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The thought of contacting an ex from 3-4 years ago


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Posted

I friended an ex boyfriend from over 25 years ago on FB, LOL!! Back then, there wasn't social media, texting, etc.; I got over him in a reasonable amount of time. Over the years I wondered what ever happened to him; it was rumored he died of an overdose. Back when we dated, he was heavily into drugs which he kept from me; he was also bipolar. He fell off the face of the earth, it seemed. Out of the blue, an old friend said "OMG, guess who is on FB??" We never talk about the past, just how things are now. He has a lot of issues and to this day I am so thankful that I dodged that bullet. He lives in a hell hole of an apartment--his description, and has a public apology on his bio for all the hurt he has done to people because of choices he has made in life. He admits he is sick and has proper meds to help him. You never know what journey one has taken.

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Posted

This is the ex from three years ago

Posted

Oh. My goodness. What a roller coaster, I think I may have even responded to one of your threads about her years ago!

 

Who would've thought, huh.

Posted

Jesus, that's a hell of a story! I was enthralled reading it. It's very strange how 3-4 years could pass without the two of you speaking and yet you rolled them back and began dating again.

 

Can I ask how it's going? The same problems that occurred the first time around? Or do you feel that you've both matured a lot as people and face different issues than last time? Was it easy falling back into it because of the history, or did you find yourself learning a lot of new things about her from the 3 years you were absent from her life?

 

Let us know, this is very interesting stuff!

Posted

I actually just did the EXACT same thing, contacted a ex that I haven't been with, spoken with in the last 3-4 years maybe 2 days ago.

 

I did it by EMAIL, I got this strong urge to contact her, and guess what, she wouldn't take me back before, nor was she interested in taking me back before, but now that she has a kid, she wants to take me back????

Posted

LVG she looking for that Daddy-O. Run.

Posted
LVG she looking for that Daddy-O. Run.

 

And whats so bad about it, is I begged her, cried, emotional, did EVERYTHING that to show her I loved her, and she would not take me back but now she wants to?????

When there is a baby in the picture.

Posted

i am glad to hear some advise i gave worked. sometimes after time has past and you no longer "fear" the ex.....you can feel brave enough to contact them. some of course still dont deserve our contact and the number 1 rule is....dont expect anything. : )

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  • 2 weeks later...
Posted (edited)

Need advice on this...I'm thinking about sending this to my ex. I feel like a big ol' jerk, and that i owe her an apology for my rough time that i brought her into. I always new while going out with her it was extremely bad timing since i knew i was slipping into heavy depression just months after asking her out. I do blame a lot of my actions on that that horrible mind state, but i can't fully blame it on that. Anyways I'm in a much much better place now, i feel like my own loving self again that hasn't been even slightly pessimistic in ages. I love feeling like my old quirky self again. So how does something like this sound.

 

This may seem out of left-field, but I handled things like an utter jerk when you asked for your shoes last year. I’ve sent them in the mail, they should arrive in 3-4 business days. The package also contains a money order, which will cover what I should have equally helped you with from day one. I treated you very unfairly with not being 100% honest with you about a couple things. I should say, that you never did anything wrong either, even though I made it out to be that way sometimes. Truthfully, you were awfully good to me, and you didn't deserve that crap. I don’t expect you to care about any of this, but i thought you might appreciate your stuff back. I’m mortified I acted that selfish, and apologize for not keeping my composure in check. 



 

Take care,

Edited by desertsessions
Posted

And hold on, I just re-read through your post, you stated that you are over her and were also dating someone else....well how did you guys get back together????????

 

Did you end it with your new GF?? Or were you just trying to give us the impression that you were over her?

  • 2 weeks later...
Posted

i like the letter. did u send it? what happened? please get back to us

  • 10 months later...
  • Author
Posted

O boy, are there going to be some disappointed people here...

 

Well, Its been about a year or so. My ex and I just broke up (again) on Friday, and let me tell ya, its been interesting.

 

Over the course of the year, we went on a trip to Mexico, moved in together, got a dog, and lived on our own. A lot of things went wrong, and both of us made some pretty awful mistakes.

 

I always had a hard time trusting her again. She has a lot of guy friends, and ever since she left me the first time for someone else, I couldn't fully trust her. She caught me one day looking through her phone, and she got pretty pissed (and rightfully so.) What I DID find was that a guy was trying very hard to hit on her, and always wanting to see her. She never did actually do it (at one point she even told the guy that she doesn't do things like cheat) but it upset me enough that someone was attempting to hit on her. I never really felt comfortable after that point.

 

We moved in together in October, and that was about the moment where all affection was gone. We hadnt been close or affectionate since that month, and no matter how much we tried, she ultimately had just lost complete interest in my that way.

 

So now I'm back at home with my parents, with no apartment, girlfriend, or dog anymore.

 

Ive been going to therapy for over a year already, and it definitely does put things in perspective. For one thing, I was definitely unhappy. The moment I made the decision to read her texts (something I still kick myself in the ass for) everything went wrong. She felt like I couldn't trust her, and I felt like she was being distant. Both are suspicions were definitely right, and we eventually began to resent each other.

 

Don't get me wrong, I tried to fix things. I apologized several times for ever looking in her phone. But there was a line that I guess was crossed. And the stress from the fighting and the resentment was getting to both of us.

 

Here is the weird thing (I was going to make a new thread about this particular part, but I feel like i should keep it here for now.)...I still do miss and care about her. And she does the same for me. She was the one who decided to end it (she said she just didnt love me in "that way" anymore.). And for months I contemplated breaking up with her. Yet here I am, still kinda feeling like crap. Not a complete emotional mess. But definitely still sad and rejected, EVEN THOUGH I WAS UNHAPPY AND CONSIDERING DOING THE SAME THING. I find this to be really odd. And, truth be told, if she texted me today and said she made a mistake, I would still want to try again. I'm not counting on it, of course (not my first rodeo), but it definitely makes me confused. That's for sure.

 

Can anyone figure that one out? Am I missing something here? And sorry if there needs to be more info on the topic. Im at work right now so I have limited time to type.

Posted

Are you just jealous that you didn't get to end it first? It sounds like your ex hasn't changed much even years later. I am wary of contacting exes because it seems the chance of getting closure would be very small. It seems if they were a jerk years ago, highly likely that they're still one. Was it worth trying again?

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Posted
Are you just jealous that you didn't get to end it first? It sounds like your ex hasn't changed much even years later. I am wary of contacting exes because it seems the chance of getting closure would be very small. It seems if they were a jerk years ago, highly likely that they're still one. Was it worth trying again?

 

Her ways of handling relationship issues (ie not talking) definitely didn't change. Her view on marriage and kids (used to want them, now she doesnt) did change. In my therapy sessions, I was determined to somehow try and fix the relationship by any means possible. However, after months of no sex or affection, I was already feeling so stressed and defeated that I was starting to let go. And then she decided to end it the day after I had just making a breakthrough - and I felt a lot of walls collapse around me.

 

So in a sense, yes I'm a little upset that I didnt "pull the trigger" first. We had an apartment, a dog, a life together - its hard to make the decision to give up on that. And I'm usually one who doesn't like to give up. But I had to respect her feelings that she just wasn't into it anymore.

 

Surprisingly, as bad as I could be taking it right now, I'm not. Its five days out, and aside from my depression (which is already clinical, but had been exacerbated by all of this) I'm actually doing ok. One of my best friends is wanting to share an apartment with me in the next couple months, so I already have a goal in terms of getting on with my life. Thats not to say part of me still, for some reason, wants my ex back. But I'm not sure if I really do, or if I just dont want to be alone. Thats always been one of my major fears.

 

Was it worth it? I had to know if it could work again. In that sense, yes definitely worth it. And the beginning of the relationship was great. But the old problems slowly arose again, and it just fell apart. At least now I know.

 

But while I'm getting myself back together, I'm just trying to take it easy instead of worrying about the "what ifs." I'm just tired of stressing out.

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