pinkbunni3xz Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 I am writing here to vent out my feelings and the trouble I'm having in my relationship. I've always been a clingy girlfriend. I do like to spend a lot of time with my boyfriend and I would get disappointed if he would not do the same. The only difference from this relationship and my other serious ones is during this one, I got counseling. I have been getting a lot of personal counseling and I have learned most of the issues I have in my relationship comes from my childhood. The issues I have most is the fear of being abandoned and not being able to trust. I guess lately I've been feeling way too much anxiety and I feel like ending the relationship. I know deep down I am a good person and I do want the best for him. But during the moment, it is way too hard. Whenever I get anxiety, I need reassurance. I can see the amount of stress he goes through when he has to "put up" with me. I'm so tired of feeling like the bad guy all the time. It's his first relationship so I guess he's not really an expert at the game yet. I guess when he criticizes me saying I'm controlling, picking, wanting a lot of time from him makes me feel even worse as a human being and I'm not really sure why he is with me anymore. I guess the icing on the cake is when he doesn't even invite me to hang out with his friends. All his friends bring their girlfriends and it breaks my heart knowing he would rather be the odd guy out than to have me join the party. He does it to avoid fighting. I hate myself. Then I resent him. Then I hate myself. Being in a relationship is way too hard. Fighting is just so much easier than actually trusting him and believing him. Because to do that would take all of me. I know I'm doing the best I could and I am getting better and better each day. I've never given a guy this much freedom in my life. I'm getting there. I guess there has been so much hurt feelings and doubt for me to continue. I don't want to see the sadness and exhaustion on his face anymore. I want someone to love me wholeheartedly. Who would be extremely proud of having me as his girlfriend and would show it off to the world in a heartbeat. I don't blame him. But at the same time I want someone who will stay with me through thick and thin. Through the best and worst of times. And someone who can see the goodness in me.
kaylan Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 Before I can offer advice, knowing your age would be helpful
dasein Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 I guess the icing on the cake is when he doesn't even invite me to hang out with his friends. All his friends bring their girlfriends and it breaks my heart knowing he would rather be the odd guy out than to have me join the party. He does it to avoid fighting. This is the meat, not the icing. What kind of fighting are you talking about? I wouldn't stay with someone who doesn't want to involve me with their friends. Surely you aren't that much of a PITA.
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