How do you know if someone is just trying to sleep with you?

[marigo]

I've only slept with two guys in my life. One was with my first boyfriend (now ex) and we were together for 2 years. The other is a guy i had a "thing" with for about a year almost. I was surprised I did it with the second guy since I'm not typically one to sleep with someone who isn't my boyfriend but it felt right at the time. I'm really not one to sleep around. My views on sex have changed since i lost my virginity and I'm more open about it but I'm not gonna go sleep with whoever.

 

Anyway, it didnt work out with the second guy and its been 6 months. I recently met a guy at a bar (i know, not exactly the best place to meet a "guy" so im even more cautious about it). The guy and i danced and he ended up asking for my number in the end and ended up asking me for a kiss to which i said yes. We have been texting each other everyday since we met and mostly initiated by him. So thats a little over a month now of texting everyday. Because of work schedule, we're both not really able to talk on the phone and i'm more of a texter anyway so it works out. We live about an hour away from each other and have gone on two dates.

 

First date: he drove to where i live and we went to movie and dinner, held hands and made out. towards the end of the night, we fooled around a little bit but that was it.

 

Second date: i drove to where he live and we went to another movie and dinner and i stayed over at his place. we fooled around again and got close to having sex but we didnt.

 

The topic of sex does get brought up in our conversation every once in a while, mostly joking about it. But not everyday. I'm very scared though. I've always had my walls up (i need to) but the fact that i met him at a bar doesnt exactly make it the best scenario either. I'm starting to really like this guy, but a part of me is questioning his intentions because i still dont really know him. I keep thinking what if he's just using me?

 

So how do you guys know if a guy is just trying to sleep with you?

Edited December 21, 2011 by marigo

[jobaba]

I've only slept with two guys in my life. One was with my first boyfriend (now ex) and we were together for 2 years. The other is a guy i had a "thing" with for about a year almost. I was surprised I did it with the second guy since I'm not typically one to sleep with someone who isn't my boyfriend but it felt right at the time. I'm really not one to sleep around. My views on sex have changed since i lost my virginity and I'm more open about it but I'm not gonna go sleep with whoever.

 

Anyway, it didnt work out with the second guy and its been 6 months. I recently met a guy at a bar (i know, not exactly the best place to meet a "guy" so im even more cautious about it). The guy and i danced and he ended up asking for my number in the end and ended up asking me for a kiss to which i said yes. We have been texting each other everyday since we met and mostly initiated by him. So thats a little over a month now of texting everyday. Because of work schedule, we're both not really able to talk on the phone and i'm more of a texter anyway so it works out. We live about an hour away from each other and have gone on two dates.

 

First date: he drove to where i live and we went to movie and dinner, held hands and made out. towards the end of the night, we fooled around a little bit but that was it.

 

Second date: i drove to where he live and we went to another movie and dinner and i stayed over at his place. we fooled around again and got close to having sex but we didnt.

 

The topic of sex does get brought up in our conversation every once in a while, mostly joking about it. But not everyday. I'm very scared though. I've always had my walls up (i need to) but the fact that i met him at a bar doesnt exactly make it the best scenario either. I'm starting to really like this guy, but a part of me is questioning his intentions because i still dont really know him. I keep thinking what if he's just using me?

 

So how do you guys know if a guy is just trying to sleep with you?

 

A good guy (and I know this from personal experience) will not just dump you after he's 'conquered' you if he can feel that you like him. Even if he doesn't like you that much.

 

There's really no way to tell without knowing the guy, which you barely do. How are we supposed to know?

 

Lower your investment in him and stick to your guns when it comes to allowing sex.

[luvkitties]

I once dated a guy for 4 months; we only saw each other an average of once every 2 weeks (no more than ten dates tops). We kissed on the 3rd date, and from that date on, he kept trying to initiate sex. We were not exclusive, and I have a personal boundary that I will not sleep with someone unless we are in an exclusive r'ship. When I blocked his advances but suggested doing something else (like going to a movie, bowling, etc), he was all of a sudden "too tired" and ended our date. Ultimately, he stopped seeing me because I wouldn't sleep with him. It was too bad because I really liked him, but I realized it was for the best that he left, because I am worth more than a roll in the hay, and so are you...good luck!

[carhill]

So how do you guys know if a guy is just trying to sleep with you?

When most of his effort and energy is focused on romancing your panties off of you with little to no balance regarding other areas of your life.

 

When dates appear to turn more into private time for sex than 'getting to know' you.

[Emilia]

When most of his effort and energy is focused on romancing your panties off of you with little to no balance regarding other areas of your life.

 

When dates appear to turn more into private time for sex than 'getting to know' you.

 

This is probably fair assessment although some younger guys just get caught up in the moment in the beginning when they start seeing you and focus on the thrill - even if they want something more serious.

 

The best way I can tell is by seeing whether he cares how I see him and whether I view him as long term potential. When he comes across even slightly vulnerable (like being unsure of how seriously I'm taking him) I know he is looking for more.

[Wolf18]

I once dated a guy for 4 months; we only saw each other an average of once every 2 weeks (no more than ten dates tops). We kissed on the 3rd date, and from that date on, he kept trying to initiate sex. We were not exclusive, and I have a personal boundary that I will not sleep with someone unless we are in an exclusive r'ship. When I blocked his advances but suggested doing something else (like going to a movie, bowling, etc), he was all of a sudden "too tired" and ended our date. Ultimately, he stopped seeing me because I wouldn't sleep with him. It was too bad because I really liked him, but I realized it was for the best that he left, because I am worth more than a roll in the hay, and so are you...good luck! [/Quote]

 

 

Not doing anything after 4 months is a little extreme. If a girl was doing that to me, I would assume she's getting it from somewhere else.

[Emilia]

I once dated a guy for 4 months; we only saw each other an average of once every 2 weeks (no more than ten dates tops). We kissed on the 3rd date, and from that date on, he kept trying to initiate sex. We were not exclusive, and I have a personal boundary that I will not sleep with someone unless we are in an exclusive r'ship. When I blocked his advances but suggested doing something else (like going to a movie, bowling, etc), he was all of a sudden "too tired" and ended our date. Ultimately, he stopped seeing me because I wouldn't sleep with him. It was too bad because I really liked him, but I realized it was for the best that he left, because I am worth more than a roll in the hay, and so are you...good luck!

 

He probably felt like he was wasting his time. Four months is a long time, I wouldn't wait that long for sex to be honest.

 

You should have stopped seeing him when he made it clear he didn't want to be exclusive, you don't need a bigger sign than that. It was always about sex. Mind you, most people can't really tell whether they will stick around until they have sex. If it's c**p it's over anyways - at least for me.

[luvkitties]

He probably felt like he was wasting his time. Four months is a long time, I wouldn't wait that long for sex to be honest.

 

You should have stopped seeing him when he made it clear he didn't want to be exclusive, you don't need a bigger sign than that. It was always about sex. Mind you, most people can't really tell whether they will stick around until they have sex. If it's c**p it's over anyways - at least for me.

 

Believe me, I found it very difficult to restrain myself. Had we spent more time together and had there been more effort on his part to get to know me (oh, and if we would've actually been somewhere alone), there would've been a much higher probability. I really enjoy that part of a r'ship, so it's hard for me to wait. You're right, it should have ended when it was clear that sex was all he was after...apparently, our values didn't mesh, which is really what it boils down to.

[Emilia]

Believe me, I found it very difficult to restrain myself. Had we spent more time together and had there been more effort on his part to get to know me (oh, and if we would've actually been somewhere alone), there would've been a much higher probability. I really enjoy that part of a r'ship, so it's hard for me to wait. You're right, it should have ended when it was clear that sex was all he was after...apparently, our values didn't mesh, which is really what it boils down to.

 

Yes. Shame when you really fancy someone but that's how it is sometimes. You can take a horse to the water but you can't make it drink and all that

[phineas]

Well, maybe i'm kind of an odd-ball here, but I just tell them i'm only looking for sex if their not someone i'm interested in dating.

 

I can't stand when attention whores waste my time when they know i'm looking for something more & I won't waste someone else's time when I know their looking for something more.

[phineas]

Not doing anything after 4 months is a little extreme. If a girl was doing that to me, I would assume she's getting it from somewhere else.

 

I agree with this.

 

For every LS woman who claims they don't give it up without a "connection" there are maybe 5 women in the real world just like them.

 

However there are 50 to 100 women that also claim this but in reality their sleeping with some looser who only pays attention to them when their naked & wasting some chumps time by using them for attention.

[ditzchic]

A good guy (and I know this from personal experience) will not just dump you after he's 'conquered' you if he can feel that you like him. Even if he doesn't like you that much.

 

 

BS. A "good guy" won't lead you on. A "good guy" will do what is right and not play the game. A "good guy" realizes that he may have to look like the bad guy for a short period of time but ultimately she will understand. A "good guy" has enough respect for women to realize that we aren't fragile little china dolls who will crumble at being rejected.

 

A "nice guy" will string the girl along because he's too much of a pansy to hurt your feelings even though your both better off that way. A "nice guy" will let a girl get more invested in something that he knows is going nowhere and compound the heartache for her because he can't nut up and say it's over. A "nice guy" can't look past his own potential discomfort at rejecting her to let her live the best life for her.

[Pianiste]

I find the "I met him at a bar" always a bit of a silly excuse to keep somebody away. Of course you should keep your eyes open as to what kind of person he is but you should always do that!

 

If he really was all about getting in your panties I'm sure he would've tried the night you were at the bar, or the night where he drove up to you or when you were sleeping at his house and you also didn't have sex. You text every day and had 2 dates, all in all it sounds a bit like it's too much trouble for some easy sex while there are less time consuming ways to get some.

[jobaba]

BS. A "good guy" won't lead you on. A "good guy" will do what is right and not play the game. A "good guy" realizes that he may have to look like the bad guy for a short period of time but ultimately she will understand. A "good guy" has enough respect for women to realize that we aren't fragile little china dolls who will crumble at being rejected.

 

A "nice guy" will string the girl along because he's too much of a pansy to hurt your feelings even though your both better off that way. A "nice guy" will let a girl get more invested in something that he knows is going nowhere and compound the heartache for her because he can't nut up and say it's over. A "nice guy" can't look past his own potential discomfort at rejecting her to let her live the best life for her.

 

Well. I see you have some experience and some bitterness in this matter.

 

Honestly, it's your own fault for letting yourself get wrapped up in him. I won't lead someone on and pretend I love them and think about them 24/7 when I don't. At the same time, I'm not going to dump them on the side of the street after I've had sex with them and make them feel like a used rag doll (not that I've really ever been in that situation).

 

I mean if he really leads you on and says he loves you and all that crap, yea that's bad too. But if he just casually continues to see you and you allow yourself to get infatuated, it's your own fault.

 

You're talking to the master of rejection. Any type of emotional heartbreak I have had has always been no one else's fault but my own.

[phineas]

Well. I see you have some experience and some bitterness in this matter.

 

Honestly, it's your own fault for letting yourself get wrapped up in him. I won't lead someone on and pretend I love them and think about them 24/7 when I don't. At the same time, I'm not going to dump them on the side of the street after I've had sex with them and make them feel like a used rag doll (not that I've really ever been in that situation).

 

I mean if he really leads you on and says he loves you and all that crap, yea that's bad too. But if he just casually continues to see you and you allow yourself to get infatuated, it's your own fault.

 

You're talking to the master of rejection. Any type of emotional heartbreak I have had has always been no one else's fault but my own.

 

I know women who fall for these users over & over again.

They have a badboy edge their sexually attracted to.

 

I also know women who never fall for these guys & send them packing.

 

I used to be bitter also when I wound up wasting my time on attention whores but then I realized I let them waste my time so I should only be angry at myself & forget those women.

 

I've learned to not let a woman not waste too much of my time anymore & recognize manipulation tactics to get me to chase.

Edited December 21, 2011 by phineas

[Cypress25]

Not doing anything after 4 months is a little extreme. If a girl was doing that to me, I would assume she's getting it from somewhere else.

 

"Not having sex" is not the same as "not doing anything." Besides, they only saw each other every 2 weeks. Of course progress will be slow if the dates are so infrequent. He didn't have to wonder why she was holding out on him; she made it clear that she doesn't have sex outside of a relationship. He's the one who didn't want a relationship.

 

And 4 months is not extreme. People are so impatient these days.

[Wolf18]

"Not having sex" is not the same as "not doing anything." Besides, they only saw each other every 2 weeks. Of course progress will be slow if the dates are so infrequent. He didn't have to wonder why she was holding out on him; she made it clear that she doesn't have sex outside of a relationship. He's the one who didn't want a relationship.

 

And 4 months is not extreme. People are so impatient these days.

 

 

In an ideal world, I would agree. In fact, I would even save sex for marriage if all women were virgins and not have any problems .

 

However, I'm not going to get in a line that barely budges in 4 months while in College the frat Bro-Dudes Chad and Brad made a High 5 Arc de Triumph over her head without even trying. Mama didn't raise no fool.

 

Had a girl spend all her time with me and not do anything sexual, while ****ing some other guy who didn't care at the same time. Nothing more pathetic and humiliating than that, and considering the fact that women are just as horny as men these days a woman who isn't having sex at all for 4 months is pretty rare. Not about patience, it's about dignity and fairness.

Edited December 21, 2011 by Wolf18

[Oxy Moronovich]

I once dated a guy for 4 months; we only saw each other an average of once every 2 weeks (no more than ten dates tops). We kissed on the 3rd date, and from that date on, he kept trying to initiate sex. We were not exclusive, and I have a personal boundary that I will not sleep with someone unless we are in an exclusive r'ship. When I blocked his advances but suggested doing something else (like going to a movie, bowling, etc), he was all of a sudden "too tired" and ended our date. Ultimately, he stopped seeing me because I wouldn't sleep with him. It was too bad because I really liked him, but I realized it was for the best that he left, because I am worth more than a roll in the hay, and so are you...good luck!

 

Believe me, I found it very difficult to restrain myself. Had we spent more time together and had there been more effort on his part to get to know me (oh, and if we would've actually been somewhere alone), there would've been a much higher probability. I really enjoy that part of a r'ship, so it's hard for me to wait. You're right, it should have ended when it was clear that sex was all he was after...apparently, our values didn't mesh, which is really what it boils down to.

Man, this chick is a cocktease. He was with you for 4 months, ten dates out of that, plus he probably kept in contact with you, yet you think he was all about sex. This is the exact reason why I never even bother with Wisconsin chicks. They are boring and prudish as hell.

[lululucy]

Yeah there is no way I could date a guy for four months and not sleep with him. I would lose interest so fast. If I like a guy, I'm seeing him 2 or 3 times a week and even then, three weeks is the longest I've waited to sleep with someone.

[Oxy Moronovich]

Yeah there is no way I could date a guy for four months and not sleep with him. I would lose interest so fast. If I like a guy, I'm seeing him 2 or 3 times a week and even then, three weeks is the longest I've waited to sleep with someone.

Exactly, she says he was all about sex. I say 10 dates over a 4 month period is incredibly patient. She says she knew he wanted sex by date 3 but kept rejecting him for 7 more dates. That screams cocktease.

 

Women like this exist in huge numbers. Then women have the audacity to act offended when guys say if they don't get sex by date 3 then they are moving on.

[Cypress25]

Had a girl spend all her time with me and not do anything sexual, while ****ing some other guy who didn't care at the same time.

 

Then why were you wasting your time with her? Surely you could have found a girl who was actually interested in you, and only you.

 

Nothing more pathetic and humiliating than that, and considering the fact that women are just as horny as men these days a woman who isn't having sex at all for 4 months is pretty rare. Not about patience, it's about dignity and fairness.

 

What if you knew for a fact that she wasn't sleeping with anyone else? It's not as rare as you think, there are plenty of women who wait longer than 4 months before having sex with a new guy. Not because they're not horny, but because they want to take it slow for a variety of reasons. (This article has some good ones: http://advice.eharmony.com/relationships/sex/5-reasons-she-doesnt-want-to-sleep-with-you) Could you have patience for a girl who was devoted to you but wanted to take it slow?

[Oxy Moronovich]

What if you knew for a fact that she wasn't sleeping with anyone else? It's not as rare as you think, there are plenty of women who wait longer than 4 months before having sex with a new guy. Not because they're not horny, but because they want to take it slow for a variety of reasons. (This article has some good ones: http://advice.eharmony.com/relationships/sex/5-reasons-she-doesnt-want-to-sleep-with-you) Could you have patience for a girl who was devoted to you but wanted to take it slow?

I agree with you. Many women wait quite a while before sex. And they are remaining faithful to the guy they are with.

 

However, a woman should talk to a guy about what she wants from the beginning. It is ridiculous for her to assume a guy knows how she wants the relationship to progress.

 

I've had women who told me from the start, "I want to wait a while before sex. Perhaps even a months. I am looking for a guy long-term. I don't want sex and that's it." She's done the right thing by communicating her preferences with me. If her intention is to wait for sex, she shouldn't have any problem being honest from the start.

[Wolf18]

Then why were you wasting your time with her? Surely you could have found a girl who was actually interested in you, and only you.[/Quote]

 

Easier said than done.

 

I don't know any women who don't have at least 1 other guy in the picture when they're "single". Even the women I got to knock boots with had 3-4 other guys I had to compete with.

 

The reason I stuck around is because I liked her a lot and thought it was worth the wait. When I found out she was putting out for another guy who was much better looking but didn't really care, I took it as a slap to my face and broke it off with her .

 

What if you knew for a fact that she wasn't sleeping with anyone else? It's not as rare as you think, there are plenty of women who wait longer than 4 months before having sex with a new guy. Not because they're not horny, but because they want to take it slow for a variety of reasons. (This article has some good ones: http://advice.eharmony.com/relations...sleep-with-you) Could you have patience for a girl who was devoted to you but wanted to take it slow?[/Quote]

 

 

Depends on the reason.

 

If it's because "She's not sure how she feels about you" or "She's seeing other people", which IMO are the most common reasons, absolutely NOT. I'm not going to wait 4 months, then come back empty handed, only for some dirtbag she "feels" good about to sleep with her in a week. If it's because she doesn't believe in sex before marriage it'll be painful, but if I liked her enough I could wait (or maybe get one of those 72 hour Iranian marriages ).

[oaks]

(This article has some good ones: http://advice.eharmony.com/relationships/sex/5-reasons-she-doesnt-want-to-sleep-with-you)

 

Somehow this list misses the obvious - "... because she's sleeping with someone else."

[tman666]

Below is a demonstrative video depicting how a guy may act when looking for a physical encounter exclusively: