Teuen101 Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 Well for some reason she wants to keep me in her life she invited me over to her home she lives with her new boyfriend. they've only been dating 4 weeks and she has moved in so I got a call over some issue and got invited over don't ask me why I whent but I did. Some people at this point might think I'm crazy but in real life I'm a real cool person under fire and keep a cool head. So I go he meets me at the door and they are so nice to me. they where so happy together laughing telling jokes playing off one anotheres words. I was very nice and kind her new boy friend had a 1 year old child so I played with the child and asked little questions..like what happend to the mother. He explains she cheated on him and called her some names right in front of the child which to me was shocking. I said I know just how you feel my ex cheated on me too. you could have heard a pin drop. then we talked more about his ex and you could tell he was still hurting over it he even made threats about his ex new boyfriend. So I asked him, so she jumped from you to some one else..he said yes..I said yes, people who jump from relationship to relationship are never happy, At this point my ex piped in and said well I'm happy I jumped..I replyed I wasnt meaning you. I was talking about othere people .) I know your happy.) again crushed her with kind words and then got back to talking to him about his ex.. He explained that he is now happy has a awesome woman in his life and wasnt waiting around for her to make up her mind. I said well you still need to forgive her...he said I'd never take her back..I said forgiving isnt taking them back it's letting go and healing your self. so the convo run long and then I ask when they are getting married ? and If i was invited to the wedding.. again you could have heard a pin drop..my ex replyed some day..so we whent on talking about his job and what he wanted to do with his life. key point here he never talked what she would be doing ..it was more about him and what he wanted to do.. When I use to talk about our plans I'd use "we" or ask her what she wanted to do ...He really was into him self. from what I could tell and was always cracking jokes trying to be the funny man of the night.. anyway we all had a good time ..I told them how happy I was for the both of them and how they seemed like the perfect match. which kinda they are he is fresh from a 5 year relationship and this is her second guy in 2 months. but I was nice and kind and looked my fear in the eye and showed them what a forgiving kind man is and wished them the best and left. so I really do wish them the best . I'm glad to see her happy even tho it hurts but it is what it is. sorry for the typos and grammer peace .)
wilsonx Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 You are so full of **** lol... Theres no way you are glad to see her happy. Youre waiting for that relationship to crash
Author Teuen101 Posted December 22, 2011 Author Posted December 22, 2011 (edited) You are so full of **** lol... Theres no way you are glad to see her happy. Youre waiting for that relationship to crash It's mixed feelings man you know that, It was just fun to play mental ninja for the night. my friends called me crazy for doing it and otheres said that took some guts. who knows ? I faced it most guys would have ran away in fear or got mad. one thing is true all relationships are TESTED by the people in them. they will be tested too no one gets a free pass and people who ignore there problems and patterns hardly change. It's not my problem I'm free I dodged the bullet. Sure it sucks, But to be honest they look very happy together, sure its the honeymoon stage and she is moving on in, would I like it to fail ? part of me yes and part of me no and thats being honest. I'm trying to forgive and let go and be the better person. she might not see it no one may see it but if she gets Gut shoot she will remember me all her life and how I forgave. who knows thats as honest as I can tell it P.S some reason she wants me around maybe guilt. I talked to a woman at work she told me she cheated on her husband at the age of 19 she told me he was a good guy. she carred this guilt with her for 15 years. she never forgot how she treated him and the pain it caused him and her. I don't know what her deal is but I know what mine is I'm dropping this bag of hate anger and fixing me. I looked them in the face and showed them I could handle them and then some so its all good. Edited December 22, 2011 by Teuen101
Author Teuen101 Posted December 22, 2011 Author Posted December 22, 2011 Funny thing my ex said when I asked her boyfriend a question about his ex is this My ex said how could she let a good guy like you go talking to her new boyfriend.. I intruped and said look at me it happens all the time.) She is rewriting her relationship histroy...maybe she is trying to change who knows. she is happy for the time being good for her.
smudge21 Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 I said I know just how you feel my ex cheated on me too. you could have heard a pin drop. I just love this! In fact, the whole story is a good read. You held your own and didn't show emotions. In many ways, well done to you... however... I also agree with Wilson... I think there's still plenty of emotion there and yeah, right now you're feeling good about how it went, but soon you'll get those old feelings coming back. Not having a go, just saying that we all go through this - good times and bad times, they follow one another. I don't really want to get into the whys of how this came about, why she wanted you there, what she hoped to achieve. I think as a one off it went in your favour, but I would now distance myself from it totally. You've made your point, you came out of it with your head held high. So now walk away and don't look back. Leave on a positive note.
Author Teuen101 Posted December 22, 2011 Author Posted December 22, 2011 (edited) I just love this! In fact, the whole story is a good read. You held your own and didn't show emotions. In many ways, well done to you... however... I also agree with Wilson... I think there's still plenty of emotion there and yeah, right now you're feeling good about how it went, but soon you'll get those old feelings coming back. Not having a go, just saying that we all go through this - good times and bad times, they follow one another. I don't really want to get into the whys of how this came about, why she wanted you there, what she hoped to achieve. I think as a one off it went in your favour, but I would now distance myself from it totally. You've made your point, you came out of it with your head held high. So now walk away and don't look back. Leave on a positive note. Yeah I feel plenty but my "feelings" don't control me like they controled her, sure it hurts. I'm only human, I'm talk to her one more time today and plant some more seeds. As said earlyer he her boyfriend wants to go to school, well it just happens she wants to go to school too however they both cant go to school and work and baby.. some one has to give up what they want for the baby and as we all know so much going on will stress the best relationship however I can't just come out and say this I have to plant it like a mental time bomb..But who knows there relationship could work anyway you never know. odds arnt in there favor tho. my question is why are they in such a rush? if they really cared about each other then they would take it slow..get to know each other - but have the other persons welfare at mind. Seems like a super charged honeymoon stage trying to make sparks fly ASAP After all there is a child in the mix what guy bring in a chick he's known for a month and sets her up as moma ? this is going the be the perfect storm. However smart move on his part gets her attached to the baby however this can back fire as she see's she giving up her future for some one else child. she is 20. she told me she had plans to build her life guess she is falling back into old patterns of giving up her dreams for some one else. we've talked about this issue many times when we where together. We only got one shot at life some time you gotta be selfish and think about your own future. I've always tried to make her reach for her dreams .) but yes, your right I feel the pain like everyone else. But im trying to get better and I am every day. Edited December 22, 2011 by Teuen101
69ways Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 Well for some reason she wants to keep me in her life she invited me over to her home she lives with her new boyfriend. they've only been dating 4 weeks and she has moved in so I got a call over some issue and got invited over don't ask me why I whent but I did. Some people at this point might think I'm crazy but in real life I'm a real cool person under fire and keep a cool head. So I go he meets me at the door and they are so nice to me. they where so happy together laughing telling jokes playing off one anotheres words. I was very nice and kind her new boy friend had a 1 year old child so I played with the child and asked little questions..like what happend to the mother. He explains she cheated on him and called her some names right in front of the child which to me was shocking. I said I know just how you feel my ex cheated on me too. you could have heard a pin drop. then we talked more about his ex and you could tell he was still hurting over it he even made threats about his ex new boyfriend. So I asked him, so she jumped from you to some one else..he said yes..I said yes, people who jump from relationship to relationship are never happy, At this point my ex piped in and said well I'm happy I jumped..I replyed I wasnt meaning you. I was talking about othere people .) I know your happy.) again crushed her with kind words and then got back to talking to him about his ex.. He explained that he is now happy has a awesome woman in his life and wasnt waiting around for her to make up her mind. I said well you still need to forgive her...he said I'd never take her back..I said forgiving isnt taking them back it's letting go and healing your self. so the convo run long and then I ask when they are getting married ? and If i was invited to the wedding.. again you could have heard a pin drop..my ex replyed some day..so we whent on talking about his job and what he wanted to do with his life. key point here he never talked what she would be doing ..it was more about him and what he wanted to do.. When I use to talk about our plans I'd use "we" or ask her what she wanted to do ...He really was into him self. from what I could tell and was always cracking jokes trying to be the funny man of the night.. anyway we all had a good time ..I told them how happy I was for the both of them and how they seemed like the perfect match. which kinda they are he is fresh from a 5 year relationship and this is her second guy in 2 months. but I was nice and kind and looked my fear in the eye and showed them what a forgiving kind man is and wished them the best and left. so I really do wish them the best . I'm glad to see her happy even tho it hurts but it is what it is. sorry for the typos and grammer peace .) Poor fuel on you and light a fire, it will be less masochistic.... I am sure you went home and felt like ****, no normal person would have felt ok with this and she is even more twisted for inviting you around.... But heeeeh, its only my personal opinion
Author Teuen101 Posted December 22, 2011 Author Posted December 22, 2011 Poor fuel on you and light a fire, it will be less masochistic.... I am sure you went home and felt like ****, no normal person would have felt ok with this and she is even more twisted for inviting you around.... But heeeeh, its only my personal opinion Sure. like I said it was hard and it is twisted. I think it comes from her guilt from cheating. It hurts to this moment as I type out the words you see. However be kind and forgiving is never easy or letting go of the past. I dont want to hold on to this crap if she is happy so be it..
69ways Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 If u don't want to hold on to it, you go NC and not visit her m8
Author Teuen101 Posted December 22, 2011 Author Posted December 22, 2011 NC is awesome. I'm dealing with it in my way. I'm looking at for what it is..It's over, and I'm showing them it's ok and im still man enough to look them in the face and smile, but yeah NC works
Mcnulty Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 This is nuts!!! Are you a masochist??? You're deluding yourself completely man! If my ex asked me over and he was there, I'd say, go **** yourself, you turned into your mother after all and if he so much as tries to talk to me again, I'll lose my job over hitting the twat!!! I am the bigger man!! I got to hear of her getting with my mate through bloody facebook, she never had the guts to tell me and did it to get me to react...you know what I did?? Nothing!! No frigging contact is what I've done and will continue to do. He tried to talk to me...I drove away...that made me the bigger man..I will not talk to cheaters and hypocrites who have, by their actions, hurt me greatly!!
Author Teuen101 Posted December 23, 2011 Author Posted December 23, 2011 it's ok maybe im wrong how I whent about it I'm not perfect. I just knew I had a blast talking to her new boyfriend about his past relationship problems right in front of her- then say I know how he feels, it was priceless
Author Teuen101 Posted December 23, 2011 Author Posted December 23, 2011 well it seems ex and her new boyfriend got mad at me. I posted congrats on the awesome realtionship and thanks for having me over on her my ex facebook one small problem my ex new boyfriend wife got mad ...so my post got deleted and they blamed me for starting drama. I said when I talked to him he made it clear the relationship with his ex was over didnt see the problem how is this my fault i was just saying how awesome it was for the both of you to be in so much love. So I asked my Ex why the hush hush. she blamed me and blocked me geeesh just trying to be nice didnt know
Dust Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 The fb post was pretty odd. You really are glutton for punishment aren't you? How old are you? I mean she's 20 some what explains her horible behavior..
Jono85 Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 either this whole story is made up, or all of you seem to have no concept of social ettiquette. i'm sorry but so many of those things said were just VERY uncomfortable things to say given the circumstances. Either you're all VERY young, or you made up the story, or you're all a group of socially inept adults
wilsonx Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 Nice more passing judgement on other people that do not understand Teuen101: I salute you man, I laughed at all the masochistic comments on this thread, but I did the same thing you did. Who decides what the norm is as referring to social etiquette. I think what he did was perfectly ok. He let go of anger and resentment and did something most people would never do. In my opinion this is emotionally maturing. Where as most people on this thread and forum, wall off, guard themselves from being hurt and are afraid to take risks and look at the consequences of peoples actions live and in person. I for one am glad I did what I did, I not only met with my ex once, but three times. Each time I learned something new. This allows me to grow as a person and understand not only what I went through, but what my ex is going through. Its called seeing the full picture and not one persons' selfish side. His story is very similar to mine. If you want more information on what is happening behind closed doors let me know Teuen because I can tell you the whole story
smudge21 Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 When I split with the ex and we went back to being friends I used to see her with the guy she'd gone back to. It's a long story, but basically it was a large group of friends. Now oddly, when I was around them, I never felt anything really, it would often come afterwards, a day or two later. I did really believe that because the relationship had been short, that I could return to friends (and to be honest, I wish I had never taken it beyond friends), but feelings come when we're apart, not together, so every day I just fell more for her as she drifted further away. I do recall those meetings, whether for a drink or party, I was always full of life, never down or angry. I even always got on well with him too. Many times, due to the fact the ex and I got on so well, people would think we were still together. Her bf is the total opposite of her in regards personality (she has one) and that meant whenever we'd all be together, it was as if he was never there. So therefore I see (like Wilson does) the positive out of what Teuen has done here. Yeah, I don't doubt for one second that at some point this will hurt, but I think he handled it so well. I also think it's time he steps back now - he's made his point and now needs to seperate himself from his ex and her new guy. Go live your life, not theirs.
Author Teuen101 Posted December 23, 2011 Author Posted December 23, 2011 I'm not the best at expressing my self writing as you can tell anyone who'd like to add me on skyp send me a PM..I'd be more then happy to give you the long story and we can share our storys in voice I'm not a nut job. I just gave the short story here trust me its much longer and im not the best writing this is just the cliff notes
Dust Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 How old are you. Also a very serious question did it bother you or turn you on to see her kissing the other guy. Maybe both?
Author Teuen101 Posted December 23, 2011 Author Posted December 23, 2011 (edited) to be honest it was hard all the way around everything was hard. them laughing at one anothere jokes to looks they gave one another.. it was like looking at some one i had known for almost a year that I didnt know. I thought to my self who is this person? yes, very hard she is 21 im 36 and before you say I should have known better to start with maybe your right . but hind sight is always 20/20 isnt it ? and if you going to say I acted like a child well thats cool you have the right to say and think whatever you want. I forgive her and I'm happy for her, I hope she dont repeat her pattern. this is guy 3 in 3 months . she will remember me trying to at lest see the pain in her life and remember back some one took a bold step out of friendship and love to meet her needs. like some one who abuses drugs some time you gotta step in and say hey.. I'm your friend and your not going to like what I have to say but your destroying your self with super charged honeymoon phase relationship to ease your pain..look at the trail of brokeness behind you. she may see it or she may not but no one can say I was selfish and just walked away without being honest and caring not only for my self but for the othere person too. I know her history..I know her pain in her life before this. because she is hurting and covering it up with the relationship of the month. As for now I am on day one of NC there is nothing left to be said sorry for the typos and grammer . Edited December 23, 2011 by Teuen101
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