Sugarkane Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 Coz my ex was a real good actor, I thought he was genuine. Then one day dumps me by text after a year. Then tells me he never cared about me at all. Real mindf***.
smudge21 Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 I don't think there's ever any sure fire way to know if someone truly does care, I mean, then can care a lot but their feelings can change (often that takes time, but to the dumpees it can seem sudden). All you can really do is enjoy the time together and be the best person you can, at least then if they do change, it's not your fault. Relationships can be the biggest mindf**k of all.
TheFinalWord Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 Coz my ex was a real good actor, I thought he was genuine. Then one day dumps me by text after a year. Then tells me he never cared about me at all. Real mindf***. I'm sorry you had to experience that. The fact he broke up with you via text message is pretty cowardly. Also, when people say cruel things it is normally out of anger. Anger is the fight component of the fight or flight stress response. During a period of intense anger, hormones are raging and we often use really strong language to "defeat" the threat (we don't face cave bears these days) To answer your question I would say actions speak louder than words...consistently. When the person will sacrifice for you...consistently. The only example of this I have ever experienced is with my mom These are the behaviors she exhibits and I never question if she cares about me. As a guy, I can tell you if I cared, I would show it with actions on a consistent basis.
insertnamehere Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 There are two issues worth addressing here. 1. Be suspicious anytime someone uses the "I never loved you, anyhow" defense. The human ego invents a lot of things post hoc to defend itself. If a guy moves on to another woman, his ego will shield him from the cringe-inducing proposal that he is doing this for bad motivations. The easiest defense, for some people, is "well, it wasn't meant to be anyhow". The human mind is well aware of how evil some of the **** we do in dating is. And the human ego is well designed to protect itself from obvious truths. So, do read too much into his "great acting". It's very possible he's simply justifying moving on in a fashion that shields his ego from the realization that he's making a dick move. 2. There is the more existential question of do any of us ever really know what someone else is thinking. Fact is, no matter how profound your relationship feels, you never know for sure if the other person involved loves you.
Oxy Moronovich Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 Coz my ex was a real good actor, I thought he was genuine. Then one day dumps me by text after a year. Then tells me he never cared about me at all. Real mindf***. That behavior sounds like someone who cared about you but doesn't have strong enough feelings to want to stick around. I agree with TheFinalWord. A guy who shows you consistently how he loves is truly in love with you. I also agree that he did it out of anger. I've known men who dumped their ex like garbage just because they felt it was retribution toward a woman who had hurt them in the past.
ditzchic Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 Then tells me he never cared about me at all. And I hope you told him that you feel honored that if anyone was going to steal a year of his good time that it could be you and that you thoroughly enjoyed making his life miserable. This is just a defense mechanism. No one wants waste their time like that. He was just trying to hit you below the belt. I agree with insertnamehere. You can never truly 100% know. It all comes down to trust. You have to trust that the person means the words coming out of their mouth. That trust is gained by them showing consistency. If your gut is telling you they don't, then they probably don't.
FitChick Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 Actions speak louder than words. Talk is cheap.
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