fificremefarben Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 I'm almost 5 months BU with my ex of 4 years (with 14 years history) who left me for someone else. My friends are beginning to tell me that it's not right that, after 5 months, I've not moved on. Whilst I'm doing much better than before, it still really, really hurts (and I know that this is a lot to do with the type of BU, the lying, the cut and run and the possible cheating). He was my first everything, so this is the first time my heart has been broken and broken in such a cruel way. Please tell me that the first cut really is the deepest and that, next time, it won't hurt so bad. I don't think I could go through this with every relationship. Does it get easier to cope with each breakup, or do you fall so hard everytime that the pain is just as fresh? As much as falling in love with him was the most wonderful feeling, I'm honestly not sure it was worth the pain I'm going through now. It almost makes me feel like love isn't worth it, lol.
Philosoraptor Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 It does get easier in the future just because you have traveled the path before. No one should tell you when you should have healed and 5 months is not unreasonable by any means. A longer relationship generally takes longer to heal from. I had felt the same way as you. I was 5 years, enganged, and owned a house together. It's not easy but focus on yourself now and make your own dreams come true. It will get easier with time.
headsashed Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 Im 4 months post BU and i still hurt like crazy,i was with my ex for 2 years. Ive had many break ups in my life but this is the hardest 1 by far,but what we learn is how to deal with things to help us heal quicker if you know what i mean.
mike588 Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 Well all I can say is that this breakup..I was dumped.. hurt worst than all the other breakups I've been thru....and I have been thru quite a few.Not really sure why...maybe the betrayel this time. I'm an old man on this site (in my low 40s)and always thought since I've been hurt before that I'd understand the pain etc. and it wouldn't hurt so bad this time.........Wrong! I'm over 4 months now since the b/u and am doing MUCH bettter.
Philosoraptor Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 Just to clear things up... I'm not saying no breakups will hurt worse as even closer relationships may end or you may be hurt in a much different way. But the path to healing will at least be clear in the future and that is the path you will know to follow next time. That what will be easier. Finding that path for yourself is very hard the first time. The first time is hard. I remember my first time was spent two months doing nothing but being in denial and anger.
smokey bear Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 maybe this will help, i had a 3 month relationship that took me 2 years to get over!!!!!!!!!!!! ive had a 2 year relationship that took me 3 months to get over. ive had a 1 year relationship that took me 1 week to get over. just now im 6 months out of a 7 year relationship, it doesnt hurt anymore but im still sad, very sad at times. Every one takes different times, dont worry about it.
HappyFlower Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 I think (and hope) the first time you loose someone you were in love with it will be the toughest at the time, because you've not been through it before and cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. But you will get through it, and you will learn that you can survive and it will be a tiny bit easier the next time. Well, thats what I tell myself! I'm 4 months out of a 1 year relationship with the only guy I've ever been in love with. But it is getting easier. I'm trying to really 'feel' my feelings during this time, think about the sadness, anger, feelings of being used & lied to & disrespected. I hope to look back on this one day and really have learned from it Don't let anyone tell you that you should be over it by now (my current ex had the audacity to tell me 2 weeks ago that I should be over 'us' by now and should therefore be able to be his friend, WTF!). Everyone heals at their own pace - make an effort to move forward with your life, but do not set a deadline. Let it happen
headsashed Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 The best thing to do is take it 1 day at a time,some days you will be ok,some days you will be sad and eventually you will wake up 1 morning and feel all happy again. It doesnt matter how long it takes to get over someone,as people are already saying,we all heal at our own pace. I myself take forever to get over someone even though ive had many break ups in my life,but what we learn is what to and what not to do to help us heal. I have to say that this is by far my toughest break up ive ever had,even harder than my 1st love whom left me for my best friend. Myabe i just love her more. I wish i would have listened to people on this site 4 months ago and i would be well on my way to recovery,instead i made too many mistakes and now i have to start it all over again,but as i said,we learn,and what i have learnt this time is not to let my ex back in my life,no matter how much she begs and pleads,thats what i did last time only for her to rip my heart out again.
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