amongst the few that he liked from them. An amazingly lucky fluke shot, I guess - since they were my first, I also made a point of choosing the sort of stuff that just can't go wrong - but I don't want to have to do that all the time! I'm not sure what to do in the future though. He does not care enough to go shopping with me all the time (and no way am I going to be the sort of gf that just drags her unhappy bf along), and when I go myself I'm going to be buying things without his input. What do I do when I come home with it and he tells me he feels it doesn't look good??

 

What would you do? Wear it anyway if you like it? Wear it only when he isn't there? Try to return it or sell it off to a used clothing store? Or do your tastes and your SO's miraculously sync up perfectly?

Edited December 26, 2011 by Elswyth

[Emilia]

I wear stuff he enjoys when I'm with him and wear others when I'm without him - though my taste is pretty middle-road and sometimes show legs or cleavage (not at the same time) and generally try to dress in a way that flatters me so it isn't an issue. If he has favourites, I accommodate that when I see him.

[Els]

Sounds pretty sensible.

 

I think what style 'flatters' someone is pretty subjective and open to interpretation though. Some things you can never go wrong with, and on the other hand some are just wrong for certain body shapes/skin tones, but others are a metaphorical shade of grey.

[jobaba]

Mainly curiousity here. So, today the bf and I went clothes shopping together for the first time in all the years we'd been together - I had never had an interest in clothes shopping before so there had been no reason to go previously. He does not usually express his opinion of what I wear unless I ask him, as he believes that the most important thing is for me to be comfortable, but if I genuinely care about the aesthetics he does have some rather blunt and strong opinions. So I thought the trip would be a nice way to see what sort of styles he prefers.

 

What I learnt was that - I will never know. I can't seem to figure out any pattern or similarity in the clothes that he said he thought looked good. The only pattern I can see is that there were a greater number of 'aye's from the more expensive shops and a greater number of 'nay's from the cheaper shops. Well, not terribly surprising, but unless I'm going with him, in which case he pays, I'm going to be shopping from the thrift stores, because I plain can't afford anything else.

 

I'm not sure how the few dresses that I had previously bought from the thrift stores happened to be amongst the few that he liked from them. An amazingly lucky fluke shot, I guess - since they were my first, I also made a point of choosing the sort of stuff that just can't go wrong - but I don't want to have to do that all the time! I'm not sure what to do in the future though. He does not care enough to go shopping with me all the time (and no way am I going to be the sort of gf that just drags her unhappy bf along), and when I go myself I'm going to be buying things without his input. What do I do when I come home with it and he tells me he feels it doesn't look good??

 

What would you do? Wear it anyway if you like it? Wear it only when he isn't there? Try to return it or sell it off to a used clothing store? Or do your tastes and your SO's miraculously sync up perfectly?

 

Women have a tremendous amount of options available to them when they want to show their personality through dress. In contrast, men can only dress in a few different styles. For example, the neck on a woman's sweater can cut off in many different ways and lengths (off shoulder, crew, v-neck, longer v-neck, cowlneck). For men, it's mostly crew and v-neck.

 

When you get out of school and start making some money, you can start gravitating towards and slowly building your wardrobe towards a style which is you. Your 20s to early 30s is an awesome time to show your personality through dress.

 

Be damned what your stupid boyfriend thinks of what you wear. Your clothes are you. Shop with him by letting him pick out stuff for you and then evaluate it yourself. "Oooh. That's kind of nice." "Ugh. No way." That's part of the fun of shopping.

 

I've never really cared what my girlfriends have worn although I used to prefer an urban chic/semi hipster style, nobody I dated dressed like that. In general, the girls I've dated have dressed pretty well. I will make a comment every now and then if they wear something awkward looking, but in general I care more about how I look.

 

I've also dated women who are too poor to buy nice clothes. I try to buy them something nice every now and then, but are fine with what they wear.

[Els]

Women have a tremendous amount of options available to them when they want to show their personality through dress. In contrast, men can only dress in a few different styles. For example, the neck on a woman's sweater can cut off in many different ways and lengths (off shoulder, crew, v-neck, longer v-neck, cowlneck). For men, it's mostly crew and v-neck.

 

I agree - this is probably both a curse and a blessing. A blessing if you genuinely enjoy shopping, a curse if you NEED good clothes (for work or such) and hate shopping. Fortunately, I genuinely enjoy shopping for fun now.

 

 

Be damned what your stupid boyfriend thinks of what you wear. Your clothes are you. Shop with him by letting him pick out stuff for you and then evaluate it yourself. "Oooh. That's kind of nice." "Ugh. No way." That's part of the fun of shopping.

 

I've never really cared what my girlfriends have worn although I used to prefer an urban chic/semi hipster style, nobody I dated dressed like that. In general, the girls I've dated have dressed pretty well. I will make a comment every now and then if they wear something awkward looking, but in general I care more about how I look.

 

I've also dated women who are too poor to buy nice clothes. I try to buy them something nice every now and then, but are fine with what they wear.

 

I think you misunderstand. He is fine with pretty much anything I wear - geesh, he started pursuing me when I was too caught up in other activities and too poor to wear anything more than the 5 tees and 2 jeans that I rotated on a daily basis . However, a large part of the newfound enjoyment I get in dressing up is in looking good to the people I am out with. I am not really close enough to most people to get their blatantly honest opinions on such, so I ask him for his. His is the one I care about most anyway. I feel genuinely thrilled when I am out with him and wearing something I know he likes. Conversely, I don't see a point in making the effort to dress up if the person I am with does not like the look anyway. So yes, I don't ever really dress for myself in terms of aesthetics. Perhaps others are different in this way?

Edited December 26, 2011 by Elswyth

[make me believe]

If I've ever worn something that my husband thought didn't look good on me, he definitely never made his opinion known. I would find it strange if I came home with something that I liked and he went "ewww that looks horrible!" Unless it was OBVIOUSLY unflattering. I know that he has some favorite clothes of mine, and I do tend to wear those items more when we're going to be together a lot. (Like on the weekend instead of on a week day when we're not together for the entire day.) -- And if he did tell me that he really disliked something that I bought, I would probably just wear it when he wasn't around. Or if I was neutral about the item, I'd return it.

 

I feel like you are overthinking this. Most guys don't have major preferances about how their girlfriend dresses, as long as she looks good in what she's wearing. My husband likes when I wear girlie dresses, but he also likes it when I wear black skinnies, a black top, and black knee high boots. He also likes when I'm lounging around in yoga pants & a tight tanktop. There's not one particular style he prefers, because like jobaba said, women have so many options. I think guys like to see how their girl switches it up sometimes, and how we can dress casual, rocker chic, dressy, etc, depending on our mood.

[phineas]

I've found that going shopping with a woman (not one i'm necessarily dating) = chicks dig the way I look.

 

Me picking out clothes for myself = "I'm not going anywhere with you dressed like that!" LOL!

[Philosoraptor]

I am more than happy to make comprimises. I draw lines that will not be crossed... but everything else is on the table. I'll at least try things on. Actually found some nice things due to her persistance and my willingness to give things a shot.

[Emilia]

Sounds pretty sensible.

 

I think what style 'flatters' someone is pretty subjective and open to interpretation though. Some things you can never go wrong with, and on the other hand some are just wrong for certain body shapes/skin tones, but others are a metaphorical shade of grey.

 

Flattering cut is what shows off your body to its best advantage, I don't think there are many ways to go about that since you will have relatively few shapes that fit you properly. Anything beyond well fitting clothing is just frill

[Els]

I am more than happy to make comprimises. I draw lines that will not be crossed... but everything else is on the table. I'll at least try things on. Actually found some nice things due to her persistance and my willingness to give things a shot.

 

Oh, yeah, definitely. I think I phrased my question wrongly. I really meant, if you liked an item of clothing and your SO didn't, would you still wear it?

 

If I've ever worn something that my husband thought didn't look good on me, he definitely never made his opinion known. I would find it strange if I came home with something that I liked and he went "ewww that looks horrible!" Unless it was OBVIOUSLY unflattering. I know that he has some favorite clothes of mine, and I do tend to wear those items more when we're going to be together a lot. (Like on the weekend instead of on a week day when we're not together for the entire day.) -- And if he did tell me that he really disliked something that I bought, I would probably just wear it when he wasn't around. Or if I was neutral about the item, I'd return it.

 

I feel like you are overthinking this. Most guys don't have major preferances about how their girlfriend dresses, as long as she looks good in what she's wearing. My husband likes when I wear girlie dresses, but he also likes it when I wear black skinnies, a black top, and black knee high boots. He also likes when I'm lounging around in yoga pants & a tight tanktop. There's not one particular style he prefers, because like jobaba said, women have so many options. I think guys like to see how their girl switches it up sometimes, and how we can dress casual, rocker chic, dressy, etc, depending on our mood.

 

Thanks for your input. Well, I don't think most people make their opinions known unless asked, but I'm sure most people have items that they prefer on their SO and some they like less. Bf has never commented without being asked, and he definitely has no problems with the shorts and tees I wear at home, judging from his, uh, eagerness at times. But when asked, he does appear to have pretty solid opinions.

 

I've found that going shopping with a woman (not one i'm necessarily dating) = chicks dig the way I look.

 

Me picking out clothes for myself = "I'm not going anywhere with you dressed like that!" LOL!

 

Hee, yeah. In a way, it's the opposite for myself, in that it's the first time I've bothered much with clothes, whereas the bf endured several years of being dragged around on constant shopping excursions by a very good-looking and fashion-conscious ex. So I guess his opinions do have a solid base and I would do well to follow them. However, my question of 'what do I do if I buy something and I ask his opinion and it isn't favorable' still applies.

[eerie_reverie]

I've found that guys have slight preferences for clothes that show off the body parts they're into.

 

For example, a boob guy will love low-cut tops, an ass guy will love a form-fitting sweater dress, a leg guy will like skinny jeans and boots or a short dress.

 

Beyond that, the most important thing is fit.

[Philosoraptor]

Sure I'd still wear it. Maybe not on a special day or a special time out... but on a normal day sure I would.

 

That is unless it was terribly offensive to this person. Not that I wear anything like this but I've seen many people wearing shirts with offensive things on them. If it hurt my partner I sure wouldn't wear it.

[FitChick]

A lot of men are afraid to say anything because of previous girlfriends or wives reactions. I generally know what looks good on me. I may want a man's opinion when I can't decide between two items that I think look good. He can decide which looks better. Sometimes a man will choose something totally different for me to try on, something I might never have chosen myself. And it may actually look good. It's nice to get out of a rut.

Men generally don't like me wearing baggy clothes which hide my figure. They are visual creatures. My ex bought me a nice coat and boots when we were going to a cold climate and I didn't have any. In that case I let him decide since he was paying and fortunately for me, he had good taste.

[cerridwen]

My clothing is very reflective of my personality.

If he likes me, he likes my style of dress.

Doesn't like my style of dress?

Well then, he can lump it.

[xpaperxcutx]

My fashion sense leans towards frills and and flattering cuts. I love, LOVE dresses and skirts that accentuate my curves. My motto is chic & cute.

 

I don't think I tailor my dress style to a particular person but I do tailor to the occasions involved. ie. casual for casual's sake. The only thing I ever pay a certain amount of attention is shoes. I tend to date men with varying heights and I try not to tower over them. I tend to think in height proportion and I like to make sure they're are still taller than me ( which is not hard since I'm only 5'3).

 

Almost all of my shoe collections consists of 3-4 inches, but if the right guy comes along, I'm willing to sacrifice a little height for flats.

[Cypress25]

You know, I've never dated a guy who even noticed what I was wearing, much less had an opinion about it. In general, guys don't pay much attention to clothes, unless you're wearing something that is dramatically revealing. I would never take a guy shopping with me, he wouldn't know the first thing about picking out women's clothes.

 

My style is pretty basic anyway, so I can't imagine I'd ever have the problem of wearing something that my boyfriend didn't like. I don't follow the trends, I just wear clothes that look good on me. I remember when skinny jeans were popular and I used to see women of all shapes and sizes wearing them, even though most of them looked terrible. I never wore skinny jeans because they don't flatter me (might as well walk around with a giant magnifying glass taped to my thighs). It seemed like a lot of women didn't care if skinny jeans made their ass look huge, they just wear the current trend no matter how bad it looks. Don't be one of those women, and you'll be fine. Dress to flatter the body you have, not the body you wish you had.

 

If my boyfriend did say he didn't like what I was wearing, yes, I would wear it anyway. I don't dress for him, I dress for myself. I would never tell him how to dress. Besides, I don't have many options when it comes to clothes. I'm very short so I'm limited to petite lines (some stores don't even have a petite line), and I have to avoid certain styles because they make me look even shorter. My normal-height boyfriend would have no idea about the cut and style of clothes that would best suit a petite woman, so asking him for advice would be stupid.

[zengirl]

I know what my SO likes best, but I don't really take him shopping. Maybe if we're making a Target run and I want to stop for a few moments to look briefly, but if I'm going to the Mall, I go alone. I cannot stand shopping with ANYONE though, so that's not a guy/hubby thing --- it's just that to me, shopping is serious business, and I don't want to be distracted. I ask his opinion of things online, though, so I do get him involved sometimes when I'm pre-planning before shopping. I'm not a browser, really. I do several serious shopping trips a year and rarely shop otherwise in the U.S. I was a browser in Korea and Japan, but that's because you can shop super late at night, when I'd be in the mood to browse, and the vibe just feels more fun in their markets anyway.

 

As to wearing things he dislikes. . . well, if I knew he disliked it (but he didn't say so!), I suppose I wouldn't wear it, but if he randomly said so without being asked, I'd get pissed and wear it more because I'm like that. Not that he'd ever do that. If he particularly likes something, I wear it more often. If I ask his opinion, I never get mad about it, no matter what he says (he's tactful but honest, as I like).

 

My personal style is very distinct. (I dress with a blend of Korean/Japanese fashion you don't see that much here. I even still buy many clothes from overseas.) So, I imagine no one who hated it would be particularly drawn to me. I think it's odd though when people say "Men know nothing of women's fashion." I mean. . . they see it every day, and they know what they like. And since men both make women's clothes and are 50% of the people who see them, I wouldn't discount an opinion because it was male. My SO is perhaps the most considered opinion besides my own in terms of what I buy, but if I like something, I'm probably going to buy it without asking anyway. I just don't get people who will ask 20 friends opinions but not care about their SO's.

[choppedkittens]

My boyfriend has never criticized anything about my appearance or anything I've worn. It's not his style. That said if I ask him whether he likes something or not, he'll give it to me straight (while being nice about it). I don't usually ask.

 

I do think about what he'll like when I pick out clothes, though, to a degree. I still pick out things I like but I also consider his opinion. Luckily our aesthetic taste is very similar. We're both into minimal/classic, well-tailored, solid colors, clean lines.

[Cypress25]

I think it's odd though when people say "Men know nothing of women's fashion." I mean. . . they see it every day, and they know what they like.

 

It's true that men know what they like on women, but if you asked why they like it, they'd probably be like "Uh...because it looks good?" A typical guy would not be able to tell me that my jeans look good on me because they're bootleg, which minimizes my hips, and because they're low-rise, which slims my waist and lengthens my torso. He wouldn't even know what the hell "bootleg" and "low-rise" means, lol. He also wouldn't understand why I can't wear long skirts or capri pants. So he would not make a very good shopping partner.

 

And since men both make women's clothes and are 50% of the people who see them, I wouldn't discount an opinion because it was male.

 

I'm sure a male designer would know all about fit, cut, and style. But a normal, everyday guy who does not design clothes for a living? He would be clueless. I'm sure guys know what they like when they see it, but they generally don't understand the concept of body type, and how each woman's unique body type determines the cut and style that she needs. For example, ever seen those side-by-side photos that compare two celebrities wearing the same dress on the red carpet? (Here's one: http://img43.imageshack.us/img43/1729/laurenkhloessnapwenn.jpg) I think most guys would be confused as to how the same dress could look so different depending on who is wearing it. I wouldn't trust a guy to pull something off a hanger and give it to me. He might like it, but that doesn't necessarily mean it would look good on me.

 

I just don't get people who will ask 20 friends opinions but not care about their SO's.

 

Like you, I prefer to shop alone. I don't ask for anyone's opinion because I don't need it. I have my own opinion and I know what looks good on me. My friends have their own style, so it wouldn't make sense to ask them. One of my girl friends tried to convince me to buy skinny jeans, saying "So what if they make your butt look big? You could work it." Yeah well, I don't want that kind of attention. If I wanted people staring at my ass with raised eyebrows, I'd get gluteal implants.

 

It's not that I don't care about my SO's opinion, it's just that I think it would be a disaster if I let other people dress me.

[wildgeese]

My boyfriend isn't much for fashion. The only new clothes he ever has for himself are the ones I bring home for him (I work at a major retailer and get a fantastic discount) but I only bring things I know he'll wear. Not much for trying to change someone, especially the person I adore most in this world. Sure his t-shirts from high school aren't exactly cutting edge, but I don't really mind. I like that he's comfortable and I like that he doesn't give a damn. Every now and then there's something that makes me scratch my head (I'll never understand his affinity for all things 1980's), but like I said, I just don't really care. I think he's pretty cute!

 

As for my clothing choices, he tends to like most everything that I wear. I'm known for wearing some goofy things (I have a not so secret addiction to novelty prints), but he never fails to tell me that I look adorable. He has this weird dislike for girls in boots (inconceivable!) but I have a couple pairs that I wear regularly - because I damn well like them. I don't pick out my clothes according to his tastes at all; I pick them out according to mine. I know there are some things he'll like more than others, but that doesn't mean I'm going to pass on anything that I really like. He'll usually just laugh at my newest apple-print dress and tell me I look cute. Perhaps it depends on a woman's style? It seems like those aiming to look "sexy" would be more willing to dress for their man. My personal style could be described more as "cute".

[Els]

I was a browser in Korea and Japan, but that's because you can shop super late at night, when I'd be in the mood to browse, and the vibe just feels more fun in their markets anyway.

 

Oh, I know!! It's a pity I didn't like shopping back when I lived in Asia. Their malls were amazing, and open til the wee hours of the morning.

 

If I ask his opinion, I never get mad about it, no matter what he says (he's tactful but honest, as I like).

 

Yeah, me neither. I would probably be quite disappointed if I forked out cash for something that he thought didn't look good on me though.

 

I think it's odd though when people say "Men know nothing of women's fashion." I mean. . . they see it every day, and they know what they like. And since men both make women's clothes and are 50% of the people who see them, I wouldn't discount an opinion because it was male. My SO is perhaps the most considered opinion besides my own in terms of what I buy, but if I like something, I'm probably going to buy it without asking anyway. I just don't get people who will ask 20 friends opinions but not care about their SO's.

 

Ditto. I think men don't know the specifics of what women of particular body types, skin tones, height etc need to wear - it takes a lot of patience wading through fashion articles to get those, and men usually can't be bothered. But I think they do know what they think looks good on their gf. My guy has noticed every single time I wear something new. That might possibly have something to do with my extremely small wardrobe, though.

 

My boyfriend has never criticized anything about my appearance or anything I've worn. It's not his style. That said if I ask him whether he likes something or not, he'll give it to me straight (while being nice about it). I don't usually ask.

 

Yep, same here, except the bolded.

 

 

My style is pretty basic anyway, so I can't imagine I'd ever have the problem of wearing something that my boyfriend didn't like. I don't follow the trends, I just wear clothes that look good on me. I remember when skinny jeans were popular and I used to see women of all shapes and sizes wearing them, even though most of them looked terrible. I never wore skinny jeans because they don't flatter me (might as well walk around with a giant magnifying glass taped to my thighs). It seemed like a lot of women didn't care if skinny jeans made their ass look huge, they just wear the current trend no matter how bad it looks. Don't be one of those women, and you'll be fine. Dress to flatter the body you have, not the body you wish you had.

 

Well, I have a pear-shaped, petite body with East Asian skin tones, so that pretty much limits what I 'should' wear to a very narrow range. I don't want to restrain myself to that narrow range though, it would be quite sad and boring.

[zengirl]

It's true that men know what they like on women, but if you asked why they like it, they'd probably be like "Uh...because it looks good?" A typical guy would not be able to tell me that my jeans look good on me because they're bootleg, which minimizes my hips, and because they're low-rise, which slims my waist and lengthens my torso. He wouldn't even know what the hell "bootleg" and "low-rise" means, lol. He also wouldn't understand why I can't wear long skirts or capri pants. So he would not make a very good shopping partner.

 

Well, as I said, I don't think of clothes shopping as a cooperative activity, so I can't speak to the last point, but I don't think that "understanding fashion" is necessarily about using jargon. Though, FTR, I know many men who know what "boot cut" is since men's jeans also come in "boot cut." They certainly don't think of them the way you just explained, but that's because it's a terrible way to think and no one ever taught men to primarily focus on the flaws of the human body the way so many women are (poorly) taught. And thank goodness!

 

I do disagree with you and think many men get the concept of 'angles.' Maybe it's because I hang around with programmers and math geeks, but most men I know get the idea that certain lines or angles make people or objects look differently, which is all you're discussing. You're just discussing it in a particular way. I agree that the way men react to fashion is not precisely the same way you're describing, though neither is that the way *I* react to fashion (though I understand what you've said), so perhaps that's why I'm fine with a male opinion. I don't need to analyze which parts of my body I'm "hiding." That sounds so . . . sad. I just need to know if it looks good, if it'd look better in black or green, or whatever. Mostly, I don't need anyone for that, but if there's anyone whose opinion I'd value most on it, besides my own, it'd be my SO since he looks at me the most.

 

I'm sure a male designer would know all about fit, cut, and style. But a normal, everyday guy who does not design clothes for a living? He would be clueless. I'm sure guys know what they like when they see it, but they generally don't understand the concept of body type, and how each woman's unique body type determines the cut and style that she needs. For example, ever seen those side-by-side photos that compare two celebrities wearing the same dress on the red carpet? (Here's one: http://img43.imageshack.us/img43/1729/laurenkhloessnapwenn.jpg) I think most guys would be confused as to how the same dress could look so different depending on who is wearing it. I wouldn't trust a guy to pull something off a hanger and give it to me. He might like it, but that doesn't necessarily mean it would look good on me.

 

I don't think the concept of "different girls' bodies look different in the same dress" is really so foreign to guys. Again, they will not use the same jargon or analyze it the same way (most men are taught, wonderfully, to look at the POSITIVE in a woman's body and not nitpick her flaws the way you're describing your style to be, and I assure you, this is for the best, and women could do well to take a page out of that book!).

 

Though: Frankly, most people cannot necessarily pick a dress off a hanger and know exactly how it will look on someone, because there are many things that surprise people---hence why most people try things on. If the average woman were great at analyzing that, the dressing rooms would never have a line!

 

It's not that I don't care about my SO's opinion, it's just that I think it would be a disaster if I let other people dress me.

 

Well, yes, that wasn't my point. My point was that whether an opinion matters or not shouldn't depend upon jargon or stereotypes---it should depend upon how well that person knows you and how much you care about what they think. Granted, I don't think it's good for anyone, male or female, to let anyone else, no matter how skilled, "dress them," particularly in anything they don't like.

 

Ditto. I think men don't know the specifics of what women of particular body types, skin tones, height etc need to wear - it takes a lot of patience wading through fashion articles to get those, and men usually can't be bothered. But I think they do know what they think looks good on their gf. My guy has noticed every single time I wear something new. That might possibly have something to do with my extremely small wardrobe, though.

 

I disagree that it's a "lack of knowledge." I simply don't think men SEE fashion that way, and thank goodness! It's a terrible way to go through life. "Here's what I lack; what do I need to do?" Awful.

[Cypress25]

They certainly don't think of them the way you just explained, but that's because it's a terrible way to think and no one ever taught men to primarily focus on the flaws of the human body the way so many women are (poorly) taught. And thank goodness!

 

No one ever taught me to think that way, it's just obvious when I try on clothes. Bootleg jeans look good on me and I'm comfortable in them, so I wear them. I can't help but notice that tapered jeans look really bad on me. Why is that a terrible way to think? It's reality.

 

I don't need to analyze which parts of my body I'm "hiding." That sounds so...sad. I just need to know if it looks good

 

Exactly, and clothes only look good on me if they flatter my body type. If a pair of jeans is the wrong shape for my body, it won't look good on me, so why would I spend money on it? It's not about hiding certain body parts, it's about balancing them out so your entire body looks proportional. Like most women, I have thighs and hips. I can't hide that. Wearing pants with a boot cut simply balances out my entire lower body and makes it look normal. My hips are quite emphasized enough as it is, there's no point wearing pants that emphasize them even more.

 

most men are taught, wonderfully, to look at the POSITIVE in a woman's body and not nitpick her flaws the way you're describing your style to be

 

Oh please, men will be the first ones to make a snide comment when they see a female body that doesn't fit their ideal. I have a lot of guy friends, you should hear them talk. "Damn...she should not be wearing a bikini! Check out the girl in the yellow pants, her ass looks like the sun!" and so on. They're being pigs, of course, but they're being honest. Trust me, guys notice when women are dressed badly. Besides, I'm not just dressing for men.

 

And it's not nitpicking because certain styles emphasize my imperfections. Ordinarily, my hips don't really bother me (they're not that big, I wear a size 6) but some styles can make my hips look bigger than they really are. Wearing tapered pants is like putting an extra 5 pounds on each thigh, visually. That's not the effect I'm going for!

 

I simply don't think men SEE fashion that way, and thank goodness! It's a terrible way to go through life. "Here's what I lack; what do I need to do?" Awful.

 

Why is it awful? Taking a realistic view of your body is how you find clothes that look good on you. It doesn't have to be traumatizing. I have no desire to wear clothes that look bad on me. It's not like I sit in a dressing room, crying over a pair of capri pants, saying "If only I had longer legs, I could wear these without looking like a midget! Why, oh why, must I be aware of my short legs?!" It's not that bad. I'm not trying to hide my short legs, I just don't want to make them look even shorter. So I wear pants and skirts that are the right length for me. I don't see what's so terrible about that.

[zengirl]

No one ever taught me to think that way, it's just obvious when I try on clothes. Bootleg jeans look good on me and I'm comfortable in them, so I wear them. I can't help but notice that tapered jeans look really bad on me. Why is that a terrible way to think? It's reality.

 

I'm referring to the way you phrased it before: Bootlegs were good because they HID something. Saying bootlegs make you feel great and look good is a lovely way to think; saying they HIDE what makes you look bad is an entirely different way to think. Two different ways of seeing it. Get my point?

 

I'm not suggesting you wear things that look bad on you. I certainly don't. But I don't think about how to "hide" things personally---I think about all the things I love and love the way they look. Though to each their own.

 

Oh please, men will be the first ones to make a snide comment when they see a female body that doesn't fit their ideal. I have a lot of guy friends, you should hear them talk. "Damn...she should not be wearing a bikini! Check out the girl in the yellow pants, her ass looks like the sun!" and so on. They're being pigs, of course, but they're being honest. Trust me, guys notice when women are dressed badly. Besides, I'm not just dressing for men.

 

I'm not speaking to noticing poor dress. Of course, everyone can do that, though I do think women comment on it FAR more than men. I've rarely heard men speak like that, and I have many male friends too, whereas when I'm out with female friends, especially girly girls, that's way more likely to happen. Men certainly notice women's bodies, but I don't think they nitpick the way women do. It's fashion magazines and such targeted to women that treat the female body that way, generally.

 

That said, when women where something garish or glaringly ill-fitted, of course men (and women) are going to notice. It's hard not to.

 

As to dressing "for" people. I dress mainly for me, and I suppose secondarily for my SO, at least if I'm with him. I don't really dress for anyone else, except at work, where I wear clothes that don't WOW me because my favorite clothes (Asian themed leggings and layered dresses and such) aren't super appropriate for my professional job. C'est la vie.

 

Why is it awful? Taking a realistic view of your body is how you find clothes that look good on you. It doesn't have to be traumatizing. I have no desire to wear clothes that look bad on me. It's not like I sit in a dressing room, crying over a pair of capri pants, saying "If only I had longer legs, I could wear these without looking like a midget! Why, oh why, must I be aware of my short legs?!" It's not that bad. I'm not trying to hide my short legs, I just don't want to make them look even shorter. So I wear pants and skirts that are the right length for me. I don't see what's so terrible about that.

 

I just find the viewpoint sad. I'm not suggesting anyone wear things that make them look bad, but I think it's preferable to wear things that celebrate what you do have going rather than minimize what you don't. Two vastly different viewpoints, IMO.

[Cypress25]

I'm referring to the way you phrased it before: Bootlegs were good because they HID something. Saying bootlegs make you feel great and look good is a lovely way to think; saying they HIDE what makes you look bad is an entirely different way to think. Two different ways of seeing it. Get my point?

 

I never said "hide," I said "minimize." So you can stop putting "hide" in all caps, because that's not the word I used anyway. And no, it's not two different ways of seeing it. It's two different ways of saying the same thing.

 

It's fashion magazines and such targeted to women that treat the female body that way, generally.

 

I don't even read fashion magazines. And I skip the fashion section of the magazines that I do read because I find it boring. Fashion mags tend to show the most extreme trends that no one in real life would actually wear, so usually my reaction is "What the hell is she wearing? Doesn't even look like clothes." Anyway, women don't need fashion mags to feel self-conscious of their bodies. Body-conscious messages are everywhere.

 

I think it's preferable to wear things that celebrate what you do have going rather than minimize what you don't.

 

Psh, same thing. If you dress to emphasize your assets, anything that is not an asset will be minimized. And if the result is the same (your clothes make you look and feel good), who cares about the thought process you used to get there? You can be aware of the body parts that need to be emphasized or minimized without being sad about it.