How do I not be single this time next year?

[Elysian Powder]

Women are shallow as hell these days,either find a women much uglier then you or get a hooker

 

Im in the same boat as you except im 31 ive given up

 

It sure doesn't seem truthful; you don't shut up about women, crabby crybaby

[lululucy]

Chances are you'll have more luck once you graduate. It's really quite superficial, but women who go for older men (as you are 30 and are going for women in their early 20s) tend to expect them to be working, not in college alongside them.

 

Full speed ahead for Dec 2012, I say.

 

As a 23 year old, if I was dating a guy in his thirties and he was still in school, I'd take it as a red flag. That might not be fair but in my experience with older guys, the ones who were still in school were either alcoholics or degenerates in general who had hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt.

 

I hope 2012 works out better for you -- ignore these bitter dudes trying to drag you down to their level. Women can smell desperation. I'm sure this is incredibly frustrating and I really hope it works out for you.

[AD1980]

You've given up thats why your in the boat. Tell me whens the last time you just had a good time with a women. Flirted with her. Whens the last time you just grabbed a girls hand? You don't try!

 

It's been awhile.whenver i approach women they usually look for an excuse to leave right away so im tired of the rejection

[Dust]

It's been awhile.whenver i approach women they usually look for an excuse to leave right away so im tired of the rejection

 

You said it yourself it's been a while. You're not even trying, I doubt you really ever have. Rejection is part of life its very normal, you learn more from failure then sucess. I gaurantee that if you tried instead of complaining you would get a woman! If you come on here and just complain and don't do anyting then nothing will happen... unless you are really lucky. Though seriously I doubt you would know what to do with a naked woman if she fell into your lap with your current mind set.

[kaylan]

Are you guys even aiming for women in your league?

[Dust]

Are you guys even aiming for women in your league?

 

C'mon man you really believe in leagues? I mean does that mean they have to rate themselves 1-10 then go rating the women they meet 1-10 and try to only hit on women within a certain point spread? Believing in leagues are probably half these guys problems. They've place limits on themselves.

[AD1980]

Are you guys even aiming for women in your league?

 

Men and Women dont have numbers on their head to specify the league theyre in,it can be subjective

 

I dont think my standards are too high but i still need some physical attraction,id rather jerkoff then be with someone i have no attraction to at all

[Dust]

Men and Women dont have numbers on their head to specify the league theyre in,it can be subjective

 

I dont think my standards are too high but i still need some physical attraction,id rather jerkoff then be with someone i have no attraction to at all

 

Look if its been a long time for you I'm pretty sure you'd be more then 100% into quite a wide selection of girls. You've given up. Start making moves. Ask that sexy lady in line at the grocery store out. Flirt with lots and lots of girls who you 100% like and enjoy the journey. You will get girls out on dates and then you need to keep trying. That means touching, kissing... not just ending the date with a good bye. You will get rejected but eventualy if you're trying it will pay off. Also understand a lot of the fun is in that early wow I want to talk to that girl. Wow I want to learn more about her. It's not all about wow we're married or wow we're officialy gf/bf now.

[kaylan]

C'mon man you really believe in leagues? I mean does that mean they have to rate themselves 1-10 then go rating the women they meet 1-10 and try to only hit on women within a certain point spread? Believing in leagues are probably half these guys problems. They've place limits on themselves.

Lets be real.

 

There are leagues based on a wide range of criteria. So lets not pretend it doesnt exist.

 

If they didnt then balding chubby dudes would be banging hot chicks all the time based on their personality alone.

 

People do have empirical attractiveness despite other individuals having a subjective view of their attractiveness.

 

If leagues did not exist, then chubby women and short men would have no problems dating people different from them. But all the time we see on the forum that they do have issues in dating. And people always tell them to "find someone more like them" ie a chubby guy or shorter girl....hence their league

 

The denial here is amazing sometimes. This crap exists in the real world whether you like it or not. If leagues did not exist I could bag Megan Fox if I ever got to meet her. However, I am not hollywood hot, nor am I wealthy. Hence I am not in her league, because we are too dissimilar and people go for similar mates

 

And trust me leagues arent these guys problems. They prolly just go after whoever they find attractive and get shot down. However a lot of the time I notice that the guys who complain go after the super hot or really attractive girls who are not similar to them, more so than the plain janes who are.

Edited December 23, 2011 by kaylan

[kaylan]

And let me add this.

 

Because men do most of the chasing, and some go after anything with a vagina a lot the time, even the most plain of the plain girls will have guys talk to her as long as shes cute.

 

So dudes on this forum who dont do well with girls need to always make sure all their game is up to par.

 

Gym game

Style game

School/Career game

 

All of it!

 

Seriously, just go to H&M and just get out there and talk to ALL women. And get that practice in, because you have competition bros.

[counterman]

Honestly, Dust is right. It's about consistently trying, even after facing multiple rejections. This year I haven't asked nearly as many girls as I have wanted to and made excuses for myself. Bottom line is, how can you go on dates when you don't ask girls out? It takes a lot of effort and sometimes you really have to force yourself but this coming year, I'm going to ask more girls out, much more. Worst thing that can happen is I get rejected and improve on my approaching and conversational skills

[Dust]

Lets be real.

 

There are leagues based on a wide range of criteria. So lets not pretend it doesnt exist.

 

If they didnt then balding chubby dudes would be banging hot chicks all the time based on their personality alone.

 

I'm pretty sure their are a lot of balding chubby dudes banging hot chicks all the time atleast thats what Seinfeld led me to believe!

 

People do have empirical attractiveness despite other individuals having a subjective view of their attractiveness.

 

You must watched the movie "GATTACA" and said "boy I can't wait for a future like that!"

 

People are not statistics first off. You're and individual and to reduce yourself to numbers and odds and to live your life by that would be ridiculouse.

 

If leagues did not exist' date=' then chubby women and short men would have no problems dating people different from them. But all the time we see on the forum that they do have issues in dating. And people always tell them to "find someone more like them" ie a chubby guy or shorter girl....hence their league[/quote']

 

Is it more attractive to be one way over another when it comes to the general opinion yes. But when you take to specific people you don't what will happen. The people on this forum with problems are never physical. Even if they say they are. Usually the guys on this site who complain the most about being short are 5'8. The girls complaining to be fat post their pictures and arn't even chubby. It's all in their head. I know fact a short dude can defy what ever statistics may exist because my short 5'2 friend does great with women.

 

The denial here is amazing sometimes. This crap exists in the real world whether you like it or not. If leagues did not exist I could bag Megan Fox if I ever got to meet her. However' date=' I am not hollywood hot, nor am I wealthy. Hence I am not in her league, because we are too dissimilar and people go for similar mates [/quote']

 

I'm not denying that being a tall man or a shapely women doesn't make a person more universally attractive. What I am saying is a short, balding, chubby man can still get hot women! No denying that. I'm also saying that leagues don't exist any more then the friend zone or nice guys finish last. What you think becomes reality. I don't think in that reality. I think its nasty to think that way.

 

And trust me leagues arent these guys problems. They prolly just go after whoever they find attractive and get shot down. However a lot of the time I notice that the guys who complain go after the super hot or really attractive girls who are not similar to them' date=' more so than the plain janes who are.[/quote']

 

Yes leagues arn't their problems so why bring it up? These guys probably are going after very plain janes that is if they go after women at all... I find that often they arn't even trying. Just complaing. Like the guy who complains about his job or not having one but doesn't do anything about it...

[YaOldBuckaroo]

This year sucked. No doubt about it. I spent a lot of time with a girl who couldn't return my feelings and now that's over, I have nothing at all to show for it. I turned 30 a few months ago. My skills with women are non-existent.

 

What can I do to make 2012 decent? I would like to accomplish something before the world ends.

 

Hey buddy

 

You need to start off with changing the way you view the matter bro. Think positive and it'll show on the outside. Be confident, because women love men that show confidence and are able to socially interact with them (and others) very well. It shows high social value, which women find extremely attractive.

 

Helpful article:

 

http://www.scribd.com/doc/4654457/Attract-Women-With-4-Routines-From-Black-Belt-Seduction

 

Max

[kaylan]

I'm pretty sure their are a lot of balding chubby dudes banging hot chicks all the time atleast thats what Seinfeld led me to believe!

Lol tv isnt real haha

 

You must watched the movie "GATTACA" and said "boy I can't wait for a future like that!"

 

People are not statistics first off. You're and individual and to reduce yourself to numbers and odds and to live your life by that would be ridiculouse.

Never saw gattaca.

 

And people arent number but let me repeat to you yet again since you dont listen.

 

Like attracts like. People usually tend to go for those similar to them. Hence the creation of "leagues"

 

 

Is it more attractive to be one way over another when it comes to the general opinion yes. But when you take to specific people you don't what will happen. The people on this forum with problems are never physical. Even if they say they are. Usually the guys on this site who complain the most about being short are 5'8. The girls complaining to be fat post their pictures and arn't even chubby. It's all in their head. I know fact a short dude can defy what ever statistics may exist because my short 5'2 friend does great with women.

Like I said. Leagues are about a wide range of things. From physical, to emotional, to mental, to financial, to whatever else.

 

And actually, from what Ive read on this site and online, most of the short guys who complain tend to be 5'6 and under. So they have a legit gripe since they fall out of average height range which does hinder their dating life.

 

And I kid you not that its not all in the chubby girls head either. I see all the time who guys go after and they all chase the same women in bars, clubs, bookstores, and parks a lot of the time. While glossing over other gals.

 

Just because you can site an exception in your friend doesnt mean everyone else whos got it hard is making things up. And tbh hes prolly just dating women more similar to him. Thats what people need to do.

 

I'm not denying that being a tall man or a shapely women doesn't make a person more universally attractive. What I am saying is a short, balding, chubby man can still get hot women! No denying that. I'm also saying that leagues don't exist any more then the friend zone or nice guys finish last. What you think becomes reality. I don't think in that reality. I think its nasty to think that way.

A short balding chubby guy will hardly ever get hot chicks without being financially set. Lets be real. And even then its not because the women find him physically appealing.

 

And you have to learn to analyze these terms better. They are true when you break them down.

 

Leagues = Like attracts like, which is true for the most part.

 

Friend Zone = Youre my pal and Im not attracted to you in that way, so we wont date but we are buddies. Which exists for many people. I have friend zoned some girls who later escaped the zone when they because more attractive for whatever reason.

 

Nice Guys Finish Last = Pushovers finish last. People want nice mates, but they dont want to date pushovers who offer no excitement or challenge. Too many guys who call themselves nice guys are dudes who are too shy and lack assertiveness.

 

Yes leagues arn't their problems so why bring it up? These guys probably are going after very plain janes that is if they go after women at all... I find that often they arn't even trying. Just complaing. Like the guy who complains about his job or not having one but doesn't do anything about it...

Everything about a person contributes to the idea of leagues. Lets instead call leagues "similarity islands" The more in common you have with someone, then the more tickets you get to take a trip on the island they hang out at.

 

Example. As a 25 year old male with two degrees, who hits the gym, and has big plans for the future. Would I date a 21 year old gal who has no idea what she wants to do with her future, is very out of shape, and has different interests then me.

 

I most likely would not because we have nothing in common..hence different league.

[oaks]

My skills with women are non-existent.

 

What can I do to make 2012 decent? I would like to accomplish something before the world ends.

 

Get yourself into more situations where you can interact with women in real life, regardless of whether you are romantically interested in those women. That might mean joining an interest group for some hobby or sport, and you might even have to take up a new hobby to do it. Talk to those women. Get comfortable (through practice) in having conversations with women where you can find out things like whether they are married or have a boyfriend or whether they have kids.

 

Also, get comfortable having the same conversation with guys. A lot of "women skills" are just "people skills", especially when it comes to conversation.

[azsinglegal]

 

Why Miss Legal, are you propositioning me? You are into younger men aren't you

 

Funny...my name is actually for "Arizona Single Gal"

 

And why yes, I do like younger men. Funny you should say that.

 

We've also talked about this in PM. You know what I think. I think you sell yourself short and then pick the wrong women.

[tman666]

Chances are you'll have more luck once you graduate. It's really quite superficial, but women who go for older men (as you are 30 and are going for women in their early 20s) tend to expect them to be working, not in college alongside them.

 

Full speed ahead for Dec 2012, I say.

 

I agree with this... I have found that women seem more interested in me now that I work full time in a professional job in my field of study than when I was a university student. I'm sure some here will get their shorts in a wad and start waving the "women are shallow!" banner, but the fact of the matter is that women like guys with financial stability and a career.

 

There are many of these "qualifiers" that will earn you brownie-points with the ladies. Predictably, I will always maintain that putting on more muscle while maintaining at least some level of leanness will help a guy attract, in physical terms, more females. You say you go to the gym, which is great. Consider stepping it up a few notches and take it from "I go to the gym to be healthy and blow off steam" to "I go to the gym to train with a purpose". You might even look into powerlifting/bodybuilding clubs in your area. Yes, you'll likely be a weakling compared to the other guys at first, but you also might find an extremely supportive group of individuals more than willing to share their knowledge and experiences with you. Doing something like this would likely have a massive effect on your physique/confidence/social life by next year. Sometimes, it's about who you associate with...

 

Having a diverse set of interesting hobbies is a plus (girls like adventure). This doesn't mean you have to own a boat, be able to rent a condo at a ski resort, fly all over the world, etc. (even though that would help, hahaha). I know plenty of guys who are dirt poor but still get plenty of female attention because they're interesting people: they go out and explore the world around them. They're into things like backpacking/hiking, frisbee golf, bike riding, and an assorted array of other activities beyond video games, TV, internet, etc.

 

I know I'm preaching to the choir here, as I've said everything above to you before. However, I truly believe that you need to let go of the "what do I do to get a girlfriend" attitude and instead adopt an attitude of "what can I do to fill my life with more experiences that are a benefit to me as a whole person".

[AD1980]

Lets be real.

 

There are leagues based on a wide range of criteria. So lets not pretend it doesnt exist.

 

If they didnt then balding chubby dudes would be banging hot chicks all the time based on their personality alone.

 

People do have empirical attractiveness despite other individuals having a subjective view of their attractiveness.

 

If leagues did not exist, then chubby women and short men would have no problems dating people different from them. But all the time we see on the forum that they do have issues in dating. And people always tell them to "find someone more like them" ie a chubby guy or shorter girl....hence their league

 

The denial here is amazing sometimes. This crap exists in the real world whether you like it or not. If leagues did not exist I could bag Megan Fox if I ever got to meet her. However, I am not hollywood hot, nor am I wealthy. Hence I am not in her league, because we are too dissimilar and people go for similar mates

 

And trust me leagues arent these guys problems. They prolly just go after whoever they find attractive and get shot down. However a lot of the time I notice that the guys who complain go after the super hot or really attractive girls who are not similar to them, more so than the plain janes who are.

 

But most people walking the streets and in bars arent movie star good looking..

 

99% of the people you see are either average or a little below or above..so it can be subjective..

 

Plus i dont think its the healthiest mindset to approach a women based on thinking shes not that attractive so i might be able to get her..

 

Plus ive been rejected by women i didnt find attractive at all..Some mediocre women can also be picky..

 

If im gonna get rejected anyway i might as well go down swinging with someobdy i find attractive rather then medicore looking women who think theyre better then me..

[PlumPrincess]

Bro, I'm 30 year's old and I've never had a GF. I've only kissed one girl in my entire life and she was a fatty.

 

That is what having no skills gets you.

 

Girls have never liked me, because of me. That sounds like the "just be yourself" bullsh*t that gets passed around.

See, for someone who wants pity and understanding for his situation, you sound like a jerk. You can't expect people to like you for you, if you can't do the same thing for other people.

[somedude81]

First off...

 

Consider women who are non-white. I find it hard to believe that a man who has been as unsuccessful as you with women (by your own admission) cannot find any physical attraction to any black, Latina, white, Asian, Indian, or Middle Eastern woman. God, there are f@cking fine ones out there.

 

What's wrong with you guys? Were you raised by David Duke?

 

Start there...

You sure are assuming a lot about me.

 

Just to point out, I've been rejected by white, black, Mexican, Japanese, Filipino, Korean and Chinese girls.

 

Feel better now

One word: prostitutes. California is full of them. Why not give the underground economy a boost?

If I just wanted sex and had money to blow, that might be an option.

 

Lol. Are you trolling? Or is this real?

Believe me, I really wish I was trolling.

 

My life has been that bad.

Okay first of all you have only kissed one girl and she was a fatty? And you only date white woman? One of the reasons you are still a virgin man.

Who said I only date white women? Where are people getting that idea from? I prefer to date women of my own ethnicity yes but that's not all I go for.

 

That fatty I kissed and "dated" for two weeks, she's Filipino.

You don't sound like mr.popular yourself. If you wanna get with hot girls... be hot. Its that simple. If you are 300 pounds with zits don't wonder why the megan fox doesn't want you. Lower your standards. And magically you will be gettin blown left and right.

Yeah, I'm not Mr. Popular, but I'm not Mr. Fat Slob either. I don't think lowering my standards, to the point where I'm going after girls I have no interest in, is going to help me.

 

Skills do not equal girlfriend. If a girl likes you. SHE LIKES YOU. Wtf is "skills" gonna do to help that. There is no such thing as "woman skills" Maybe you need some "people skills"

You've never heard of game? Skills also encompasses charm, being smooth, knowing what to say and do etc.

 

Or you can try to be fake mr. fun guy. But if that isn't you there really is no point. Be yourself. Make conversation with girls. Girls have sex with you. That is how it works.

I'm sure it does, if you're tall and really good looking, which I am neither.

He says he's had sex at some swinger party he paid to get into.

Best $50 I've ever spent. But that was two years ago and not really something I want to do again.

 

He does need people skills. He also just needs to try. Even the times he claims to have tried like with the last girl he has stories of her comming back to his place just the two of them and he did not so much as try to kiss her... so what do we have a guy who barely talks to any girls, and considers just being friendly with them trying...

The last girl wouldn't even let me hug her. There was nothing I could do.

 

What is trying to you?

 

Please work on making friends. Yes, it will be difficult, but worth it. I don't know how guys make friends--through shared interests I guess. Try a shared interest meet up group. Can you get a roommate? That's a quick way to make friends. Try hanging out at a local bar. You'll meet regulars who are often single men. Are there any guys you can hang out with from work?

 

Having a social network will open up a whole new world for you. You will be less lonely and you'll meet potential dates through friends. Also, many women will find it odd that you don't have friends, so that will hurt you when it comes to dating.

Last year I put a lot of focus in trying to make friends, and nothing really panned out.

 

A meet up group might be an idea.

 

And no, I don't go telling women about my social life or lack thereof.

 

Here is a break down for you Somedude. You can't get any girl you like. Any man's choices are limited to the women that are interested in him. Read that again...INTERESTED in him.

I figured that out a long time ago.

 

The problem is that women aren't interested in me. That's what I need to figure out how to change.

 

Most women don't give me a shot. And on the rare chance I get to go on a date, it's usually only one and half the time the girl didn't know it was a date till afterwards.

 

Right now, girls simply don't like me as more than a friend. And I get confused by them being friendly with me, mistaking it as interest.

Most women can see the "wham bam thank you ma'am?" intent from a mile away.

I don't broadcast that intent. Women think I'm harmless.

 

And I pretty much am. I have no idea how to actually get with girls I see out and about.

 

I only see two sides of women, how they are in the street, at work and school and then how they are in porn. Of course there is a huge gap between both aspects.

Now if your looking for a relationship, then you need to learn how to read women so you know who is attracted to you. It's an art and takes practice. Some simple clues are looking into your eyes & smiling, breaking eye contact and quickly reestablishing it, talkative etc etc.

That's what I've been trying to work on. Reading women is very difficult and I've been doing it wrong so far. Another big issue is broadcasting the wrong signals to women.

-----

I'll reply to more in a bit.

[ptp]

Funny...my name is actually for "Arizona Single Gal"

 

And why yes, I do like younger men. Funny you should say that.

 

We've also talked about this in PM. You know what I think. I think you sell yourself short and then pick the wrong women.

 

 

poor choice of words or intended pun?

[counterman]

Tell you what you need somedude? You need that successful guy friend to keep pushing you and getting you to constantly talk to women. He would encourage you and make things pretty fun. I wish I had someone like that but many of us don't... and have to solo it.

 

I really don't know what advice to give but to really just keep trying. I do think you're a decent guy but the lack of success has gotten to (as it would for many of us) and it's hard not to forget it. If you find yourself jaded, do something for yourself, something fun and forget about girls, just for a little while.... and then start approaching women again

 

By the way, I can relate to you when you tried to get an active social life and make friends. I really tried this year and at the end of the year, I can honestly say I have no new friends I can hang out with and my social life isn't any better. It's a lot harder than I thought. Most people have their own groups already and if I don't fit in with their dynamics, then I won't be part of it. So, I've decided to not put so much pressure on myself to just intentionally make friends but rather just pursue my interests, at least three or four, and have friends there who I can share a common interest with.

[Sanman]

Most women don't give me a shot. And on the rare chance I get to go on a date, it's usually only one and half the time the girl didn't know it was a date till afterwards.

 

If that is the case, you are doing a poor job of asking women out. You don't need signals. If you can hold a conversation with a girl for more than 15 minutes, you simply grab your balls, remember you are a man, and ask if she would like to go out on a date. I don't know how you are asking these women out, but I have never had that happen on a date. The girl always knew she was going out on a date.

 

You claim that you are neither tall nor good looking. You are 30 and still in college? Guess what, the women who have said yes to you are the ones in your league. If that is comprised of 'fatties' as you put it, your choices are them or your right hand. Your other option is to ask more women out until you find one that you like and will date you. This could mean asking and being rejected by hundreds of women, but you only need to find one. You are not entitled to a woman you perceive to be attractive. I know many guys in your position that say the same things as you and are chronically single.

 

My gf is not a 'hottie' and you might even refer to her as a 'fatty' given that she is larger than a size 6. However, She has a very pretty face, has her act together career-wise, many things in common with me, and is one of the most wonderful people I have ever met. I could have continued having disastrous relationships with size 4-6 hotties for years. However, I needed to take a stark, honest look at myself and realize that this particular woman was a better match for me than the women I have been pursuing and dating. Since that time, it has been (by far) the best relationship of my life. Looking around at my friends, I see them marrying similar types of women rather than the types of women I used to date. To put things in perspective, I am two years younger than you, 6' tall, and a doctor, but a rather average looking guy otherwise.

[El Brujo]

What can I do to make 2012 decent? I would like to accomplish something before the world ends.

 

Write a bestselling book.

[Surrealist]

This year sucked. No doubt about it. I spent a lot of time with a girl who couldn't return my feelings and now that's over, I have nothing at all to show for it. I turned 30 a few months ago. My skills with women are non-existent.

 

What can I do to make 2012 decent? I would like to accomplish something before the world ends.

 

Well the world isn't gong to end next year so I can console you with that news. Even if you are referring to the Mayan prophecies, they were saying that the world's people will change, a paradigm shift of mindset, and possibly new global institutions which will see the emergence of the anti-christ. Thus, you will have another seven or so years over and above 2012 to find a woman, and if you do find her next year and form a relationship with her, you'll probably hope the world does end anyway.

 

Okay man now I am in the same boat as you except I was married for 8 years. I'm 41 so that minus 8 equals 33 years. I've been single and dateless for 6 long years brother so I know the feeling.

 

But I do continue to train hard and diet well and keep in pretty good physical shape. I'm no poster boy but look a lot younger than my age. 5'11, 220 lbs and reasonably lean.

 

I too have experienced a lot of women who I have not found attractive be very open and quite aggressive with their flirting (at my workplace) when I have showed no interest, and tried to discourage such behavior. While I do agree with the above not to seek women out of one's league, there's no need to compromise and settle for a woman you don't find attractive, especially if you look after yourself and it is clear the other does not, but chooses to chase anyway. Personally I would much rather be single than get into a situation like that.

 

I don't post here hardly ever anymore because the answer isn't here. Life is different for different people. Lots of people work hard but not everyone is rich or even sitting even as a result of their hard work. I'm not going to change who I am to attempt to please someone or to get a woman to like me. It's absurd and doesn't last anyway. I tend to be polite, friendly and well-spoken anyway which is why I run into those encounters as I outlined above. Sometimes it is life. I've pretty much given up as well as someone else mentioned above but am 'okay' with it. Not gonna let life and singledom determine my life quality and worth as a person because it doesn't.

Edited December 24, 2011 by Surrealist
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