innocent Posted May 31, 2004 Posted May 31, 2004 I need help! My boyfriend of 2 years and three months and i just had a huge fight, and I don't have anyone to talk too. The fight was about me staying in a co-ed dorm for summer school, and I had told him that it would be co-ed but i guess that he just didn't realize it until I told him today, and I have been living here for three days already. I don't understand what the big deal is I know that it has to do with the fact that I may get hit on by guys here but I think that he should trust me to not let that happen. He will be living in an apartment complex with three other guys when he goes to college and i trust him. What breaks my heart is that he hung up on me, he has never, ever done that and He would never do that unless he was extremely mad. I don't know what to do I've tried to call him back several times but he won't answer. I am so scared. I don't want our relationship to end he is my best friend, my only friend. He has so many friend and girl just fall all over him because he is so sweet and such a good boyfriend. I love him so much and don't want to lose him over this. I need advice so very badly. He is my first love and I want to marry him someday. I know that people say that it is puppy love and it will never last. please don't just tell me to move on. That is not a choice we are attached at the hip and best friends and I could never do without him. I need to know how to reassure him that i will not flirt with other guys. Please help me someone!
dyermaker Posted May 31, 2004 Posted May 31, 2004 He has no right to be such a flaming baby about this. If he doesn't trust you enough to handle yourself around males, he doesn't belong in a relationship with you. Period.
befuddled11 Posted May 31, 2004 Posted May 31, 2004 First off, try to calm down. Things will work out as they're meant to be. He's acting very jealous, insecure and childish....but the worst thing is, that he hung up on you and is refusing to take your calls.....obviously knowing full well just how upset you are and how much you want to talk to him and work things out. That old "silent treatment" is rude and immature, on anyone's part. You raise very good issues, of course he should trust you...and if he can't, after nearly 2.5 yrs, then he's the one with problems. Don't try to keep contacting him........stand your ground here and don't go kissing his butt. He's acting horribly and he needs to apologize. And when he does cool off and call you, you ask him point blank if you've ever done anything to cause him to mistrust you......and when he admits that you haven't, you tell him that unless he's going to trust you, you see no real future together. Be strong and don't cave in. What he's done is abusive and manipulative and hurtful.
Author innocent Posted May 31, 2004 Author Posted May 31, 2004 But see the thing is that when we started going out, I was the biggest flirt and was just a horrible girlfriend, and I have stopped doing that. I wouldn't even talk to his friends for the longest time because I was afraid that he would think that I was flirting. I talked to him about this a few weeks ago and he said that he understands why i did feel that way and that it is okay to talk to his friends. But then I did just that and he is telling me that I was. i mean I know that I shouldn't flirt and i make it a point not to and have even gotten to the point that his friends think that I am a total B**ch, and they even disliked me. I can't seem to find a common ground for him to be satisfied with the way I act around other guys. And i know that he does have a right to feel this way just a little bit but not to the extreme that he is taking it.
Author innocent Posted May 31, 2004 Author Posted May 31, 2004 He says that he trusts me, but that he doesn't trust the guys living here, and he think that i will be too nice to them in blowing them off. I'm sorry but I am just not a mean person and I feel so bad to just blow up on some poor guy who doesn't even know that I have a boyfriend. I don't know if i am wrong for thinking this. I don't think that I am. but it just hurts so much that the only person that i trust in this whole world, doesn't trust me.(and it took me a long time to completely trust him because I don't even trust my own parents ) i know that i have not had him stand next to me when I do blow off guys, but I have. but the fact that i do love him and only him, and have never cheated on him, and I will never cheat on him isn't enough. I love him so much and he has taught me so much. I was the immature one always. Getting mad and yelling and hanging up on him in the past. and I did say things that I shouldn't of, but not enough to make him this mad. I know that i am so frustrating to deal with because i have been so sheltered and I am young, where as he has been through so much in his life. I feel like he did this to me to show me how it feels or he is just really so angry about this that he cannot talk to me. I am so very hurt. I have no self-esteem. I feel like I should apologize but I am not sure what i did wrong. I know not telling him clearly that I would be living in a co-ed dorm was wrong, but I really felt like i had explained it, I told him that there was only one dorm open for the summer, and that in the fall I would be in an all girls dorm.
dyermaker Posted May 31, 2004 Posted May 31, 2004 What you think is love is really manipulation. Of course, there's no way I could tell you that and have you believe me. But I think it should go on cosmic record that it's evident to someone else that you're being manipulated and abused. Not only does he have you convinced that you're doing something wrong when you aren't, but he's actually making you feel bad about it. Don't think you're the only one who knows about your self-esteem probelms.
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