Will he reject by gifts and to make him face me or not!

[goldengirl86]

So i guess you could call him my ex, we have not spoken for a few weeks now ever since he started to ignore me, when i say ignore it is basically like i dont even exist to him at all. The only message i have got is to say that he needed space and time for himself, and that he understood my decision to let him go as all he ever seemed to do was hurt me, and that he did still love me, and he guessed feeling could change in a few days but he did not have that ability ( BS). However, at the time i had thought he was dissing me which lets face it he is and he only said that to make himself feel better and relieve his guilt.

 

Anyway i brought him a couple of Christmas presents one was a diginal photo frame so he could put photos of his kids on, as right now he is only allowed supervised vistitations, after not seeing them for over a month. I know its is a lame present which i am regretting because i just dropped it off at his place, he does not live there as he lives at his parents out of town, but I am now afraid that he is just going to leave it there like it means nothing and just let it rot, as i texted him telling him i got him a present and nothing, once again, as i have tried to contact him over the past few weeks and there is never a repy, a few times like if he needed help with his assignments for a course to do with work then he could email me the assignment etc, and if he needed to talk then i was here for him etc. He said he was messed up and he was as things have suxed for him lately.

 

I am tempted to go out to his parents and confront him, but im too scared to do that, but i just want him to accept my gifts etc. And i want to call his parents to see how he is, as last time i spoke he was really depressed worse than i ever had seen him before. But maybe his life is all better now and he got everything he wanted and is just to much of a coward to tell me. I mean i know 7 years old who would treat people better, let alone a 27 year old.

 

What do you guys think am i being totally retarted and he is just going to reject my christmas presents etc and that i should not face him. I know alot of people who when someone is not talking to them or they want answers and they cant get it through email/phone they will just approach that person, plus that is what people do on the movies and TV not that is my model for behaviour, or alot of people will say the opposite like just let it go, so i dont know??????

 

Anyway any advice would be good if you can make sence of my jibberish

[M2155]

His signs are pretty clear that he does not want to deal with you right now. What will you gain by forcing him to face you? He said he needed time and space to himself and hasn't reached out to you:confused: to say he's ready to reconnect. Meanwhile, you are trying to force things. Would you enjoy accepting a gift from someone you are intentionally ignoring? Someone you are not giving any attention toward? No, and you would see the person as trying too hard...if not desperate. Go back and get your gifts if he left them out. I know your intentions are genuine but his actions are telling you what you need to know. It hurts but you should not have to chase down a man that really wants to be with you.

[goldengirl86]

You see i would never intentionally ignore anyone and i would give them closure if that is what they needed as i would be more respectful towards them. I dont know my therapists said that there was nothing wrong with giving him gifts, but i dont know its like i dont want him to think i dont care about him enough to not give him a present for Christmas, yet i do not want to have to face the rejection knowing that he rejected the presents.

 

In away i would like to force him to face him so i can really drive the nail in the coffin if that makes sence, so there is no going back ever for him. Like in away i want to keep pushing in so he can literally turn around and say FO, so i can be like thankyou, like i wish he did not just get to say that he needs to be by himself, and that its him and he is messed up etc, i wish he could just say you know i am done with you and do not want you in my life, but he has not, by ignoring me he is denyng me closure and in away it is like leaving an opening for him by not saying STOP, even it he does not intent to reconnect with me.

 

The gifts were probably a stypid idea and it does make me look super desperate, but my intention was to give a gift to someone i cared about at Christmas, but it has insted made me look stypid and i have humiliated myself. I personally would never reject a gift given from the heart even if i was ignoring them, i would not see it as desperate but rather a gesture of good will and good wishes at a time when giving seems to be universal. But then again that is me, and most people are not me nor do they think like me.

[M2155]

You can't expect what you would do, to be the same thing another person would do. He could just as easily have the same thought "I would never badger someone to talk to me if they've asked to be left alone if that's what they needed as I would be more respectful towards them."

 

If this was a good situation, there wouldn't be a fear of how he will react to a kind gesture, that doesn't even sound normal does it? That sounds stressful as its causing you to worry and wonder.

 

You won't believe me, but facing him isn't going to "drive the nail in the coffin" any more than what he's doing now. My ex just started ignoring me too and i discovered he had vanished into his new relationship. I find it unbelievably cowardly and disrespectful on his part but at the end of the day, the hurt, hope, anger etc would not have been any better had he told me to my face. I had to take this and realize i deserved someone who wouldnt ignore me (looking back, that was stupid of me to even stick around for that). You already know he doesn't want to be with you now. Do you want him to talk to you out of guilt or pity? Or just decide that you are too valuable to waste your efforts on someone who's not willing to return them?

 

Like i said I'm sure your intention was genuine but it's a waste of your energy to try and push another person to respond. I've been there and it's not worth it. A whole bunch of mental stress instead of just accepting what's in front of you. Closure is your acceptance. He can tell you 1,632 different ways and you still wouldnt even begin to get past this until YOU close it.

[goldengirl86]

You can't expect what you would do, to be the same thing another person would do. He could just as easily have the same thought "I would never badger someone to talk to me if they've asked to be left alone if that's what they needed as I would be more respectful towards them."

 

If this was a good situation, there wouldn't be a fear of how he will react to a kind gesture, that doesn't even sound normal does it? That sounds stressful as its causing you to worry and wonder.

 

You won't believe me, but facing him isn't going to "drive the nail in the coffin" any more than what he's doing now. My ex just started ignoring me too and i discovered he had vanished into his new relationship. I find it unbelievably cowardly and disrespectful on his part but at the end of the day, the hurt, hope, anger etc would not have been any better had he told me to my face. I had to take this and realize i deserved someone who wouldnt ignore me (looking back, that was stupid of me to even stick around for that). You already know he doesn't want to be with you now. Do you want him to talk to you out of guilt or pity? Or just decide that you are too valuable to waste your efforts on someone who's not willing to return them?

 

Like i said I'm sure your intention was genuine but it's a waste of your energy to try and push another person to respond. I've been there and it's not worth it. A whole bunch of mental stress instead of just accepting what's in front of you. Closure is your acceptance. He can tell you 1,632 different ways and you still wouldnt even begin to get past this until YOU close it.

 

You are right! he did ask for time for himself, its a really complicated situation. Its not about him going into a new relationship i do know that. But he has alot of stress in his life right now, probably more than i can ever understand. In the last text he send, he said he was messed up in the head and that its him and not me (thought ?), and that he guessed feelings could changes in a few days, but he did not have that ability, and that looking back he should have just said he needed time to himself, and not just shutted me out. and then said love him.

He later relpied to my message asking how he went at court, though i did threaten to call his parents and this was last week after 2 weeks of NCt and thanked me for wishing him luck.

 

His exact words where, thanks you for the luck, am now able to see the kids with supervised visits, thankyou.

 

And then nothing.

 

It just we have never gone this long without talking and he is not going to come back, i just do need to except that i guess.