Long Relationship Over, How To ?

[Rimer]

My GF of 8 years left me. So i've been out of the dating scene for a longtime and actually my GF hit on me and choose me and was my first love so i've never really had experience in picking up girls/women. I know I first have to get my confidence back and self esteem before I can make any moves to even approach girls. I'm asking whats the best way to approach women. Is it just be yourself and not try to be something your not or what? As you can see I'm pretty lost here

[Lil1]

Hi Rimer,

 

Do what feels natural to you - are you an outgoing person or does it take you a while to warm up to people? Do you feel like you are ready to start dating again? My first suggestion is to work on yourself first - get rid of old emotional baggage. Then try meeting women through your friends/family/co-workers - network! Any other avenue may feel like too much pressure if you are naturally shy. The more you talk to women the more comfortable you will feel to venture into other dating avenues like picking up girls at bars or even on-line dating. Have fun, be yourself, and please make sure you are over your ex! Good luck;)

 

Also I want to add that it always helps to know what you want, i.e. casual dating vs. a relationship. Since you are just getting out of a LTR I would guess you may want to start with just casual dates!

Edited December 22, 2011 by Lil1

[Seneca]

My GF of 8 years left me. So i've been out of the dating scene for a longtime and actually my GF hit on me and choose me and was my first love so i've never really had experience in picking up girls/women. I know I first have to get my confidence back and self esteem before I can make any moves to even approach girls. I'm asking whats the best way to approach women. Is it just be yourself and not try to be something your not or what? As you can see I'm pretty lost here

 

Great advice from Lil1.

 

I'll add that being your authentic self is the best way in approaching a woman.

 

Now as for what to say...it's all in the details. Notice your surroundings. And most definitely notice her.

 

For example, if you notice something interesting that she is wearing. You can give an honest compliment about it.

 

Women take a LOT of time getting ready (for which I appreciate them for). So they will appreciate the compliment.

 

Good luck.

[Rimer]

Little update

 

Something happen out of the blue. The day before new years eve I was over at my friends place about 15 people there 10 which I have never seen before. Made friends with almost all of them. Well didn't get numbers but added on facebook. I got pretty wasted and then something weird happen and i'm pissed off I don't remember everything. I met this great girl. Fantastic and beautiful too and even more than my ex (and she was pretty too) From what I remember and heard from my friends we had a good time, I got a goodnight kiss from her (that I remember) and she forced her phone number onto my phone. We said we'd talk the next day.

 

Well.. I might blew it. We were supposed to see each other at one place the next day and I texted her "where are we doing tonight?" .. and hour later I got a response "hmm.. change of plans i'm going to the big city with my friends" .. eh.. I responded maybe way too needy "Sounds cool. Where to? Got room for me?" <- mistake!!? eh.. it gets worse I guess.. I tried to call her 4-5 hours later as we said we'd call each other the day before.. well she didnt answer.. i left it there.. next day she texted me.. she said she was too wasted to text the night before.. yeah right.. I txted her back it's ok.. does she have a bad hangover?.. nothing from her.. i text again.. that I had a great time and i'd like to meet her again.. I get a text back saying she had a good time too and saying happy new year... nothing about meeting up again... tried calling her yesterday... no response... thats that I guess then

 

My question is.. was I too eager? Did my desperation show threw that badly?

 

Anyways..

 

Even if I blew this.. The whole situation of another girl showing interest in me gave me a huge confidence boost. I'm still very low in that regard but it really gave me a jolt of life. It's still a long journey ahead of me but now I know I can be liked by someone else besides my ex. That I'm not worthless even tho I've been saying that to myself all the time over analyzing stuff in my head 24/7

Edited January 3, 2012 by Rimer

[NoMagicBullet]

Female speaking here -- I don't think you did anything wrong. You showed enough interest without being needy, although it might take you some time to see the red flags or roadblocks she threw in front of you. She forced her number, makes plans to talk to and see you again, and then flakes out on you -- somewhere after that first night, she decided that she didn't want to follow through on seeing you again or even talking to you, and it didn't have anything to do with what you did. The only thing I'd suggest is that if someone cancels plans to meet in favor of new plans with friends, is that you say "Have fun! Let me know when you'd like to meet." And leave it to them to step up and follow through. It will save you a lot of over-analyzing later. If they are truly interested and not a flake (believe me, you don't want flakes), they'll be interested in at least rescheduling to meet you.

 

But seriously, Rimer, do whatever you can to stop thinking that your worth is tied to the interest women have in you. Get some counseling if necessary. Spend more time doing things for yourself and working on things that interest you. Eight years is a long relationship to get over. Give yourself enough time to heal. I think dating right now is not a good idea for you -- dating can be brutal to the self esteem of even the most confident people, and where you're mentally and emotionally at now, I think you're at risk of further damage to your confidence and at risk of getting involved with toxic people because you are seeking some sort of validation from others.