5 weeks post BU, starting to adapt. Still hoping for reconciliation though.

[ZimboGon]

Well, you guys probably remember me. I've been here a lot lately. Well, here is a small refresher. Dating my ex for 16 months, we are both really young. I graduated school, we distanced, she went looking for something 'better' since i was her first boyfriend, and some guy moved in and became her emotional doormat seeing her everyday, and finally she left me for him. I was a good boyfriend, i protected her, i did whatever i could to make her happy, and i made a lot of sacrifices for her. In the end, i think its chalked up to her age and immaturity, because the first year of our relationship was flawless. It was amazing, she was always by my side and loving and devoted, but things changed.

 

Since then, our mutual friends (they all took my side after hearing about her lying and cheating on me) have updated me on how she's doing. A week after our break-up, she and the other guy started dating. They all pretty much say the same thing. She doesn't seem very happy, and she's turning into a huge b*tch. She's become rude, snobbish, egotistical, suddenly taking care of her apparel. She completely shut me out and i went NC, and she has been telling everybody i was a horrible boyfriend, i guess to validate the break-up in her eyes. The break-up was a pretty messy situation, she wanted to keep us both and string us both along. I gave her several chances to stay with me, but ultimately by influence of him and her friends (who all hate me) she picked him. I know i was a great boyfriend, and i know he manipulated her and from what i hear, it won't be long until their relationship falls apart.

 

Since the break-up, i have been feeling pretty good. Hanging out with my friends, meeting some girls and just living my life. However, a lot of my life has to do with thoughts of winning her back at some point. I've gotten past the emotional part, and i don't falter when i see posts she makes on facebook. It feels pretty empty when i see it. I just promised her i would always take care of her no matter what, and as i see it she made a huge mistake and ran with another guy because she felt butterflies and our relationship got to the point where we both needed to commit and i guess she wasn't mature enough to do it. She kept trying to keep me as a friend, but i ended up shutting her down. We didn't start as friends, and i don't have a desire to be her friend. I never want it to come to a point where i can hang out with her WITHOUT the desire to kiss her and i won't let it get to that point.

 

I'm just thinking aloud. I've been pondering stuff for awhile, and it would be nice to get some opinions. I feel like i have grown from the break-up. I've matured, i've learned things and i understand why everything happened. I have started to better myself, and i have worked to improve my flaws.

 

I just hope one day she realizes what she lost. If things go sour with her, and it hits her i was the guy who truly loved her and was there for her and she comes back. I know at one point the love was genuine from her. She would tell me the sweetest things. She was a very depressed person when i met her, and i rescued her from that. I made her believe she could have a positive future. (her parents were emotionally abusive) I just don't like the idea of losing her for good. I wanted to spend my life with her.

Edited December 21, 2011 by ZimboGon

[BoredAgain]

Once you get used to the idea that you're going to spend your life with a person, it's very tough to see that dream fall apart. Sorry that it didn't work out for you.

 

Obviously, reconciliation is possible, but from what you say it seems the problem is her immaturity. She tried to string you and her new bf along, she's badmouthing you, and she's generally lashing out ("She's become rude, snobbish, egotistical..."), etc. So if this new relationship falls apart and she comes crying to you for reconciliation, would you agree to it? It seems like the problem that split you two apart would still be there, waiting to rear its ugly head again.

[ZimboGon]

Well the problems that split us up to begin with only came into play around the last four months of our relationship, and they really could have been avoided. I felt like through the good time we spent together, she was completely worth spending my future with if what she is going through right now is a phase.

[ZimboGon]

Bleh, so she was hanging out with my friends yesterday. It wrenched my gut. It seems i'm pissing off my friends because i talk about her so much. They told me she seemed happy and whatnot, yet there was zero interaction with the rebound guy and when he showed up she got really embarrassed.

[thepedestrian]

Your friends are pissed that you talk about her? That sucks man. I always worry about my friends being annoyed but luckily a lot of my friends have been heartbroken before so they all understand and help me out.

 

Zimbo, my ex talked to my family man and they told me how good she was doing. Its brutal man. Sets you back some days but give it a bit of time and let your emotions settle down. It gets easier... of course you already know this

[ZimboGon]

Your friends are pissed that you talk about her? That sucks man. I always worry about my friends being annoyed but luckily a lot of my friends have been heartbroken before so they all understand and help me out.

 

Zimbo, my ex talked to my family man and they told me how good she was doing. Its brutal man. Sets you back some days but give it a bit of time and let your emotions settle down. It gets easier... of course you already know this

 

Yeah, i just kind of kill her off in my head. So anytime i hear about her out having fun or being happy, its just like... "I guess she is just happier without me after all."

 

But then i snap out of it. I'm doing better. No need to throw it away

[ZimboGon]

Once you get used to the idea that you're going to spend your life with a person, it's very tough to see that dream fall apart. Sorry that it didn't work out for you.

 

Obviously, reconciliation is possible, but from what you say it seems the problem is her immaturity. She tried to string you and her new bf along, she's badmouthing you, and she's generally lashing out ("She's become rude, snobbish, egotistical..."), etc. So if this new relationship falls apart and she comes crying to you for reconciliation, would you agree to it? It seems like the problem that split you two apart would still be there, waiting to rear its ugly head again.

 

Thinking back, i have learned a lot from the break-up. I've learned how to handle myself better, how to better react, and live my life. I'm sure she's learned too, and if she can get past that immaturity i feel it can work. We broke up for several reasons, but the main one... It just wasn't exciting anymore. I lost my job, we didn't have access to a car, so we really couldn't do anything. We didn't have many friends to hang out with together as a couple, either. I also went through a period of depression around this time, due to feeling a huge weight about my future and my friends leaving. This period lasted for months. Since then, i've gotten a car, i've gotten a bit edgier (i was before we dated, but i got so comfortable i lost my spontaneous nature) so it should be okay.

 

One thing i noticed, she's always been a b*tch. When we dated, she was mean and rude to several people.. Its her nature, she's a very insecure person. But to me, she wasn't. She loved me, and because of that she was sweet, and she was genuine. I was the one person in the world she cared about more than herself, and in a way, that is a huge victory for me. I don't care if she can be a mean, rude, selfish person as long as her love and actions towards me aren't. They never were... until he came around.