What games do you play when u ARE interested?

[jstobo]

This is mostly for women. I am new to the dating world after an 11 year marriage. On line dating did not exist when I met my ex. Over the last 9 months I have had many first dates. I have only had 4 dates where I wanted to see the girl again. 2 of the women were very honest right after and said they did not have a romantic interest. I respect that quality in a woman.

 

The other 2 never told me they weren't interested, yet they were not very responsive. I would call and get there voicemail and they would wait 1 or two days to call me back. We would have a good conversation and it seemed everything was good. I went on 2nd and 3rd dates with each of these two women, yet the response time never improved. With both women I chose to stop contacting them for a 3rd or 4th date because I just thought the women just weren't that interested.

 

Now I am in the same situation with another woman. We spent a week or so talking on the phone a couple times and texted a few times. She always waits half a day or full day to respond to me. We met Friday and the date went well. She wasn't obvious in her interest, yet drinks turned into dinner, since she didn't stop talking. The date lasted 3 hours. I texted her a couple of days later and she took a full day to respond. I'm feeling the same way I did with the other two that she must not be that interested. I'm planning on calling her tonight to ask for a second date.

 

My question is, do you play these games when you ARE interested in someone or am I right to think her time between responses is more a sign of her disinterest?

[Twos Company]

Ok, you waited two days to text her, yet you are miffed that she takes a day to respond to you? I see it, that she is merely mirroring your style, and is unsure of your interest (see my current thread!).

[jstobo]

Ok, you waited two days to text her, yet you are miffed that she takes a day to respond to you? I see it, that she is merely mirroring your style, and is unsure of your interest (see my current thread!).

 

Good point, VERY good point! Any others?

[Pianiste]

I agree with Twos Company. Whenever I had a first date with a guy and he wouldn't let me hear anything within a day I would feel kind of uncertain/unsure but more importantly (at least to me) is that it also felt as if the guy wanted to play games, because he waits "the 2 days" not being "too available".

 

In this case I wouldn't be able to tell you exactly if it's disinterest or whether they're simply trying to play along with the game you started. But since they did agree to come on a 2nd and 3rd date with you I'm guessing the latter.

[phineas]

Ok, you waited two days to text her, yet you are miffed that she takes a day to respond to you? I see it, that she is merely mirroring your style, and is unsure of your interest (see my current thread!).

 

He should be letting her know after the date he had a good time.

 

But after that waiting a few days to ask her for another isn't a big deal.

 

As for talking & texting I personally let women know i'm not a big fan of using the phone & prefer to do my communicating in person.

 

So, for the most part the phone only gets used for setting up times to meet & I am really really really loving it.

[Lil1]

My question is, do you play these games when you ARE interested in someone or am I right to think her time between responses is more a sign of her disinterest?

 

When I'm interested in someone there is no doubt in that person's mind that I am interested in them. He will know because I respond to his texts/calls the same day, I will do the best I can to make a date happen with him (i.e. rearange my schedule if possible), and I will TELL them that I am interested in them. But that's just me, everyone operates differently.

 

This is mere speculation but if these ladies are taking their time responding to you it could be for one or more of the following reasons:

 

- She doesn't want to come off as eager/needy (especially if you also took your time to contact them after the date): If this is the case, but she's really interested in you then you would be able to gaugue this by her actions during your date (i.e. lots of flirting and physical contact)

 

- She is multi-dating and just doesn't have enough time in her day to respond to you (I do not multi-date for this very reason; I like to devote my full attention on the person if I am truly interested in him)

 

- She is very busy - but c'mon really she's too busy to respond to someone's text/call? If so then she should not be dating.

 

- She is waiting for a better offer. This is just mean and you should also be able to discern this from her actions (acts like she'd rather be somewhere else during your date or just sees you as a good distraction and doesn't really pay attention to what you're saying)

 

- She has been hurt in the past and is taking things very slow. If this is the case but she really does like you then again, you would know this through her actions i.e. tell you she wants to take things slow... but she should still have the decency to return your texts/calls.

 

Bottom line OP: I don't like games, however they are sometimes an evil necessity when it comes to dating. If I am interested in a man I do not play games. If I am not interested I will let him down easy but will be honest, I won't string him along or keep saying I'm too busy to go on a date. Perhaps these ladies are trying to let you down easy by being distant, hoping that you will lose interest and stop contacting them. I really don't know. My suggestion? Take online dating with a grain of salt. Perhaps try other avenues for meeting single ladies. Good luck!

[jstobo]

When I'm interested in someone there is no doubt in that person's mind that I am interested in them. He will know because I respond to his texts/calls the same day, I will do the best I can to make a date happen with him (i.e. rearange my schedule if possible), and I will TELL them that I am interested in them. But that's just me, everyone operates differently.

 

This is mere speculation but if these ladies are taking their time responding to you it could be for one or more of the following reasons:

 

- She doesn't want to come off as eager/needy (especially if you also took your time to contact them after the date): If this is the case, but she's really interested in you then you would be able to gaugue this by her actions during your date (i.e. lots of flirting and physical contact)

 

- She is multi-dating and just doesn't have enough time in her day to respond to you (I do not multi-date for this very reason; I like to devote my full attention on the person if I am truly interested in him)

 

- She is very busy - but c'mon really she's too busy to respond to someone's text/call? If so then she should not be dating.

 

- She is waiting for a better offer. This is just mean and you should also be able to discern this from her actions (acts like she'd rather be somewhere else during your date or just sees you as a good distraction and doesn't really pay attention to what you're saying)

 

- She has been hurt in the past and is taking things very slow. If this is the case but she really does like you then again, you would know this through her actions i.e. tell you she wants to take things slow... but she should still have the decency to return your texts/calls.

 

Bottom line OP: I don't like games, however they are sometimes an evil necessity when it comes to dating. If I am interested in a man I do not play games. If I am not interested I will let him down easy but will be honest, I won't string him along or keep saying I'm too busy to go on a date. Perhaps these ladies are trying to let you down easy by being distant, hoping that you will lose interest and stop contacting them. I really don't know. My suggestion? Take online dating with a grain of salt. Perhaps try other avenues for meeting single ladies. Good luck!

 

These are good points. She was not flirtatious during our first date. She looked me in the eye throughout and she was not trying to end the date. She has said on numerous occasions how slow she wants to take things. Not necessarily with me, but dating in general. She made comments how she didn't like that after one date a guy was texting everyday as if they were in a relationship. I paid very close attention to those comments. She was painting a picture to say it was going to be a while before she was exclusive with someone. We didn't talk much about our past relationships, but she may have been hurt badly and is guarded because of it. I know she is multi dating and so am I. Waiting for a better offer? Not sure.

 

She is busy, but I think she is playing the game. Because of that, she takes time to respond. Let me tell you, it's working. I think about her more than the other two women I'm dating. But I'm not taking the bait. I'm not being pushy or needy. I'm taking my time to respond, but I have also been clear of my interest when I do respond.

 

I'm just taking the attitude that she wouldn't respond at all if she wasn't interested.

 

Update: she texted me this afternoon, 24 hours after my last text, that she is interested, but the holidays are really busy and things should be better after the New Year. Would she really write she is interested if she wasn't?

[Philosoraptor]

When I am interested in someone I play no games and make things clear. But I don't play games at all. People appreciate that sort of honesty and in my experience they find it refreshing to not have to try and read into everything.

Edited December 21, 2011 by Philosoraptor

[jstobo]

Well...I guess I need someone to respond who does take things slow or does play the game.

[phineas]

Well...I guess I need someone to respond who does take things slow or does play the game.

 

I don't play that txt game.

 

I respond to women in a timely manner.

But, I also train women to get back to me in a timely manner also.

 

I do this by giving them a window to respond then I make alternate plans & tell them when they do respond "oh, I hadn't heard from you & someone asked me to do something so I made plans with them, let me know when your free again & we will do something"

 

Then I leave it up to them to contact me & prepare to move on.

This lets them know i'm not going to wait around from them.

 

see, you set the president for delayed txting by waiting to contact them after a date.

 

You need to be contact them sooner & CALL not txt.

When you CALL let them know you had a good time & when you have your schedule for the week figured out you will give them call for another date.

 

This is how I do it anyways.

[monkey00]

When I've had women take half a day or a full day to respond, I used to think they were busy. It just turned out they weren't that interested or their interest level is probably waning around 50% - 60% or they are dating other people/waiting for other prospects. So I think Lil1 is on the money with her bullet points.

 

If a confident woman is very interested in a guy, they likely won't play games. And they will usually answer the phone or call you back asap. They will even text you back within a couple of hours. Maybe insecure girls play the hard to get game, but why would even want to put up with that?

[jstobo]

Ok, but we still aren't addressing the fact that she always responds to my texts, always calls me back and has said yes to another date. She just takes time. And I take time between contacts as well. She was real open about her desire to go slow in getting to know someone, which is why I am going slow. She said that sort of thing on the phone before meeting and during our first date. She has been consistent with that. Why would a woman who is not interested keep responding?

[monkey00]

Ok, but we still aren't addressing the fact that she always responds to my texts, always calls me back and has said yes to another date. She just takes time. And I take time between contacts as well. She was real open about her desire to go slow in getting to know someone, which is why I am going slow. She said that sort of thing on the phone before meeting and during our first date. She has been consistent with that. Why would a woman who is not interested keep responding?

 

Ok so what's the problem? If she responds when you contact her and accepts dates then she does sound interested. Consistency is always a good sign.

[phineas]

Ok, but we still aren't addressing the fact that she always responds to my texts, always calls me back and has said yes to another date. She just takes time. And I take time between contacts as well. She was real open about her desire to go slow in getting to know someone, which is why I am going slow. She said that sort of thing on the phone before meeting and during our first date. She has been consistent with that. Why would a woman who is not interested keep responding?

 

Ok, I must of read your post too quickly.

 

As long as you are seeing her at least once a week don't worry about it.

However, it seems like she is setting you up to do all the heavy lifting & chasing her.

 

She is setting all the terms. I don't care for women like that.

I agree with you, it makes it seem like their not THAT interested & just bored.

 

To be 100% honest, women that meet a guy they REALLY are into rarely want to take it slow. They do the exact opposite because they don't want to loose him.

 

"taking it slow" has never worked out in my favor & always resulted in the woman jumping into bed with some guy they just met & telling me "it's different" or "we weren't exclusive" and trying to act like i'm just a butt-hurt looser or something.

 

So I don't "take it slow" any more. I don't mind getting to know someone but if I'll only pay attention to a woman for so long before I loose interest & I keep my options open until she is my GF.

 

If I were you i'd explore other options & see if you find someone that has a similar style to dating or shows more initiative.

 

You arn't exclusive & women like this in my experience are this way because they are keeping their options open.

Edited December 21, 2011 by phineas

[jstobo]

I should add that she has not been online since our date last Friday. I have a couple of "girl" friends who have told me they handled the online dating thing the exact way she is and their boyfriend won out because he was patient and consistent and not pushy. I just wish more women would chime in and agree with this philosophy, but it seems most are saying when they are truly interested, they are unable to play the games. Dating is frustrating to say the least. So I'm going to go out with two other women even though I really want to see this one again instead. Grrrrrr.....

[Lil1]

jstobo: I just wish more women would chime in and agree with this philosophy, but it seems most are saying when they are truly interested, they are unable to play the games. Dating is frustrating to say the least. So I'm going to go out with two other women even though I really want to see this one again instead. Grrrrrr.....

 

 

Yes, go out with more women, don't put all your eggs in one basket so to speak. However, if you find you can't get this woman out of your head and you think there's something really special about her that you can't find in anyone else then go ahead and follow her lead. She really may just need to take things very slow. If I can be honest with you though I think she's just not very interested or is still rebounding, whatever the reasons may be she is being very cautious and it may take a while before you break down her barrier. If you're willing to play the game of cat and mouse then go for it!

 

Philosoraptor: When I am interested in someone I play no games and make things clear. But I don't play games at all. People appreciate that sort of honesty and in my experience they find it refreshing to not have to try and read into everything.

 

I'm right there with you Philosoraptor. I like your style

[Twos Company]

This taking it slow philosophy is just an obstacle to keep their options open, I say this as I have used that kind of phrasing myself when I wasn't entirely sure how I felt about a guy, I was not looking elsewhere necessarily, just wasn't sure if that particular guy was 'the one' or not. And lo and behold, he ended up not being 'the one'. There's a reason our senses kick in when we meet someone new, nothing stands in the way when we are really into a guy.

[jstobo]

Ok, you're all pretty clear. I hate when the OP doesn't listen to the consistent advice, so I won't be that OP. I'll just let it fade into the wind. Next!

[Lil1]

Ok, you're all pretty clear. I hate when the OP doesn't listen to the consistent advice, so I won't be that OP. I'll just let it fade into the wind. Next!

 

 

LOL! Well done sir!

[ShannonMI]

This is mostly for women. I am new to the dating world after an 11 year marriage. On line dating did not exist when I met my ex. Over the last 9 months I have had many first dates. I have only had 4 dates where I wanted to see the girl again. 2 of the women were very honest right after and said they did not have a romantic interest. I respect that quality in a woman.

 

The other 2 never told me they weren't interested, yet they were not very responsive. I would call and get there voicemail and they would wait 1 or two days to call me back. We would have a good conversation and it seemed everything was good. I went on 2nd and 3rd dates with each of these two women, yet the response time never improved. With both women I chose to stop contacting them for a 3rd or 4th date because I just thought the women just weren't that interested.

 

Now I am in the same situation with another woman. We spent a week or so talking on the phone a couple times and texted a few times. She always waits half a day or full day to respond to me. We met Friday and the date went well. She wasn't obvious in her interest, yet drinks turned into dinner, since she didn't stop talking. The date lasted 3 hours. I texted her a couple of days later and she took a full day to respond. I'm feeling the same way I did with the other two that she must not be that interested. I'm planning on calling her tonight to ask for a second date.

 

My question is, do you play these games when you ARE interested in someone or am I right to think her time between responses is more a sign of her disinterest?

When I'm interested in a guy and he calls or texts me, I answer right away. I (even though I hate to admit this:o) have my phone up my ass waiting for him to contact me. These women sound like they aren't interested. It's like they are just going through the motions and they're being polite. Although if they do agree to go on 2nd and 3rd dates there must be SOME interest or they would decline. Unless of course they are looking for a free meal or movie or whatever. Some chicks can play men that way. I'm not like that. Most nice, decent girls aren't.

 

Also perhaps this woman was at work when you text her and couldn't respond. Sometimes people aren't allowed or just don't have their cell phones at work. What was her response like?

[Imajerk17]

I agree with Twos Company. Whenever I had a first date with a guy and he wouldn't let me hear anything within a day I would feel kind of uncertain/unsure but more importantly (at least to me) is that it also felt as if the guy wanted to play games, because he waits "the 2 days" not being "too available".

 

In this case I wouldn't be able to tell you exactly if it's disinterest or whether they're simply trying to play along with the game you started. But since they did agree to come on a 2nd and 3rd date with you I'm guessing the latter.

 

Interesting.

 

I'll tell you how it is from a guy's perspective. Men actually do think a lot about how to play the postdate communication, ESPECIALLY when they are into a girl but the date seemed to go only so-so on her end. We feel on some level that our next move had better be a good one.

 

Contact her again the next day and we think we might be coming on too strong. And honestly ladies, we were the ones who took YOU out, so why do WE have to be the ones to thank YOU?

 

Anyway, to this end, we often end up settle on a phone call two days later.

 

If the date went really well, it's easy--a text or a phone call (if we had sex) the next day. If the date went horribly, that's also easy too--forget about it.

[jstobo]

When I'm interested in a guy and he calls or texts me, I answer right away. I (even though I hate to admit this:o) have my phone up my ass waiting for him to contact me. These women sound like they aren't interested. It's like they are just going through the motions and they're being polite. Although if they do agree to go on 2nd and 3rd dates there must be SOME interest or they would decline. Unless of course they are looking for a free meal or movie or whatever. Some chicks can play men that way. I'm not like that. Most nice, decent girls aren't.

 

Also perhaps this woman was at work when you text her and couldn't respond. Sometimes people aren't allowed or just don't have their cell phones at work. What was her response like?

 

Ok, see what you did there. You sent me down the path of disinterest and then added in some doubt of that theory.

 

So here's the timeline.

 

Friday: had a good 3 hour date. Nothing physical happened. Just good conversation.

 

Sunday: I texted her around 2:30 asking how her weekend was.

 

Monday: she texted back late Monday morning that she was sorry she didn't respond last night and hoped I had a good weekend.

 

Monday: 30 minutes later I texted her, I'll give you a call in a few days if you're still interested.

 

Tuesday: she texted back late in the afternoon. Yeah I'm interested, but the holidays are crazy and should be better after the new year.

 

That was our last communication.

[ShannonMI]

Ok, see what you did there. You sent me down the path of disinterest and then added in some doubt of that theory.

 

So here's the timeline.

 

Friday: had a good 3 hour date. Nothing physical happened. Just good conversation.

 

Sunday: I texted her around 2:30 asking how her weekend was.

 

Monday: she texted back late Monday morning that she was sorry she didn't respond last night and hoped I had a good weekend.

 

Monday: 30 minutes later I texted her, I'll give you a call in a few days if you're still interested.

Tuesday: she texted back late in the afternoon. Yeah I'm interested, but the holidays are crazy and should be better after the new year.

 

That was our last communication.

 

So she's super busy. She said it plainly in her text. She's interested it sounds like or she would completely blow you off. So relax!!! The holidays are f*cking hectic for some people.

 

And I added in the doubt of theory because you can't always read people. Especially through text messaging. Try CALLING her and hearing her tone of voice. If she sounds flirty, she's interested. If she sounds bored or you stuggle to keep the convo going, she's not interested.

Edited December 21, 2011 by ShannonMI

[lululucy]

I think you started the game playing by not sending her any message for a while -- I think it was Phineas (I hope?) earlier in this thread who said you should've sent her a "I enjoyed tonight" text friday and then waited a few days. I think now her interest is waning a little. If you like her, I'd ask her to do something between Christmas and New Years because NYE is quite a ways away. She can make time for a lunch or drinks if she likes you. If she doesn't, better to know now.

[jstobo]

So she's super busy. She said it plainly in her text. She's interested it sounds like or she would completely blow you off. So relax!!! The holidays are f*cking hectic for some people.

 

And I added in the doubt of theory because you can't always read people. Especially through text messaging. Try CALLING her and hearing her tone of voice. If she sounds flirty, she's interested. If she sounds bored or you stuggle to keep the convo going, she's not interested.

 

I am relaxed. I'm just looking to see if any women would really take things slow like this if they are interested. Most here have said no. But I am conflicted when she writes, "I am interested." not sure why she would write that if she wasn't. But I am like everyone else. If I'm interested, I would move heaven and earth to see them again.