I feel used

[Mileena]

Sorry if this is long. Thought I say it all so you'd know the whole story. Right after me and my ex broke up, I met this guy. Once I started to really like him I asked him what exactly was our relationship. He told me that he didn't want to be committed because he just got out a long term relationship and wasn't ready for another one, but I was the only girl he was involved with. I wanted to be serious, but I figured I would give him time until he's ready so I didn't pressure him. For the first four months things were great. We went out, would cook dinner for each other, when we watched tv he would hold me and cuddle. I never really had a guy do that with me, but I did see warning signs that things weren't right. Like our first date was warning sign #1, when we got back to his house he wanted to have sex and I said no, so he says "I think you need a shot" Since I don't drink AT ALL and I've never been drunk before I didn't think drinking would change how I felt, but after smoking about three blunts and downing several whiskey shots, I was twisted. Head spinning, I could barely move. He kissed me, I kissed him back and he got on top of me and started taking my clothes off and I let him. When I was leaving, we made out and he tells me ''I would have waited for our second date" I just put a fake smile and said ''too late now'' and left. I felt horrible about it cause I didn't want to sleep with him on the first date, but when he texted me goodnight and also in the morning. I felt a little better, but I never forgot it cause it always bothered me how he did it, but I kept ignoring it. Last time I was at his place around the end of Sept, he hid a phone call from a girl from me. I left right after that cause I was upset and didn't talk to him for about 2 weeks Since that day of the phone call, I've never been back to his apt. He started to come here, which I thought was strange cause the whole summer I was at his place and I just found it weird that he wanted to come here now. There was also since then I didn't see him as often. It could be 2-3 weeks without seeing him but he would tell me he's busy and tired from work so I never questioned him cause I didn't want to push him away. That was around the time I realized I was in love cause when I didn't hear from him I would cry all day, everyday until I saw him. I also sent him a friend request on facebook and he accepted other people, but it says mine is still pending which made me think he was hiding something. Still I didn't question him about it. About a 2 weeks ago, I was supposed to go over to his house because I had downloaded some video games he wanted and I was gonna install on his computer. He said he was busy and he hadn't got his computer back yet. Fine. Last week I texted him just to say hi. He didn't answer me. I wasn't going to text him again cause I was upset and wanted him to text me, but I started getting worried that something happened to him so I gave in and texted him. This was our text convo:

I texted "Hey, how are you?"

He answers "Not bad & u?" As I was answering a second text comes "The reason I haven't texted you or went over there is cause I got involved with a ex and I didn't want to b.s. you."

My heart hit the floor and after my hands stopped shaking I texted "I'm here making a promo video for some new singer that got signed & oh you did?"

Him: "Yea I did"

Me: "Oh wow. I'm hurt"

Him: "Why?"

Me: "Doesn't matter anyway"

Him: "I thought maybe we can still be friends and hang out together"

Me: "Yea fine that's cool"

Him: "We're not back together. I don't know what's gonna happen with us, but I just didn't wanna go over and f*** you and bull**** you"

Me: "Its fine, I knew eventually it would happen"

Him: "What would happen? I like you. You're funny, you like video games and you're a freak. I just didn't wanna keep things from you but our time together was fun"

Me: "I know, just not the same way I felt about you & yea it was"

Right there he changed the subject to video games

Him: "Have you played Skyrim yet?" (the game I got for him)

Me: "Yea but I'm stuck I don't know what to do"

Him: "Where?'

Me: "After the dragon comes"

Him: "Go down the path"

Me: "Oh you played it?"

Him: "Yea I bought it for xbox"

Me: "Oh. (even more mad now cause I wasted hours getting it to work on the pc for him) I still haven't played Assassins Creed yet (another game I got for him)

Him: "Me either. I'll come over and check it out some time"

Me: "Ok"

Him: "If I come hang out will you behave?"

Me: "Yea I'll behave"

Him: "Easier for you then me :P"

Me: "You think so?"

Him: "I'd say yes haha"

Me: "Ok"

Him: "I'm sorry if I made you mad. Not what I wanted"

Me: (lying my butt off) "Not your fault. I'll be ok"

 

I'm like what the f*ck. I put soo much into him, months I spent doing everything he wanted. Playing these dumb video games, drinking that nasty whiskey and tequila, I did whatever he wanted sexually just to make him like me and feel what I felt. Now I feel so stupid and I'm hurting like crazy. I still have stuff of mine at his place and part of me wants the stuff back but another part says let him keep it. I don't wanna do anything but lay in bed all day but I can't. I feel like I'm just functioning because I have too. I'm sure as hell not gonna beg him to be with me, though I want too, but the fear of him saying no and being hurt more won't let me. Now there's another guy I met on facebook two weeks ago who lives in a different state, and he wants to be with me. He's cute, seems sweet, I told him that I was seeing someone here, but he's been M.I.A. and I didn't know what the deal was anymore. He said if this one doesn't want to commit then he wants to be the one, but I'm not feeling him like that. He's not the one I want.

[Teuen101]

when you both met both of you just got our of relationships, so you were both hurt going into this.

 

I know you don't want to hear this sound like he used you as a band aid to help him self move on.

 

he seemed like a a challenge to you and you wanted more after he rejected you.

 

 

from reading your post it sounds like you know why it whent wrong.

 

you need time to heal, i wouldnt date anyone for awhile and I'd work on my self for a bit if i was you !

[Philosoraptor]

It doesn't sound like you were in any way ready for dating at all, nevermind a relationship. You rebounded and did whatever you could to get the approval and acceptance that left you with your last relationship. Learn to love yourself first and you will make better decisions in the future.

[Mileena]

My last relationship was hell. Another one I did whatever they wanted. My ex said I should start working out, I lost 60 pounds & got all skinny for him. Once got tired of being his little puppet, I saw some site called Plenty Of Fish, signed up & next day had about 4 pages of messages, I didn't feel like reading all of them, so I just went by looks & picked him. I really tried not to fall for him until I knew he felt the same, but it just happened. This guy was the first thing I thought about when I woke up and the last thing I thought about when I went to sleep. My phone is FULL with nothing but his texts going all the way back to when we first met in June, and I'm slowly deleting his texts and it freaking hurts. I deleted his picture off my phone but I don't know what to do about pictures of us on my computer or us on my video camera. I really dont want to delete those. My best friend says not to stress it, he'll come back to me, cause the guy she's having sex with did the same thing & left her for another girl but came back in 7 months, but why do I have to wait. I'm so tired of waiting & he's having sex with his ex now & that s*** kills me & as bad as I want him back, I don't want to have to wait around for him to decide who he wants, so for now I'm just supposed to just be his friend. Even had my mom buy me a playstation 3 for Christmas just so I can practice all those stupid games he plays. I don't even want it anymore, but I'm stuck with it now.

[sugarmomma]

Stop doing everything they want, that's the first problem. You have the "disease to please". You think its gonna make men like you but it just shows you have no boundaries, can't say "no" and no acceptance of when they say they don't want a relationship.

 

Men don't respect women who don't respect themselves.

 

Start thinking about what it is that you want. What do you want in a relationship? How can you go about creating that for yourself?

 

Stop communicating with him. He does nothing but devalue you and make you feel worthless.

 

Take some time out from dating and focus on what will truly make you happy.

Edited December 21, 2011 by sugarmomma

[Zabs]

Poo but true! What do you like doing? Who are you? Time to.find out !!! Stay clear of relations for now. If you're sexually charged..try redtube lol it works for me! Figure out what you want from life and any personal relationships...because there is a root to your issue...and it didn't start recently.

 

Much love

 

Zabs

 

xx

[TearyEyedPride]

Mileena,

 

Your post sounds like you were actually quite frustrated with him. So I know it kinda sucks because you feel like you were used, but if you think back to where you were kinda played on your first date... then his strange behavior... then this random confession... you may have dodged a bullet here. I'd say recognize the true good in "goodbye". You'll find better. Next time though, don't bend for someone else and be true to yourself.

[Mileena]

Yea I need to stop trying to make them happy. If they don't like me for me, then they can kick rocks. I'm not text or call him anymore and if he tries to contact me, well honestly I'll probably answer him cause I'm a sucker like that, but for now I think it's best I get rid of everything that reminds me of him. Just threw out the birth control pills he had me get on. I'll get around to deleting all his text later, that's a little harder for me, but I've been through so much worse then this, which is probably why I try so hard to make them like me.

[TearyEyedPride]

Mileena...

 

You're very likeable. The thing is though, you need more self-confidence and time to appreciate yourself. Honestly, you shouldn't have to try to make someone like you. You don't bend for them sweetheart. Know what you stand for, what's important to you, what makes you feel good about yourself.

 

The great things about breakups is that you get time to figure these things out during no contact. You grow from the pain and you focus more on you. Find out what it is that makes you insecure and work on that. Guys are naturally attracted to girls with confidence. That's both the good guys and the jerks. The jerks try to break that confidence, because of their own issues, but the good guys compliment your confidence. Look for those good ones. It takes time. Real real time though not a week or so, sometimes not even a month or so.

 

My advice though... if you're really ready to move on... Delete his text messages... delete his number from your phone. I know it's hard but it's necessary. Bite the bullet, and it only takes a few clicks to do. Your next boyfriend will thank you for taking that step. If you have him as a friend on facebook, or a follower on twitter block them.

 

You deserve soooo much better. You wanna be with someone who appreciates you for you and likes you for who you know you are, not who you have to pretend to be. Know your worth and don't compromise it for dating. Compromise is for marriages. Dating is about trial and error. On to the next! Good luck!