TheDovic Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 Hi guys, I haven't been on for a while, so hello to all of my old buddies. Ok, so it's been 5 months since my breakup and I'm still miserable and feeling "obsessed" with my ex. My question is, how long has it been for you and how are you feeling? I'd love to hear this is normal, but I'd prefer honesty. Thanks guys. (Ps, for people who don't know me, we were together 4 years, were engaged and lived together)
DannyT27 Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 Hey bro my gf left me just short of 2 months ago and got with a new guy straight away.. Been NC for over a month and I actually feel good altho I always want to knw what there up2 etc... We were together 5 yrs... I'm by no means over her and dreading bumping into her as she goes in my local pubs wit him... But believe me once this rebound ends I'll hear from her. Just keep yourself busy and hit the gym bro, have you had any dates/sex etc ? I'm just not ready for that yet!
mike588 Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 Hi guys, I haven't been on for a while, so hello to all of my old buddies. Ok, so it's been 5 months since my breakup and I'm still miserable and feeling "obsessed" with my ex. My question is, how long has it been for you and how are you feeling? I'd love to hear this is normal, but I'd prefer honesty. Thanks guys. (Ps, for people who don't know me, we were together 4 years, were engaged and lived together) Hey dude I've been wondering about you...sorry your still miserable. I'm doing much better but not quite 100% over her though,in time. I'm alittle over 4 months now and doing sooo much better...I still have strong feelings for her but I'm not in love with her and at times I miss her but that's normal. Gone are the days where she's the 1st thing on my mind when I wake and don't dwell on her all day but yes I do think about her ocassionally thru out the day. It's feels so good to feel good again! and look foward to where I don't think about her at all. The holidays are tough...the memories. You know my story...I haven't heard anything from her and doubt I will which is for the best....I don't need those feeling/emotions brought back up.
smudge21 Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 Hi mate... sorry you're still suffering. Rest assured though, you're not alone here. Coming to the end of a this bad year and yeah I still think about her in some way, probably every day. Just the odd thought. It doesn't hurt as much as it used to, but occasionally it can feel really bad. I reckon holiday seasons are the worse as it's a time people remember sharing with their ex's. I used to think that break ups happen and we heal, it was that simple. Maybe over a few weeks, a month at most. Now thanks to LS, I realise that's never the case. We heal differently yet suffer the same. Try to look forward, new year and all that. I know it's just another day, week, month etc, but no one knows what will happen next year... well apart from the Mayans.
Philosoraptor Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 I'm a bit less than 2 months out of a 5 year relationship, engaged, owned a home together. I'm not obsessed with her at all, just obsessed with me. I did all the stupid things most people do in the first 2 weeks (check my history, I was insane ) but then I decided I didn't want to be miserable so I started living again. It's been great and I've accepted that she and I just wont work out. Once we finish the house business (likely going to court) I will have no strings left at all to her. I don't really feel like I have any now. Rarely think about her and instead think about all of the great things I can do with my life. I've found that focusing on me really made everything so much easier. She is the past and I am the now. There is nothing I can do about the past but I can sure as hell make every day from now on meaningful and happy.
headsashed Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 its been nearly 4 months since my break up but ive obviousley spent time with her lately so i feel like im at day 1 again,i should recover quicker this time though. the holidays are horrible i know,ill be alone this xmas as my family are on holiday and the last 2 christmas's ive spent with my ex at her house. Im sure ill survive.
DannyT27 Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 Headsashed your not alone bro.. I'm on my own this Xmas first time in 5 years not good, can't wait to meet someone else when I'm healed properly..
headsashed Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 Headsashed your not alone bro.. I'm on my own this Xmas first time in 5 years not good, can't wait to meet someone else when I'm healed properly.. im glad i aint alone,it will be hard for us so we have to be strong. I actually want xmas and new year to be over. New year will be hard too as shes off to her friends party and no doubt the guy she slept with will be there,we obviousley spent last 2 new years eve together and it was great,what makes it worse is i have no money to even go out over xmas and new year so ill be home alone. on a posotive note,i didnt have to buy her anything this year so i saved what money i had lol.
Melrapuo Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 I'm feeling really good, actually. I think the break-up made me realize that all the problems I had been avoiding, both with the relationship and myself, needed to be addressed. I tend to view relationships as an accomplishment, as proof that I have self-worth. If I'm not in a relationship, I feel as though I'm not worth much, and that no one would ever want me. This viewpoint isn't healthy, and I have to learn why I feel that way. Its only been 6 days. That's nothing in terms of a break up. I haven't contacted my ex, don't plan on it. She could be hooking up with someone already. She could be miserable and alone. But I only have power over the things I control, not what she can or can't do. She initiated the break up, even though we both agreed things weren't good. Whether we speak to each other again is up to her. In the meantime, all I can do is work on myself.
shayla Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 Hi guys, I haven't been on for a while, so hello to all of my old buddies. Ok, so it's been 5 months since my breakup and I'm still miserable and feeling "obsessed" with my ex. My question is, how long has it been for you and how are you feeling? I'd love to hear this is normal, but I'd prefer honesty. Thanks guys. (Ps, for people who don't know me, we were together 4 years, were engaged and lived together) Honestly, your feelings are normal! For me, it was an almost 3 year relationship, and I was dumped a little over a year ago. It was a very nasty break up and it took me every bit of a year to get over it. I feel very good at this point, I feel happy and content. I don't have any pangs or any pain when I think of my ex. I feel free, and that is the best feeling ever.
Zabs Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 Hey D! No joy then? Is she still persuing you? What do you NEED to feel better? Go for that. I am looking forward to 00.01am 1st Jan 2012...because everything before that...even by 30seconds...is last year...although I suspect that he will be unwilling to leave it in 2011x
immitable Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 Hey Dovic, I was wondering what happened to you bro. Hope everything is well. I haven't been here very often in the recent time, still rebuilding my life after 5 1/2 years. She broke up with me in june. Pretty much NC the whole time, she wished me a happy bd I didn't wish her happy bd. I broke NC at a 6 moths mark, sent her an apology letter kinda to get stuff out of my mind a final reach out before I move on, got no reply but who cares. I realized I was putting her before my needs since I am a student and she worked, I guess out of appreciation, started feeling depressive and towards the end nothing I did was good enough for her. Met a whole new group of friends and reconnected with the old ones, continuing my studies, got a new side job, go to gym, go out occasionally, meet friends for basketball, ....keeping busy I guess. Still don't know what to do for holidays but it is getting better
Rimer Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 Hey.. sorry to hear your in the same state as me.. or close to it Been 4 months. 4 months she tangled me along giving me false hope only to yesterday tell me there's no feelings anymore. So it's like day 1 again without any hope. I feel like I'm not worth anything good in my life.
fificremefarben Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 Don't worry, what you're feeling is TOTALLY normal. I'm coming on 5 months now (wow, it doesn't feel that long lol) and tbh, although I'm past the stage of bursting into tears every 2 seconds, the pain is less sharp but still very prominent. It's duller and deeper than before, simply because of his behaviour, his betrayal and the fact that he's offered no apologies for either throughout the last 5 months. Broke up with me after 4 years and lied/ strung me along for a month, giving me bogus reasons for the breakup before finally admitting in a text message that there had actually been another girl he'd left me for. I asked him to meet me so I could talk it out for closure (I didn't wanna have that conversation by text msg...not after 4 years, y'know? I had so many questions that I wanted answers too, like whether or not he cheated on me.) and he simply said "We have nothing to talk about" and hasn't spoken to me since. This is after 14 years of friendship and 4 years together. I think that's why it hurts so bad still to this point. after everything we meant to each other for literally more than a decade, he had no respect for me at all in the end to be honest and break up with me in a decent way. He just cut and run. I am getting better, don't get me wrong, I'm still really bruised emotionally from the breakup, but I no longer have any delusions that we're getting back together someday. I'll probably never see him again. I still vary wildly from moods. One day I'm feeling very empowered and eager to move on, then the next I find myself crying into my dinner lol. But hey, pain is temporary. It won't last forever.
pd8mxq Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 It is normal. But I think we should not let that feeling of 'It is normal' and so not doing the moving on stuff. At your stage I kept asking myself if thats normal. Where I am now is 1 year post BU of a 8year relationship. I still feel rubbish, not as bad as last year but he is on my agenda everyday. not helping either given we have a house together so we still have to deal with selling it. Coupling with the fact that he went with soeone else straight after the BU. People say it s a rebound but hey, one year, is that still what you called a rebound? Anyway. I came here cos I felt so low today and want to let you know that be prepared to feel this way. But I am pretty sure there will be a way out at the end of the tunnel. Good luck
immitable Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 It is normal. But I think we should not let that feeling of 'It is normal' and so not doing the moving on stuff. At your stage I kept asking myself if thats normal. Where I am now is 1 year post BU of a 8year relationship. I still feel rubbish, not as bad as last year but he is on my agenda everyday. not helping either given we have a house together so we still have to deal with selling it. Coupling with the fact that he went with soeone else straight after the BU. People say it s a rebound but hey, one year, is that still what you called a rebound? Anyway. I came here cos I felt so low today and want to let you know that be prepared to feel this way. But I am pretty sure there will be a way out at the end of the tunnel. Good luck For your comfort it is a rebound. Rebound is someone with whom you continue to share the same emotions you had with your previous partner plus infatuation, it always wears off at some point of time because it is a lie.
Melrapuo Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 Amazing how in 6 hours I can go from great to crappy. Eesh this sucks. Today I woke up ok and happy. This afternoon I'm moody and pissed. I keep reading about how its pretty much over, and I'm making myself let that thought sink deep in. I keep wanting to leave work, or go in the bathroom to wash off my face. Gah, what the hell am I doing? If they invent something that completely knocks any of these feelings off, or gets rid of the pit in my stomach, I'll be glad to invest in it. And I do mean completely, not temporarily. Its settling in that she's not going to call back. That I HAVE to better myself. There's no reason for her to come back. She made her decision last week. Why would anything change her mind? Just because I'm not talking to her doesn't mean she is missing me, or wanting me back. If that's the case, she would have called me. And she hasn't. So I HAVE to move on.
Rimer Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 Amazing how in 6 hours I can go from great to crappy. Eesh this sucks. Today I woke up ok and happy. This afternoon I'm moody and pissed. I keep reading about how its pretty much over, and I'm making myself let that thought sink deep in. I keep wanting to leave work, or go in the bathroom to wash off my face. Gah, what the hell am I doing? If they invent something that completely knocks any of these feelings off, or gets rid of the pit in my stomach, I'll be glad to invest in it. And I do mean completely, not temporarily. Its settling in that she's not going to call back. That I HAVE to better myself. There's no reason for her to come back. She made her decision last week. Why would anything change her mind? Just because I'm not talking to her doesn't mean she is missing me, or wanting me back. If that's the case, she would have called me. And she hasn't. So I HAVE to move on. Yo.. I feel you.. I'm in the exact same place and it sucks. My work buddies try to cheer me up everyday but I just can't smile. I feel bad for them even because there trying there best but I can't response. I too find settling that I KNOW she's not going to call. That she doesn't give a damn about how I feel or how I'm doing. If she did she would call. We just gotta move on as unimaginable as that sounds. We still got a long road ahead of us. Thank god for this forum and the people on here.
Author TheDovic Posted December 22, 2011 Author Posted December 22, 2011 Thanks everyone, I'd forgotten how good a support this site really is and am really glad I posted today. @ Danny : Cheers for the reply dude. I've been hittin the gym every day, been going out on the weekends and although I've kissed a few girls I'm not really ready for anything else. Still pushing myself to keep meeting new people though, which helps. @ Mike: Really glad you're doing a bit better buddy. I've been thinking about you a lot because you've went through a pretty s**t time too. I'll pm u for an update. @ Smudge: I think we should hang out with the Mayans. Maybe they'll be able to tell us where to find someone good enough for us lol. Ps, thanks for the wise words. As you said we are all different and heal in our own time, so I'm sure I will too. Hope all is going well for you! @ Philosoraptor: Man I wish I had your drive! Glad you're working through this and seem to have found some strength inside of you. I'm sure I'll get to that stage at some point too. I've had moments where I get some fight back, so hopefully I can learn to sustain that feeling. @ Headsashed: Why do we do it to ourselves mate? I think I have the same problem you do. We allow them at times to come back into our lives and it messes us up big time! Gutted for you spending xmas alone dude. Make sure you come on here and at least we can have a chat to kill the boredom, or the tough feelings from being away from her! @ Melrapuo: Hope you can sustain feeling strong like that but don't be too hard on yourself if your feelings change (A LOT!!!). You're in for a rollercoaster dude. Just keep posting on here. I should never have stopped!!! @ Shayla: Really nice to see a success story like yours. I know it'll take another while for me to feel good again but it's good to see that it's possible. @ Zabs: Hey Zabsy, I've missed you so much!!! How are things with you? She's still pursuing me yes, but it's breadcrumb city so I try to avoid her. It's tough in my small town though! And you're right... I'm counting the seconds until this godforsaken year is over lol @ Immitable: Long time no speak lol. How's things with you? I've been doing a lot of the things you are i.e. meeting new people, reconnecting with old friends, hitting the gym etc... and I do think it's helping. Just wish I could turn off my feelings sometimes lol. Have you no plans for xmas yet? Will you have family around you? @ Rimer: Cheers for the reply. Really gutted she said that to you, it must have felt like she stabbed you in the heart. I suppose through all this my ex hasn't been so cruel as to say something like that, so I can only imagine how you're feeling. How are you coping? @ Fifecremefarben: First off, brilliant name! And I know exactly what you mean... I no longer feel the need to burst into tears, and the pain isn't as sharp, but it really does feel duller and deeper than before! Maybe that's all part of the process, but it really sucks!!! Thanks for the reply @ Pd8mxq: Thanks for the reply. I understand a rebound to be a relationship which forms shortly after the previous one has ended (and thus they have not given themselves a chance to grieve), which has lasted less than half the length of the last one... so it might be a rebound, but only your ex will know deep down!!! Sorry if I've missed anyone, but it's late and I'm really tired lol. Thanks for the replies though, I really appreciate them!
perfectlyflawed459 Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 Hey I want to let you know it is perfectly normal to feel that way. There is no set time limit in getting over someone. I am a little over a year into my break up and I still love my ex. I should have gone NC from the very beginning but we kept fighting with each other and went through a roller coaster ride. I am three months into strict NC with him and I must say I have made tremendous improvement since I started NC. I don't really talk much about him anymore and I have done some great things in my life and met some really cool people However, I do still have my rough days. Like his birthday was on saturday and I could not help but break down because I do miss him so much. It is okay though, we gotta stay strong! Interestingly enough though, he broke NC six weeks into it just to try and approach me. He tried to make small talk but I ignored him. Then he told my mom the following week that something was missing in his life. Blah it is hard but I feel like I have come very far and do not intend on backing down anytime soon. Keep your head up, I promise it does get better
Zabs Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 Aww! Missed you too D! One thing that is great that some really beautiful friendships can blossom from sites like this...Ithink ours will be one of them:bunny: Love Z xx
Author TheDovic Posted December 22, 2011 Author Posted December 22, 2011 @ Perfectlyflawed: First off, nice speaking to you again, it seems like a long time . Second, well done sticking to nc even when he threw those breadcrumbs. Did you keep in contact with him up until 2 months ago then? Do you think this made it harder to move on, or do you think you would've missed him as much anyway? @ Zabs: We ALREADY have a beautiful friendship thanks to this site. Loves and hugs for YOU xo
perfectlyflawed459 Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 @ Perfectlyflawed: First off, nice speaking to you again, it seems like a long time . Second, well done sticking to nc even when he threw those breadcrumbs. Did you keep in contact with him up until 2 months ago then? Do you think this made it harder to move on, or do you think you would've missed him as much anyway? @ Zabs: We ALREADY have a beautiful friendship thanks to this site. Loves and hugs for YOU xo Yea you could say that. We stayed in each other's lives after the break up and the fact that we went to school together didn't help matters. I would say it definitely prevented me from healing. I believe contact with him not only prolonged my healing process, it prolonged any sort of progress into getting back together. He told me he still loved me after the break up and would call and text me a lot. However, this only made me feel worse because I wanted us to be together so I would push for that, causing us to fight and not get along. I realize we both have been acting very immature since we broke up, but what do you expect from a 17 and 18 year old .
dicky_fish Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 Well I'm out 7 months now and I'm still feeling really crappy. Nowhere near as bad as it was at first but still having the odd breakdown here and there. The overall feeling I have though is a feeling of being totally lost. I don't know who I am or what my place in the world is anymore. It's a quest I thought I had an answer to and was really happy with and I really don't want to go looking for it again.
Author TheDovic Posted December 22, 2011 Author Posted December 22, 2011 @ Perfectlyflawed: I don't think it's as much to do with age, as it is to do with not knowing how to respond in times like these. We're never told how to deal with these types of situations, and even if we knew how, odds are our emotions would take over anyway. Even though my ex and I don't fight when we have contact it still hurts and is confusing. Ah well, one day it'll all just be a memory @ dicky fish: "The overall feeling I have though is a feeling of being totally lost. I don't know who I am or what my place in the world is anymore." Dude you've just described exactly how I'm feeling, and in a way knowing someone else feels like that is a comfort, because it suggests to me it's normal. Thanks for the reply and I hope things start to pick up for you soon
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