bbronco Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 Well LS...where do I begin! If anyone needs a background to my story in my late twenties, dated my ex for 2 years, I dumped him back in July changed my mind, he resisted getting back together and I've been begging him back for now almost 6 months. The longest I've ever gone no contact (twice during this period) was 1 and a half months both times. The most recent month and half, I'd had my ex come over for dinner at my place where I poured my heart out again and he cried and told me everything I wanted to hear but never contacted me again. This past weekend, I was shopping at the mall and randomly broke down...crying like it was day 2 of the break up. Just hit me out of nowhere and it was because I was thinking about him. So I broke my good NC streak and texted him again about my feelings for him still and if it was over for us with no reconciliation hopes for the future, then if he could please let me know. And I got nothing. I begged him to say something on Monday and he said he'd contact me after work....and I got nothing. Then Wed. I went into overdrive mode..sent him an email. left a vm, and several texts lol. It was disrespectul and callous at this point to not say a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g on his part. Still nothing. Then yesterday I got a text about how his phone was messed up, he'd gotten a new one, work is crazy, he's not trying to disregard my texts, that we should "chat more" and see where things go. I called him 5 minutes later to chat (aka me crying a lot on the phone). Told him I feel like I've been strung along, if there's no hope then tell me so I can have some peace and calm in my life..he said if there was no hope he would have told me. He's hopeful but he doesn't want to say anything that will get my hopes up (tons of cryptic ****) and that he's worried I can't be happy on my own based on the emotional wreck I've become. Then we ended the convo with a talk soon before x-mas preferably since he was shopping and distracted. THEN. late last night I get a flood of texts from him about missing me, apologizing for being such a dick, that he's miserable and has been but he's also been too stubborn to let me know, he feels terrible for hurting me, he's never been happier than with me, etc etc...leading to a please come over. So of course I went..everything was as perfect as it was before we broke up. Lots of crying from both of us and now I came in for work today and he went off to catch a flight to see family. I have no idea what our status is at this point...but if he goes back to ignoring me, I don't know what the **** I'll do! Is it too soon to get my hopes up? He can't be such a complete ******* to know what such an invitation would do to me if he decided to suddenly rescind its implications? So excited and scared!
worldgonewrong Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 You dumped him. And yet you're making expectations of him - the dumpee. he cried and told me everything I wanted to hear I get a flood of texts from him about missing me, apologizing for being such a dick,[...]he feels terrible for hurting me, Fine. What are YOU bringing to the table, as the dumper, besides persistence in trying to get what you want? See, you got what you wanted the first time when you dumped him. Now you want something else. And it seems like he's giving you more than you're giving him. Maybe parts of your story are missing, but on the basis of this, I can see why he's sort of reluctant to dive back in.
othersideofthepillow Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 worldgonewrong has a point. you broke up with him and are now getting frustrated that he isnt jumping at the chance to get back together. you HAVE to remember that this whole situation was brought on by you when you decided to end it those 6 months ago. ask yourself this question: have the/you changed in the areas that made you want to leave him in the first place? if not than how does he know once he lets you back in that you wont up and leave him again. also he's not being cryptic with his answers to you. you are no longer together so he has no obligation/no need to tell you the details of his life. try and listen to the answers from where he's coming from and not just what you want to her. how about this...ask him what he wants from you/this situation. point blank. if he wants to start fresh and go slow....listen... if he wants to just be friends and work things out with the intent of getting back together...do it....but if he doesnt want to get back together....YOU HAVE to respect that decision form him. i dont mean to sound harsh but you have to remember that you put yourself in this position the second you broke up with him. give it some time since your last meet up. send him a text or two while your away but dont overload him with emails, vm's, texts or anything of that nature - its does seem like you want to try again but you broke a lot of his trust by ending it so you cant expect it to go right back to the way it was right away. i hope you get the reconciliation you want in the end - good luck!
Lis007 Posted December 24, 2011 Posted December 24, 2011 Good Luck! Be patient, very patient, kind and loving and take advantage of your second chance!! Hope it all works out well for you x
Author bbronco Posted December 24, 2011 Author Posted December 24, 2011 Thanks everyone for the feedback! And yes, worldgonewrong, I have done everything possible the last 6 months to get him back. I wanted him back the next day after we broke up but he felt like he needed time to himself. I've apologized, pointed out my faults, realized the changes I had to make as well, and tried to show him my absolute willingness to make a stronger relationship for ourselves the 2nd go around. I will keep you all posted with how things turn out!
leoc1973 Posted December 24, 2011 Posted December 24, 2011 bbronco, I told you he still loved you! I also told you to give him some space. Do not smother this guy right now. please for yourself! do not do it. Let him come to you. I am not saying make him chase you but let him do it at his own pace. Yes you guys have history but try to pretend in your own mind at least that he is a guy you just started dating. Would you call him non stop and try to see him every day? NO, why? because you would drive him away. Take it slow.
Author bbronco Posted December 24, 2011 Author Posted December 24, 2011 Yes, thanks for your advice! It's almost like, why make me feel like a crazy person when I'm still having such strong feelings for you and meanwhile he has the same feelings but kept them all to himself putting on some kind of act that he's moved on and why haven't I still. It's a weird surreal feeling right now. Like yes, I feel like I'm willing to look past the hell that has been the past 5 months and pick up where we left off...but I know that he probably doesn't feel like we could just jump back into things right away. I'm just hoping this wasn't a one time moment of weakness for him. He's either regretting what happened thinking how his work is too crazy right now and what the hell was he thinking breaking down to me like this...or, he's thinking why he didn't act on his true feelings sooner. Hopefully I'll hear some kind of follow-up to our sleepover soon..at least for Christmas!
Author bbronco Posted December 28, 2011 Author Posted December 28, 2011 Well...it's still confusing as to what's going on! He followed up our sleepover with a "hey sexy, just thinking about you text" which I followed up telling him I was worried that he might have regretted everything from that night but that I had a smile on my face since. He responded with not at all, it was great seeing me. From there, I pretty much have been conflicted and torn all over the place. I've been talking to him in the "hey baby" "<insert pet name>" lingo of a traditional relationship style but he hasn't been that cute back. I pretty much still hesitate to text him because a) I worry if I'm freaking him out if he thinks I'm pressuring for a relationship again (which it's obvious to him that that is my intention) and b) I have now 6 months of anxiety and paranoia built up from him avoiding me and ignoring my texts that everytime I send one off and don't hear back until several hrs later...the interim hours of no respones make me feel like I've felt all these 6 months. Knotted feelings in my stomach. Overthinking and regret of what I said and how he might be interpreting it... Anyways, he flew home last night and again acted very mild towards me via text...something about asking me to stop by and say hi...followed with watching a movie or something. Both texts seem very casual and not excited and amped? Then again...it's progress? I of course went over there and we hooked up again. I'd asked him if my texts are freaking him out if I'm being too lovey dovey and he said no but that he doesn't know what to do with me. He's pretty much in the "let's enjoy the here and now" state and is avoiding as much as possible my inquiries on what our status is. He just keeps thanking me for coming over, that this moment right now feels great...blah blah. He also commented that it's (good) weird how I can just slip back into his life again and he's sorry for all the heartache he caused by ignoring me. I told him as long as he apologized we can move forward, the past is the past and he said he wished it could be that easy. So now..I don't know. I jump on any chance to hang out with him because I've been wanting this all summer. But I don't want to become the booty call girl that he knows has, is, and continues to wait for him. But then again, we've had a 4 yr history, dating for 2 years so in my mind, I feel like we're picking up on our old relationship routines and heading in the direction I'm aiming for? It's pretty much becoming hard to communicate how I want because I don't know where I stand and I'm constantly worried I'll push him away and still am stuck in the position waiting on him to call the shots. Do I not put any pressure and give him as much slack on the line as possible and see how things pan out or continue in a more advanced state of limbo? I just hope I'm not getting used for his momentary fulfillment...
immitable Posted December 28, 2011 Posted December 28, 2011 Listen to what your gut is telling you. Don't mean to rain on your parade, but something is telling me that he could have a different agenda. Are you sure you've changed since the last time to make the relationship work? has he seen the change in you? If I remember correctly, you broke up with him, right?
Author bbronco Posted December 28, 2011 Author Posted December 28, 2011 Hi immitable! My gut, and LS infused advice tells me that if he wanted to be with me then he would make that clear without hesitation. But there's been obvious communication damages during the breakup that I'm hoping to get past and maybe he now feels guilty for and dwells on? Yes, I'm the one who broke up with him but I've changed and it's been proven in everyone's eye including his that I'm serious in making our relationship work. He admitted that my compassion for him is once in a lifetime, that we had an incredible thing going, that he doesn't want to hurt me anymore with his silence...and that's put us in the situation we are today.
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