Virgil Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 I don't post much around here but I do have a question regarding my ex-girlfriend of 6 months. To recap my backstory: We broke up in June before leaving for college; we go to different schools. She broke up with me through texts and never granted me a personal audience to talk about things. In fact, she never told me why she broke up with me. She told my best friend who in turn told me. The reasons for breaking up were weak at best: my personality was dragging her down (I was later diagnosed with depression), she didn't see a good future with us, etc. We were only 18 so could it be GIGS? I don't know. Anyway, I made the big mistake of trying to maintain friendship with her. In retrospect I was just her backup. What a joke... In the first few weeks of school I sent her a friendly letter just to keep the lines of communication open. I heard through the grapevine that she tossed it. I don't even know if she read it. In September she got a new boyfriend but we haven't spoken since late August. Strict NC on my part and no attempt at talking from her. I've talked about her with a mutual friend because yes, I do have feelings for her still but I'm not stupid enough to obsess over them or bank on them. My friend said she doesn't want to talk to me because she's embarrassed about how she acted during the breakup. She's trying to 'erase me from her memory' because of the way it ended. I get the sense, at least from my friend, that she's ashamed of her actions and wants to forget the whole thing: forget the relationship, the breakup, and me. I'm wondering if she still has feelings for me too. Am I crazy? Ha maybe I am. But I figure that if she had no feelings for me at all she would still talk to me, if only once a month (if not less); at the very least she would have returned my letter or continued to text me. If she had no feelings she wouldn't actively try to erase me from her memory. But if she has feelings her actions make more sense. Not complete sense, but more sense. For some comparison, she maintained contact with her other ex when we dated. She felt bad that he wasn't adjusting to college well and would respond to him if he texted her. And this ex cheated on her at the beginning of the relationship and didn't say anything until after it was over. She only phased him out after pressure from me. So what does everyone think? Am I correct in my assumption or off my nut? Details will be provided if needed...
goldengirl86 Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 I hope she does feel quity, that is so horrible what she did to you, and is really disrespectful and immature. Ask yourself if you treated someone how she treated you then how would you feel? Ashamed/ guilty/bad / like the lowest person on the planet. However, she could be a total icequeen. She probably does not have feelings for you in the sence that she wants you back, but i think she regrets how she handled the situation, but she is the only one thta really knows how she feels.
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 Short answer: Yes you are a nut, and I'm sorry to say but you sir are obsessed. Longer answer: Once you get the rejection stick, regardless of the reasons (because at this point the reasons don't count, in fact they just confuse you) it's time to move on...period. Is she upset with herself in the way she handled your relationship and the way things ended? yes, probably...hell I'm not happy with just about any of the situations I ended relationship with people, but that doesn't mean I still love them all or want to get back with them. Women and even men, often feel guilty about their actions...especially when pressed or they see an ex suffering. She's trying to move on though, a forward direction, she's not trying to move backwards. Here's the bottom line: You need to stop focusing on the details and the reasons the relationship broke up, you'll never be satisfied with the answers and you'll never understand how she could do this to you. Comparing your relationship with her ex is irrelevant, in fact the point that you had to make her stop talking to this ex shows that she wasn't ready to be in a relationship with you, and you might have even been a rebound. I'm sorry to say but you're probably one of those nice guys that women walk over after being with a jerk, but unfortunately they don't stick with the nice guy they move on to another jerk who makes them feel much less secure. Conclusion: Deal with your problems, lock this girl out of your life and your mind after you do whatever grieving it is you gotta do that keeps you from going into and endless circle with her. After you've recovered from this period of sorrow, then start to pull yourself back together and open your mind when you're ready for a new relationship and don't go for damaged and jaded women looking for a rebound or someone to give them some affection Go after confident women with a good head on their shoulders, that has a strong sense of what she wants. You seem like the type of guy who's going to need stability and a lot of support/attention from someone so make sure not to get sucked into the white knight role with women.
Author Virgil Posted December 24, 2011 Author Posted December 24, 2011 I hope she does feel quity, that is so horrible what she did to you, and is really disrespectful and immature. Ask yourself if you treated someone how she treated you then how would you feel? Ashamed/ guilty/bad / like the lowest person on the planet. However, she could be a total icequeen. She probably does not have feelings for you in the sence that she wants you back, but i think she regrets how she handled the situation, but she is the only one thta really knows how she feels. Good point. I guess I never quite considered that angle before.
Author Virgil Posted December 24, 2011 Author Posted December 24, 2011 Short answer: Yes you are a nut, and I'm sorry to say but you sir are obsessed. Longer answer: Once you get the rejection stick, regardless of the reasons (because at this point the reasons don't count, in fact they just confuse you) it's time to move on...period. Is she upset with herself in the way she handled your relationship and the way things ended? yes, probably...hell I'm not happy with just about any of the situations I ended relationship with people, but that doesn't mean I still love them all or want to get back with them. Women and even men, often feel guilty about their actions...especially when pressed or they see an ex suffering. She's trying to move on though, a forward direction, she's not trying to move backwards. Here's the bottom line: You need to stop focusing on the details and the reasons the relationship broke up, you'll never be satisfied with the answers and you'll never understand how she could do this to you. Comparing your relationship with her ex is irrelevant, in fact the point that you had to make her stop talking to this ex shows that she wasn't ready to be in a relationship with you, and you might have even been a rebound. I'm sorry to say but you're probably one of those nice guys that women walk over after being with a jerk, but unfortunately they don't stick with the nice guy they move on to another jerk who makes them feel much less secure. Conclusion: Deal with your problems, lock this girl out of your life and your mind after you do whatever grieving it is you gotta do that keeps you from going into and endless circle with her. After you've recovered from this period of sorrow, then start to pull yourself back together and open your mind when you're ready for a new relationship and don't go for damaged and jaded women looking for a rebound or someone to give them some affection Go after confident women with a good head on their shoulders, that has a strong sense of what she wants. You seem like the type of guy who's going to need stability and a lot of support/attention from someone so make sure not to get sucked into the white knight role with women. Based on what I said, this is a good response. Though I'm sure if you knew me more personally your answer would be different. I guess I'm holding out hope that she'll change her ways or at the very least talk to me again. That's probably a hope I should ditch. Thanks for the response. I needed the bluntness.
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