How do I not be single this time next year?

[counterman]

While I agree with you, it's also stupid to assume that they reason I'm being rejected has nothing to do with me.

 

Not every rejection has to do with you, but I think I read in this thread that some girls don't know it's a date when you go out with them or you're friends with them first and want something more. I'm not saying this doesn't work or anything but I would make my intentions clear from the start and if any girl isn't interested, I wouldn't invest time in her.

 

As for myself, I just don't take it personally. I've been blown off before and I just laugh. Some girls aren't just attracted and that's fine. Sometimes it is me and I usually know when it's me, like when I've said something stupid and that's okay too

 

It is hard not to take it personally, especially after multiple rejections. That's why you're posting here now, looking for a new approach.

 

The feedback sees pretty valid to me. I don't see any reason not to listen to women as long as what they say makes some sense.

 

Yeah, when I've talked to women, very few ask questions about me. The topic is almost always about her and other random things.

 

I don't tell stories. I actually prefer to say as little as possible and just let her talk.

 

 

This particular feedback was excellent because it let me know why I was rejected previously several times. I appreciated her honesty and thanked her for it. And on top of that, she gave me positive feedback and said my approach was excellent and fun and it was different to what she usually gets i.e. guys calling her and wolf-whistling. She was hot too and she knew she could have me if she wanted to, which was the issue.

 

However, what I realise is sometimes girls say what they want but are attracted to something else or are with someone who doesn't have it. Like you see on this forum, a lot of the crap gets called out. Sometimes it makes sense and it's logical but often what sounds ideal doesn't always work. Most of the time I find the advice that works best is counter-intuitive.

 

Maybe you can try to get feedback from these girls? I mean, if it she's rejected you, there's no harm in asking.

 

Talk about yourself, something interesting you've done, something that makes her think 'man, I really want to get to know this guy more'. Of course let her talk to, but give her something to ask about you, something that makes her curious.

 

The whole approaching random thing seems so odd to me. I just don't see the point why I should bother. I seriously can't imagine why a woman who doesn't know me would even want to go out with me.

 

I'm kind of looking forward to school starting because it means more women that I'll get to know and ask out. But my track record has been so horrible that I'm not that excited.

 

I think I need to go in with a completely different approach than before. I'm just not too sure what that should be.

 

Women would go out with if you don't give them the chance to know you. Flirt with them, make it fun banter, tease her a little, playfully push her a bit. You've got things going for, you're a prize catch but I think you're down on yourself too much sometimes. If you go in with the mind set 'why would she even go out with me', you're doomed to fail.

 

Honestly, it was a bit odd for me at first. After my break-up with my ex, I was down in confidence, down in self-respect and down in self-esteem. A month or so afterwards, I approached my first girl, a hot girl. Of course I got rejected, but she was nice about it.

 

The girls I approached after I was attracted to somewhat and I got dates with them (one after 2 minutes of conversation). That wasn't because I was good, just these girls happen to be attracted to me. It didn't work out because my attraction to them declined rapidly during the date. Other hot girls I have approached, most have rejected me. I find that the girls who don't get approached much or at all really appreciate a guy going up to them and striking a conversation. Best bet is to approach every girl you find attractive. Just give it a try, and I mean a real try (approaching several girls), not just try, fail once and give up.

 

I try to avoid asking girls out in my class because if she rejects me, things might get awkward if I have to see her again. However, if you're respectful and act like you don't care after she's rejected you, then I think it'll be fine. Try flirting with these girls from the start, making your intentions clear. Even the flirty, fun friend is incredibly hard for a girl to resist.

 

You've got it man

[CocoaBrown]

This year sucked. No doubt about it. I spent a lot of time with a girl who couldn't return my feelings and now that's over, I have nothing at all to show for it. I turned 30 a few months ago. My skills with women are non-existent.

 

What can I do to make 2012 decent? I would like to accomplish something before the world ends.

 

I just saw this on a friends status and thought I would share it with you.

Hope it helps!

 

Take time when you're SINGLE to work on things you want to improve on. Lack of relationship status or attention shouldn't distract you. So in other words..... Get yourself right! If you are NOT HAPPY with YOU or YOUR LIFE YOU CAN'T MAKE SOMEONE ELSE HAPPY. Learn to Love you 1st

[Els]

So much jumping through hoops, so many requirements that we have to fill. Just makes it feel like it's not even worth it.

 

Oh c'mon. You know that in threads like these all the well-meaning people will come suggesting things the OP can do because it fulfills their requirements, so they think he will have luck with it. Everyone's requirements will be different, so in the end a cursory glance through the thread will bring up 'toned, athletic, knows how to dance, confident, earns a lot, sensitive, asks out lots of women', etc etc. Equally so, a thread by a woman will receive replies such as 'be slim, get a wardrobe makeover, get a professional to teach you makeup, have a perfect figure and go for plastic surgery to correct features you don't have, have a good career, be sexual but not too sexual, be bitchy but not too bitchy'... erm, yeah. I think you get my point.

 

A woman does not need to do all that to get a man, neither do SD and you need to do everything listed here to get a woman. Pick and choose as you like.

[Dust]

Dust, we really don't see eye to eye on many things. Frankly, I'm getting tried of trying to prove myself to you.

 

Prove what? Every one here knows you have a bad attitude and don't try or enjoy yourself.

 

 

Is that the case? A woman I meet at a bar has a better chance of going out with me than a woman I talk to at least once a week at school?

 

No a woman you just met at school like at the library or a computer lab has more chance at liking ou then some one you talk to regularly. Heck a girl in your class who you never spoke too has more of a chance of going out with you then the girl you sat next to and have lame conversation with every class.

 

It's a fact talking to a woman a bunch probably only lowers your chances. When I was in HS guy always used to get gf's at the other hs... you know why because its easier.

[Cypress25]

I don't tell stories. I actually prefer to say as little as possible and just let her talk.

 

This could be a problem. I've been on dates with guys who barely talked, and it was boring as hell. You need to be an active participant in the conversation, otherwise she'll never know how funny and interesting you are. Sitting there silently, forcing her to carry the entire conversation by herself, is not the way to go. No wonder you've never been able to get a second date!

[Lonely Ronin]

One thing I've been thinking about, is that I could probably really benefit from a female coach who can evaluate me on how I interact with her and other women. I've never really gotten the female perspective side of things. It seems to be more helpful than having some dude giving me a routine and then telling me to try it on girls at bars.

 

I don't know if you need a coach, but the honest opinions of some female friends might help. Over the last 4 months or so, about a half dozen of my female friends have voiced opinions. Some of the "issues" mentioned I already knew about, but two of them really got me thinking and kind of triggered a light bulb.I don't have anything significant to show for it yet, but I have noticed a significant change in how women i'm interested in interact with me.

[cerridwen]

The money was spent years ago. I haven't used any cash for that stuff in a long time. I just brought it up because cerri suggested a dating coach, which I've already tried.

 

To be clear, I'm talking about just what you proposed: a woman who can give you feedback about how you come across in person--or I will.

 

And as far as the Geek 2 Geek thing goes, I looked at chicks in your area (w/your desired criteria) and mommy likey.

I think you will too.

[Dust]

To be clear, I'm talking about just what you proposed: a woman who can give you feedback about how you come across in person--or I will.

 

And as far as the Geek 2 Geek thing goes, I looked at chicks in your area (w/your desired criteria) and mommy likey.

I think you will too.

 

Just get his picture and create an account for him based on his zip. Then send girls msgs like "You won't sht right for a week!"

[cerridwen]

Just get his picture and create an account for him based on his zip. Then send girls msgs like "You won't sht right for a week!"

 

SD?

JPEG please.

[Dust]

SD?

JPEG please.

 

I have that picture D-lish put up of her in the bikini saved... but no I don't have the many shirtless pics Somedude put up. I thought he had a good body though. I usualy don't look at pics guys post but for somedude curiosity got the best of me. He's not bad looking.

 

Just make the account with out a picture for now. Say you're half cuban and 5'8 if they ask! You'll have fun being a guy and seeing how many girls ignore your wildly in apropriate msgs... you'll have even more fun when they respond!

 

Don't call it "Somedude" call the profile "TheDude81"

[somedude81]

Just get his picture and create an account for him based on his zip. Then send girls msgs like "You won't sht right for a week!"

 

ROFL! That is so bad! And cerri thinks its good too.

To be clear, I'm talking about just what you proposed: a woman who can give you feedback about how you come across in person--or I will.

That's actually something I thought about. It would obviously be great for me, but I don't want you think I'm taking advantage. We should talk over email later.

And as far as the Geek 2 Geek thing goes, I looked at chicks in your area (w/your desired criteria) and mommy likey.

I think you will too.

Really?

 

Now I'm curious.

 

BTW, what do you know about my criteria

[cerridwen]

Just make the account with out a picture for now. Say you're half cuban and 5'8 if they ask! You'll have fun being a guy and seeing how many girls ignore your wildly in apropriate msgs... you'll have even more fun when they respond!

 

Don't call it "Somedude" call the profile "TheDude81"

 

Done and done.

 

SD, you'll thank me later.

It's kind of like anal.

It's painful at first, but then you'll ease into it.

 

ROFL! That is so bad! And cerri thinks its good too.

 

That's actually something I thought about. It would obviously be great for me, but I don't want you think I'm taking advantage. We should talk over email later.

Really?

 

Now I'm curious.

BTW, what do you know about my criteria

 

My team of scientists and I have been studying you for some time.

Email or better yet, call.

You gotta stop being so shy!

Freaking just pick up the phone!

[Dust]

ROFL! That is so bad! And cerri thinks its good too.

 

That's actually something I thought about. It would obviously be great for me, but I don't want you think I'm taking advantage. We should talk over email later.

Really?

 

Now I'm curious.

 

BTW, what do you know about my criteria

 

Given the chance take full advantage of cer... full! It would be good for her. The question is do you have it in you.

[somedude81]

I have that picture D-lish put up of her in the bikini saved... but no I don't have the many shirtless pics Somedude put up. I thought he had a good body though. I usualy don't look at pics guys post but for somedude curiosity got the best of me. He's not bad looking.

 

Just make the account with out a picture for now. Say you're half cuban and 5'8 if they ask! You'll have fun being a guy and seeing how many girls ignore your wildly in apropriate msgs... you'll have even more fun when they respond!

 

Don't call it "Somedude" call the profile "TheDude81"

 

SD?

JPEG please.

One shirtless pic coming up

[cerridwen]

One shirtless pic coming up

 

Not bad, SD!!

Not bad at all!!!

 

Now *cracks knuckles* let me get started on the profile.

 

Btw, I'm digging this moving and shaking you're doing, gotta admit.

Keep the Can Do attitude.

 

Ladies of LS, take a gander.

And if you're west of the Pacos, give a holler.

[Dust]

One shirtless pic coming up

 

I looked but did not download... Cer you need to download that and make it the profile pic. Girls love faceless pics of guys in their underwear!

 

You look to be in good shape. You should play on that in some of the msgs you send out "My idea of a good first date, you laying on my back while I do a fck load of push-ups!"

[somedude81]

Done and done.

 

SD, you'll thank me later.

It's kind of like anal.

It's painful at first, but then you'll ease into it.

I just saw Pulp Fiction for the first time yesterday.

 

That comment made me

 

 

 

My team of scientists and I have been studying you for some time.

Email or better yet, call.

You gotta stop being so shy!

Freaking just pick up the phone!

Call.....you....?

 

Phones just aren't my thing. I didn't even like talking to D on the phone. But I might make an exception. BTW, what is your phone carrier? I'm on a cheapo ATT Go phone plan and I talk to other ATT people for free, other than that it costs me 25cents a minute or something.

Not bad, SD!!

Not bad at all!!!

 

Now *cracks knuckles* let me get started on the profile.

 

Btw, I'm digging this moving and shaking you're doing, gotta admit.

Keep the Can Do attitude.

 

Ladies of LS, take a gander.

And if you're west of the Pacos, give a holler.

 

LOL don't get too excited. It was lots of gut sucking, clever angles and careful lighting. And I'm wearing shorts, not my undies.

Given the chance take full advantage of cer... full! It would be good for her. The question is do you have it in you.

Have what for what?

 

What is going on here, where am I? Is this real life?

[cerridwen]

You should play on that in some of the msgs you send out "My idea of a good first date, you laying on my back while I do a fck load of push-ups!"

 

Keep them coming, Dust, I'm writing down every single one.

 

 

Call.....you....?

 

Phones just aren't my thing. I didn't even like talking to D on the phone. But I might make an exception. BTW, what is your phone carrier? I'm on a cheapo ATT Go phone plan and I talk to other ATT people for free, other than that it costs me 25cents a minute or something.

 

Nice try.

We can use Skype.

I'm not going to bite.

I'm just like this IRL (tragically).

[somedude81]

Keep them coming, Dust, I'm writing down every single one.

 

 

 

Nice try.

We can use Skype.

I'm not going to bite.

I'm just like this IRL (tragically).

Yeah Skype might work.

 

Just like what though?

[cerridwen]

Yeah Skype might work.

 

Just like what though?

 

Huh?

Listen.

It's obvious you've been drinking eggnog and are a touch confused.

 

The plan:

1) I will build a reputation for you on that site, second to NONE.

 

2) I will conduct a thorough but informal interview of you via Skype, the purpose of which is to assertain your level of comfortability conversing with the opposite sex.

 

3) At the end of the informational interview, we'll arrange a day and time for meeting for an in-person assessment of your strengths and weakness based on a rubric of my own invention.

 

Now how's THAT for help?!

[kaylan]

One shirtless pic coming up

Your fine man. Average, regular physique. Not fat, not skinny, a happy medium

 

Im glad people here are trying to help you out.

 

After reading your old threads and seeing some pics, and you telling us your stats, I can tell you the only thing holding you back is your personality.

 

Just make some strides by getting practice in. Ask friends who are good with women to guide you.

 

Youll get there brah.

[Dust]

Keep them coming, Dust, I'm writing down every single one.

 

 

 

Nice try.

We can use Skype.

I'm not going to bite.

I'm just like this IRL (tragically).

 

You just need to get in touch with your inner man child. You don't want to script this. Let the profiles be your inspiration. If you see a like 10 girls in a row and you want to write some cheezy line from a song you just listened to go with it. If you come to a picture of a buxom beauty and you want to write something like " You havn't really been motor boated till you'be been motor boated by me" go with it.

 

Also Somedude81 if she skypes with you and goes a little wild and flashes remember to take a screen capture!

[somedude81]

Huh?

Listen.

It's obvious you've been drinking eggnog and are a touch confused.

 

The plan:

1) I will build a reputation for you on that site, second to NONE.

 

2) I will conduct a thorough but informal interview of you via Skype, the purpose of which is to assertain your level of comfortability conversing with the opposite sex.

 

3) At the end of the informational interview, we'll arrange a day and time for meeting for an in-person assessment of your strengths and weakness based on a rubric of my own invention.

 

Now how's THAT for help?!

That sounds great and I'm a little overwhelmed and yes I did have eggnog tonight, just not spiked, at least I don't think it was, *hickup*

 

Lets talk about this later.

Your fine man. Average, regular physique. Not fat, not skinny, a happy medium

 

Im glad people here are trying to help you out.

 

After reading your old threads and seeing some pics, and you telling us your stats, I can tell you the only thing holding you back is your personality.

 

Just make some strides by getting practice in. Ask friends who are good with women to guide you.

 

Youll get there brah.

Don't forget that I'm a 5'6 white guy. My height is definitely holding me back. When 90% of the girls I'm interested in prefer a guy who is 5'10+ that's a hard thing to overcome. Other than that, my body is fine and I know I at least look decent, though much younger than I am.

 

As for my personality, you can't get an idea of who I am from my posts. Online really is my place to whine and vent. I'm very different in person. It's just something that has to be seen to be believed.

 

The best way to describe how I come across to girls is, friendly with no sexual energy. I just don't know how to present that side. Whenever I tried I always got shot down and learned to keep it locked away.

[somedude81]

You just need to get in touch with your inner man child. You don't want to script this. Let the profiles be your inspiration. If you see a like 10 girls in a row and you want to write some cheezy line from a song you just listened to go with it. If you come to a picture of a buxom beauty and you want to write something like " You havn't really been motor boated till you'be been motor boated by me" go with it.

 

Also Somedude81 if she skypes with you and goes a little wild and flashes remember to take a screen capture!

That reminds me, I found a picture of cerri.

 

Secrets revealed!

[cerridwen]

That reminds me, I found a picture of cerri.

 

Secrets revealed!

 

You realize my heart stopped when I read that, right?