What games do you play when u ARE interested?

[jstobo]

I think you started the game playing by not sending her any message for a while -- I think it was Phineas (I hope?) earlier in this thread who said you should've sent her a "I enjoyed tonight" text friday and then waited a few days. I think now her interest is waning a little. If you like her, I'd ask her to do something between Christmas and New Years because NYE is quite a ways away. She can make time for a lunch or drinks if she likes you. If she doesn't, better to know now.

 

I told her at the end of the date I had a great time with her and that I would definitely call her soon. Not sure why I would follow that verbal communication up with a text shortly after.

 

I'm really trying not to play any games. I just listened to her when she said on the phone and during the date that likes to take things slow. She made a comment early in the date that she would only want to see someone once a week. I kind of cringed I think. . But I paid attention. So I think I'm just being respectful of her timeline and not playing games. I think I'm being tested. Just my opinion, but most of you are leaning me towards "she isn't really interested."

 

Funny, because you would be all over me if I was texting or calling twice a day. LOL... Instead you're on me for not texting a calling. See? Dating sucks!

[ShannonMI]

I am relaxed. I'm just looking to see if any women would really take things slow like this if they are interested. Most here have said no. But I am conflicted when she writes, "I am interested." not sure why she would write that if she wasn't. But I am like everyone else. If I'm interested, I would move heaven and earth to see them again.

If she says she is interested, then take her word for it. Jeez Louise. Why would she lie?

 

The holidays are a very busy time for some people. She could be busy and since she doesn't know you that well, you aren't the top priority right now. If you really like her, you'll have to just deal with that until the holidays are over. See how things go after the new year. If she's still acting this way, then be done with her.

[jstobo]

If she says she is interested, then take her word for it. Jeez Louise. Why would she lie?

 

The holidays are a very busy time for some people. She could be busy and since she doesn't know you that well, you aren't the top priority right now. If you really like her, you'll have to just deal with that until the holidays are over. See how things go after the new year. If she's still acting this way, then be done with her.

 

Exactly...why WOULD she lie. Doesn't make sense right? But dang it is going to be tough waiting nearly two weeks to see her again. The really cool thing is, she's the first woman to bring these feelings out in me since my ex-Wife and I separated. And that is a really good feeling!

[Jane2011]

I was seeing someone for six weeks (just recently ended it), but here's the game I played. (It was not malicious, though). I just made sure he initiated contact more often than I did. Mainly because I have just heard, all too often (and have experienced, all too often), that things are much better when the man is chasing you a little more so than you him. So, I was interested in the guy I was seeing, but I only texted him "first" maybe every third or fourth time we had text contact at all. In the very beginning, (first two weeks), this was very easy anyway because he was more into me than I was into him (though, like I said, I was interested), but even as my interest became even with his, I still made sure only to make "first contact" every third or fourth time. I figured...if that was working in the beginning, I should keep that up.

 

Generally speaking, he and I always responded to each other quickly. I think we were both "gaming" it all, though. Sometimes we'd both respond within five minutes, sometimes it'd be within 30 minutes, other times it was within an hour or so. But neither of us ever waited a whole half a day or full day or two days to respond to each other. If a guy took that long to respond to me, I would be bothered, even if he was continuing to go on dates with me. I'd probably say something to him, something along the lines of preferring quicker responses. If I like a guy, I want him to be available to me. I'm perfectly okay with an hour or two of waiting, but not longer than that.

 

I should add to my comments above, though, that the guy I was seeing...and I...we became "girlfriend and boyfriend" pretty quickly. I think other people keep dating sort of formally for a while before that happens; maybe that has a different set of rules where taking a half or full day to respond is considered okay; I think probably so, actually.

[jstobo]

Jane, thanks for your response. I think the naysayers were right in this one. I wanted to be positive about her lack of interest, so last night I gave her a phone call. I got her voicemail. She didn't return the call last night or today. That's about as clear as can be. I don't care how busy someone is, they can return a call or even text if they are interested. Can't understand why someone would write they are interested when they clearly aren't.

[Alexz]

I don't play any games.

 

I just say how I feel and approach in a genuine, direct, and compassionate fashion. Wish more people adopted it.

[musemaj11]

She can't resist the free dinners and the listening ear.

[RecordProducer]

My question is, do you play these games when you ARE interested in someone or am I right to think her time between responses is more a sign of her disinterest?

I hate this BS, but both men and women play it and they do it only because they think you're supposed to - kinda like you must say "How are you?"

 

One or two days is not long. I didn't get the impression that the two women you eliminated or the last one were disinterested. Maybe they're still just giving you a chance or maybe they really like you. I can't tell, but showing interest and flirting doesn't come naturally to all women.

 

I agree with Twos Company. Whenever I had a first date with a guy and he wouldn't let me hear anything within a day I would feel kind of uncertain/unsure but more importantly (at least to me) is that it also felt as if the guy wanted to play games, because he waits "the 2 days" not being "too available".

 

In this case I wouldn't be able to tell you exactly if it's disinterest or whether they're simply trying to play along with the game you started. But since they did agree to come on a 2nd and 3rd date with you I'm guessing the latter.

Absolutely agree with this.

 

I'd like to read all the posts here and I need to go, but I'll be back. Bottom line: women think all men play games so they play along. Also, saying things like she wants to take things slowly etc. may be to fake disinterest to build your interest in her. I mean, c'mon, if you don't like the guy, just stop seeing him, right? Or perhaps they're not too sure.

 

You know, I knew my first ex husband for 6 years and wasn't attracted to him. That didn't stop me from falling madly for him later. The beginning doesn't have to be with fireworks.It's the middle and the end that matter.

[jstobo]

I have initiated all texts and phone calls. I don't mind that at all, since I am the guy. I kind of have this thought in my head that I want to pursue someone, but I don't want to chase. I think sending a text, making a phone call and asking a woman out is pursuing. Sending texts or making phone calls after no response starts falling into the chasing category, which we ALL advise against on these threads.

 

The only doubt I have in my mind now is that I established the game playing and she has pulled away because of it. I took my time between contacts only because she made comments about taking things slow to get to know someone. The thoughts in my mind are to tell her in some way I am not playing games, just respecting her time frame.

[DearAbby]

I kind of think you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. If you show your interest, you are too easy and the guy moves on to the next one. If you don't show too much interest, you come across not interested, etc. Usually, even if I am interested, I will sit back in the beginning and let the guy pursue me. If he doesn't make much of an effort, I move on, because that is not the kind of guy I want. I want someone who goes after what they want and really is interested in me. I do not want someone with lukewarm interest.

[jstobo]

I kind of think you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. If you show your interest, you are too easy and the guy moves on to the next one. If you don't show too much interest, you come across not interested, etc. Usually, even if I am interested, I will sit back in the beginning and let the guy pursue me. If he doesn't make much of an effort, I move on, because that is not the kind of guy I want. I want someone who goes after what they want and really is interested in me. I do not want someone with lukewarm interest.

 

I think that is exactly what she is doing. I think she wants to see if I'm the kind of guy who is going to get pushy and/or impatient. When you say sit back, do you mean you'll wait a while to respond or call back? Would you ever not respond or call back just to see if he will call again?

[Alexz]

\Bottom line: women think all men play games so they play along. Also, saying things like she wants to take things slowly etc. may be to fake disinterest to build your interest in her. I mean, c'mon, if you don't like the guy, just stop seeing him, right? Or perhaps they're not too sure.

 

This is strange to me.

[curlygirl40]

When she said she was interested, she probably was interested at that time. I usually would not say those words unless I meant it. But anything could have happened. She could have met someone else. She could be so busy she could be thinking to herself 'who am I kidding, I don't have time to date'. There could have been some red flags that she started to think about more and then became disinterested. The time from the first meeting could have made her disinterested.

 

Hard to say. But I wouldn't say for sure that when she said 'I'm interested' that she was not being honest at the time.

 

I have this problem with guys I meet online that they seem to want to move really fast. So now I have been telling guys I meet that I 'need to go slow'.

 

I have no problems being exclusive, in being intimate in a 'normal' timeframe, in being in almost daily contact. When I say 'slow' I mean the emotions and the talking about 'where is this heading?' and I mean I don't want them to come on too strong in the beginning. I don't mean game play it's just that I feel relationships should happen naturally and not be forced.

 

I had a guy on the second date say to me 'you know you have me, don't you?' and start planning a weekend away for us this winter, and talking about what he was going to get me for Christmas (in September!!!). On the second date.

 

I had a guy try to have the exclusive convo with me via text the day after our first date.

 

I have had a guy tell me that he really, really likes me and that I have made his year and he can't take his mind off of me and he can't wait to see me again, after the first date.

 

Yes it's sweet but it doesn't feel authentic. For me it's too soon.

 

And these were all guys I met ONLINE. Meaning we didn't even know each other well. It freaks me out when guys move that fast. It doesn't seem genuine.

 

So she might have said 'slow' because she has had that experience too and feels she needs to put it out there early that she wants to move slowly. She certainly might have been interested but then her interest waned for some reason that you might never know.

 

Who knows. Keep your cool but keep dating. Maybe after the holidays she'll give you a call.

[Feelsgoodman]

Usually, even if I am interested, I will sit back in the beginning and let the guy pursue me. If he doesn't make much of an effort, I move on, because that is not the kind of guy I want. I want someone who goes after what they want and really is interested in me. I do not want someone with lukewarm interest.

The problem with this line of thinking is that the guy you're dating can't read your mind. He will observe you sitting back and letting him do all the legwork and then [quite reasonably] assume that your interest is lukewarm at best and move on (especially if he is not desperate and has other options).

 

I've been in this situation many times. If the woman is too passive, I just assume she's not interested and move on. Now she may, in fact, be interested but I have no way of knowing that unless she makes it clear. And in any event, life is too short too play these stupid games. I'm looking for someone who is honest and genuine...and a woman who plays hard to get does not fit the bill.

[jstobo]

When she said she was interested, she probably was interested at that time. I usually would not say those words unless I meant it. But anything could have happened. She could have met someone else. She could be so busy she could be thinking to herself 'who am I kidding, I don't have time to date'. There could have been some red flags that she started to think about more and then became disinterested. The time from the first meeting could have made her disinterested.

 

Hard to say. But I wouldn't say for sure that when she said 'I'm interested' that she was not being honest at the time.

 

I have this problem with guys I meet online that they seem to want to move really fast. So now I have been telling guys I meet that I 'need to go slow'.

 

I have no problems being exclusive, in being intimate in a 'normal' timeframe, in being in almost daily contact. When I say 'slow' I mean the emotions and the talking about 'where is this heading?' and I mean I don't want them to come on too strong in the beginning. I don't mean game play it's just that I feel relationships should happen naturally and not be forced.

 

I had a guy on the second date say to me 'you know you have me, don't you?' and start planning a weekend away for us this winter, and talking about what he was going to get me for Christmas (in September!!!). On the second date.

 

I had a guy try to have the exclusive convo with me via text the day after our first date.

 

I have had a guy tell me that he really, really likes me and that I have made his year and he can't take his mind off of me and he can't wait to see me again, after the first date.

 

Yes it's sweet but it doesn't feel authentic. For me it's too soon.

 

And these were all guys I met ONLINE. Meaning we didn't even know each other well. It freaks me out when guys move that fast. It doesn't seem genuine.

 

So she might have said 'slow' because she has had that experience too and feels she needs to put it out there early that she wants to move slowly. She certainly might have been interested but then her interest waned for some reason that you might never know.

 

Who knows. Keep your cool but keep dating. Maybe after the holidays she'll give you a call.

 

Curlygirl, you just described some of the experiences she shared with me. I too have been interested to have something change that interest. I know my interest has increased if someone isn't so available. It's possible something happened over the last couple of days that changed her mind. I don't think my timeframe of contact has been over the top. I also don't think there was anything wrong with calling her just to say hi. But I do think it's wrong to not call a person back if you're interested. Even if you're super busy. How hard is it to send a text saying, hey, got your message, thx for the call, it's been hectic, I'll call you in a few days. What's that, like 5 seconds?

[jstobo]

So I just got a text from her saying she hopes I am having a nice holiday and she can't believe they are already here. I'm going to have to trust her interest and that she is just busy right now. After two days of not returning my call, she could have just disappeared. Strange, but this is dating.

 

The tough part now is that I need to just sit back and wait a week to contact her and trust she will know I'm not playing games and am interested in her.

[DearAbby]

I think that is exactly what she is doing. I think she wants to see if I'm the kind of guy who is going to get pushy and/or impatient. When you say sit back, do you mean you'll wait a while to respond or call back? Would you ever not respond or call back just to see if he will call again?

 

I just wait for him to contact me. If he does, I will be responsive. Like if he calls and I am interested, I will answer or call back, but if I don't hear from him. I move on after a certain amount of time. If I am still interested, I will text or call once, but if he is unresponsive, I just move on.

[neghitzbrah]

I stopped reading the posts after the 1st page. Want to know how to stop playing games and dealing with them? Here's how... set rules up for yourself:

 

1) Do you want a girl who takes over a day to respond? No

RESOLUTION: Call/text when you want to. If you like her, call her that night if you want to. Answer her text when you actually see it. Who the hell made up being desperate by responding immediately?? I could honestly give 2 craps if I am seen as desperate by responding as soon as I see a message. I am a quick responder, which makes me really good at my job.

 

2) Do you want a girl who is 'somewhat' interested? No

RESOLUTION: If you have doubt or aren't feeling her, she probably isn't either. Move on... there will be one out there.

 

3) Do you want to date someone who is REALLLLLYYYY BUSYYY??? No

RESOLUTION: Don't be afraid to let go.

 

So basically, stop holding onto something that you already have doubt about. I'm not saying have a 0% tolerance policy, but know what you want. If she's this busy, you think she will fall in love with you in a few days and start being SUPER interested? If you don't like her attitude now, why continue dating her?

 

It's not rude to take forever to respond, nor is it rude to not be interested. You don't have to deal with it, just ask out another girl... you only need to find one in the long run right?

 

The way I see it, there are plenty of fish in the sea and theres no reason to strive for this ONE girl unless you think she is 1 of a kind. Is she really, guy?

[Johnny85]

So I just got a text from her saying she hopes I am having a nice holiday and she can't believe they are already here. I'm going to have to trust her interest and that she is just busy right now. After two days of not returning my call, she could have just disappeared. Strange, but this is dating.

 

The tough part now is that I need to just sit back and wait a week to contact her and trust she will know I'm not playing games and am interested in her.

 

She wouldn't contact you if she weren't interested (especially when she knows you like her). And you even asked her directly, and she was straight up with you and told you that she wants to continue to date you. Yes, she is playing games (2-3 days to respond to your text? Common, is she the President of the United States? Her schedule cannot possibly be that busy!!!!!).

 

 

In a few days, ask her what her schedule is like for next week, and tell her that you would like to take her out for.... I would not deliberately play into her games though. If it is meant to be, and she really is into you, everything will fall into place on its own. That's the way loves goes!!!

 

Good luck bro!!!

[jstobo]

I stopped reading the posts after the 1st page. Want to know how to stop playing games and dealing with them? Here's how... set rules up for yourself:

 

1) Do you want a girl who takes over a day to respond? No

RESOLUTION: Call/text when you want to. If you like her, call her that night if you want to. Answer her text when you actually see it. Who the hell made up being desperate by responding immediately?? I could honestly give 2 craps if I am seen as desperate by responding as soon as I see a message. I am a quick responder, which makes me really good at my job.

 

2) Do you want a girl who is 'somewhat' interested? No

RESOLUTION: If you have doubt or aren't feeling her, she probably isn't either. Move on... there will be one out there.

 

3) Do you want to date someone who is REALLLLLYYYY BUSYYY??? No

RESOLUTION: Don't be afraid to let go.

 

So basically, stop holding onto something that you already have doubt about. I'm not saying have a 0% tolerance policy, but know what you want. If she's this busy, you think she will fall in love with you in a few days and start being SUPER interested? If you don't like her attitude now, why continue dating her?

 

It's not rude to take forever to respond, nor is it rude to not be interested. You don't have to deal with it, just ask out another girl... you only need to find one in the long run right?

 

The way I see it, there are plenty of fish in the sea and theres no reason to strive for this ONE girl unless you think she is 1 of a kind. Is she really, guy?

 

These are all very good points. It is definitely the reason I am still asking other women out. I can only handle pursuing 2 women at a time though. More than two is too confusing AND expensive. Remember, I still have an ex-wife to support. But since she has been slow to respond, I currently have 3 I'm pursuing. Unfortunately, I think about this one the most. As soon as I'm mentally dropping her, she responds.

 

I truly never understand the really busy part. I have a full time job, two kids I care for 50% of the time, friends and family. I still have time for dating.

[jstobo]

She wouldn't contact you if she weren't interested (especially when she knows you like her). And you even asked her directly, and she was straight up with you and told you that she wants to continue to date you. Yes, she is playing games (2-3 days to respond to your text? Common, is she the President of the United States? Her schedule cannot possibly be that busy!!!!!).

 

 

In a few days, ask her what her schedule is like for next week, and tell her that you would like to take her out for.... I would not deliberately play into her games though. If it is meant to be, and she really is into you, everything will fall into place on its own. That's the way loves goes!!!

 

Good luck bro!!!

 

Johnny85: What I feel in my heart is that she has another guy she is more interested in, but isn't getting from him what she wants. She also has some interest in me, which is why she keeps me in arms reach. If the other guy never comes around or does something wrong, I'm plan B. Do I want to be Plan B? Hell to the capital H, NO. But I want to confirm it and it isn't hurting me to reach out every few days.

[Johnny85]

Johnny85: What I feel in my heart is that she has another guy she is more interested in, but isn't getting from him what she wants. She also has some interest in me, which is why she keeps me in arms reach. If the other guy never comes around or does something wrong, I'm plan B. Do I want to be Plan B? Hell to the capital H, NO. But I want to confirm it and it isn't hurting me to reach out every few days.

 

Well, I think that you are probably right about there being another guy in the picture; that seems to be the case when a girl takes time to respond, acts distant (yet throws breadcrumbs your way). However, you can't really blame her for seeing other guys dude - she is keeping her options open

 

On the other hand, two days to respond? She is playing little games!!!

[RecordProducer]

What I feel in my heart is that she has another guy she is more interested in, but isn't getting from him what she wants. She also has some interest in me, which is why she keeps me in arms reach. If the other guy never comes around or does something wrong, I'm plan B. Do I want to be Plan B? Hell to the capital H, NO. But I want to confirm it and it isn't hurting me to reach out every few days.

I think it's too soon to eliminate someone on those grounds. Many people are still in love with exes or currents when they begin dating new people who turn out to be their true loves and future spouses. Just because someone isn't completely emotionally available on the first date doesn't mean that a month later they won't be head over heels with you. Sometimes you have to take risks to find the best.

[jstobo]

I think it's too soon to eliminate someone on those grounds. Many people are still in love with exes or currents when they begin dating new people who turn out to be their true loves and future spouses. Just because someone isn't completely emotionally available on the first date doesn't mean that a month later they won't be head over heels with you. Sometimes you have to take risks to find the best.

 

The greatest rewards do not come without risks. I'm definitely not eliminating her, because at the end of the day, she has responded. It's not killing me to wait a few weeks to see what happens.

[Pizzaman81]

The greatest rewards do not come without risks. I'm definitely not eliminating her, because at the end of the day, she has responded. It's not killing me to wait a few weeks to see what happens.

 

It's always easier to play games against those you are not that interested in