Melrapuo Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 So, here is my story (I'd suggest grabbing a bucket of popcorn and hoping you have at least 15 minutes free time if you want to read it.) http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t310664/ Its been 6 days since the break up. It was partly mutual, but I still wanted to work things out. She told me that we weren't fixing things, that she wasn't happy with me or in love with me anymore. I tried to get her to want to fix things, but at this point she was so frustrated with me saying that she told me to stop hounding her and leave her alone. She also understood that I was going to, at some point, say my peace. We don't hate each other, we just weren't working out. However, despite this, I still keep wanting to hope that she'll contact me again in the future. I'm not going to initiate any contact, because she wants her space, and all I can do is respect that. At the same time, I think its dumb to hold out any hope, because that can build into something that ends up hurting me in the end. I've done the constant contact thing before with a past ex, and that drove me insane. I'm definitely not going to do that again. So what do you all think? Is it stupid to ever assume that things could work out in the future? Am I being an idiot for wanting that?
Author Melrapuo Posted December 21, 2011 Author Posted December 21, 2011 Just as reiteration, I'm not trying to make this only in the case of my break up. I mean it as a generalization. Do you think hope for reconciliation in any case, whether the situation is obviously black and white or not, is something that hinders progress in healing, rather than influencing it?
sugarmomma Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 I think if you have more acceptance than hope you will be fine. I have accepted the fact that the exbf said after 6 months together that he didn't want anything serious. I take a person at their word. If they are confused its not my problem. Either he's in or he's out and if he's out I need to start my healing process by accepting that and leaving him alone. It hurts deeply but I believe the hurt will one day pass. I have not contacted him but he wanted to meet to give me my things. I didn't want to set myself back by seeing him so I told him to throw it away. Its better than sitting around hoping he will change his mind and no longer be confused but I can't focus on him. I have to stay focused on what will bring me peace and happiness since he decided he no longer wanted to be a part of my life. I have to accept that because it is the reality of the situation.
BoredAgain Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 I don't think there's a problem with hoping for reconciliation in general. The problem is that dumpees seem to often use that hope to justify not moving forward with their life. As the saying goes, you should hope for the best but plan for the worst.
SkyEmtRN Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 I don't think there's a problem with hoping for reconciliation in general. The problem is that dumpees seem to often use that hope to justify not moving forward with their life. As the saying goes, you should hope for the best but plan for the worst. Here's my POV. Sorry I didn't read your story yet. Keep the hope if it doesn't affect you from moving forward. If you really love that person and see her as great potential in marriage then Have that person as your main person. But go out and date other people. Kind of like keep her as your tree stump but have other girls as your branches. If tour tree stump comes back then you know it was meant to be. If she doesn't then look at all the branches you have. I guess why I'm saying is don't throw out the possibility but don't dwell and hang on to it. Just let it be out in the open if she's really worth it. Some people do come back. It may be weeks months and even years.
Author Melrapuo Posted December 21, 2011 Author Posted December 21, 2011 That's my dilemma. My head and my heart are currently fighting each other, and I'm trying not to get too anxious about it. My heart says there's still hope; my head says that there's no chance we're getting back together. I'm trying to make it so my head wins and I can just live my life, because my heart doesn't make the decisions. I know I'm not ready to date anyone new. I'm not healthy enough emotionally for someone else. Once I'm ready, I'll leave the option open. And I understand that it is a very viable option to date others. I don't know who yet, but when the time comes I know I'll be ready. It just isn't now. As my therapist said, I shouldn't make any major decisions as of yet (in terms of coming up with a decision about everything and sticking to it. It would only be a quick fix and would not be allowing myself to heal)
TearyEyedPride Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 In general I feel that holding on to hope does hinder people from moving on. The comfortability of clinging to that "What If" becomes a crutch too soon in the breakup. In my mind it's easier to let go. Accept it for what it is, a failed relationship. You can't speak for the future relationships, and can't speak for what may happen in the future because it's unknown. That's real acceptance. What you do know now is that it's over... and just like before it'll suck, but you will survive.
Rimer Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 All I can say after having hope for 4 months to be bitch slapped with the words I have no feelings for you anymore it's hurts as hell. Now I wish I would just accepted the break up from day 1 and moved on. I've been in limbo all of these 4 months. Now it feels like the break up is starting all over WITHOUT any hope.
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