MIK1000 Posted December 25, 2011 Posted December 25, 2011 Dramatic thread title I know, but I feel so down right now. Basically what happened was, I work in the local pub where we live and it's traditional for all the young folk in our area to gather there every xmas eve, the place is packed with people you went to school with ect. I'm working behind the bar and as I expected, my ex who dumped for another guy back in september, shows up with her friend. Initially they both came up to order and I couldn't look at her, i wanted to ignore her and so just looked at her friend to get the order. However, I realised this was pretty awkward and slightly immature of me because she was right in front of me, and so I looked at her and smiled a little and she smiled back. After this she continued to hang about the bar all night, I mean she has every right to do this but it was making me feel uncomfortable and I didn't see any reason why her and her friend could go elsewhere in the pub. At one point she was leaning over the side of the bar, (not in the serving part of the bar, about a foot away from where i was doing something on the til, and I felt like she was watching me and it was putting me off a lot. I served her a couple of more times. Now, here's the part that I'm so bothered about. At the end of the night, she stood at the bar, right in front of me, chatting to this guy from our area (whom she doesn't even know) for about half an hour. I can only presume they were flirting, and at the end he had his phone out, (not sure if he was taking her number or not). She has a LD boyfriend (the guy she left me for) and despite this she's standing flirting with an older guy for half an hour. If she was my girlfriend I would not be cool with this at all, considering she doesn't even know the guy. Now, first of all, I'm upset about it because it makes me wonder what sort of stuff she was doing while she was going out with me (aside from leaving me for another guy while away for the summer i mean) because before I was almost certain that she'd never cheated on me. Second of all I'm annoyed that she was doing this right in front of my face, and i don't know if she was doing this to piss me off (i've given her basically no reaction since she screwed me over and I've felt she's done a couple of things to try and get a reaction). I know I shouldn't let this get me down on christmas day, and maybe I should take the positive from this, I can consider it a lucky escape that I'm no longer with someone who flirts with guys at bars. However it has bothered me that she could have been doing this while going out with me, but then i don't know if she was just doing it to piss me off. On the funny side of things - I had a massive love bite on my neck that just about everyone commented on and so she couldn't have missed it. This might have pissed her off.
Desensitized Posted December 25, 2011 Posted December 25, 2011 Forget about her. Forget about the possibilities of her cheating when you two were together. If she did cheat, or flirt with any other guys when you two were together, what's going to happen if you do find out? Nothing. It's in the past. She's in the past. Leave her there.
TheDovic Posted December 25, 2011 Posted December 25, 2011 Hey dude, xmas def sucks this year! Sounds to me like she was trying to make you jealous. Either that or she's just one of "those" girls! You'd know better than us what kind of person she is though!
Author MIK1000 Posted December 25, 2011 Author Posted December 25, 2011 Hey guys. Thanks for replying. I was in work again today and spoke to my mate about it who was also working last night. He told me that he caught her staring at me quite a few times and she was startled each time she realised that he had caught her. He said he thinks she was trying to get me to speak to her. This does make sense because she was hanging around the bar just next to me basically the whole night, and at one point she was just leaning on the side of the bar about a foot away from me, at which point she may have hoped i'd turn around and start a conversation. About the other guy, I think she must have been doing it to make me jealous, either that or she was just bored. So I was telling my mum about it all earlier. She thinks if I want to get back with her then i need to message her and be friendly. I thought I didn't want her back, and asked my mum - why would I get back with someone who did that to me? She then went on to say how people make mistakes, my ex is young and sometimes you need to follow your heart if you do miss her so much. However this is basically the opposite advice of what you get on loveshack. What do u think guys? I posted before about the last time she contacted me out of the blue wanting to return a meaningless possession (a ten year old game cube console), then came met me, handed it to me without saying a word and walked away. I took this as her trying to get a reaction out of me, or that she was pissed at my NC.
wilsonx Posted December 25, 2011 Posted December 25, 2011 He told me that he caught her staring at me quite a few times and she was startled each time she realised that he had caught her. He said he thinks she was trying to get me to speak to her. A lot of words in this post for the main point of the post.... Duh! . your friend told you the truth
Author MIK1000 Posted December 26, 2011 Author Posted December 26, 2011 A lot of words in this post for the main point of the post.... Duh! . your friend told you the truth You're saying she was trying to get me to speak to her? My friend also isn't the sychophsntic type to tell me that cause I want to hear it.
gibson Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 (edited) You're saying she was trying to get me to speak to her? HELLO!?!?!?!?!?!?! I will do you one better than your friend... I will connect the dots and even color it in for you. Regardless of what your friend hear or saw, any idiot knows she was there to see and talk to you! Dumpees sometimes take this NC and the Ex has to come right out and tell me what they want to extremes! For future reference, if a girl wants nothing to do with you, she will have nothing to do with you. Meaning - It's Christmas time (a tough time of year to be single), she isn't going to show up (where you work), hang around all night and make it painfully obvious to EVERYONE ELSE BUT YOU, that she wanted to talk / see you. She wanted you to ask her out. If you like what you read here... Go read what I wrote Here to learn where to go from here. Edited December 26, 2011 by gibson
Author MIK1000 Posted December 26, 2011 Author Posted December 26, 2011 You're missing the key factor here though, she is still in a long distance relationship with the guy she left me for while she was away in America for the summer
gibson Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 (edited) You're missing the key factor here though, she is still in a long distance relationship with the guy she left me for while she was away in America for the summer I didn't say if she was worth a crap or not... I'm just telling you why she was there and what she wanted. Me personally, I don't get involved, date or pursue non-single people (aka - She isn't worth a crap). Edited December 26, 2011 by gibson
wilsonx Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 You're missing the key factor here though, she is still in a long distance relationship with the guy she left me for while she was away in America for the summer my moral compass has been ****ed up for the past 6 months... if you only knew the crap i was doing the past 6 months ... I would have hit it a couple times then, now that im month 7 I have some principles to stand on and one of them is not being a gf stealer
PlumPrincess Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 You're missing the key factor here though, she is still in a long distance relationship with the guy she left me for while she was away in America for the summer And that guy is not here. It's Christmas and her partner is far away. That's kind of the same as being single on Christmas. But there you are. Single as well and available (that's your advantage to her long-distance boyfriend).
Author MIK1000 Posted December 26, 2011 Author Posted December 26, 2011 I didn't say if she was worth a crap or not... I'm just telling you why she was there and what she wanted. Me personally, I don't get involved, date or pursue non-single people (aka - She isn't worth a crap). You really think she was wanting as much as that? Not maybe that it was bugging her that I had paid her no attention since she got back and shes curious? Or she wants me to pine after her? I don't want to give myself a false sense that she wants me back.
gibson Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 Don't forget... "The way you get them, is the way you lose them!" - homebrew
Author MIK1000 Posted December 26, 2011 Author Posted December 26, 2011 my moral compass has been ****ed up for the past 6 months... if you only knew the crap i was doing the past 6 months ... I would have hit it a couple times then, now that im month 7 I have some principles to stand on and one of them is not being a gf stealer Normally I would be in the same moral stance, but he stole her from me so if I was to try and get her back I certainly wouldn't let his feelings give me a second thought.
Author MIK1000 Posted December 26, 2011 Author Posted December 26, 2011 And that guy is not here. It's Christmas and her partner is far away. That's kind of the same as being single on Christmas. But there you are. Single as well and available (that's your advantage to her long-distance boyfriend). Forgive me for Facebook stalking her but it would appear that she was down staying with him and his family just last week. Maybe the long journey and stuff has been giving her second thoughts.
gibson Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 Normally I would be in the same moral stance, but he stole her from me so if I was to try and get her back I certainly wouldn't let his feelings give me a second thought. Then quit your bitching, get off the LS and ask her to dinner, coffee and or a drink! Don't label it, don't explain it, don't ask a lot of questions, don't try to make her your GF, don't talk about the other guy, don't talk about the two of you... Just go have fun, catch up and make it happen!
wilsonx Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 You should change your title to "So I have managed to ruin my christmas day" You missed out, it wasnt her fault, she put herself out there for you.
Author MIK1000 Posted December 26, 2011 Author Posted December 26, 2011 Don't forget... "The way you get them, is the way you lose them!" - homebrew So you mean you get them by giving them no attention?
wilsonx Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 So you mean you get them by giving them no attention? Actually this is how you lost her... by the way
Author MIK1000 Posted December 26, 2011 Author Posted December 26, 2011 Then quit your bitching, get off the LS and ask her to dinner, coffee and or a drink! Don't label it, don't explain it, don't ask a lot of questions, don't try to make her your GF, don't talk about the other guy, don't talk about the two of you... Just go have fun, catch up and make it happen! I don't know man, I'm just scared I guess that I get myself emotionally involved again and it turns out she doesn't want me at all. I also don't even know if I should give her the time of day after the pain she put me through.
wilsonx Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 Have you read my bat**** crazy thread in the second chance forums, who cares, take a risk
gibson Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 So you mean you get them by giving them no attention? She was there FOR YOUR ATTENTION! What is wrong with you? I changed my mind, You shouldn't ask her out! In your condition, you do not have the confidence, mojo or general understanding of when a women is interested in you or not. If you asked her out... You will probably ask her permission to ask her out, ask her what she wants to do, ask her what her intentions are, ask her if it's okay to kiss her, etc.
Author MIK1000 Posted December 26, 2011 Author Posted December 26, 2011 You should change your title to "So I have managed to ruin my christmas day" You missed out, it wasnt her fault, she put herself out there for you. Maybe I'm just incredibly bad at picking up on stuff. The chance will come again though, considering how she lives round the corner from me and we will meet from time to time, I blanked her at the train station only the other week. I don't know if u can say she out herself out there for me, I mean I was busy working, and she didn't try and start a conversation, but then maybe she was just scared I would blank her.
gibson Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 Read what I wrote above your last post. I changed my mind... You aren't ready or confident enough to be successful.
Author MIK1000 Posted December 26, 2011 Author Posted December 26, 2011 She was there FOR YOUR ATTENTION! What is wrong with you? I changed my mind, You shouldn't ask her out! In your condition, you do not have the confidence, mojo or general understanding of when a women is interested in you or not. If you asked her out... You will probably ask her permission to ask her out, ask her what she wants to do, ask her what her intentions are, ask her if it's okay to kiss her, etc. Nah I wouldn't do any of that stuff trust me, maybe it's just that I was so afraid of believing that she was trying to get my attention because I didn't want to be let down. I also have been doing well, I just don't know if it's the right time. ****.
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