jobaba Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 I've noticed that some people have really specific preferences, regarding stuff like height, race, fitness. But mostly height and race. I've also noticed that when questioned about such things, people get all defensive and ambiguous. For instance, I worked with a guy (several jobs ago) who had no attraction to black women. We worked with two black women who he was platonically friendly with and which we used to go to happy hour with sometimes. Anyhoo, he'd wait until they were not there to confess that he wasn't attracted to black women when asked if he might be interested in them. Similarly, I don't think I have ever heard a woman tell me, "I don't Asian guys ... or I don't date guys under 5'9." Don't be ashamed of your preferences. Be proud of them. You have narrow preferences ... yet you're afraid to be labeled a racist. IRONY! I'm going to ask every single woman I meet from now on if they are attracted to Asian guys. And damned if I don't get an answer I'll keep trying. I'll take an ambiguous wimpy, "Ugggh, I'm not sure" as "All Asian men look like Mr. Miyagi in the Karate Kid to me." CYA. On to the next one...
Star Gazer Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 In online dating, people put their preferences out there for everyone to see. But if a guy approached me in a bar, I'm not going to tell him that I'm not interested because she's short/out-of-shape/not the right race/etc.
Dust Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 In online dating, people put their preferences out there for everyone to see. But if a guy approached me in a bar, I'm not going to tell him that I'm not interested because she's short/out-of-shape/not the right race/etc. What if a guy looked constipated, would tell him then! What if I hit on you at a bar, would you tell me I'm too damn handsome and you enjoy your men uglier. Personaly I love it when women politely and in some unpersonal way reject you. To have some women be so blunt as to break it down for you would be humilating. I think it's an imature guy who needs it broken down for him.
tigressA Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 In online dating, people put their preferences out there for everyone to see. But if a guy approached me in a bar, I'm not going to tell him that I'm not interested because she's short/out-of-shape/not the right race/etc. Agreed. I've had guys ask me questions similar to the OP's "So are you into Asian guys?" and I was very turned off. IMO it seemed as though they presumed to know the particular reason(s) why I wasn't receptive to their advances, and called me out on top of that. Crass.
Dust Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 Agreed. I've had guys ask me questions similar to the OP's "So are you into Asian guys?" and I was very turned off. IMO it seemed as though they presumed to know the particular reason(s) why I wasn't receptive to their advances, and called me out on top of that. Crass. That reminds me of an old joke. You say something really rude followed by something tame. It goes like this "Hey baby want go play doctor in the back of my car and then get some pizza?" Girl gets offended maybe yells then you say "What's the matter you don't like pizza?" Really lame to go around asking girls if they like asians. Now I'm white so if I went around asking girls if they like black guys it would be extra rude and uncalled for haha.
AD1980 Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 Women for some reason try to hide their shallowness and use PC womenspeak even anonymously on a message board
kaylan Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 Screw it. Let people have their reasons without spelling it out. I have several times gotten around a girls preferences. A preference is just a preference...but if a girl finds you sexy, than that goes out the window. For me though, I like fitter women, I very much prefer them and its close to nil in chance that I would date a girl who was bigger than me. However, Im not gonna crush someones self esteem by telling them that outright. Thats just mean. Ill just say I dont feel that attraction for them. Which is true. I can be attracted to chubby or think gals, Im just loads more attracted to thin or super fit gals...and Ive had both kinds of girls before. So why be with someone who I may not always have my eye on?
Star Gazer Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 Agreed. I've had guys ask me questions similar to the OP's "So are you into Asian guys?" and I was very turned off. IMO it seemed as though they presumed to know the particular reason(s) why I wasn't receptive to their advances, and called me out on top of that. Crass. I can probably count on one hand the number of times I've given an explanation re: why I wasn't interested to a guy in person, and it was usually something like: "Because you've been STARING at me from across the bar for hours like I was prey, and I find it straight up creepy." Or "Your breath is HORRIBLE." Or "I can see the tan line from your wedding ring." Or "Your jeans are tighter than my own." Or "You're wearing Affliction. Enough said." But never, "Because you're Asian" or "Because you're too short."
Elysian Powder Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 Women for some reason try to hide their shallowness and use PC womenspeak even anonymously on a message board They're afraid of stating their preferences 'cause of creepy fcks like you, claiming to be good guys, but viciously hatin' women. Basically, women are going to avoid potential serial-killers.
Ilovewater Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 (edited) I'm going to ask every single woman I meet from now on if they are attracted to Asian guys. I would be turned off by that question. I don't want a man who's so insecure about his own ethnicity that he has to pose such a question. If I'm not attracted to him, I'll let him know. There's no reason to ask such a presumptuous question. Also, there's no reason to be so blunt to the point of rudeness to strangers. Would you tell a woman that she was too fat/ugly/short/tall/etc. as a reason after she approached you in a bar? No, because it's unnecessary. Edited December 23, 2011 by Ilovewater
phineas Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 Women for some reason try to hide their shallowness and use PC womenspeak even anonymously on a message board When I was fatter the women I tried to date always managed to mention in a round about way that I was too fat for them to sleep with but they would let me keep paying attention to them & ask me daily if I lifted weights & got on the treadmill (serious) LOL! They're afraid of stating their preferences 'cause of creepy fcks like you, claiming to be good guys, but viciously hatin' women. Basically, women are going to avoid potential serial-killers. Your opinion of him aside, you are still agreeing with him. LOL! These same women I mentioned above a yr after I stopped talking to them & lost 50lbs have been calling me up. I'm kind of a jerk so i've been asking them what's different now. LOL! The best they can come up with is "you are like a totally different person" again, LOL!
El Brujo Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 In online dating, people put their preferences out there for everyone to see. But if a guy approached me in a bar, I'm not going to tell him that I'm not interested because she's short/out-of-shape/not the right race/etc. That's why I don't go to bars, DUH. Doesn't it seem like dating is becoming more and more like interviewing for a job? Personally, I like it that way, but I'm the only one. But the stupid ideas of today have a way of becoming the rule in the future.
phineas Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 That's why I don't go to bars, DUH. Doesn't it seem like dating is becoming more and more like interviewing for a job? Personally, I like it that way, but I'm the only one. But the stupid ideas of today have a way of becoming the rule in the future. I agree with you about the interviewing thing & I used to hate it. When I was out of shape. But now, i'm the selective one. I don't know if it's confidence, increased options, or the fact I don't need a woman & consider them a compliment to my life. Maybe it's all of the above? I'm no stud mind you. I'm still 5'8" & balding but at 40 with no gut & visible muscles women approach me in bars. It's unreal.
ditzchic Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 It's not about being ashamed. It's about being a decent god damned human being. Why would I want to tell a practical stranger what I find to be not good enough for me about them? Do I even think that I'm important enough that they even give a damn about my preferences? If that person is secure with who they are they wouldn't care anyway. I mean really, if a guy weren't attracted to me I don't need to know the reasons. I know my strengths and I know my flaws. If I'm not his cup of tea I will gladly get out of line and go get in the line of someone who is attracted to me. I'm not going to analyze why someone doesn't want me. It is what it is and it's wasting time to give it anymore than a passing thought.
Author jobaba Posted December 23, 2011 Author Posted December 23, 2011 In online dating, people put their preferences out there for everyone to see. But if a guy approached me in a bar, I'm not going to tell him that I'm not interested because she's short/out-of-shape/not the right race/etc. Agreed. I've had guys ask me questions similar to the OP's "So are you into Asian guys?" and I was very turned off. IMO it seemed as though they presumed to know the particular reason(s) why I wasn't receptive to their advances, and called me out on top of that. Crass. OK. Then you're all ruled out. Your loss and my gain... I would be turned off by that question. I don't want a man who's so insecure about his own ethnicity that he has to pose such a question. If I'm not attracted to him, I'll let him know. There's no reason to ask such a presumptuous question. Also, there's no reason to be so blunt to the point of rudeness to strangers. Would you tell a woman that she was too fat/ugly/short/tall/etc. as a reason after she approached you in a bar? No, because it's unnecessary. No. Because there's no woman who's too fat, ugly, or short for me. There might be a woman that's too tall, but the thought of a woman much taller falling for me in that manner is pretty far fetched.
Author jobaba Posted December 23, 2011 Author Posted December 23, 2011 It's not about being ashamed. It's about being a decent god damned human being. Why would I want to tell a practical stranger what I find to be not good enough for me about them? Do I even think that I'm important enough that they even give a damn about my preferences? If that person is secure with who they are they wouldn't care anyway. I mean really, if a guy weren't attracted to me I don't need to know the reasons. I know my strengths and I know my flaws. If I'm not his cup of tea I will gladly get out of line and go get in the line of someone who is attracted to me. I'm not going to analyze why someone doesn't want me. It is what it is and it's wasting time to give it anymore than a passing thought. That's EXACTLY what I'm saying. If women told me they weren't into Asian guys, I'm not going to waste my time with them. To be honest, a woman that EXCLUDES Asian men completely is not really a woman I would want to know anyway. Understand? Instead of me spending months getting to know ditzchic as a person, finally falling for her thinking I have a chance, but all this time there is NO WAY she would ever date an Asian guy or a short guy. What a waste of my time and emotions... So, please, just be upfront next time a guy asks you...
Ilovewater Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 No. Because there's no woman who's too fat, ugly, or short for me. There might be a woman that's too tall, but the thought of a woman much taller falling for me in that manner is pretty far fetched. You completely missed the point. The issue is, why would you be mean to a stranger? In your original post, you talk about being blunt to a stranger, not someone who know (like the situation you posed in response to ditzchic). There's a difference. If it's a friend I've known for a while, I would be more likely to tell the real reason because he's more likely to understand my preferences and not be offended. However, I would never say something so offensive to a stranger. Plus, if the woman is not into Asian men...she's not obligated to tell you if she doesn't want to. Just move on if she tells you she's not attracted. Why would you keep chasing a woman who already said she's not interested anyways? It doesn't matter what her reason is. If she's not interested, find someone else.
Casablanca Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 I would be turned off by that question. I don't want a man who's so insecure about his own ethnicity that he has to pose such a question. If I'm not attracted to him, I'll let him know. There's no reason to ask such a presumptuous question. What if I asked you if you like 9 inch dicks? (as in the penis, not a short person who is a dick) Also, there's no reason to be so blunt to the point of rudeness to strangers. Would you tell a woman that she was too fat/ugly/short/tall/etc. as a reason after she approached you in a bar? No, because it's unnecessary. I agree, I would just tell them I'm not interested or I could use the lie that I'm seeing someone If women told me they weren't into Asian guys, I'm not going to waste my time with them. To be honest, a woman that EXCLUDES Asian men completely is not really a woman I would want to know anyway. You'd be able to figure it quickly though if she was interested in you or not, and it may or may not have anything to do with you being Asian. And what does it matter? If she is interested she'll show it, if not, she won't show it. I see no need to ask the specific question.
ditzchic Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 That's EXACTLY what I'm saying. If women told me they weren't into Asian guys, I'm not going to waste my time with them. To be honest, a woman that EXCLUDES Asian men completely is not really a woman I would want to know anyway. Understand? Instead of me spending months getting to know ditzchic as a person, finally falling for her thinking I have a chance, but all this time there is NO WAY she would ever date an Asian guy or a short guy. What a waste of my time and emotions... So, please, just be upfront next time a guy asks you... Here's the thing, jobaba. She doesn't have to tell you she isn't into asian guys for you to know she isn't into you. You will know she isn't into you in other ways. The real question is why would you be investing your time and emotions into someone who isn't attracted to you? It's not hard to tell if a girl is attracted.... And why are you falling for people you aren't dating? Just for the record. I happen to think Asian guys are adorable. I would definitely date an Asian guy. But if an Asian guy walked up to me at a bar and said "Hey girl, are you into Asian guys." My response would be something along the lines of "Yeah, I'm into Asian guys. But I'm not into you."
Casablanca Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 You completely missed the point. The issue is, why would you be mean to a stranger? In your original post, you talk about being blunt to a stranger, not someone who know (like the situation you posed in response to ditzchic). There's a difference. If it's a friend I've known for a while, I would be more likely to tell the real reason because he's more likely to understand my preferences and not be offended. However, I would never say something so offensive to a stranger. I'm just the opposite, I'm more likely to be blunt with a stranger than someone I know. I rather sugar coat it with a friend or acquaintance. I just had a friend ask me out, I just said I wasn't interested. I wouldnt dream of giving her the reasons, which aren't exclusively physical, but there are a couple things that don't work for what I'm attracted to. She is cute, but her cute doesn't do anything for me. Like I said in my other post, I really wouldnt point out specific reasons to anyone, but if they asked, I would give a stranger specific reasons and not a friend (even if that friend asked)
Els Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 If you recall, OP, you called me a few nasty things for stating mine honestly on an anonymous online forum. If you wish people to be blunt, you might do your part by not judging people for theirs.
Author jobaba Posted December 23, 2011 Author Posted December 23, 2011 (edited) The real question is why would you be investing your time and emotions into someone who isn't attracted to you? It's not hard to tell if a girl is attracted.... And why are you falling for people you aren't dating? There's absolutely no way to tell for sure. Have you seen the hordes of posts here by men who say, "I really think she digs me dude. She's done this, and this and that." And then get shot down and find out she had no interest whatsoever, ever. As for the bolded, you really have not picked up on guys falling for women they work with, go to school with, etc, etc here on these forums and getting friendzoned? It's a very common occurrence for men who don't have many options like the average woman. See ... one of the problems with dating is the average woman just does not know what the average man goes through. You don't understand that it's hard for some people to find people who are attracted to them. And besides that, sometimes you just fall for a friend? You've never been rejected in your life? If you recall, OP, you called me a few nasty things for stating mine honestly on an anonymous online forum. If you wish people to be blunt, you might do your part by not judging people for theirs. I don't recall exactly. But I probably did. This being an anonymous forum, sometimes my emotions bring out the best of me. When women list all of these narrow preferences, I just sometimes post spiteful things in the heat of the moment because I think to myself, "Why do you have the right to be so picky. I'm a good guy and well educated and I'm not so picky." So, yes, I'm as much of a hypocrite as anybody else, and if I offended you I apologize. I'm sure you're one of many I've offended. It was in the heat of the moment. Either way, in a clear state of mind, I'd rather the woman give me honesty so I don't waste my time. Edited December 23, 2011 by jobaba
ditzchic Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 You've never been rejected in your life? Oh no. I've been rejected. I've gotten dumped. By men I've actually dated though. I've had bad dates where I never go a call back but I don't really view those as rejection. It's disinterest, not rejection. I don't get emotionally invested in people that quickly. And I also don't do the friends with guys thing so no I've never fallen for a friend. That's exactly the reason why I don't have male friends. I take my friendships too seriously. Now there is a dude I work with that I kinda of have a thing for. We've worked together for 4 years now and spend most of our workdays together. I'm not in love with him though. We are work buddies. I know very little about him outside of work. So no, it's not love. It also may help you figure me out a little bit if I tell you that I've never been in love. Yep, I'm 29 and have no idea what that feels like. I'm really good at not getting to emotionally wrapped up in other people.
lululucy Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 My exact response to someone asking "So, are you into Asian guys?" would be "Yeah, but not you." You could switch out any race in that question and the answer would be the same. It's weird. Super weird.
Feelsgoodman Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 Women for some reason try to hide their shallowness and use PC womenspeak even anonymously on a message board Women try very hard to create and maintain a certain image for themselves (which is often the exact opposite of who they truly are). Women who are sluts will go out of their way to tell every guy they sleep with on the first date that they "normally don't do this"; women who chase bad boys are the first to complain that there are no good men left; women who want a guy with a hot body will tell you that looks don't really matter in a man...
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