LSgirl Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 Just for anyone that's interested to read, if anyone's in the same situation thanks for reading. I met a guy who was engaged to his 8 year ex-fiancee but she cheated on him. She's been with that new person ever since, but occasionally my bf and her talk if it's something important about family as they have known each other since they were 16. He is almost 28. I am 26. In the beginning he was still heartbroken (we met 3 months after their breakup), I took the risk of being with him. It was a roller coaster ride, a lot of hurt on both sides. Him, trying to get over his ex, and for me, watching him be heartbroken over her. I was always scared he'd go back to her but he never did. He was emotionally unavailable and had a wall up. We broke up late October this year after a trivial argument, I went NC right away (thankfully I knew about NC from a past breakup years ago). Ran into him on Halloween 9 days post break-up, and he wrote me an e-mail the next day saying how much he hurt me but enjoyed seeing me. I was hurt once again because it wasn't to get back together. Then almost a week later, he sent me a letter in the mail with some gifts saying how much I meant to him, I took that as a sign that he wanted to get back together. We met up and I told him I forgave him and wanted us to try again. He said along the lines of "not right now" and wanted to stay friends. I was devastated. I went NC each time until he would make contact. By this time I was done trying. Then 5 days later he sent me another e-mail saying he wanted to take me out on a date and was thinking about the things I said to him in trying again. It took me 3 days to respond as I did not want to sound too eager. We met up and had a great time, I brought up the getting back together again, he said he meant everything in the letter he sent but didn't seem still too sure if this was what he wanted, but we decided to try again. I felt like I was making most of the effort. I was actually scared the next day he was going to change his mind. We were broken up for almost 4 weeks total. I thought I lost him for good, I made most of the effort, but he's been such a great boyfriend. He's not perfect, he has his vices, but he's been so affectionate and I feel closer to him than I ever have. It will be our one year anniversary on January 5th. What I realized after a year was to not pressure him about our relationship. He needed to take things slow, and it took me awhile to understand that. For anybody that's been with a guy who has had a long term ex before you, be prepared for a rollercoaster! And also for anyone trying to get back together, NC really does help. He said the separation from me made him realize what a person he lost in his life and how much I actually meant to him and he was blinded by his pain from his ex that he never fully gave himself to me.
Melrapuo Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 Just for anyone that's interested to read, if anyone's in the same situation thanks for reading. I met a guy who was engaged to his 8 year ex-fiancee but she cheated on him. She's been with that new person ever since, but occasionally my bf and her talk if it's something important about family as they have known each other since they were 16. He is almost 28. I am 26. In the beginning he was still heartbroken (we met 3 months after their breakup), I took the risk of being with him. It was a roller coaster ride, a lot of hurt on both sides. Him, trying to get over his ex, and for me, watching him be heartbroken over her. I was always scared he'd go back to her but he never did. He was emotionally unavailable and had a wall up. We broke up late October this year after a trivial argument, I went NC right away (thankfully I knew about NC from a past breakup years ago). Ran into him on Halloween 9 days post break-up, and he wrote me an e-mail the next day saying how much he hurt me but enjoyed seeing me. I was hurt once again because it wasn't to get back together. Then almost a week later, he sent me a letter in the mail with some gifts saying how much I meant to him, I took that as a sign that he wanted to get back together. We met up and I told him I forgave him and wanted us to try again. He said along the lines of "not right now" and wanted to stay friends. I was devastated. I went NC each time until he would make contact. By this time I was done trying. Then 5 days later he sent me another e-mail saying he wanted to take me out on a date and was thinking about the things I said to him in trying again. It took me 3 days to respond as I did not want to sound too eager. We met up and had a great time, I brought up the getting back together again, he said he meant everything in the letter he sent but didn't seem still too sure if this was what he wanted, but we decided to try again. I felt like I was making most of the effort. I was actually scared the next day he was going to change his mind. We were broken up for almost 4 weeks total. I thought I lost him for good, I made most of the effort, but he's been such a great boyfriend. He's not perfect, he has his vices, but he's been so affectionate and I feel closer to him than I ever have. It will be our one year anniversary on January 5th. What I realized after a year was to not pressure him about our relationship. He needed to take things slow, and it took me awhile to understand that. For anybody that's been with a guy who has had a long term ex before you, be prepared for a rollercoaster! And also for anyone trying to get back together, NC really does help. He said the separation from me made him realize what a person he lost in his life and how much I actually meant to him and he was blinded by his pain from his ex that he never fully gave himself to me. Glad to hear everything worked out for you, and good advice! Pressure is the worst thing you want to put on someone else. However, its killing me that you and your current bf have the same anniversary as my ex and I do. Just one of those coincidences, I guess.
MarMarMar Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 Awww just in time for the holidays! Also on a creepy note that was our anniversary date too.
Million.to.1 Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 I'm stoked for you LSgirl. You played well.
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