Lynner Posted May 30, 2004 Posted May 30, 2004 i have a very good friend of mine who tends to be so condensending that i cringe when she acts that way. i may ask of her what she had said earlier and her reply will be "i told you already, remember"? i try to tell her that no if i remembered i would not be asking her again, duh. my b/f has a habit of doing this as well, hel come to thinkof it so does another friend of mine! is this nature of people or what? i take it literally so personally when this happens, i feel like reaching up and slapping these people when are this way. is there an effective way of handling these kinds of people,, besides bopping them on the head? do you think taking this so personally is a reflection of something in me or do others feel this way too?
yes Posted May 31, 2004 Posted May 31, 2004 In the example you gave, I think your reaction is just right ("no, if i remembered, i wdn't've asked"). The tone also matters a lot, even more than the content - do they say it with irritation?.. If you have other particular scenarios, bring them up! I think it's easier to advise about specific situations than in general. -yes
moimeme Posted May 31, 2004 Posted May 31, 2004 If several people are asking you whether you remember what they told you, it's possible that you are having some sort of memory issue. Have you had this checked out? I'd find it very strange that three different people would 'condescend' exactly the same way.
lynner Posted May 31, 2004 Posted May 31, 2004 These people all do the exact same thing at one time or another. I had not even realized it 'til i started writing it out on this board. I know it sounds absurd then, that three people can talk the same way, but they do. Really, they do! My friend says it with indignation, my boyfriend with irritation, and so does my other friend as well. I find it irritating and belittling because, with me, I am a very patient and kind person, I do not want to - or like to - make people feel bad. I am a caretaking sort you could say, and avoid hurting or embarrasing others, so this behavior of theirs is most hurting to me, because they do not care how it makes me feel. Either that, or they do not know, but my boyfriend does. I try to tell my girl friend, and she gets mad with me, defending herself, saying that she is not talking that way to me. I feel I should just give up and be the same way with them. Then maybe they won't like it, and see how it feels, and stop too. I do have some memory issues. I just don't know how to commit anything to memory anymore, or do not even try. I forget the second I go on with something else, very short term memory loss. I can remember when I concentrate to do so. You think I should see a Dr. about this? What could it be? To me, I would say just lack of concentration, lack of importance or lack of processing things into memory.
shortbus74 Posted May 31, 2004 Posted May 31, 2004 One of the people I work with is very condensending... This person plots staff against staff... Managers against owner.....manager against managers..... Why? good question.. I think it is because he is so unhappy in his own life that he likes to see others unhappy... I have learned to distance myself from this person....
moimeme Posted May 31, 2004 Posted May 31, 2004 You think I should see a Dr. about this? Yes. What could it be? Any one of a number of things. AD/HD for instance. To me, I would say just lack of concentration, lack of importance or lack of processing things into memory If it's to the point where your friends and boyfriend are all saying the same thing, then it's more than a little problem and worth looking into.
lynner Posted May 31, 2004 Posted May 31, 2004 it still does not in my book anyway give people a right to talk that way to me/others. what do they get out of it? i feel like a child being reprimanded and it is downright degrading, you know? my b/f has at times accussed me of trying to trap him in a lie because i have honestly forgotten what he had told me earlier, so i ask him again and he thinks i am trying to trick him. well i am going to make it a conscious effort to remember things and either way i still do not know a good way to deal with these condensending buttheads.
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