U1987 Posted December 25, 2011 Posted December 25, 2011 I met this girl on OKC about a month ago. We've been emailing eachother since then, but I've tried to set up a first date twice and she never got back either time, but she still responds to emails. It's really getting me annoying. She's said "she's really busy" before, but is she really busy or is she giving me the runaround? Is there a way I can legitimately find out? Is there anyway I can give this girl an ultimatum that'll say "go out on a date or get lost"? Here's my correspondence with her for the last month. ME Hey, what's good? I'm ______. I gotta say, your profile stood off the page. You come off as fun loving and ambitious; I like that. I think we might enjoy getting to know a little more about each other, so hit me up if you want to chat some more. Have a good one! HER hi ______ im _______! im just getting ready for this week looking forward to the end of my semester! whats good with you? ME Same here; just trying to plow through my last few assignments so I can coast for the next 2 weeks 'til finals. What are you studying at ________? HER i wish i had that chance to coast im a champ at it but i cant in this program..im doing music education. what r u doing? I would like to point out here; not how I type with perfect grammar and she types in text speaks, doesn't use capitalization or punctuation, etc. ME Haha "a champ at coasting"! I'm gonna use that sometime! I do Biomedical Science and Biochemistry, so I basically live in the lab. It's tough but it's really interesting to me so it motivates me. Music Ed's gotta be really tough; I play in a band and I get so flustered and tongue-tied just trying to explain simple chord progressions or time signature changes to my band mates when I have to. Do you play/sing? Her we have to do both even tho im not a singer i sing in classes and ****. its annoying. my focus instrument is the clarinet and im terrible at it lol! but i know what you mean i have a hard time learning let alone explaining what i do! and u must be a ****in genius what are you going to do with biology? ME Ha, I wish I was a genius, because it was a struggle at times! For the longest time, I thought I wanted to be a doctor, until we had to handle real organs and tissue samples from an actual dead guy in Anatomy and Physiology; so gross. I almost puked more than once in that class. Then my Aunt who's a doctor told me she had to go to autopsies in med school; that scared me off medicine for good. I'm leaning more towards the theoretical, experimental end of medicine right now. We have to do research to graduate so next semester, I'm helping one of my Prof's do research on a phenomenon called CRISPR. Believe it or not, some bacteria can actually develop an immunity against predatory viruses, which is a big setback in the development of viral therapy; using viruses to kill harmful bacteria but that leave human cells unharmed. I'll admit, it's nerdy but I'm really excited about doing it. Anyway, I gotta finish some HW, but I'd like to hear more about you. Let's continue another time. Have a good night!
Author U1987 Posted December 25, 2011 Author Posted December 25, 2011 ME One day closer to winter break; hurray! So do you ever play out or perform? HER thats not nerdy you could be helping out millions of people potentially! i do perform but only in school recitals that are required. they are very nerve racking! and sorry its taking me so long to answer you i work a lot! ME No worries, same here What kind of music do you play? And what kind do like to play most? HER okay so i play classical all the time. we have no choice. what do you play?!! ME One thing I've really been wanting to get into though is playing classical cello music on the electric bass; I've already gotten the first 30 seconds of Bach's Cello Suite No. 1 down (took me a few weeks though) I like to play 80's music mostly; my band does rock, pop and r&b covers from 80s-today. I'm a huge Rush fan and I do my best to play their songs, but their bassist is like a prodigy, so I have to slow down and dumb down a lot of their songs to my level; some day. Are you into jazz at all? HER i love jazz! ME Cool! There are a lot of places around here that have live music some nights; jazz too. I know we're both busy for the next few days because of finals, but we should celebrate once they're over. What do you think about meeting up later next week? HER im down! ME Great! Let's set something up over the phone. What's your number? Mine's ___________ HER i tried to catch you on the IM thing on here. it didnt work. steve i will text you when im done with finals...i promise. i cant have any more distractions right now sorry! Oh yeah, sorry; my pop-up blocker's a bastard Good luck! I waited 4 days to contact her again because of finals. ME Finals are done; finally! What's good? How did you do? How's your weekend? ME hey im sorry i really do suck at this emailing thing. um finals were crazy but im so glad im done. i dont know how i did on all of them only some. and my weekends are insanely busy with work. how are you doing?! ME Still a little brain-fried. Finished finals last Thursday but working crazy hours at the mall. Seems like vacation doesn't really start until AFTER Christmas! Anyway, I know a place in Hartford that has live music Monday and Wednesday nights. I was wondering if you're free next week. All of these emails were spread out over exactly one month and she still hasn't gone out with me or even given me her email. What's going on?
CocoaBrown Posted December 25, 2011 Posted December 25, 2011 I'm confused about the last 3 times you messaged her. Did you send those back to back without her responding to you at all? I personally don't think she's totally interested. If she was THAT busy she wouldn't only ignore the ones where you're asking her out but respond to the other ones. She could be dating other people and just hasn't gotten around to you/wants to keep you on the back burner. There is no way you can find out for sure and please don't give her an ultimatum lol just move on and if she contacts you go from there.
Author U1987 Posted December 25, 2011 Author Posted December 25, 2011 I'm confused about the last 3 times you messaged her. Did you send those back to back without her responding to you at all? I personally don't think she's totally interested. If she was THAT busy she wouldn't only ignore the ones where you're asking her out but respond to the other ones. She could be dating other people and just hasn't gotten around to you/wants to keep you on the back burner. There is no way you can find out for sure and please don't give her an ultimatum lol just move on and if she contacts you go from there. Oops, sorry, the second to last email was from her, accidentally typed "Me" in the beginning.
FitChick Posted December 25, 2011 Posted December 25, 2011 I think she had valid excuses. Studying for exams plus working. Not to mention family obligations around the holidays. I say wait until after the New Year when she will have no more excuses. You could call her to ask how her Christmas was and how you appreciate how busy she's been but your offer stills stands to take her out when she has more free time and to let you know when that is. You'll be looking forward to finally meeting because you have so much in common.
baguette Posted December 25, 2011 Posted December 25, 2011 Move on. Clearly she's not interested and you shouldn't have to work so hard to go on a date. Plenty of fish out there. If she re-intiates then go for it. But being too available/pushy will not attract her one bit.
Pizzaman81 Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 I'm confused about the last 3 times you messaged her. Did you send those back to back without her responding to you at all? Uploaded with ImageShack.us
ToothpasteLove Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 She doesnt seem as interested as you are.. youll find that on those dating sites.. most are up for chatting on email and phone.. but when it comes to meeting up they back off and leave you out in the cold. I would say move on.. as someone else said if this girl liked you she would have given you a date when she was free.. and wanted to find out how great you worked in person. It seems shes not interested but keeping you hanging on just incase theres nothing better out there.. You seem like a really decent guy.. theres plenty more fish out there. I did however talk to the girl im dating for a month before we met up.. we've been dating for a few month now
Dust Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 First off when it comes to internet dating the first thing you do togather is the first time you are meeting... So 1 month emails and you havn't even met her yet hmmmm Why don't you meet girls in the real word? You seem to rely to much on internet dating especialy for some one in college. You'd already be one month ahead of the game if you met girls in real life whether or not they agreed to a date...
TheFinalWord Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 (edited) Hey bro, Here are my suggestions: 1) Apply a bit of psychology by dramatically reducing the amount of information you tell about yourself through e-mails. Cut it down by 95%. I can get a ton of information about you from your e-mails, but virtually none about her. From now on do just enough to capture her interest and arouse her curiosity. Then do not give any more away about yourself through e-mail; only give it away through an actual date. I used to do like you in the past. I gave away a lot of information about myself through e-mail, text, and the phone. Now I cut it WAY down. The reason is that to really get a girl's interest she has to feel an emotional connection to you. It isn't like guys (you're a nerd like me so I know you are heavily logic minded ). You see: Hot girl + common interest = great match. This combo is enough to create an emotional bond for most guys which is why you care about this girl so much. The thing is there is no emotional connection in that equation for her. She can only get that from the way you make her feel when she is with you. The thing is you have given her a lot of information about yourself and she has not had to risk any emotional investment. So it will be easier for her to blow you off at this point. So reduce the amount of information you are disclosing to increase the odds of an actual date. When she is in your physical presence you have a much higher probability of capturing her interest and by adding in the potential for an emotional element. 2) You have put a lot of thought into your responses and given away a lot about yourself. She has given nothing. This creates two problems. First, you feel invested in her and are frustrated she is not reciprocating. Second, you are already setting a tone that she can do minimal to keep your attention. You are reinforcing a behavior you do not like and have not even gone on a date with her yet! What I have found with myself is the more I invest in a girl and get nothing back, the more frustrated I get and try even harder...which leads to me caring way too much and still getting no results. And I know the reason why, you're a smart guy and can use your intelligence to get through any problems. Intelligence has many advantages, however, with a girl these common problem solving skills don't work You're thinking "whenever I apply my mind to something I can solve it, but not this time...I need to try harder". Wrong. Don't use your normal scientific problem solving mind to tackle this problem. I've done the same before, and it won't work When we get into this "investment mode" it comes across as desperate to the girl. I guarantee she will be busy next quarter too. If you give the impression that you are needy she is going to disappear. Please watch this video: Don't try to encapsulate this girl by demanding she do x, y, or z. It won't work. She said she'll text you when she's free. Just relax about it. E-mail other girls...but keep the e-mailing light. Keep your e-mails light, and use them to build curiosity in her; nothing more. Best of luck bro! Edited December 26, 2011 by TheFinalWord
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 Is there anyway I can give this girl an ultimatum that'll say "go out on a date or get lost"? Asking someone to go out with you or simply meet and getting turned down or put off effectively achieves that. No need for ultimatums given to girls you don't even know. I assure you that getting what you want out of strangers via ultimatums or other negative pressure is practically impossible. Ask her to meet you, and if it's not happening - it's not happening. The texting and chatting with girls you haven't met really is not propelling you towards casual sex with them.
phineas Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 I think she had valid excuses. Studying for exams plus working. Not to mention family obligations around the holidays. I say wait until after the New Year when she will have no more excuses. You could call her to ask how her Christmas was and how you appreciate how busy she's been but your offer stills stands to take her out when she has more free time and to let you know when that is. You'll be looking forward to finally meeting because you have so much in common. Nobody is that busy. And if they are, they should know better than to be online dating. If OP was Brad Pitt's stunt double from fight club she wouldn't be "busy" OP, just move on. She knows you are interested & all these attempts to contact her are starting to make you look a little desperate.
Emilia Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 Move on. If you can't pin someone down to a date within a week I'd say she is wasting your time.
Author U1987 Posted December 26, 2011 Author Posted December 26, 2011 Move on. If you can't pin someone down to a date within a week I'd say she is wasting your time. Move onto who though? This has been the only semi-promising exchange out of 60 girls I've emailed
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 Move onto who though? This has been the only semi-promising exchange out of 60 girls I've emailed Maybe it's time to consider the idea that you aren't going to achieve your goal of multiple casual sex partners via online dating efforts! Maybe you aren't going to realize this goal at all. My perspective is that you are NOT, unless you finally come around to the point where you're willing to be a stand-up, honest guy and just pay professionals for it. Nothing wrong with a straightforward and honest business transaction, and this way both of you will get exactly what you wanted out of your interaction.
thatone Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 Move onto who though? This has been the only semi-promising exchange out of 60 girls I've emailed there is nothing promising about this one either. she's getting her attention fix by having a guy to email and text back and forth with and you're getting nada. so that's your first mistake...getting your hopes up just because you got a reply. until you've met her in person she might as well not even exist.
Eddie Edirol Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 Move onto who though? This has been the only semi-promising exchange out of 60 girls I've emailed Forget online dating, its the worst for men. You take everything TheFinalWord said, and apply it to in-person-meets. Dont give up so much info about yourself, make yourself a mystery. When you approach women, not only do you know right away if she is interested, you have a better chance of establishing a connection because theres no wonder of what you look like in person. Online stinks, I stopped doing it long ago. Also when you practice talking to women in person, you learn to walk away right away from women whos body language tells you they arent interersted. Lotta men on this site dont understand how valuable that is for your self esteem and confidence, and success rate.
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