RecordProducer Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 It's always easier to play games against those you are not that interested inI think because games take effort, we're more willing to spend the energy on something that concerns us, don't you think?
Author jstobo Posted December 26, 2011 Author Posted December 26, 2011 I think because games take effort, we're more willing to spend the energy on something that concerns us, don't you think? Absolutely. More than a week ago, we went on our date. She could have let me know she didn't see a relationship between us so easily and it would be done. Instead she has spent 9 days responding to my 5 texts, with one of those texts writing "I'm interested." We don't work in the same place and we don't have the same friends. It's not like she is trying to be nice so when we see each other it isn't awkward. I'm not going to lie though, my interest is starting to decrease due to her response times. Tough to get to know someone with 5 texts in 9 days.
El Brujo Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 Checkers, Scrabble... and I used to be good at Yahtzee but forgot how to play it.
phineas Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 I truly never understand the really busy part. I have a full time job, two kids I care for 50% of the time, friends and family. I still have time for dating. We are in the same situation. I can find time for a woman i'm interested in. Otherwise I really got other things I can do on my own or with friends. Absolutely. More than a week ago, we went on our date. She could have let me know she didn't see a relationship between us so easily and it would be done. Instead she has spent 9 days responding to my 5 texts, with one of those texts writing "I'm interested." We don't work in the same place and we don't have the same friends. It's not like she is trying to be nice so when we see each other it isn't awkward. I'm not going to lie though, my interest is starting to decrease due to her response times. Tough to get to know someone with 5 texts in 9 days. This is me also, except I really only use the phone to set-up dates & I prefer to call but txting is convenient when I can't talk. But I don't txt or call to chit-chat. That's for face-to-face. I loose interest in woman that take forever to respond or I call them out on it. This way I can't get invested in a woman who isn't giving me face time or waste my time on them.
luvtoto Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 The "games" I play are by pushing male emotional hot buttons. Having strong relationship boundaries aka: not putting up with bad behavior, not chasing (learned that one from my last relationship), holding my head up and being my awesome and gorgeous self (attitude and appearance makeover), not falling for a guy quickly (make 'em work for it) and have a take him or leave him attitude. If finally loving myself and putting myself FIRST for a change is considered playing games, then I'm guilty. p.s. Two weeks ago, I got asked out by four different high quality men. Actually having more fun being single at this point in my life. Lovin' the attention though.
Thieves Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 I stopped reading the posts after the 1st page. Want to know how to stop playing games and dealing with them? Here's how... set rules up for yourself: 1) Do you want a girl who takes over a day to respond? No RESOLUTION: Call/text when you want to. If you like her, call her that night if you want to. Answer her text when you actually see it. Who the hell made up being desperate by responding immediately?? I could honestly give 2 craps if I am seen as desperate by responding as soon as I see a message. I am a quick responder, which makes me really good at my job. 2) Do you want a girl who is 'somewhat' interested? No RESOLUTION: If you have doubt or aren't feeling her, she probably isn't either. Move on... there will be one out there. 3) Do you want to date someone who is REALLLLLYYYY BUSYYY??? No RESOLUTION: Don't be afraid to let go. So basically, stop holding onto something that you already have doubt about. I'm not saying have a 0% tolerance policy, but know what you want. If she's this busy, you think she will fall in love with you in a few days and start being SUPER interested? If you don't like her attitude now, why continue dating her? It's not rude to take forever to respond, nor is it rude to not be interested. You don't have to deal with it, just ask out another girl... you only need to find one in the long run right? The way I see it, there are plenty of fish in the sea and theres no reason to strive for this ONE girl unless you think she is 1 of a kind. Is she really, guy? Spot on. Even if I am extremely busy -- and especially if I am romantically interested in the person -- I will always find the free time during the day to repsond back as quickly as I can to any texts/calls within the same time of receiving them... even if it's just to say I am busy, but will get back to them later on. I just think it's more courteous. So I have a hard time believing that she could go two full days without responding to you at all. That's 48 hours. Are you telling me that not one minute during those full 48 hours she didn't have the time to take a break from whatever she was doing, or text/call any of her other friends? I noticed how you've said at first that you don't mind sitting back, waiting, and going at her pace... but more recently, you've said that you admit your interest is beginning to decrease due to the untimely manner of her responses. This is where it becomes a problem. You've already been doubting her interest from the get go and have been wondering if it's genuine. So now that the doubt is slowly increasing because she isn't responding to you as quickly as you'd like, it's time to think of what your next action will be. Part of the excitement of starting something new with somebody is attraction, yes, but also being on the same page together. You can have all the crazy attraction in the world to a person, but if you have different ideas of what it means to take it slow and how fast/slow you should go, then (unless someone confronts the issue) it's not really going to work. Yes, people may have just come out of relationships. Yes, people may want to "take it slow". But again, note to yourself how one person's interpretation of taking it "slow" can be different from the next person's definition, who may be talking about "Tortoise and the Hare" slow, rather than what the previous person had in mind. If you don't agree on the pace (and I don't mean you agreeing with the other person without really desiring the same pace too), one person is most likely always going to feel somewhat in the dark, or even strung along. Neghitz is completely right. Nobody is putting a gun to your head saying you have to wait this out. You always have the right to move on.
spice4life Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 The "games" I play are by pushing male emotional hot buttons. Having strong relationship boundaries aka: not putting up with bad behavior, not chasing (learned that one from my last relationship), holding my head up and being my awesome and gorgeous self (attitude and appearance makeover), not falling for a guy quickly (make 'em work for it) and have a take him or leave him attitude. If finally loving myself and putting myself FIRST for a change is considered playing games, then I'm guilty. p.s. Two weeks ago, I got asked out by four different high quality men. Actually having more fun being single at this point in my life. Lovin' the attention though. This is precisely my attitude now and I'm proud of it too! Good for you luvtoto. It's not game playing at all...it's called living your life and being happy with who you are!
LTP Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 Typically what I see "I DON'T PLAY GAMES" in a profile means they are some of the worst game players out there.
Author jstobo Posted December 26, 2011 Author Posted December 26, 2011 OK, she just texted me. Based on what she wrote, she is interested. Just as I was starting to decrease interest, she just pulled me back in. It's almost as if she is reading this thread, considering luvtoto just came out of nowhere and described this woman pretty well. That could be scary. Thieves, I think its just natural to start losing interest when enough time goes by and you're not learning more about the person. It's always a mental battle you have when you pursue someone and don't get the response you're hoping for. None of us want to be that puppy dog who gets walked all over.
Thieves Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 OK, she just texted me. Based on what she wrote, she is interested. Just as I was starting to decrease interest, she just pulled me back in. It's almost as if she is reading this thread, considering luvtoto just came out of nowhere and described this woman pretty well. That could be scary. Thieves, I think its just natural to start losing interest when enough time goes by and you're not learning more about the person. It's always a mental battle you have when you pursue someone and don't get the response you're hoping for. None of us want to be that puppy dog who gets walked all over. So what happens if after this, she doesn't text for another two/three days? Will you be alright with that, or...?
Author jstobo Posted December 26, 2011 Author Posted December 26, 2011 So what happens if after this, she doesn't text for another two/three days? Will you be alright with that, or...? We'll see. She told me last week that she was going to be busy until after the holidays. I was trying to decipher if that was true or just a lack of interest. Based on her text a little bit ago, I'm believing she is busy and definitely wants to see me again. Will I start losing interest again if I don't hear from her this week? Hmmmm....I think I'm going to have to trust her. The great thing is, I have not been pushy at all. If 5 texts is too much in 9 days, oh well. I feel good at how I've handled it so far. Record Producer may be right and I'm starting to beat the rest of the guys.
spice4life Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 Ok, but we still aren't addressing the fact that she always responds to my texts, always calls me back and has said yes to another date. She just takes time. And I take time between contacts as well. She was real open about her desire to go slow in getting to know someone, which is why I am going slow. She said that sort of thing on the phone before meeting and during our first date. She has been consistent with that. Why would a woman who is not interested keep responding? If she responds and is accepting your dates then she is interested...pure and simple. It's still quite early as it's only been a few dates right? She sounds like she is healthy and has a life and isn't waiting by the phone for a call.
Author jstobo Posted December 29, 2011 Author Posted December 29, 2011 So what happens if after this, she doesn't text for another two/three days? Will you be alright with that, or...? It's been 3 days now and we have had no further communication. I am sticking to my guns on this one. I made it clear to her 3 days ago I was interested and not playing games and she made the same thing clear. This is really testing my patience and confidence for sure. I hope this is worth it.
phineas Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 It's been 3 days now and we have had no further communication. I am sticking to my guns on this one. I made it clear to her 3 days ago I was interested and not playing games and she made the same thing clear. This is really testing my patience and confidence for sure. I hope this is worth it. well, you've put yourself into a situation where you let her keep the ball in her court. This only really works when you have other options & don't care. I've gotten myself in this situation with a woman very similar to yours in manner & words vs. actions. Even using the the "busy for the holiday's" BS after telling me before the holiday's she wanted to go out during the holidays. LOL! except, I can give a crap if I hear from her again or not & if I do hear from her i'm setting a concrete date & she either accepts or I loose her number. Find other women, set up a new yrs date or at least go out to a bar where loads of single women will be partying it up & needing a set of lips to ring in the new yr.
Author jstobo Posted December 29, 2011 Author Posted December 29, 2011 well, you've put yourself into a situation where you let her keep the ball in her court. This only really works when you have other options & don't care. I've gotten myself in this situation with a woman very similar to yours in manner & words vs. actions. Even using the the "busy for the holiday's" BS after telling me before the holiday's she wanted to go out during the holidays. LOL! except, I can give a crap if I hear from her again or not & if I do hear from her i'm setting a concrete date & she either accepts or I loose her number. Find other women, set up a new yrs date or at least go out to a bar where loads of single women will be partying it up & needing a set of lips to ring in the new yr. I am asking other women out, but this one just has more of my attention. About New Year's. I don't have anything to do. None of my married friends have asked me to anything and I haven't established new single friends yet. Kind of a bummer.
TheSingleGuy Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 Jstobo, The thing I don't like about your situation is, you are trying to do what she wants. SHE wants to take it slow, you clearly don't, but you are TRYING to do what she wants. Also, when you sent the text and ended it with "...if you are still interested" you scored negative points with that one, bro. The problem with this is, women are sexually repulsed by men who they think they could "walk all over" in a relationship. Sounds like you'll get another date with her, but if she does something, anything at all, that is rude, you MUST call her out on it. She WILL be testing you in this manner. TRUST ME. She will test you. Good luck on this one bro. My experience is, anytime you are this "into" a woman, you never get her. Especially since she's dragged you along this far, I am guessing you'll be a little nervous when you next meet her, she'll sense it, her female brain will start connecting dots and the next thing she's thinking is that she could walk all over you.
Author jstobo Posted December 29, 2011 Author Posted December 29, 2011 Jstobo, The thing I don't like about your situation is, you are trying to do what she wants. SHE wants to take it slow, you clearly don't, but you are TRYING to do what she wants. Also, when you sent the text and ended it with "...if you are still interested" you scored negative points with that one, bro. The problem with this is, women are sexually repulsed by men who they think they could "walk all over" in a relationship. Sounds like you'll get another date with her, but if she does something, anything at all, that is rude, you MUST call her out on it. She WILL be testing you in this manner. TRUST ME. She will test you. Good luck on this one bro. My experience is, anytime you are this "into" a woman, you never get her. Especially since she's dragged you along this far, I am guessing you'll be a little nervous when you next meet her, she'll sense it, her female brain will start connecting dots and the next thing she's thinking is that she could walk all over you. Yep, that was my one mistake in this. I've decided to not contact her again. I think I've done enough of the initiating at this point. Other than that, any suggestions on how to turn this around besides dating other women, which I am doing.
phineas Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 Yep, that was my one mistake in this. I've decided to not contact her again. I think I've done enough of the initiating at this point. Other than that, any suggestions on how to turn this around besides dating other women, which I am doing. Not contacting, let her chase, telling her when YOU are free & sticking to that & making her bend to you a little is how I do it. I've had women turn up 4 months later asking if I want to get a drink. LOL! At that point i'm up front and asking her just what she wants with me. The attention whores will waffle. The one's realizing THEY dun goofed claim they will work with my schedule. Some do, some go back to the BS & they get forgotten again. It really doesn't phase me anymore.
Author jstobo Posted January 3, 2012 Author Posted January 3, 2012 I thought I would give what will probably be a final update on this. We went 5 days without any communication. Around 2am New Years Eve, I texted her Happy New Year. She actually texted me back minutes later. I responded to her text and she respond about 20 hours later. She actually asked a question, so I answered it. Guess what? She responded a day later. I once again answered her question, but also wrote that our communication isn't working for me, but I was really happy to have met her. Of course, a day later, no response. Ladies, if you are interested, but multi dating, I would make sure you keep the guy interested enough until you know for sure he isn't the one. Chances are, he's multi dating as well and he is going to get to know someone better before you finally come around. Just saying!
Imajerk17 Posted January 3, 2012 Posted January 3, 2012 (edited) I thought I would give what will probably be a final update on this. We went 5 days without any communication. Around 2am New Years Eve, I texted her Happy New Year. She actually texted me back minutes later. I responded to her text and she respond about 20 hours later. She actually asked a question, so I answered it. Guess what? She responded a day later. I once again answered her question, but also wrote that our communication isn't working for me, but I was really happy to have met her. Of course, a day later, no response. Ladies, if you are interested, but multi dating, I would make sure you keep the guy interested enough until you know for sure he isn't the one. Chances are, he's multi dating as well and he is going to get to know someone better before you finally come around. Just saying! If you were really into this girl, then I don't like the way you handled it. Your idea of initiating since Christmas was using texts--whether she texts you or not--as pinging for interest. That's a little weak. I instead would have called her maybe January 1st or 2nd (after you exchanged New Year's greetings) to set up a second date. If you weren't, well, then it sounds to me (and probably, to her) that you wrote this one off. Edited January 3, 2012 by Imajerk17
Imajerk17 Posted January 3, 2012 Posted January 3, 2012 (edited) That said, I find the women's responses on this thread to be very interesting. The women's responses can be summed up IMO: If the guy doesn't show his interest clearly ("not showing his interest clearly" = e.g., waiting at least 2 days to contact her after the date), then he comes across as playing games. But if the woman doesn't show *her* interest, then she is busy, and that's healthy because she has a life. Very interesting indeed. Edited January 3, 2012 by Imajerk17
Author jstobo Posted January 3, 2012 Author Posted January 3, 2012 If you were really into this girl, then I don't like the way you handled it. Your idea of initiating since Christmas was using texts--whether she texts you or not--as pinging for interest. That's a little weak. I instead would have called her maybe January 1st or 2nd (after you exchanged New Year's greetings) to set up a second date. If you weren't, well, then it sounds to me (and probably, to her) that you wrote this one off. I did call her at one point and she did not call me back. Her interest was 50% at best. It obviously wasn't 0%, but something wasn't fully working for her, which caused things to not work for me.
blueskyday Posted January 3, 2012 Posted January 3, 2012 You sound like a great guy. The kind I would like to date. That said, if you sent me that last text about our "communication not working," I would assume you were done with us seeing each other. I would probably think that you were giving me an excuse and blowing me off, and I wouldn't respond anymore. BUT, if you said that and added that you would like to talk with me more, then I would understand you were asking for a change. No problem. I would talk to you about that. I also think you could have called her more, and texted less. All is not lost, though. Give her a call and ask her out one more time. She may be very happy to hear from you. Call, don't text.... If you don't get a response, then don't try to contact her again. Dating is hard. I go through the same stuff, just on the other side as a a woman. For me, I want to make sure a guy is interested in the initial dating stage. I will definitely be enthusiastic, respond and call back, but I look to him to lead a bit until I see that interest is there and an effort is being made to connect with me. Good luck! Call her again. I have a feeling she is interested.
Author jstobo Posted January 3, 2012 Author Posted January 3, 2012 You sound like a great guy. The kind I would like to date. That said, if you sent me that last text about our "communication not working," I would assume you were done with us seeing each other. I would probably think that you were giving me an excuse and blowing me off, and I wouldn't respond anymore. BUT, if you said that and added that you would like to talk with me more, then I would understand you were asking for a change. No problem. I would talk to you about that. I also think you could have called her more, and texted less. All is not lost, though. Give her a call and ask her out one more time. She may be very happy to hear from you. Call, don't text.... If you don't get a response, then don't try to contact her again. Dating is hard. I go through the same stuff, just on the other side as a a woman. For me, I want to make sure a guy is interested in the initial dating stage. I will definitely be enthusiastic, respond and call back, but I look to him to lead a bit until I see that interest is there and an effort is being made to connect with me. Good luck! Call her again. I have a feeling she is interested. Thanks Blueskyday. I am a great guy! . I can't stress enough how obvious I was in my communication with her that I was interested. I did call and she didn't call back. I'm assuming you read all the thread to see what I initiated. I do honestly believe if you were truly interested in a guy and he sent the text I sent (which I didn't share here word for word) you would reach out to save it. I can't contact her now because I would seem wishy washy. Obviously after reading your post and imajerk's, I'm having self doubt. But if she really liked me, she will reach out.
Imajerk17 Posted January 3, 2012 Posted January 3, 2012 Thanks Blueskyday. I am a great guy! . I can't stress enough how obvious I was in my communication with her that I was interested. I did call and she didn't call back. I'm assuming you read all the thread to see what I initiated. I do honestly believe if you were truly interested in a guy and he sent the text I sent (which I didn't share here word for word) you would reach out to save it. I can't contact her now because I would seem wishy washy. Obviously after reading your post and imajerk's, I'm having self doubt. But if she really liked me, she will reach out. It's hard for us to know how you communicated with her. For us to really know, you'd have to show us the communication log (the texts you sent versus those she sent, you called her, what did your vm say). That she responded to your texts over New Years indicated some positive interest. But where was the text conversation leading?
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