GivenUp0083 Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 I've already decided I want to email her today, just basically sending a very very short message letting her know I remembered this day (as it was the day we met.) She broke up with me in May after 6 months of dating but I was in love with her and never really "fought" to get her back or made any attempt due to the advice of friends/this forum. I know it's not the right decision, I'm not nearly has hurt as I was before. I don't really know what I'm trying to accomplish with sending her a message, I don't necessarily want her back, but I feel like this was an important day to me in my life and I just want to let her know I didn't forget about it. Even if she doesn't respond or we have no communication that results I'm find with that. The big question is what should I say? I was thinking of just sending an email Subject: Dec 21 Message: I remember this day Thoughts?
Philosoraptor Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 Say this: I'm trying to look like a clingy psycho. Either way it will read that way. But I cut my strings. I had a 5 year anniversarry just a few weeks after my breakup. I left a document on the table laying out that nothing she wants from the house will be hers and when she stepped away she doesn't get to have her cake and eat it too.
Author GivenUp0083 Posted December 21, 2011 Author Posted December 21, 2011 Why did she break up with you? She told me she cared deeply for me and loved me, but she wanted a "fairy-tale love story type of relationship where she was head over heels/love at first sight". She would get like this whenever she visited her best friend who met a guy on an island in the carribean, then quit her job/sold her house and moved to the island to be with him. She was jealous of that. I loved her dearly and she knew it, but she's just stupid when it comes to the reality of love and relationships. I was hurt for a very long time, I hated her for a while after that, now I just miss her still. I would not get into a relationship with her, it's just hard to go from knowing how amazing you have it to losing it at the drop of a hat. I don't know what I want from her, probably nothing, I just have tried everything from NC to drugs to improving my life (lost 30 lbs, work out, learned guitar, bought a home) in just the 7 months we've been apart. But I still have that feeling in my heart that something just isn't right not being with her. I've tried dating a few but no one sparked with me like her and I had, I've tried online dating which is a huge disappointment. I don't know what else to do. I've tried everything to get over it and I'm still not 100% over it. What do I have to lose by emailing her?
Philosoraptor Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 You give up the progress you have made. You are expecting something back whether you want to admit it or not. Keep working on yourself. You still associate the feelings related to love and happiness with this one person. I'd honestly date some more at this point as you seem more lonely than anything. Wait a few weeks until after what would have been your anniversarry has passed and the holidays are gone. For now keep working on yourself and get out there. Anything saying "I remember this day" sounds like you've been waiting for this day to come so you could have a reason to make contact. Look at it from the outside... a bit creepy if you ask me since the realtionship ended 6 months ago.
smudge21 Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 You will feel worse for making contact, that's what you have to lose. I said goodbye to mine in March and yeah, it still hurts but there is nothing I can do to change what has happened. She's happy where she is and it's up to me, and me alone, to accept this and move on. All you're doing is holding on to hope. Has she ever shown any signs whatsoever that she wants back with you? If not, then what on earth do you expect to gain from contacting her? You won't gain anything but you will lose any self respect, and any respect she still has for you. That said, I know from experience you will still do what you want to do, despite what is said here. I wish you luck.
Philosoraptor Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 Logic > Emotions right now... it will save your progress and save your emotional well being in the future.
Author GivenUp0083 Posted December 21, 2011 Author Posted December 21, 2011 You give up the progress you have made. You are expecting something back whether you want to admit it or not. Keep working on yourself. You still associate the feelings related to love and happiness with this one person. I'd honestly date some more at this point as you seem more lonely than anything. Wait a few weeks until after what would have been your anniversarry has passed and the holidays are gone. For now keep working on yourself and get out there. Anything saying "I remember this day" sounds like you've been waiting for this day to come so you could have a reason to make contact. Look at it from the outside... a bit creepy if you ask me since the realtionship ended 6 months ago. It sure doesn't feel like I've made progress. What good is progress if I still miss her?? As for getting back out there, I'm on my last straw with dating. It's a joke. The very very few women who are interested in me I meet and they don't have an ounce of personality and it's like pulling teeth to have a conversation with them. I have a good profile, I look for women who share similar beliefs/values and interests, but I'm not very photogenic. My pictures aren't flashy and I don't do the funny angles to try and make myself look better. I know I'm not a bad looking dude and I'm in excellent physical shape. I'm not going to put a ton of effort to take professional photos to adhere to the visual demands of all the superficial women on the internet. Dating effing blows. I already know what I want. I'd rather go after that. Instead I'm taking the advice of everyone to do nothing, just keep no contact. Well where has that gotten me? Seriously?
immitable Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 don't send her this message about the anniversary, you see the raltionship you once had doesn't exist anymorethe same thing with the anniversary, it defeats the purpose. If you send it it would make it look too obvious. Be a little more imaginative if you want her back, surprise her with a message when she doesn't expect it, just my 2 cents
Philosoraptor Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 You can still miss someone and have made progress. Are you feeling the same and doing the samethings you did the day after you split? If not then you have made progress. You've done the thing that many of the broken hearted, including myself, have been guilty of after something ends. The longer you are apart from something the more you start to idolize it. Don't make comparisons to the past, give a new person a clean slate. They have nothing to live up to except for giving you their best. Just because they are not like your ex doesn't mean that they can't be even more amazing. Keep out there
M2155 Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 The big question is what should I say? I was thinking of just sending an email Subject: Dec 21 Message: I remember this day Thoughts? :confused: Well if you're not sure what to say maybe you're not ready to send it. The day my ex and I met passed and it crossed my mind but I felt I'd look rather silly saying "hey I remember today." Yeah of course I do. If you feel the need and you're ready to reach out to her, don't make it about a day that was of the past. I mean at least go with hope you have a merry christmas or something that can't be deemed emotional. The day is attached to the old relationship.
TearyEyedPride Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 Please don't. I know that something in you compels you to want to talk to her or just have some type of communication, but it's really not worth it. Truth is... you remember this day, and so does she. Truth is... she doesn't care enough to reach out to you about it though. Truth is... you are not her fairytale and she doesn't want to waste her time with you when she could be out there finding "that special one". It may seem stupid to us, but it was real enough for her to leave you. Remember that pain. Today is a monument of what could've been but of what was destroyed. Like 9/11, and Pearl Harbor... You have to heal from it and let it go. If you do reach out to her... think of it this way. What if she's found another guy to try her fairytale out with? What if she doesn't reply at all? What if she gets weirded out and then you have a useless conversation that ends up being nothing and then she ends up confusing you further? All of that can happen. Go out and celebrate on your own, but for the sake of your own progress, don't reach out. The longer you pine over this one, the more chances the girl that's out there for you has of running into another distraction. Live your life. Some people are in our lives for a reason, and some just for a season, be able to reap the rewards and let go. Don't cling to the dying leaves because of how brilliantly they once shined. New ones will come... It takes a hell of a lot more strength to truly let go, than it does to hold on. Be strong.
Chi townD Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 What will make him feel worse is if he writes, " I remember this day." and she responds back, "Who is this?"
BoredAgain Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 I already know what I want. I'd rather go after that. Instead I'm taking the advice of everyone to do nothing, just keep no contact. Well where has that gotten me? Seriously? And where do you think texting her on your would-be anniversary get you? It's already been said, but doing such a thing will make you look lonely and pathetic. Even if your goal is to win your Ex back, you have to get to a place where you're confident and happy being single. Nobody wants to date a sad sack. But if you want my honest opinion, you're better off dating other people. She broke up with you because she wants some sort of fairy-tale romance? Life doesn't really work like that, and it shows that she's fairly immature for having such sky-high expectations. You really should give dating more of a chance. Between my last two LTRs, I dated for over a year... in that time, I had some of the worst dates imaginable, but eventually I met a great girl who I dated for over 4 years.
Author GivenUp0083 Posted December 21, 2011 Author Posted December 21, 2011 And where do you think texting her on your would-be anniversary get you? It's already been said, but doing such a thing will make you look lonely and pathetic. Even if your goal is to win your Ex back, you have to get to a place where you're confident and happy being single. Nobody wants to date a sad sack. But if you want my honest opinion, you're better off dating other people. She broke up with you because she wants some sort of fairy-tale romance? Life doesn't really work like that, and it shows that she's fairly immature for having such sky-high expectations. You really should give dating more of a chance. Between my last two LTRs, I dated for over a year... in that time, I had some of the worst dates imaginable, but eventually I met a great girl who I dated for over 4 years. You're right. I didn't email her, I won't do it, maybe I just needed people like you guys to remind me why I shouldn't. Thank you. I totally agree with being happy single....and I am. I was single 4 years before meeting her so being single isn't new to me and I have a lot of great things going on in my life right now. As for giving dating more of a chance...how do you give it more of a chance than doing online dating? I think subjecting myself to that shows I'm willing to make more than an effort. I honestly need to work on meeting women outside of online dating, and outside of my own social circles. I'm trying to talk to more random girls but it's tough in a big city with everyone having multiple options all the time and always having their defenses up.
M2155 Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 it's tough in a big city with everyone having multiple options all the time and always having their defenses up. Ha! Try being in a small town where everyone knows everyone. I would be happy to trade.
CaliBabe Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 Here is my question to you... What will you accomplish? What will this do for you? ... Absolutely nothing.
wilsonx Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 As for giving dating more of a chance...how do you give it more of a chance than doing online dating? I think subjecting myself to that shows I'm willing to make more than an effort. I honestly need to work on meeting women outside of online dating, and outside of my own social circles. I'm trying to talk to more random girls but it's tough in a big city with everyone having multiple options all the time and always having their defenses up. All I see are excuses in this quote and no effort. So flip this around, no excuses make effort
Mileena Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 I did that last month. I sent my ex a message on facebook chat the day we would've made it a year. I told him ''Happy we didn't make it to a year anniversary'' but I was already over him, I just wanted to be a smart a$$ and see what he would say.
sugarmomma Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 If she hasn't reached out to you in all this time, that does speak volumes. If she dumped you it is her responsibility to realize she made a mistake and reach out to you. As long as she doesn't, she feels she made the right decision. I know how you feel, I almost texted a guy that broke up with me. I was just gonna say "hope you're happy now". But I'm so glad I didn't. I don't want someone that has to leave me in order to appreciate me. One day you will wake up and feel completely indifferent about this situation. Keep looking forward to that day. It will come. Hang tight buddy. You can do it!!
Sugarkane Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 I did that last month. I sent my ex a message on facebook chat the day we would've made it a year. I told him ''Happy we didn't make it to a year anniversary'' but I was already over him, I just wanted to be a smart a$$ and see what he would say. That is brilliant! I would love to send something like that.
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