Unbalanced Posted December 25, 2011 Posted December 25, 2011 My girlfriend and I are 21, and come from two very different parenting styles. My parents are very uninvolved with what I do, and allow me to have complete freedom around the house whether or not I am with my girlfriend. My girlfriends lives with her mom and her brother as her parents are divorced. The mother has complete dominance over my girlfriends life and has something to say about everything she does. Whenever I come over she asks the girlfriend when I am leaving, and questions her about what we are doing if we ever get the chance to be alone. Usually there is little to no opportunity for privacy in her home because of her mother. Since my girlfriend has very limited ways of traveling 30miles away to my house, I end up going to her house a lot. Sometimes I get frustrated when I can't get any alone time with my girlfriend, and yesterday after I spent the WHOLE day with her family for Christmas eve, I got upset that I couldn't get any alone time with my girlfriend even after the family party was over. Because I was upset, I left her house with an attitude that I just couldn't hide, and my girlfriend termed it as "cold". I left and said everything was fine even though it wasn't, but called her shortly after to explain what I was feeling. I stated that we get no privacy and I felt rushed and unwelcomed at her house. She responded saying "This isn't the first time, you know how my mom is, and I don't understand why you are being this way, and I hate when you leave with an attitude" I said that this time was different because I felt since it was CHristmas, and we spent the WHOLE day with ur family, I should have gotten the opportunity to get some alone time with you. She wouldn't understand why I was feeling this way and told me that she "feels pressured to have me over because she feels that things have to go a certain way when Im around". I don't want her to feel this way, but at the same time, I do get upset about it sometimes because I feel that this happens much more often than not. All I want is to have some time to spend one on one with my girlfriend without feeling any kind of pressure from her mother. I understand things can't always go my way. but the thing is that it rarely goes my way because her mother is way too involved. If it happened once in a while thats one thing, but this is not the case. I really don't know what to do about this, and my girlfriend is currently upset about our talk about it last night, and I feel uneasy that this conflict seems impossible to settle. I don't know what to do at this point, and its making it impossible to enjoy Christmas with my family and friends
baguette Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 Probably not the advice you're looking for at all, but you should end the relationship. I know you care about her very much but being 21 is all about dating around, finding somebody whose life style is more similar to yours. You're going to waste your time being in a relationship you can't fully enjoy at your age.
FitChick Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 Why don't you just pick her up and bring her back to your house?
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 My girlfriends lives with her mom and her brother as her parents are divorced. her house her house her house. All I want is to have some time to spend one on one with my girlfriend You seem woefully confused, and as to that last line there, you clearly want something more, for there are any number of ways to afford yourself all you profess to want. For starters, investigate Priceline...
TheFinalWord Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 I've been there with a girl I was close to marrying! It's one thing to be a daddy's girl, but a mamma's girl is a whole other level of psychosis. My ex's mom meddled in everything we did. My ex couldn't make any decision without consulting her; even if it conflicted with what she and I wanted. When you're talking marriage and the girl is more concerned with her mom's opinion than her soon-to-be husband, it gets frustrating quickly. My advice is to tell her how you feel. But if she was like my ex, it won't matter b/c she will feel guilt ridden if she does not adhere to her mother's commands. It is something instilled in her as a child and not something you are inclined, or even able, to change. Best of luck with whatever you decide!
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