ShannonMI Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 Hopefully I'm not putting the cart ahead of the horse here, but maybe you guys should do less LS'ing and more making of behbehs. Ahhh well that's been discussed at length. I don't want to make behbehs though. That's part of the problem. Practicing making them is one thing, but actually squeezing one out is not something I'm looking to do. Wolfie wants a soccer team of kids, I think.
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 It seems that many threads of all kinds make detours into verhrzn's fishing for compliments, and Shannon's flirtation with Wolf. Ah, the humanity.
Lonely Ronin Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 and Shannon's flirtation with Wolf. Ah, the humanity. Yea, but at least it's fun to watch and makes me smile. '
skippercollector Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 To get back to the original comment by dumpedandsore: Since I mentioned right after you posted that I can sympathize with you, I am wondering what your experiences have been. I've had to deal with the following over the years: 1. Getting up the nerve to talk to a man, and then his response is to look at me in distaste and walk away. 2. Out at a nightclub with other women, and being the only woman not asked to dance by the men there. Or if I did get asked, it's very late, close to closing time, and the guy is drunk. If I tried to ask a guy myself, I would be rejected (see number 1). 3. Having 1s and 2s be fascinated with you. This can be just as damaging to your self-esteem as being ignored altogether. I've had plenty of certain types of guys interested in me: alcoholic; homeless; still living at home in his parents' basement; having a severe mental, emotional or physical disability; terminally unemployed; morbidly obese (not John Goodman or Mark Addy plump but has-to-be-buried-in-a-piano-case fat). My attitude is that if that's all I can get, I don't want it. What have your experiences been?
skippercollector Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 Yes, but I was thin up until my 40s and guys didn't notice me then either. Everything I listed happened when I was in my 20s and 30s. The thick glasses and the plain round face, not to mention the flat chest, just really turned them off. Eye surgery helped a lot but by the time I had it done all the men my age were taken. It doesn't help being in an area with a much larger female than male population. Despite the constant comments to the contrary by the men on this group, there are many such places. P.S. I didn't have curves until I became overweight. P.P.S. Too much information, I know.
Wolf18 Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 Yes, but I was thin up until my 40s and guys didn't notice me then either. Everything I listed happened when I was in my 20s and 30s. The thick glasses and the plain round face, not to mention the flat chest, just really turned them off. Eye surgery helped a lot but by the time I had it done all the men my age were taken. It doesn't help being in an area with a much larger female than male population. Despite the constant comments to the contrary by the men on this group, there are many such places. P.S. I didn't have curves until I became overweight. P.P.S. Too much information, I know. Well skipper collector ,I can tell you that atleast half of the males who are overweight with plain round faces in their 40's are single, ever try flirting with them?
Author dumpedandsore Posted December 24, 2011 Author Posted December 24, 2011 (edited) Thanks to all who posted actively on my thread. It's not that I have poor grammar or english, it happens that I was using a hp to type the thread and words can't be typed properly. Anyway, I met a therapist who asked me to question the whole notion of me being : (1) Ugly or in more neutral terms physically unattractiveness ; (2) Putting myself out there in the dating scene and testing my beliefs that im undateable and ugly. For the past 7 years, i have been keeping an open mind, trying to challenge the perceptions that Im too physically awful to date. I met men from work, school, dating sites and events. You may think personality do matters, but i realise these guys do not want to even keep in touch or know me better as a friend. The usual trend is this way - chat online , face-to-face meeting, turned off (repelled) by my unattractive looks, end up a hi-bye affair. Over the years, I have applied the following proven techniques to improve my situation, "the law of attraction techniques", positive thinking, dating skills, having a more cheerful and positive disposition. But i realise one hard truth always remain, before a man could know me better, he has mentally written me off due to my unappealing looks. The best context to demonstrate it is in a speed dating event. Be honest, men do not know you and the limited interaction (or lack of) is based simply on physical attractiveness or appeal. If a man in a dating event likes what he sees in the woman, he approaches her and talks to her. I put on smiles and open body language to "invite" or "encourage" the men to talk and approach me, i even stepped forward and give the signal that they can always approach me. Instead, they treated me as invisible, turned their back against me and continued to chat with other ladies. So, under such circumstances, how can i demonstrate my inner beauty and qualities. I check up some of these guys on fb, we share many similar qualities and wavelength..but because they arent interested in my looks or im not their physical type, they write me off to the "rejected bin" I have a few male acquaintances. Trust me, I have know them better than many other ladies. But they would immediately get hooked/attached to some other girls they just knew and then never contact me again. Like one forum writer wrote, I was clearly the time-filler, the girl for them to air their grievances , talk cock until their ideal girl came along. During those moments of interaction, they never have any intention to seriously know me and date. They just in a way used me to pass their time by talking nonsense to me. Hence, its not something out of my mind, a figment of my imagination that Im too ugly to date. In psychological context, I have dated confidently my failed attempts proved that the notion of me being too ugly to date is true and not pessimistic or negative, invalid beliefs. I have also invested quite heavily in my looks, without going the extent of plastic/complete asethetic surgery. Lasik, teeth-whitening, facial treatment, hair styling, dressing up, gym. I have tried everything possibly (without going under the knife) to improve my looks. Or to add on, i have also read on countless dating and communication books, apply the skills but outcome is always the same. So there you have it, therapy, image makeover, applying positive thinking, changing my personality and communication/social skills, putting myself out there for a possible ideal date, and yet, all i get over and over again is getting snubbed, shunned, written off, cast aside like some inferior , rejected garment. Am i demoralised and dejected? yes, absolutely. Friends have always advised me to keep on trying and moving on...i keep moving on and trying..but i think i have reached a breaking point. Seriously, im a human being with feelings, how much more rejection or failures can i take? Time and time , i moved on, rationalising the situation (trying to tell myself its just a bunch of black sheep ive met), but if the situation keeps happening, i think im the one at fault... so i conclude im too ugly to date. No amount of therapy can help . I have tried it, done it. Or did i also mention praying to God for a miracle to bring the right partner to me... its a hopeless situation.. But i know if i'll to look different overnight, I wouldnt be stuck in this forum and will be attached/hooked up with the guys just after one new single dating event/or chance encounters.. I think plastic surgery is the only way but im a pathetic poor lady...and afraid of the physical pain of surgery though I think it will never hurt more than the emotional pain ive been experiencing from countless rejection and criticism Edited December 24, 2011 by dumpedandsore
Feelsgoodman Posted December 24, 2011 Posted December 24, 2011 There's no such thing as being too ugly to date. There are lots of ugly guys out there...and they also need someone to date. You just need to focus your attention on guys who are in your league.
Author dumpedandsore Posted December 24, 2011 Author Posted December 24, 2011 there are, but they are always looking for greener pasteures
Author dumpedandsore Posted January 9, 2012 Author Posted January 9, 2012 went on a net meeting again last wk. I dolled up and wore wake -up, was told that i look good. The date went well, and there was some conversation. But in the end, as usual, he didnt contact me again after that single meeting I really now think that im very ugly , so ugly no guy in his decent mind will even consider knowing me better as a friend
FitChick Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 If you had the money for plastic surgery, what would you change?
jobaba Posted January 9, 2012 Posted January 9, 2012 went on a net meeting again last wk. I dolled up and wore wake -up, was told that i look good. The date went well, and there was some conversation. But in the end, as usual, he didnt contact me again after that single meeting I really now think that im very ugly , so ugly no guy in his decent mind will even consider knowing me better as a friend I would go out with you. I don't care how hideous you are. Of course, the rest of your personality has to be there. So I guess I'm OUT OF MY MIND! :laugh: If you had the money for plastic surgery, what would you change? What would you change?
Anela Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 No, I'm not. I'm hoping to show the OP she's not alone... That people are quick to jump to either "No you're lying" (fishing for compliments, perhaps) or "you have no confidence." Look at this thread... half the posters are demanding pictures because they're so positive she must be misjudging her looks. Sometimes it isn't either of those things. I know it blows your MIND to consider, but some women... perfectly nice, pleasant women who maybe aren't the best looking... have troubles dating. Being a woman actually isn't a free pass to easy sex and free-for-all dating opportunities. The fact is, not being physically attractive makes it damn hard for a girl. You claim guys will pick the plain jane over the hot girl.... but I can flat out guarantee that if we were at the same club, you'd look right past me. Now maybe this situation doesn't fit for the OP. Maybe there is something about her personality that's turning guys off.... but dismissing her concerns about being ugly out of hand (or labeling me as "fishing for compliments" when I've had similar experiences) as lying is unhelpful at best. This is why I continue to post, too. I realized a couple of months ago, that most of these guys just don't listen, but you would think it would actually sink in eventually.
Anela Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 Well skipper collector ,I can tell you that atleast half of the males who are overweight with plain round faces in their 40's are single, ever try flirting with them? And what about those girls you deemed unattractive in your search online, deciding they weren't good enough for you? You turned around and complained about the three who actually responded, but didn't work out for you. Have you since tried flirting with those girls you initially overlooked? No? then stop pestering others to do what you won't do.
Wolf18 Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 Can we see a pic dumpedandsore? Chances are ms "I'm too ugly to date" has found someone else to date her and is too busy to come back to this forum.
ThaWholigan Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 Chances are ms "I'm too ugly to date" has found someone else to date her and is too busy to come back to this forum. She posted a thread a few hours ago, still dateless apparently. Truthfully, I've met girls who actually do have big trouble finding dates. Sometimes, they aren't that attractive (even though they could improve their appearances with a little work), but mostly it's a conditioning that they are under, believing they are unattractive, much the same way dudes do.
Wolf18 Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 And what about those girls you deemed unattractive in your search online, deciding they weren't good enough for you? You turned around and complained about the three who actually responded, but didn't work out for you. Have you since tried flirting with those girls you initially overlooked? No? then stop pestering others to do what you won't do. I don't get it Anela, why do I have to date fat biker chicks and other assorted characters when I myself am athletic and ok looking. Why can't I have a girl who is in atleast average shape and looks ok? Do you have to be 10 times better than a woman just to date her? Is that the general rule? It's what 90% of dating looks like to me. Incidently, the women who have the most interests in common with me tend to be tall and slender. I obviously don't choose them for those traits alone because the chances a girl even the same height as a man will respond to a message are absurdly low to none. Anyway I have nothing to explain to you, I'm not fat why should I have to date women that weigh as much as 2 of me and have those hideous bullrings in their nose?
Wolf18 Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 She posted a thread a few hours ago, still dateless apparently. Truthfully, I've met girls who actually do have big trouble finding dates. Sometimes, they aren't that attractive (even though they could improve their appearances with a little work), but mostly it's a conditioning that they are under, believing they are unattractive, much the same way dudes do. Women's lack of romantic interest can be fixed in 2 minutes for almost every one of them: Lose weight and dress like a slut. Seriously. Lose weight and dress like a slut and even if you have an ugly face you will always have men interested in you.
Buttercup84 Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 Women's lack of romantic interest can be fixed in 2 minutes for almost every one of them: Lose weight and dress like a slut. Seriously. Lose weight and dress like a slut and even if you have an ugly face you will always have men interested in you. Yeah but the men who are attracted to " sluts " are not the kind of men most women want to meet anyway .
Anela Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 Yeah but the men who are attracted to " sluts " are not the kind of men most women want to meet anyway . Right. God forbid any of them want to be treated in the way that these men drool over the princesses. God forbid they want to be seen as this lovely human being, who deserves all happiness, instead of just being seen as a semen receptacle.
jobaba Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 God forbid they want to be seen as this lovely human being, who deserves all happiness, instead of just being seen as a semen receptacle. There's TONS of guys who will treat women like that. They are totally ignored. How strange.
Wolf18 Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 Right. God forbid any of them want to be treated in the way that these men drool over the princesses. God forbid they want to be seen as this lovely human being, who deserves all happiness, instead of just being seen as a semen receptacle. Boo hoo. Who drools over me ? Nobody. Nobody acts in such an exagerrated way towards I would say 60-70% of men, even if women do go out with them or are in relationships with them. So why does every woman who ever lived need to be treated like a princess? On that note, I don't treat any woman like a princess just because of her looks, no matter how hot she is. Many men might, but a lot are also like me: too proud to be another irrelevant notch on a princesses ego-belt. If all I had to do to get even the most minute sexual attention from women was eat 400 less calories a day and hike up my skirt, I wouldn't even be on this forum.
Anela Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 and, I will add that I meant being seen as an attractive human being that men want to spend time with, when they get nervous, too, etc... not wanting to be a princess with entitlement issues. I'm talking about normal courting (or whatever it's called nowadays, without the blowjobs in a parking lot, on the first date).
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