dumpedandsore Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 I have been unsuccessful in the dating scene for 7 years. I met many guys from dating sites, social events and through friends. About 90% of guys who once see me at the sites or events treated me as invisible and ignorede after seeing me. They choosed to chat with other gals. I took the initiative to know a few guys but I always get rejected. Ppl commented that I have a gd perrrrsonality with ok looks yet guys dont and refuse to knoe me better in dating scenes. Im very sad because I felt that becos of my looks, I cant have decent relationships
skippercollector Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 As another female, I can certainly sympathize!
Philosoraptor Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 Well these are the guys you want to avoid anyways. I've found that judging someone by their cover really stops you from learning the story in between.
Wolf18 Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 Pics or it didn't happen. If you're a woman with ok looks and an ok personality, you should have no trouble dating at all unless your "standards" are unrealistic.
ptp Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 Don't say that. Attitude and dress have a lot to do with it. There is somebody for everybody. Sure some have it easier than other, but there is someone out there for you. Someone who finds you attractive and someone who will treat you right. However, negative attitudes do nothing to help.
somedude81 Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 What has your recent dating history been like?
verhrzn Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 I'm right there with you. I actually hear stories like ours all over dating forums... women who seem to have good personalities but less-than-stunning looks, being shunned by guys.... and yet the advice is always the same: either "You're lying" or "It's your negativity." Maybe you and I should start up a group blog," The Ugly Girl's Guide to Dating"!
AD1980 Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 I'm right there with you. I actually hear stories like ours all over dating forums... women who seem to have good personalities but less-than-stunning looks, being shunned by guys.... and yet the advice is always the same: either "You're lying" or "It's your negativity." Maybe you and I should start up a group blog," The Ugly Girl's Guide to Dating"! No different for unattractive men either
kaylan Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 hit the gym, get new clothing, new style...add some confidence, the rest will follow. When I grew my hair, started working out more, and finally settled into my own style, everything else just followed. Im a guy btw and give this advice to everyone, male or female.
Mrlonelyone Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 One of the problems I see is where you are looking for men. Online dating is really only for people who are good looking and can lead with that. People who are less than a 7 or 8 need to have people get to know their personality first. Take my example. I am a male to female transgendered woman. Physically I am totally into men. That said I have had some experience with women. How? I got to know them in a non romantic way and they grew on me. Even while not being my physical type at all. Plenty of men have turned me off by being @$$holes too. So personality can override physical factors to a certain degree. The social aspect is so often overlooked. With notable exceptions people consider social status and such when choosing who to date. Men choose women who will look good on their arm and raise their status. Women do this as well. People make long term dating decisions based in part on how they will be accepted by those around them who's opinions they value. That's just human nature. Just as you want a man to see the real you. You need to see the real man. TL;DR Your personality can override < 7 looks if a guy gets to know you. That said, looks matter for more than one reason. Don't lower your standards per se. Just change your priorities... is a good looking man better than a average looking man with a good personality?
ptp Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 No different for unattractive men either One huge different. The women actually still get to have sex. The men don't. 1
kaylan Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 One of the problems I see is where you are looking for men. Online dating is really only for people who are good looking and can lead with that. People who are less than a 7 or 8 need to have people get to know their personality first. I see no problem with where OP finds men. Online is a good tool, plus she also said shes met guys through friends and social events. Sounds like shes used different avenues correctly. Online dating def does work for average women. Plenty of threads on this forum about that. Some women get loads more interest online then in the real world because of how women can use online dating as a "dating ebay". Guys cant really do this though unless they have above average looks though. It evens out in the real world though. OP show us a pic. Im sure you could pull some dates online and in real life. Practice makes perfect. It takes time to find a good person to date.
somedude81 Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 One huge different. The women actually still get to have sex. The men don't. But we all know that women don't like sex and only do it to please their man...
jobaba Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 I have been unsuccessful in the dating scene for 7 years. I met many guys from dating sites, social events and through friends. About 90% of guys who once see me at the sites or events treated me as invisible and ignorede after seeing me. They choosed to chat with other gals. I took the initiative to know a few guys but I always get rejected. Ppl commented that I have a gd perrrrsonality with ok looks yet guys dont and refuse to knoe me better in dating scenes. Im very sad because I felt that becos of my looks, I cant have decent relationships It's gonna sound bad and I'm guessing you were born in a foreign country, but... Right off the bat, your English grammar is not great. More accurately, it's horrendous. If you are American, you need to improve it. Now. Constructive criticism... If you are foreign, then consider doing the above and seeking persons who you share your native language with. Path of least resistance...
Wolf18 Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 Oh come on jobaba, don't give her girl-style advice. Most men don't care about a woman's accent or even some grammar mistakes if they like her. While she should brush up on language skills for her own sake, it's not going to have that dramatic of an affect on her romantic life. I'm right there with you. I actually hear stories like ours all over dating forums... women who seem to have good personalities but less-than-stunning looks, being shunned by guys.... and yet the advice is always the same: either "You're lying" or "It's your negativity." Maybe you and I should start up a group blog," The Ugly Girl's Guide to Dating"![/Quote] You're not ugly, you're just fishing for compliments.
AD1980 Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 You're not ugly, you're just fishing for compliments. Yep ive seen women way worse in relationships..shes not bad looking at all.. Unless her personality offline is so awful no man wants to be around her.. She claims she doesnt go for really hot guys so it's not that..Though some womens definition of not caring about looks is going after anything less then a male model
verhrzn Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 You're not ugly, you're just fishing for compliments. No, I'm not. I'm hoping to show the OP she's not alone... That people are quick to jump to either "No you're lying" (fishing for compliments, perhaps) or "you have no confidence." Look at this thread... half the posters are demanding pictures because they're so positive she must be misjudging her looks. Sometimes it isn't either of those things. I know it blows your MIND to consider, but some women... perfectly nice, pleasant women who maybe aren't the best looking... have troubles dating. Being a woman actually isn't a free pass to easy sex and free-for-all dating opportunities. The fact is, not being physically attractive makes it damn hard for a girl. You claim guys will pick the plain jane over the hot girl.... but I can flat out guarantee that if we were at the same club, you'd look right past me. Now maybe this situation doesn't fit for the OP. Maybe there is something about her personality that's turning guys off.... but dismissing her concerns about being ugly out of hand (or labeling me as "fishing for compliments" when I've had similar experiences) as lying is unhelpful at best.
kaylan Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 It's gonna sound bad and I'm guessing you were born in a foreign country, but... Right off the bat, your English grammar is not great. More accurately, it's horrendous. If you are American, you need to improve it. Now. Constructive criticism... If you are foreign, then consider doing the above and seeking persons who you share your native language with. Path of least resistance... ??? Why does this matter. No one else saw a need be anal about grammar. Its an online message board. I have been on certain boards and typed with heavy slang and bad punctuation, but that had no bearing on how I present myself in other situations. And men dont care if a girl has a little broken english. So even if she was foreign that wouldnt make a difference. I doubt itd make a difference to most women as well. If I can converse with them good enough, then its fine.
jobaba Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 ??? Why does this matter. No one else saw a need be anal about grammar. Its an online message board. I have been on certain boards and typed with heavy slang and bad punctuation, but that had no bearing on how I present myself in other situations. And men dont care if a girl has a little broken english. So even if she was foreign that wouldnt make a difference. I doubt itd make a difference to most women as well. If I can converse with them good enough, then its fine. It would make a difference to me. If a woman was American born and mature and couldn't use proper grammar ... red flag. It might sound kind of crappy, but being able to express yourself with proper grammar shows at least a minimum level of intelligence and motivation, learning disabilities aside. If a woman was pretty hot and I saw her typing with really bad grammar and spelling ... nope, not for me. I mean, I don't care much about looks, so my standards lie elsewhere... Also, I was trying to give her constructive criticism. She wants to improve her game. There's the first obvious stone...
kaylan Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 Dude its stupid to even bring that up. Its an INTERNET BOARD. This is not a dating site where people are expected to display their personality in a few paragraphs. Get with the program and stop being anal about this. Its one thing if they are American born and talk like low class idiots IN REAL LIFE. BUT, you asked if OP was foreign...so a foreign person is allowed to have an accent and less than perfect English. So anyways back to the original topic...got pics OP?
Wolf18 Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 Yep ive seen women way worse in relationships..shes not bad looking at all.. Unless her personality offline is so awful no man wants to be around her.. She claims she doesnt go for really hot guys so it's not that..Though some womens definition of not caring about looks is going after anything less then a male model She swears up and down that this isn't the case. Then she fawns over Alexander Skarsgard, a Swedish male model she will never meet, and says it's not about looks it's about his personality I bet my life men in real life compliment her, and instead of being graceful and complimenting them back , she just pulls the whole NO IM UGLY SOMEONE ONCE SAID THAT TO ME IM HIDEOUS GET AWWWWAY routine, thinking it's going to get her even more attention. I've seen women far uglier than her with good looking, desirable boyfriends all the time. No, I'm not. I'm hoping to show the OP she's not alone... That people are quick to jump to either "No you're lying" (fishing for compliments, perhaps) or "you have no confidence." Look at this thread... half the posters are demanding pictures because they're so positive she must be misjudging her looks. Sometimes it isn't either of those things. I know it blows your MIND to consider, but some women... perfectly nice, pleasant women who maybe aren't the best looking... have troubles dating. Being a woman actually isn't a free pass to easy sex and free-for-all dating opportunities. The fact is, not being physically attractive makes it damn hard for a girl. You claim guys will pick the plain jane over the hot girl.... but I can flat out guarantee that if we were at the same club, you'd look right past me. Now maybe this situation doesn't fit for the OP. Maybe there is something about her personality that's turning guys off.... but dismissing her concerns about being ugly out of hand (or labeling me as "fishing for compliments" when I've had similar experiences) as lying is unhelpful at best.[/Quote] How old are you and how many boyfriends/dates have you been on? I bet my life that you've been on more dates in the year 2011 than I have. I bet you've had more romantic partners than I have (I've never even had an actual girlfriend). And I'm one of the luckier guys, I would bet half or more of the men on this forum have had fewer sexual partners or romantic experience than you the so-called hideous girl has.
AD1980 Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 She swears up and down that this isn't the case. Then she fawns over Alexander Skarsgard, a Swedish male model she will never meet, and says it's not about looks it's about his personality I bet my life men in real life compliment her, and instead of being graceful and complimenting them back , she just pulls the whole NO IM UGLY SOMEONE ONCE SAID THAT TO ME IM HIDEOUS GET AWWWWAY routine, thinking it's going to get her even more attention. I've seen women far uglier than her with good looking, desirable boyfriends all the time. How old are you and how many boyfriends/dates have you been on? I bet my life that you've been on more dates in the year 2011 than I have. I bet you've had more romantic partners than I have (I've never even had an actual girlfriend). And I'm one of the luckier guys, I would bet half or more of the men on this forum have had fewer sexual partners or romantic experience than you the so-called hideous girl has. Ive always said women are far more strict on looks the Men..They find a very few men attractive.. Then they want to be cannonized for dating an 8 or if the guys under 5'10 they act like their feeding orphans work by doing this.. Plus look at terms Girl nexzt door aka cure plain girl is a positive term,the word average joe is never positive when used in terms of dating
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