- When one person has moved on and the other is still holding on

[TomJerry]

First of all, thanks to this site.. Reading other posts here keeps me sane.

 

8 years relationship, had to break it for various reasons 3 years ago... Sadly, we were still in love and had to break it because of the external factors (job, parents etc...). Within the 3 years I thought I had moved on, accepted and healed. She got into a relationship and I was fine to an extent to suggest places to go out with her new guy.

 

I don't to get back nor break it completely and neither does she. She is overseas so there is nothing wrong going on. We were each others support to get over this and get on with life. From about 4 months or so, it has slowly started eating me away. I feel she has moved on, there was not a day in 11 years and these days she is completely fine not speaking for weeks together. There are hardly mails or chats and she has become completely unavailable to me. Always says that she is busy with work, weekend parties, long week-end drives, shopping etc... And she has stood me up quite a few times which makes me feel really bad. I know I am not part of her world anymore and she doesn't have to communicate so often and that there is nothing to communicate other than she telling me where she is planning to go with her guy or how busy she is and her plans. I keep anticipating her calls or mails which I never get and she is not even bothered about what's happening with me. It's holiday now and I have been waiting for her to call/mail something and she is gone with this guy for 4 or 5 days and it doesn't matter that I am waiting here to hear from her. She'll come back and give me a lame reason that there was no network or that she was busy, tired all that.

 

I know she has moved on, completely and that she is happy with her life with this guy. I don't know what is that I want or why I keep waiting for her, when I know that it will never happen in this life time that we get together. Please help... Knowing everything I am not able to let go and hurting myself every day expecting from her, which I never get

[goldengirl86]

It just was not meant to be thats all! The best thing for you to do is to shut her completly out of your life. I usually would not suggest this, but as you said she has moved on and is happy, your just a little behind on the grieving process thats all, you have not reached acceptance yet and here is nothing wrong with that the time varies for everyone. You will probably always love her and she may always old a special spot in your heart. You cant be her friend right now because and maybe Never because it is just too painful for you! She may like having you as a friend now, because she has now put you in the friend zone, but you need to do what s best for you and right now that is removing yoursel from her life completly so you can heal and fine some amazing woman who will make you happy and love you!

[cavedweller]

Tom,

 

It is over You need to move on with your life.

[TomJerry]

Wont I be hurting her if I do that? And may be I will burn the bridge too.... for reconciliation later? I know if I start NC she is in a state of mind that it wont even matter for her

[cavedweller]

Tom,

 

An 'ex' is called an 'ex' for a reason..

 

Pal, you need to forget her and move on..

[TomJerry]

She is getting married today Most horrific day of my life and I haven't talked to her in 2 weeks.

[Frank13]

Wont I be hurting her if I do that? And may be I will burn the bridge too.... for reconciliation later? I know if I start NC she is in a state of mind that it wont even matter for her

 

It doesn't appear she gives a damn at all that she is hurting you. She doesn't care that she is burning bridges.

 

The fact that she won't care if you go NC is one of the best reasons to go NC. She doesn't care so it is time for you to move on and stop caring. NC will do that for you.

[screwup]

gotta move on, dude. improve your quality of life and stay occupied with other things like your ex is. she built a new life for herself and you have to do the same. i miss my ex and want her back every day, but i have to use logic, know it isn't what she wants and so i focus on other things. it hurts but that will eventually go away.

[Philosoraptor]

You need to let go. You have stopped yourself from healing for years now and all it has done is leave you in more pain. While you were holding on, she was healing. She has moved on, lost those feelings for you, gained them for another, and now is dedicating her life to this person. No matter why the relationship ended, it was still over that day and she did not want to come back. Instead of worrying about her, you need to be worried about yourself and doing what you can to heal and move on in your life.

 

It's never to late to take the first step. Stop concerning yourself so much about her life. What have you been doing to make yourself feel better in all of these years?

[Marianis]

I undesrtand what you feel! ... my ex is going to move in with his gf... its sad but nothing i can do about it.. he moved on.. i must do the same! so do you!! .... its better that way..