pink smartie Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 I am so sorry for the pain I caused you. I got what I had coming. He cheated on me. I am stunned at how much this hurts. I don’t know what to make of our relationship now. Did he ever love me, or was it pure manipulation? Did I ever know him? And then I think of you, of the fact I helped him cheat on you. I deserve this pain. Tenfolds. I should have known better, but I believed him, his lies. Friends tell me to forgive myself for giving him the benefit of the doubt. I’m not so sure. Thinking that I caused someone else this much pain is unbearable. I was gullible and easily manipulated. I believed his lies about you and your relationship because it made it easier to live with myself. It’s not an excuse; it’s a character flaw. I have a lot of work to do before I can find peace again. I ask for your forgiveness knowing it might never come.
seren Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 Pink Smartie, sorry you are going through a rough, tough time. You cannot change what was and how your actions effected the XWife, you believed the MM in much the same way she did. You cannot change the past, but you can the future and I think that when BS say no one can understand the pain of betrayal until they have lived it and it is poo poo'ed, then they have no idea of the pain of betrayal. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I cannot say what the XMM felt or thought, but I can imagine that you are feeling hurt and betrayed and for that I am sorry and wish you peace and then move along. Make a new life, one which is informed by how you feel now and one in which you find happiness. Make this about what he did to you, not what you did to the XBS, feel for her now that you know what it is like. But look after you, put the blame where it belongs, on him and realise that unfortunately you will not be the first nor the last person who believed the person they loved and thought loved them back. Take care Seren xx
Author pink smartie Posted December 21, 2011 Author Posted December 21, 2011 Seren, thank you for your kind words. I managed to sleep well last night and I am feeling better today. You're right, I cannot change the past. Ultimately, he's the one who lied and manipulated. He had told me he was separated. I only found out months later that they had not agreed on a separation. That's when the classic excuses started to come in: his W had mental issues, he was only staying for the kids, and the list goes on. He seemed genuine and I believed him. Our "love" felt so true. He seemed like such a humble man. I realize now that he was really good at spinning the truth. We were together for two years. They separated a year and half ago. At the time he said he chose to leave to be with me but now I think she kicked him out. Throughout our relationship I kept noticing minor inconsistencies in his stories. My gut was telling me he was seeing other people, but he always managed to make me feel like I was paranoid. Like I was the one who had an issue. He was smooth. He would tell me it was cute that I was jealous. He would reassure me and tell me things like: "it's ok babe, I get insecure too". I should have known better. The part of our relationship that was an affair surely sharpened his skills as lying. The worse part is that I think he's so used to lying that he doesn't even realize that he's doing it anymore. I think he believes he means well. I think he believed he loved me. He probably also believed he loved his wife and loved this other other woman. I think he thought lying was the noble thing to do since he loved us. I get so angry when I think that he manipulated the truth so that I could never make the right decisions for myself. Yesterday I made a list of all the times I caught him in a lie and all the times my gut was telling me something was off. Both lists were long. I still can't believe I gave him the benefit of the doubt so often. He still denies that he cheated on me. I overheard a call and he claims the classic: "She's just a friend, she has a crush on me, she's mentally unbalanced" . He also said his wife was mentally unbalanced. Must mean it's what he says about me. He admits he withheld information from me, but blames it on the fact that I had trust issues. Ha! He doesn't realize how selfish he was. I will never get involved with anyone who thinks they have the right to twist the truth to get what they want ever again. Learned my lesson.
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