you_can_not_see_me Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 yeah so I tried asking out this girl a while back and she told me that she has a boyfriend. I said ok, I understand. I emailed her a short while ago saying that I understand her relationship situation and I did not want to create any problem in that regard, I said I was fine with being friends with her, but I also would understand if she was uncomfortable and didn't really want to. instead I get an email from her saying that the whole situation has made her boyfriend uncomfortable and that she wants to let him cool off for a while!! why the hell did she have to say this to her boyfriend? I mean I told her I understand the situation and I even said she could say no to me and let this whole situation go away. but no she has to mention this to her boyfriend and make it seem like I wanted to steal her away. dumb bitches:mad: I would like to hear a girls view on this and why if placed in a similar position a girl would do this!
oaks Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 why the hell did she have to say this to her boyfriend? I mean I told her I understand the situation and I even said she could say no to me and let this whole situation go away. but no she has to mention this to her boyfriend and make it seem like I wanted to steal her away. dumb bitches:mad: I would like to hear a girls view on this and why if placed in a similar position a girl would do this! I'm a guy, but here's a scenario for you: "Hi honey I'm home!" "How was your day, sweetpea?" "Oh, fine, but this guy tried to hit on me. I told him I had a boyfriend because I wuvs you vewwy much." "Oh. Good. I wuvs you too." Then later... "You remember I told you about that guy who tried to hit on me? Well, now he wants to be friends." "Really? I bet he just wants to get into your pants." "Yeah, probably. I'll tell him to get lost." Why is she a dumb bitch for having a conversation with her boyfriend?
wildgeese Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 That's some pretty harsh, negative language that isn't exactly appreciated by any female. Why even email her after the fact? It wasn't necessary (as you were clearly not good friends) and most likely was the reason that she told her boyfriend. Oaks is completely right in his interpretation.
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted December 20, 2011 Author Posted December 20, 2011 you don't understand I told her she could say no to the friendship thing if she was uncomfortable with it. plus I made it a point to say that I did not want to pursue her anymore!! she could have simply told me, "yeah I am not feeling it" and there would be no need for upsetting her boyfriend!! plus I can't believe what kind of language she used to describe my approach that would make a guy securely in a relationship upset. she must have exaggerated things to an extent, cause the whole approach I made wasn't that strong and I did pull back once she said she was in a relationship! you girls mean to tell me that you tell your boyfriends all the men who have ever approached you??
PlumPrincess Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 I'm a guy, but here's a scenario for you: "Hi honey I'm home!" "How was your day, sweetpea?" "Oh, fine, but this guy tried to hit on me. I told him I had a boyfriend because I wuvs you vewwy much." "Oh. Good. I wuvs you too." Then later... "You remember I told you about that guy who tried to hit on me? Well, now he wants to be friends." "Really? I bet he just wants to get into your pants." "Yeah, probably. I'll tell him to get lost." Why is she a dumb bitch for having a conversation with her boyfriend? Uhoh, now I don't want to hit on anybody anymore...
Bridgey Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 When you're in a stable relationship these things come up in conversation. She was probably asking her boyfriend if staying friends with you was a good idea or not. And why do you care anyway? Drop the whole situation and move on.
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted December 20, 2011 Author Posted December 20, 2011 also another thing that bothers me in this situation is her choice of words in the last part!saying "I am going to let him cool off for a while" is she trying to intimidate me?! this while I was entirely friendly and courteous through out this whole deal.
phineas Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 You don't REALLY want to be just friends with her. She knows it, her BF knows it, and everyone who has read this thread knows it. Leave the chick alone. You're borderline creepy.
kaylan Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 I'm a guy, but here's a scenario for you: "Hi honey I'm home!" "How was your day, sweetpea?" "Oh, fine, but this guy tried to hit on me. I told him I had a boyfriend because I wuvs you vewwy much." "Oh. Good. I wuvs you too." Then later... "You remember I told you about that guy who tried to hit on me? Well, now he wants to be friends." "Really? I bet he just wants to get into your pants." "Yeah, probably. I'll tell him to get lost." Why is she a dumb bitch for having a conversation with her boyfriend? lmao ^this
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted December 21, 2011 Author Posted December 21, 2011 You don't REALLY want to be just friends with her. She knows it, her BF knows it, and everyone who has read this thread knows it. Leave the chick alone. You're borderline creepy. I don't want to be more than friends, you think I don't have control over my emotions? I am pretty much done with this whole situation, that is for sure. she helped me make that choice with mentioning it to her boyfriend and making it into a hostile situation.
kaylan Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 OP shes trying to let you down easy. However, this whole you wanting to stay friends thing seems fishy....only time a guy wants to stay friends with a girl hes hit on who has a boyfriend is that he has sneaky intentions. Dont be the grease-ball whod wait in the wings and jump at the chance to help ruin a relationship. And BS about you not wanting to be more than friends...With the way you are acting I know youd jump at the chance to have this chick. Thats one thing Ill never do is go after a girl who has a bf. Whenever I have hit on a girl and found out she has a bf, I leave it at that. I stay friendly and an acquaintance of theirs...but I dont go off trying to be their friend or good pal. Inappropriate in my opinion.
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted December 21, 2011 Author Posted December 21, 2011 OP shes trying to let you down easy. However, this whole you wanting to stay friends thing seems fishy....only time a guy wants to stay friends with a girl hes hit on who has a boyfriend is that he has sneaky intentions. Dont be the grease-ball whod wait in the wings and jump at the chance to help ruin a relationship. And BS about you not wanting to be more than friends...With the way you are acting I know youd jump at the chance to have this chick. Thats one thing Ill never do is go after a girl who has a bf. Whenever I have hit on a girl and found out she has a bf, I leave it at that. I stay friendly and an acquaintance of theirs...but I dont go off trying to be their friend or good pal. Inappropriate in my opinion. I did not intend to become a good friend of hers! I just wanted to be a sorta friend who might see her once or twice a month! my own intention is not to really see her until I start up something with another girl. then I will not need to keep myself in check since my focus would be on the other girl.
ShannonMI Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 yeah so I tried asking out this girl a while back and she told me that she has a boyfriend. I said ok, I understand. I emailed her a short while ago saying that I understand her relationship situation and I did not want to create any problem in that regard, I said I was fine with being friends with her, but I also would understand if she was uncomfortable and didn't really want to. instead I get an email from her saying that the whole situation has made her boyfriend uncomfortable and that she wants to let him cool off for a while!! why the hell did she have to say this to her boyfriend? I mean I told her I understand the situation and I even said she could say no to me and let this whole situation go away. but no she has to mention this to her boyfriend and make it seem like I wanted to steal her away. dumb bitches:mad: I would like to hear a girls view on this and why if placed in a similar position a girl would do this! She wants her boyfriend to be jealous that there is another man after her. She's an idiot.
lululucy Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 I don't want to be more than friends, you think I don't have control over my emotions? I am pretty much done with this whole situation, that is for sure. she helped me make that choice with mentioning it to her boyfriend and making it into a hostile situation. What? Why should she not have a conversation with her boyfriend? Hell, she might not have mentioned it to her boyfriend at all but is using that to get you to back off for good. With my ex, we were together four yearsish and I'd tell him if someone asked me out, and vice versa -- we didn't hide anything, neither of us got upset, we just talked about anything on our minds. Why do you want to be friends with this girl? If you had been friends before, you would've known she had a boyfriend. Now it's just to keep her around so you can make her jealous once you have another girl? It's weird. Just leave her alone.
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted December 21, 2011 Author Posted December 21, 2011 seriously is it impossible to believe that a guy like my self just wants to stay friends with this girl cause I thought she was interesting? I want to hook up with another girl because I want to date women in general! but hanging with her after that will have the benefit of assuring her that since I am in my own relationship I will see no need to get into her pants! is this Idea of mine so unrealistic!
oaks Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 seriously is it impossible to believe that a guy like my self just wants to stay friends with this girl cause I thought she was interesting? Stay friends? What contact have you had with her other than trying to hit on her and asking her to be your friend? If you see her regularly in some sort of social setting then perhaps you'll become friends, or at least get to know each other a bit, but if it's just that you hit on her once and later you emailed her to ask to be friends then, yes, you're being unrealistic.
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted December 21, 2011 Author Posted December 21, 2011 What? Why should she not have a conversation with her boyfriend? Hell, she might not have mentioned it to her boyfriend at all but is using that to get you to back off for good. With my ex, we were together four yearsish and I'd tell him if someone asked me out, and vice versa -- we didn't hide anything, neither of us got upset, we just talked about anything on our minds. Why do you want to be friends with this girl? If you had been friends before, you would've known she had a boyfriend. Now it's just to keep her around so you can make her jealous once you have another girl? It's weird. Just leave her alone. it is possible and I have thought that it may be so, but in my email I also left the door pretty open for her to say no, with out needing to mention her boyfriend. I basically told her, hey If the situation doesn't feel right, feel free to say so and I am ok with that.
oaks Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 it is possible and I have thought that it may be so, but in my email I also left the door pretty open for her to say no, with out needing to mention her boyfriend. I basically told her, hey If the situation doesn't feel right, feel free to say so and I am ok with that. That was thoughtful of you, but perhaps she didn't want to take your way out and was happy to provide an exit for herself. Why are you so upset about her invoking her boyfriend? The girl doesn't want to be your friend - get over it.
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted December 21, 2011 Author Posted December 21, 2011 That was thoughtful of you, but perhaps she didn't want to take your way out and was happy to provide an exit for herself. Why are you so upset about her invoking her boyfriend? The girl doesn't want to be your friend - get over it. the reason I don't like it is cause we go to the same school and I may bump into her again. and this action of hers just makes the situation unnecessary awkward. if she had taken my exit it would have been pretty chill if I bumped into her at school, I wouldn't need to avoid her then!! as for moving on, It is more or less done, no need for people here to constantly mention it.
Nexus One Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 (edited) Nobody was at fault here except her boyfriend. He shouldn't get upset about guys asking if she's single. A random guy can't know if a girl is single by just by looking at her, so if a guy wants to ask a girl out he'll first has to know if she's single, and the most straight forward way of doing that is by asking. seriously is it impossible to believe that a guy like my self just wants to stay friends with this girl cause I thought she was interesting? Impossible? No. But it is a bit naive. Why? Because first you show romantic interest in this guy's girlfriend. Ok, no biggie, because she should "defend" the boundaries of her relationship on her side, you should respect that defense and her boyfriend should trust his girlfriend and not be such a hothead. If those things all align, then there shouldn't be any problem. HOWEVER. While you respected her "defense" so to speak and you wouldn't technically breach a boundary, you could have damn well known that you'd be stepping into her boyfriends territory by wanting to be friends with her AFTER you've shown romantic interest in HIS GIRLFRIEND. He doesn't know you, so he doesn't know your intentions, but it's obvious he interpreted your wanting to be friends as invasive to his territory. But yes, technically you should be able to be her friend even after you've shown romantic interest. But by going through with that you willfully tread into her boyfriends territory. It's one thing to unknowingly hit on another guy's girlfriend, it happens, nobody's telepathic. But it's another to thing to then want to stick around, in the sense that you risk angering the boyfriend. The reason the boyfriend got upset is over territorial issues. He doesn't understand why you simply won't go away after his girlfriend told you off. And yes that makes him a hothead and yes that makes him insecure and yes that shows he doesn't trust his girlfriend. But you could have known that there are guys out there that see this as a sensitive issue. When a girl is in a relationship, it's not only her that you have to respect and not only the boundaries of the relationship, but also the boyfriend and hence his territory. He could be a d*ck for all you know, but you don't want to force yourself up to them as a third wheel. So technically you're not wrong, her boyfriend is, but it would be a bit naive to think that this isn't a sensitive issue to some guys, especially insecure non-trusting hotheads. Edited December 21, 2011 by Nexus One
kaylan Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 Oh please. How do we really know the bf was a hot head. Shes merely just telling him that so he will go away. She doesnt want to be friends so shes giving you a reason to buzz off OP. If I was the girls bf I would laugh and call OP a loser. Id simply say to my girl "lol, thats nice...tell him to find his own woman" And when she says he wants to be friends Id say "riiiight...sure lol...well tell him he can either buzz off or come out with the gang the next time we all chill, since he just wants to be friends" Simple.
ditzchic Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 I don't even know if you can be so sure she told her boyfriend. She could have just said that so that you would leave her the eff alone. You asked. She rejected. The e-mail takes it to a borderline creepy level. She could have just said that thing about the boyfriend so that she could be sure you would back off. Were you guys even friends before this? It is what it is. She isn't interested. Let it go.
Mrlonelyone Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 ^ What Nexus one said. The question that determines weather you were in the wrong is... Are you and this woman in a pre existing professional or friendly relationship? (YES/NO) Was this woman someone you just hit on basically at random? (YES/NO) If yes to the first one then you did nothing wrong with the follow up email. If you have to work with or see her again being "friends" just means it does not have to be all awkward. You don't suddenly become a "creep" or have to avoid each other or whatever. If yes to the second question, then you were out of line. The fact you have her email address and such means you knew eachother well enough to exchange contact info. I suspect you knew her in a non romantic context first. In which case you just did the rite things. I suggest that you just let this one alone. Someone who cannot even handle something like this without reporting into her master isn't worth your time.
Peter Attis Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 She doesn't like you and she already has a boyfriend. Take the hint.
xpaperxcutx Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 First of all, whatever she tells her bf is her business and you hace no right to overreact or be upset. Second, don't be so naive to think that you can be friends with every girl or hy . If she rejected you, you walk away. You do not email them and certainly not give them an "option" it makes you come off desperate and tacky.
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