Author Jono85 Posted December 22, 2011 Author Posted December 22, 2011 Ever wonder if some of them(dumpers) are thinking/hoping the same thing...they are hoping you'll contact them..but out of guilt or other reasons they want you to make the 1st move? This doesn't apply to all because alot of the dumpers have truely moved on or don't care. It doesn't even matter mike, it really doesn't. They can hope all they want, but they were the reason it's like this now. So don't beat yourself up trying to think whether they're hoping YOU will msg them. That's nonsense. They did this to the relationship. You are just trying to move on and deal with the consequences of THEIR actions. Do not feel any guilt whatsoever. They didn't want you to be a part of their romantic lives anymore. In fact most of them have a significant other that they are now with. If they're hoping for you to msg them, it's pretty selfish.
Author Jono85 Posted December 22, 2011 Author Posted December 22, 2011 I don't expect to get any from my ex, but I would reply "Thank you, Merry Christmas to you and your family". Period. I think it's the right thing to do, as long as you don't expect anything back. I don't want to look angry or sad, a formal politeness is the best choice in my opinion. agree 100%, nothing else. I hate ignoring people's texts, so that's how I would respond too.
Calypsoo Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 (edited) Count me in too I was considering a little merry Christmas text but you've all made me see sense FYI dumped jan for another woman after 6 yrs Had no contact til April when he dropped my stuff off. He gave me lots of signals that day that gave me hope but I never heard from him apart from 1 lame text as we passed in traffic August time he tells mutually friends how he can't stop dreaming off me and how I'm such a lovely person?! Again this gave me a little hope but heard NOTHING! Actually I did text in sept as part of a group message saying I'd qualified and he replied with congrats but nothing else and he's still with her So.... I'm in! I really hope I'm doing the right thing but I agree that they will probably be expecting us dumpees to contact over the holidays and my ex has a HUGE ego so I'm liking the thought of disappointing him! Me bad I know! Edited December 22, 2011 by Calypsoo Spelling
Rimer Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 One thing I gotta say to everyone thinking about txting there ex. DON'T DO IT! When they don't text you back you'll just feel more depressed, If they do text you it could give you false hope
sunflower11 Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 I'll join today is 1 month NC for me and im sure he will be expecting a text but it aint coming!
smokey bear Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 no weaklings allowed in here. we will be here for u. we will get u through it. NO CHRISTMAS MESSAGES THO!! can't have one foot in the club, all in or the exit door can be found using the back option on your browser! Im in! Im in! ive been struggling these last few days not to break nc, i would get a reply but do you know what, this is the time they think of ue, this is the time to stick to nc. Im in, im fighting myself everyday but im god damm in!
Million.to.1 Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 I'm in too. I'm kinda glad I asked him not to contact me when we BU for this reason, so I'm not expecting a Xmas or new years message from him. It will be 2 days shy of a month on Xmas day.
Glove_slap Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 I gave her family a unrequited Christmas/new years card last year, haven't heard from them since. It left me in some place between apathy and self-pity. I don't plan on messaging her this year but I do *hope* she contacts me. If she doesn't then I guess I'll just have to continue deleting her from my mind.
MissMoni Posted December 24, 2011 Posted December 24, 2011 I'm 7 months NC and I have been considering it too. But really, what would I gain in doing so? Nothing. I agree with CaliBabe, we wouldn't gain anything in saying anything over the holidays except our exes saying, "Hmm..oh she/he still thinks of me? Weird.." I joined this board back in March, but my ex broke up with me a little over a yr ago, in October. Believe me, recent dumpees - it DOES get better. You may be hurt now and think, "But what if he/she doesn't think I forgive them/they think I'm bitter/they decide not to reconcile with me".. I know I thought all of these things. My ex and I dated close to two years and I was so hurt by our breakup that I texted him for every holiday, every birthday, until around this summer, when I started to go complete NC. My goal into 2012 is to continue NC until he fades into nothing but a distant memory. There is nothing we can gain by pushing ourselves and our feelings on people who don't care and don't want to be chased. Let them go. This year, although I remember fondly some of the good times with my ex, I have come to realize his decision is his decision, and nothing I do, or don't do, can change that. In fact, it his him that missed out on ME...not the other way around. I just want all of you to know, you can and will get through this. I went through agonizing over just the right words to send in holiday texts last year..and ended up with impersonal mass-text responses. For whatever reason, they have chosen to be out of our lives. Let them deal with the consequences. I don't say this to be bitter, I say it because it's really survival of the fittest - they did what was best for them, now take care of YOU. Turn off that phone, delete that email, don't text then, call them, send a message in a bottle, Facebook them, nada. Love yourself first.
mike588 Posted December 24, 2011 Posted December 24, 2011 Great advise!!! I came so very,,very close to sending my ex. a Merry X-Mas email and after reading what you wrote I'm glad I didn't. Thanks and Merry Christmas to you!!
Author Jono85 Posted December 24, 2011 Author Posted December 24, 2011 stay strong today and tmrw guys. dig deep if u must to find that strength but find it cot damnit!
smokey bear Posted December 24, 2011 Posted December 24, 2011 My ex broke nc today and i replied, does that mean im out?
MarMarMar Posted December 24, 2011 Posted December 24, 2011 My ex dropped presents for my family from his family (I think?). I don't wanna break NC but I don't wanna be rude to his parents who have been amazing for me. But I'm also not sure if they're from the whole family since his dad could have easily dropped them off. Blarg.
CaliBabe Posted December 24, 2011 Posted December 24, 2011 My ex also broke NC today and I replied back... I'm out too I think
choppedkittens Posted December 24, 2011 Posted December 24, 2011 (edited) I'm 15 months no contact and haven't even felt the urge to reach out to him in a long, long time. I have a new person in my life whom I love to death and I couldn't be happier. Edited December 24, 2011 by choppedkittens
Author Jono85 Posted December 24, 2011 Author Posted December 24, 2011 My ex broke nc today and i replied, does that mean im out? u didn't just reply smokey u asked for him back. u were out before it started. i said no weaklings allowed. i can't believe u asked for him back. and u've done that already and he said no. seriously tho? sigh.
leoc1973 Posted December 24, 2011 Posted December 24, 2011 You know what. I am in and if my ex wishes me merry christmas I am not even going to reply. I know she is still very much in love with me and I want it on her mind why I couldn't even reply while she is opening presents with her new guy. I always tried my best on holidays birthdays valentines day to get her the best gifts I can afford. Now she is with a new guy and he is wealthy. I want something to hit her and wonder what I would have gotten her knowing I could never afford what he is going to get her and while she is opening her presents from him(probably some kind of expensive jewelry) I want it to hit her that all she wants for christmas is something from me even if it was going to be something low budget. I guess only she knows in her head how shallow and materialistic she really is. They say money can't buy love but it seems to have worked on her. Ugh I hate christmas!! lmao The ex and I have a tradition of making really fancy cookies and truffles and taking a lot of time to decorate them to make them look really professional. So I am hoping it really hits her that I am not there to help her this year. I guess I don't really love her because loving someone unconditionally I would want her to be happy even if it isn't with me... right?
Buttercup84 Posted December 24, 2011 Posted December 24, 2011 So it's christmas day here in Australia and I have been housesitting in a nice area for a few days . I am back home until tomorrow and last night I was watching stupid bridal reality tv shows and 16 and pregnant and I was crying and eating junk food and drinking . Classy . I do not know if he has a girlfriend but I am wondering if he is with a girl now celebrating their first christmas together . I remember our first christmas , he was so cute and affectionate and loving . He still wanted sex etc and loved me.
mike588 Posted December 24, 2011 Posted December 24, 2011 So it's christmas day here in Australia and I have been housesitting in a nice area for a few days . I am back home until tomorrow and last night I was watching stupid bridal reality tv shows and 16 and pregnant and I was crying and eating junk food and drinking . Classy . I do not know if he has a girlfriend but I am wondering if he is with a girl now celebrating their first christmas together . I remember our first christmas , he was so cute and affectionate and loving . He still wanted sex etc and loved me. Yeah that's pretty classy lol. Well you know my story so she has someone tonight and I don't.sucks. I remember last X-Mas eve having passionate sex by the light of a roaring fire in the fireplace and X-Mas tree lights.....Sigh.....
GaelicSoul Posted December 24, 2011 Posted December 24, 2011 Happy Christmas Everybody! Well its almost 1 year NC from her and Me, and she is in a new relationship. So i doubt strongly she will wish a Happy Christmas to me. Plus i'm on the other side of the world now. Enjoy your Christmas guys, and keep yourself away from the LS forums for a few hours. After all its Christmas.
punkinless Posted December 25, 2011 Posted December 25, 2011 she made last years christmas the best one i've ever had by far. and with just her abcense this is easily my worst christmas ever . . .
MissMoni Posted December 25, 2011 Posted December 25, 2011 Stay strong, all. It will get better, I promise. I have made it through Christmas morning without contacting him. Last year (when we had just broken up in Oct) I sent him a Christmas text, and he responded..I sort of wonder if he noticed I didn't wish him anything this year..but then I remeber, it doesn't really matter. From the looks of what dumpers on the board say, he'd probably be relieved he's not hearing from me. (Even if he said we'd "always" be friends. Pft, liar, lol.) MERRY CHRISTMAS ALL! Remember the reason for the season and don't let someone who's not in your life anymore ruin any part of it.
PoppyLove89 Posted December 25, 2011 Posted December 25, 2011 Definitely know how people on here are feeling when they said "Last year was the best Xmas I've had and this year could easily be one of the worst"...we split up two months ago. We spent all of last year's xmas together and I've been really struggling today. I don't want to cry over somebody who probably doesn't give a flying fig about me anymore...or at least that's how he's been acting. Sticking to NC because I doubt I'd get a response anyway and frankly, I don't think I could take it either way. They have to at least think of us for a split second today surely?
mike588 Posted December 25, 2011 Posted December 25, 2011 Definitely know how people on here are feeling when they said "Last year was the best Xmas I've had and this year could easily be one of the worst"...we split up two months ago. We spent all of last year's xmas together and I've been really struggling today. I don't want to cry over somebody who probably doesn't give a flying fig about me anymore...or at least that's how he's been acting. Sticking to NC because I doubt I'd get a response anyway and frankly, I don't think I could take it either way. They have to at least think of us for a split second today surely? If you dated for any length of time and were "good to him" of course he will think of/remember you.
MissMoni Posted December 25, 2011 Posted December 25, 2011 Definitely know how people on here are feeling when they said "Last year was the best Xmas I've had and this year could easily be one of the worst"...we split up two months ago. We spent all of last year's xmas together and I've been really struggling today. I don't want to cry over somebody who probably doesn't give a flying fig about me anymore...or at least that's how he's been acting. Sticking to NC because I doubt I'd get a response anyway and frankly, I don't think I could take it either way. They have to at least think of us for a split second today surely? PoppyLove89, believe me, he's thinking of you. Perhaps not dwelling, but you crossed his mind. Last year I was in the same predicament as you, my ex and I broke up two months before Christmas, in October. I used to think that he hated me, that he wasn't thinking of me at all, that he was purposely being mean to me. I don't think it's so much of that as them wanting to move on, not wanting to hurt us any further, and perhaps not knowing what to say. We can't comprehend what they are thinking so we convince ourselves they hate us and want to hurt us, because it's easier to think those thoughts than to think that they do care, but not enough. I will never forget going through some things and being angry my ex wasn't there for me, and I went as far to call him and tell him I felt like I was reaching out and he wasn't (I know, dumb move, lol ) He was respectful..but with a bit of anguish in his voice, said "I don't know how to reach out to you." So there it is. Sometimes they don't reach out to us because they are selfish, but that doesn't have anything to do with you or the kind of person you are or were in the relationship. That has to do with who THEY are. And for someone who is guilty, pretending you don't exist..is probably the easiest way they can move on. He's thinking of you. Hey may not love you or care for you in "that" way anymore, but after a while of dating someone, you just don't forget them. I have long since realized my ex doesn't have the emotional capacity to be a real friend to me because he tends to run away from every hard thing in his life. But I don't think your ex or my ex "hates" us or doesn't think of us. I just think they are trying to move on, and want us to do so as well.
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