Eternal Sunshine Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 They seriously annoy me. Especially when they are speaking to my boyfriend and touch his arm, shoulder, lean in too much during a conversation at a party. It's usually done in front of me and their SO. I never know if they are actually flirting. I am not touchy-feely so to me it looks like pretty heavy flirting. It may not be. Opinions? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 Hard one to call, considering most men's experiences are dealing with touchy-feely men (a marked majority IME) flirting with their wives and girlfriends physically and emotionally (sweet talk). I guess you pick a boundary, communicate it and stick with it. Your boyfriend, aware of the boundary, can enlist your help in enforcing it, for example by backing up a bit, motioning you over and introducing you or bringing you into the conversation. This sends a wider signal of your solidarity. Some couples are fine with most everything short of sex. I've known some like that. Others have more rigid and defined boundaries. Everyone is different. Lastly, some people are touchy-feely. A good rule of thumb is those kinds of people are that way with everyone; men, women, children, grandparents, whatever. If their 'style' is generalized, I wouldn't concern myself with it. If it's targeted, that would be reason for concern, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
colliejoanie Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 I am touchy feely..... I don't realize I'm doing it sometimes, until I'm actually touching the arm of someone and they're giving a weird look. I don't discriminate between men or women.....I'm just that way. I don't go up to strangers and caress their arms, I have to be telling a story where the person seems engaged, or they're telling a story and I'm completely engaged. I don't know, if a woman is blatant about it, like she's trying to fondle your man it would bug the heck out of me.....I don't think this is normally the case though, especially if the SO's are both there.....she's just comfortable with herself and with the situation. And she must have a hel.l of a story. Haha! Link to post Share on other sites
Wolf18 Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 I like touchy feely women, I'm pretty touchy feely myself and I'm male. Touching others creates a kind of intimacy (not sexual per se), along with eye contact it makes the other person feel good when you're talking to them. The other day I went to the dentist who is a young married female with 2 children, when she calls me in we always interlock arms and I kiss her on the cheek, doesn't mean I'm porking her on the x-ray machine 5 minutes later. Not everything has to be about the bottom line. The chicks touching your boyfriend are just being friendly. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 Hard one to call, considering most men's experiences are dealing with touchy-feely men (a marked majority IME) flirting with their wives and girlfriends physically and emotionally (sweet talk). I guess you pick a boundary, communicate it and stick with it. Your boyfriend, aware of the boundary, can enlist your help in enforcing it, for example by backing up a bit, motioning you over and introducing you or bringing you into the conversation. This sends a wider signal of your solidarity. Some couples are fine with most everything short of sex. I've known some like that. Others have more rigid and defined boundaries. Everyone is different. Lastly, some people are touchy-feely. A good rule of thumb is those kinds of people are that way with everyone; men, women, children, grandparents, whatever. If their 'style' is generalized, I wouldn't concern myself with it. If it's targeted, that would be reason for concern, IMO. Good advice. I'm very tactile, but I have friends who are not and I respect their boundaries. I kiss my parents and some friends on the lips too. Everyone is different. Discuss it with your other half. Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 Opinions? Touching can be a great way to punctuate conversation or to reinforce a bond of friendship. It doesn't have to indicate flirting or have a sexual intent or effect. However, if you don't like it then talk to your SO and see what he can do to minimise it (but realise that he doesn't control when his friends choose to touch him). Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 I'm touchy-feely but very conscious of not leaning in as I don't want it to be interpreted as flirting. It's meant to be about warmth and friendliness. When I met someone recently he thought I was into his friend because I kept touching his friend's lower arm during conversation - in fact it was about encouraging that person because I knew he was shy. So different interpretations but I think you can sort of tell whether someone is showing off or just being friendly Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 I am not into touchy-feely people in general but think this is a fault within me more than in them, as mostly it can be harmless. Basically I don't touch anyone unless I love them. So I go with there being different levels of touchy-feely-ness. I could not bear anyone to touch up my Hubby but admit that I can be slightly jealous over him and so this is where this feeling originates from. I automatically think that a woman is after my Hubby if she touches him and will watch her like a hawk. The two times this has happened in front of me, I was right. Bitches need to keep their flirty hands to themselves. If I assess them to just be kind people who like contact, I can grit my teeth though and not say owt. Take care, Eve x Link to post Share on other sites
counterman Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 I prefer a woman who's comfortable with her touch, the way she communicates with others. I'm pretty touchy myself, male or female. It's just who I am and I feel comfortable giving a hi five or slap on the back, etc. Though, I understand some people do not like it and that's fair. I did not like it when my ex-girlfriend's guy friends would grab her, hold her and tickle her; I was very jealous because her and I never had that type of interaction. Until something like that happens again, I will not know how I truly feel now., but I have a few girl friends who are touchy-feely and it's just the way they are with everyone. I wouldn't see them hitting on any guy's girlfriend or anything. Here's a story though. One of my girl friends is into partying at clubs and whatnot and is very outgoing; she's the hands-on, hugs all around type of girl. She saw one of her old friends at a club who she hadn't seen a while and gave him a hug. They had a photo taken together. The next day, that guy's girlfriend commented on the photo on facebook and told my friend to 'keep your hands to yourself bitch' and started calling her a slut and whatnot. But bare in mind, all she did was give him a hug as you do with friends, and get a photo taken together. This made that dude's girlfriend look insecure and even a bit psycho... Definitely not the best way to deal with it. Needless to say, my friend was a bit taken aback. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 What is it with people taking photos of absolutely everything? Ah, Facebook. Link to post Share on other sites
oldguy Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 They seriously annoy me. Especially when they are speaking to my boyfriend and touch his arm, shoulder, lean in too much during a conversation at a party. It's usually done in front of me and their SO. I never know if they are actually flirting. I am not touchy-feely so to me it looks like pretty heavy flirting. It may not be. Opinions? It is a difficult one to call & in some cases it is annoying. There is another phrase we had for women who where just a little too touchy feely Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted December 21, 2011 Author Share Posted December 21, 2011 Recently, there was this girl at the party that was like this with my bf. She is in a relationship and kept talking to my bf all night and touching him while they talked (they met at that party so they don't know each other). I stood next to him and tried to join the conversation but she was pretty much only conversing with him. I felt during the whole incident. At one point, he play-tickled her. He is generally touchy-feely with everyone so it's not something out of character. When we sat down, she made sure she sat on the other side of him and again tried to initiate the conversation and the touching. I think he probably had too much at that point as he asked me to swap seats with him (so that I sit next to her and he sits away). I never discussed this after the party as I don't want to cause drama. The girl is very unattractive so I am not that worried. He didn't mention anything. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 ES Your perceived attractiveness of the woman is irrelevant. Not everybody is so focussed as you are on physical attractiveness as a determinant of a person's worth. Though you have now contradicted yourself because you say you are not worried about this incident yet you have started a thread about it. What matters more is how your bf reacts to other women and in this case he asked to swap seats with you so he could get away from her. This is what tells you what you really need to know. He was not interested in her. Simple as that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ross MwcFan Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 I hate it when guys are like that with me, it makes me feel uncomfortable. But I'd love women to be like that with me though, but unfortunatley that's never happened yet. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 Im only touchy feely with friends and family. With my friends we comfortable enough for even boob touching but tyen at home I hardly hug my parejts. I personally think its my upbringing, my parents are conservation chinese immigrants so they never taught me to be physically open. I had to learn a lot of things socially. In fact, the first time a female teaver hugged me by way of greeting, I was a little taken aback by tye gesture. This was in junior high. Nowadays I'm comfortable with hand touching and hugging even the frequent shoulder hang. I do it with my ( single) guyfriends and most often girls. I find I'm still more comfortable physically with girls. Link to post Share on other sites
O'Malley Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 A good rule of thumb is those kinds of people are that way with everyone; men, women, children, grandparents, whatever. If their 'style' is generalized, I wouldn't concern myself with it. If it's targeted, that would be reason for concern, IMO. It's pretty easy to spot the difference. Some of our friends are more touchy feely and I'm comfortable with it. I tend to find women flirting with my guy amusing and I'll tease him about it on occasion. He's very attractive, but he doesn't perceive himself to be, so I'm neither surprised nor upset when other women see him the way that I do. It's a compliment and there's no harm done. It sounds like your boyfriend figured out her intentions after a while (her lack of involving you in the conversation), and did the right thing by switching seats. Keep in mind that some men don't gauge those types of interactions as quickly, or just don't know how to deflect that sort of attention. If he's demonstrated trustworthy behavior, ignore it. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 She is in a relationship and kept talking to my bf all night and touching him while they talked (they met at that party so they don't know each other). I stood next to him and tried to join the conversation but she was pretty much only conversing with him. I felt during the whole incident.This is where BF can take the lead and put his arm around you and 'include' you without speaking about it. You and he become a 'unit' who is engaging this other person. To me, this would be natural. It would be as simple as a light kiss, a squeeze and continuing on. GF/spouse is my priority and I engage others as well with politeness and interest. Faced with the same circumstances, my rule of thumb is I don't interact with the other (female) spouse any differently than with her (male) spouse. If I hug him, I hug her. If I kiss him, I kiss her. If I 'play tickle' him, same for her. IMO, this is what separates 'friendly behavior via touchy-feely' from 'flirting'. So, hence, the more intimate I am with the couple, the more pronounced the 'touchy-feely' could become, with both spouses. That's my boundary. Your BF can explain his in clear terms and you and he can discuss it. Link to post Share on other sites
azsinglegal Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 I'm very touchy feely. I do it to everyone, work, friends, etc. However...if I know someone is TAKEN, I try NOT to do it out of respect for the other woman. Sometimes, it's just who I am and I admit that. But if you were right there, I'd probably have reached out and touched you too. Maybe her boyfriend is a doucher and she was enjoying talking to yours because he's not? Some women just want attention, doesn't mean she wanted to bring him home. Link to post Share on other sites
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