Seriously, why the **** would she all say this?

[ZimboGon]

I'm just thinking about my break-up 5 weeks ago. It doesn't add up, at all. I was a great boyfriend, we had a wonderful time. Then she meets this guy who is head over heels for her and basically becomes her emotional doormat. When we start fighting, he swoops in and comforts her. I was her first real boyfriend. At first, she was certain i was the one for her, but when our relationship hit a rough point, she always hinted at exploring her options.

 

So, when she finally decided we should break-up, it was very hard for her to do. She was so afraid of losing me and everything we've done, because i've been her best friend and always protected her. I would ask her if she really didn't want to be together, and she would say "Not right now, no. I don't want to date you right now. I want us to be friends." and when i tell her i won't do that, she asks me to WAIT for her. We end up splitting that night, and the next day she texts me she made a huge mistake, and doesn't want to lose being with me and hanging out with me and cuddling with me and everything, and says "are you sure we can't just be friends for now? :("

 

Then she keeps leading me on, telling me she misses me until that day i catch them in bed together. A week later she messages me saying she felt it was best we broke up, because now she won't regret everything she does anymore. She then conclude with that she doesn't know if she will ever be able to say honestly breaking up with me wasn't a mistake. Then, when i ask her why she did all this she just says, "I don't know, i guess i just needed a change."

 

Well, now from what i hear her relationship with this guy whom she started dating 6 days after the break-up is not going so well. He pretty much follows her like a lost puppy, and she's ashamed of him. She's also started spreading lies about the break-up telling people i was a horrible boyfriend. I just don't get what the hell is going through her head. She used to be a great, loyal girlfriend and we had a perfect relationship for the first 14 months. I mean, she better not think she can just waltz back in when she's done with him... I sacrificed so much for her and she just decided to throw it away. Since i told her we can't be friends, she's been very cold and distant. We've been in no contact for awhile now, and i don't plan on breaking it.

Edited December 23, 2011 by ZimboGon

[thepedestrian]

Zimbo, you're better off without this girl from the sounds of your post. Use this an inspiration to find something better man and don't dwell on her. She broke your trust & she is trying to destroy your character. She's making your decision to move on that much easier.

 

You are worth more than that.

 

ZimboGon: Just read your signature, a success story doesn't have to be reconciliation always, it can be finding another relationship that is much better for yourself.

[ZimboGon]

Zimbo, you're better off without this girl from the sounds of your post. Use this an inspiration to find something better man and don't dwell on her. She broke your trust & she is trying to destroy your character. She's making your decision to move on that much easier.

 

You are worth more than that.

 

Bah, i know pedestrian. I know. Its just, at one point she was so perfect and loving and genuine. She was a person i wanted to spend my life with. Then things changed so suddenly, and i can't get past the good times we had. What if things do change again, and we can get a second chance to make things actually work? I don't want to close that door. I don't want her to also throw everything away because of her stupid youth and immaturity, and end up regretting everything she did. I care about her too much.

[Teuen101]

bump this one up for wilsonx Same thing happend to me bro. almost same words almost like we had the same EX

[wilsonx]

Explain to us how you were a good boyfriend?

[ZimboGon]

Explain to us how you were a good boyfriend?

 

I was always there for her. Whenever she needed anything i would run by her side and support her. She had a very harsh family, and she cried in my arms several times about them. One time she was having a really bad day, and i didn't have a car with me, so i ran two hours to go see her. Whenever anyone messed with her i would always jump to her defense, i would always put her first. She was a pretty depressed person, and i always tried to help her. She had a VERY bleak outlook on life, and i am just the opposite. I'm sickeningly optimistic. I stopped talking to all my female friends because it bothered her, and i would blow off my friends a lot for her. I took her to conventions and we always had fun. It got to the point where she took me for granted after that 14 month mark. I mean, i was always really confident and cocky. I had no fear of losing her until that point when the other guy came into the picture and i lost my composure, we started fighting a lot and this guy started as her supportive friend. She was really dependent on me, so much so she didn't have many friends. I guess at that 14 month point she wanted to try really hard to make some. I think she felt like i was holding her back from that, and this guy was in her circle of friends, whom didn't really care for me much. All in all, i idolize love and romance. So i always did my best to try and make her feel great. My view is to protect and support the girl, and all i want in return is genuine unconditional love. She did this for the first year. This new guy, phew, he's so depressed and has such terrible self-esteem. He used the 'pathetic guy' act to manipulate everything. Even after i sat him down and had a heart to heart with him.

 

Plus, even after they kissed i told her i would forgive her and tried to make things work still.

Edited December 23, 2011 by ZimboGon

[thepedestrian]

It took me a while to get past the leaving the door open for my ex also Zimbo. You can leave it open and move on, but you need to understand that she is going to play this relationship out and theres nothing you can/should do to get between them. She needs to realize you're the ONE, not the other way around. She needs to come back to you if things are going to work out.

 

Listen man, the door is closed right now. You've left it open but she has closed it. It may never open again or by the time it has opened you'll have closed it. Maybe the timing will be perfect when she opens it. No one knows for sure but if its meant to be its meant to be. You know, there are other doors that are open now that this girl is out of the picture. Don't dwell on the door she closed, instead dwell on the ones that are open.

 

"A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes."

 

You need to move on for yourself and concentrate on yourself. The sooner you realize that you are the source of your happiness the sooner you'll start to get a healthier and more realistic view of the relationship. Think about some characteristics that you think a better version of yourself would have and try to achieve these things! Concentrate on changing yourself for the better and good things will follow. I don't believe the best has yet to come for you.

 

 

Edit: I'm not saying go date right away. That isn't what it was for me. For me it was working on the relationships I already had and making them better. I have better relationships with ALL my friends and my family and I realized how important they are to me. I really took them for granted before and didn't appreciate the fact that I have awesome supportive family & friends. For too long I concentrated on the gold (getting my ex back) that I didn't even realize the silver lining(how awesome my friends/family are)

Edited December 23, 2011 by thepedestrian

[ZimboGon]

You need to move on for yourself and concentrate on yourself. The sooner you realize that you are the source of your happiness the sooner you'll start to get a healthier and more realistic view of the relationship. Think about some characteristics that you think a better version of yourself would have and try to achieve these things! Concentrate on changing yourself for the better and good things will follow. I don't believe the best has yet to come for you.

 

Thank you for the kind words I have been bettering myself. I feel happy again, and i haven't felt like this since around early september. I feel confident, and proud. When our relationship was going downhill, i felt so insecure about myself. I've learned a lot, man i have. I'm just still in that mindset where i want to use everything i've learned and how i've changed in a future relationship, one with her. Only time can tell, you know? She was a very unique girl. Our chemistry was stellar. I'll always remember the good times. I'm sure she'll always remember me, too. I had a huge impact on her, much more than this guy can ever compare to.

 

EDIT: Yeah, my friends told me i changed when i dated her. I wasn't the same, goofy, fun guy i used to be. I was more focused on her and our relationship, and i shut everyone else out. They're telling me i'm slowly returning to my former self. I think it was because i got so comfortable with her, i kind of got boring.

 

EDIT: Buuut, all in all, deep down, i want to be with her. I feel very passionately that when she learned what she did and grows up, she'd be a perfect match for me like she used to be.

Edited December 23, 2011 by ZimboGon

[thepedestrian]

That is the silver lining.... you realize how important the person is to you while bettering yourself. It makes a new relationship with the person/or someone new have the ability to be much better and more fulfilling.

 

I don't know if I would trade what I've learned since she moved on to have her back now. You know why? Because I've learned so much about myself and made myself a better person (in my eyes at least LOL) that the relationship that we would have had if we got back together then wouldn't be as good as the one we could have now. I still want her back though... dumb girl!

[ZimboGon]

That is the silver lining.... you realize how important the person is to you while bettering yourself. It makes a new relationship with the person/or someone new have the ability to be much better and more fulfilling.

 

I don't know if I would trade what I've learned since she moved on to have her back now. You know why? Because I've learned so much about myself and made myself a better person (in my eyes at least LOL) that the relationship that we would have had if we got back together then wouldn't be as good as the one we could have now. I still want her back though... dumb girl!

 

I'm just worried. I promised her i was always be there for her. I didn't have much motivation in life, and when i met her everything changed. I wanted to be a better person for her. I got my act together and i started working on my life. I was really dedicated. Even after she broke my heart, i still want to keep that promise. I've heard word that this new guy is pretty emotionally unstable and he cheated on his last girlfriend, so just knowing they are dating sends chills down my spine. Funny i am scared, because he is absolutely terrified of me. Makes sense because i'm a foot taller than him, but still haha.

 

Even if we don't get back together i want the best for her.

[ZimboGon]

I'm also curious for your input, Wilson as i've seen you around here quite a bit. I'll bump this up for you.

[Sugarkane]

She wants to have her cake and eat it too. You "waiting" for just in Cade it doesn't work out with this other guy. You SHOULDN'T wait for anyone. Or you cold waste your youth waiting .

[ZimboGon]

She wants to have her cake and eat it too. You "waiting" for just in Cade it doesn't work out with this other guy. You SHOULDN'T wait for anyone. Or you cold waste your youth waiting .

 

So your saying at that point she didn't care about me anymore or value anything? I was just a fallback? That is so hard to believe. I know she still cared about me, she had to. Or else she wouldn't have been hanging on for so long or gotten upset by me shutting her off. She couldn't throw it all away that easily, i was her first EVERYTHING. This other guy is nothing compared to what i can give her, its completely obvious. Everyone says its a downgrade. I just want her to finally realize she f***ed up.

[wilsonx]

How are you going to show her that

[ZimboGon]

How are you going to show her that

 

There is nothing i can do at the moment, right? She's blocked me out, she's turned cold. At this moment, she feels what she is doing is right. She has this guy all over her, and despite the fact they are a terrible match she won't realize this yet. Things have to go sour. She has to start to miss me, miss what we had. Any contact i make with her will push her further away because right now, she is making herself believe she made the right choice, hence the lies and everything. Last time i contacted her about a week or so ago, i told her our pet died. She didn't bother to reply. She is FORCING herself to avoid me. She even learned what time i go into work so she wouldn't see me. The one time i ran into her, she was with her friends and she ran off while they confronted me. I don't understand why she is so scared to see me.

 

There is nothing i can do but wait until she learns what she lost... I already fought really hard for her, but that got me nowhere.

Edited December 24, 2011 by ZimboGon

[wilsonx]

 

There is nothing i can do but wait until she learns what she lost... I already fought really hard for her, but that got me nowhere.

 

ok so whats the plan now

[ZimboGon]

ok so whats the plan now

 

NC, live my life until things with her and the other guy fall apart and have her crawling back to me. I think its a sound plan. I'm pretty confident that'll happen.

[HLP234]

I am the same way you described yourself with my current gf. She is now and has been talking to this guy for a while. When trying to communicate she doesn't offer the truth and tells me everything is ok yet she goes and sees comfort in this other person. Says she feels like I'm being different and we've talked about why that is, yet I have no clue how I started it since I was only reacting to her coldness when this guy shows up out of nowhere.

 

I feel that we may end up breaking up too. So it seems like she was trying to get you to see that well she tried it with this other guy and didn't turn out as expected so she wants you to stay there and let her figure out what she wants.

 

When it gets to this point there is nothing you can do, you can wait and play alongside but I doubt you will deal with that for long. Its good you decided to just go NC and go on with yourself. Its hard to do but eventually things all work out one way or another. Always sucks saying that but that's how it is in life one way or another.

[WordvAction]

You were the fall-back person after the relationship as much as I hate to say it. She had such a problem letting go because she didn't want to feel lonely and knew that she could keep you around by feeding you breadcrumbs. That's why she had no problem leaving you once this other doormat dated her.

She may or may not change. People change all the time, and the person she becomes may not be the person you expect; all those times you had with her is not with the same person she is now. Trust me on this, I've seen the girl I thought was "the one" a while back, and I thank God that she broke up with me.

You said she motivated you to become a better person. Now you need to start doing it for you, not for her.

[ZimboGon]

Well... Basing it on the fact that we had a really good relationship and we didn't break up just because she 'didn't like me anymore' or anything, i feel like she will be back. I gave her some of the best moments in her life.