How long would you go without sex in a relationship?

[azsinglegal]

What if your partner has a physical issue and they can't have sex? How long would you stick around?

 

What if everything else was good but the physical was lacking? Is this a compromise you'd be willing to make for long term?

[carhill]

Unless they were like this, they can have sex. No excuses. Penises and vaginas don't have to meet to have sex. Clothes can even stay on.

 

If there was no sex, everything else wouldn't be good, for myself anyway. There would be no intimacy in the way which separates platonic from romantic relationships.

 

If I ended up in a situation like Chris's wife did, I would see it as something outside of our control and follow the commitment I had made to my spouse, as that person had been perfectly willing and able and desirous of keeping their end of the agreement until fate intervened.

[Dust]

If it was no sex just cause the girl was never in the mood and always had a head ache or something then I would end things as soon as was convenient for me.

 

If it was no sex because the woman became paralyzed or violently ill with cancer or something I would want to try to figure something out. I hate the idea of just abandoning some one.

[CarrieT]

Unless they were like this, they can have sex. No excuses. Penises and vaginas don't have to meet to have sex. Clothes can even stay on.

 

This. And this again.

 

and again.

 

 

My BF had a vasectomy last weekend and was bruised, swollen and in considerable pain. But we still held each other, kissed, and "had sex" without intercourse. We were close and shared some wonderful intimacy despite the fact that he had a frozen package of peas on his crotch for the entire weekend.

 

He especially liked the fact that he was getting an erection, even though he couldn't use it.

[Eve]

My Hubby has said that he would stick with me no matter what. Though I am open to contemplating some aspects of doubt which would arise, I think I would put the sex as a secondary thing and just love him.

 

.. All in all, I reckon we would be naturally inclined to still find a way to be close.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[Emilia]

No I wouldn't stick around and the penis + vagina meeting is very important to me. I can't compromise on that.

[somedude81]

IMO, a relationship without sex is just a friendship.

[Cypress25]

IMO, a relationship without sex is just a friendship.

 

Even if you do everything besides sex? Kissing, manual stimulation, erotic massage, etc. You would still consider it a friendship, just because there's no "penis in vagina" sex? I don't know about you, but I don't engage in any physical intimacy (beyond hugging) with my friends. All that stuff is reserved for romantic relationships.

 

Sex is not the only thing that separates a friendship from a relationship. There's more to a relationship than sex.

[Dust]

Even if you do everything besides sex? Kissing, manual stimulation, erotic massage, etc. You would still consider it a friendship, just because there's no "penis in vagina" sex? I don't know about you, but I don't engage in any physical intimacy (beyond hugging) with my friends. All that stuff is reserved for romantic relationships.

 

Sex is not the only thing that separates a friendship from a relationship. There's more to a relationship than sex.

 

He's never had a gf cut his wild views some slack and just respond with. You've never had a gf. It's what I do.

 

A relationship with out sex is still a relationship except missing one of my favorite things. If you're not getting sex chances are you're not getting erotic massages or anything else. Chances are its still a relationship ie all the stresses and demands of a relationship with the added stress of knowing you want sex bad and arn't getting it.

[Cypress25]

If you're not getting sex chances are you're not getting erotic massages or anything else.

 

Not true. I didn't have sex in my first two relationships because I wasn't ready, but we did everything else (except oral, I'm still not ready for that, lol). There was plenty of physical intimacy, and I became quite skilled at getting a guy off with my hands. I know it's not the same, but you can have physical intimacy without sex. It's possible.

[Dust]

Not true. I didn't have sex in my first two relationships because I wasn't ready, but we did everything else (except oral, I'm still not ready for that, lol). There was plenty of physical intimacy, and I became quite skilled at getting a guy off with my hands. I know it's not the same, but you can have physical intimacy without sex. It's possible.

 

You're missing the point of the thread. Everything else is good but the physical is lacking. As in forever. Like for men who get sex, but then as time goes on they stop getting it forever. How long would you stay with no sex.

[somedude81]

I know there are a bunch of other intimate things to do besides sex, though that doesn't mean that sex isn't a necessary part of a relationship.

[Cypress25]

Everything else is good but the physical is lacking. As in forever. Like for men who get sex, but then as time goes on they stop getting it forever. How long would you stay with no sex.

 

If I really loved the guy and he loved me, I could go the rest of my life without sex, as long as we could have physical intimacy in other ways. If we didn't love each other, I wouldn't want to stay with him forever anyway.

 

But it's probably different for men. Deprive a man of sex, and he acts like he's being deprived of oxygen. Don't get me wrong, sex is great and I love it, but it's not necessary for my survival.

[azsinglegal]

If I really loved the guy and he loved me, I could go the rest of my life without sex, as long as we could have physical intimacy in other ways. If we didn't love each other, I wouldn't want to stay with him forever anyway.

 

But it's probably different for men. Deprive a man of sex, and he acts like he's being deprived of oxygen. Don't get me wrong, sex is great and I love it, but it's not necessary for my survival.

 

It's not just men. I feel like I'm suffocating when I don't have sex. Almost to the point of being desperate for it no matter what.

 

If I go more then a few weeks I start to physically freak out. I can masturbate all night long and never feel satisfied. I need that other person.

[Melrapuo]

I was in a relationship with someone who was physically abused by her father (possibly others) when she was a child. For the first two years, we tried having sex but because of my own nervousness and pressure I ended up having issues performing. However, even when I was "ready to go", it still wouldn't work, as if her body wasn't letting me in.

 

For two years, I felt as though everything was my fault, until she told me what happened. We broke up because we felt it wasn't going to work, but decided to get back together literally hours afterwards.

 

We just broke up again for the same reason last week. She said she had had enough, that we weren't having sex and it was almost as though we were friends. I wasn't happy either, but still wanted to work on it. However, since she had fallen out of love with me, and refused to get help with counseling or anything along those lines, I had no choice but to accept it.

 

At the same time, I'm proud of myself, because I didn't abandon her. How could I? I loved her. She loved me.

 

As long as there is love, you can overcome anything. Even sexual problems. Without it, it will just fail.

 

O, and jsut as a heads up, I would sometimes go months without sex. MONTHS. And no, it wasn't easy.

[Els]

Depends on your individual definition of sex. Mine happens to coincide with carhill's and Carrie's - and thus, I would say, no, not long at all, barring the circumstances carhill linked (poor guy, btw ).

 

If I were to follow the traditional definition of sex, ie strict penile-vaginal intercourse, I would say.. a very long time indeed. There are two components of sex, IMO - emotional intimacy and sexual gratification. Both of the above can be attained, to very satisfactory levels indeed IME, through various intimate and erotic means without the need for penile-vaginal.

 

Certainly this could be because I have not tried it, as Star Gazer has once pointed out. But I don't think it's necessary to try something to know that your relationship is already complete and profound and happy and intimate without it. Plenty of people have not tried rimming, spanking, tickling, and bondage, for example, but are happy with their sex lives without it. Why would this be so different?

 

When we do engage in penile-vaginal intercourse after we are married (his suggestion, that I agree with), I certainly hope it will bring us a new type of enjoyment and intimacy as others have promised, and I look forward to it with interest. I hope, however, that even after that we will continue to see penile-vaginal intercourse as just one of the many wonderful intimate experiences that can be shared in the bedroom (and out of it! ), not the end-all-be-all. But at the moment, judging from what I read here and hear about elsewhere, I am getting much more carnal satisfaction from my sort of 'sex' than many women are from their traditional definitions of 'sex'. And intimacy-wise, the feeling of completion I feel from, say, lying in his arms in post-orgasmic bliss, or from having him fall asleep with his cheek touching mine, or.. well, I could go on. But it feels pretty unrivalled at this point, and we've been together for more than 3.5 years now.

[HeavenOrHell]

Not true, you can have emotional intimacy in a r/ship which isn't the same in an ordinary f/ship, no matter how close I am to my friends. Hard to explain unless you've experienced it.

 

If my partner wasn't capable of having sex, I'd hope we find ways to be close physically, as well as emotionally. I'd be highly unlikely to leave him as we're not just about sex and I'd love him regardless. But if it was because he didn't like sex, or couldn't be bothered, then that would be a deal breaker for me.

 

 

IMO, a relationship without sex is just a friendship.

[carhill]

The operative word is 'can'. The disconnect and qualifier of 'how long' is 'want'. In such an emotionally intimate relationship with a person of my sexual preference, I 'want' to express that intimacy sexually. I have met many women in my life who are just fine with the emotional intimacy; it is their 'sex', with me anyway. Grossly unfulfilling for myself. There isn't 'synergy'. The corollary would be myself getting sex and denying a woman the emotional intimacy she seeks. The two processes go hand in glove, IMO. Save for 'fate' as I described prior, no woman will ever again be able to take that which is valuable and give nothing of herself to the process. EOS>

[bean1]

The longest we went without anything (nothing...) was about 2 months because I was having major pregnancy complications (I couldn't even do oral). He was very sympathetic and porn was the outlet at the time. That was unfortunate but life We went a few weeks after #1 was born but I was able to do other things too. I would have to go for life if one of us was paralyzed or whatever but no sex for non-physical reasons means the marriage is probably over anyways.

[DonJuanInc]

Not long. After a few days I feel anxious and find it hard to concentrate. Jerking off just isn't the same, no matter how many times it just doesn't satisfy like sex does.

[Forever Learning]

I had no sex for an entire year (1998) when I was 29 years old. My douchebag boyfriend was on the other side of the country that year, serving time for a DUI charge.

 

I had a high libido at the time, and no sex led to depression. I did work out every day which helped take the edge off. It was a very dismal experience, and I wouldn't want to endure that again. Although as I am older now (42) I find my libido somewhat less prominent than it was in my twenties. So it may also be a matter of what stage in life you are at, as to how well you can physically and emotionally handle the 'no-sex' dilemma.

 

If I were with someone and able to have other forms of physical and emotional intimacy, then the 'penis meets vagina' thing wouldn't really be a problem. We could just use a sex toy, I would imagine, along with other varieties of intimacy. I value love of an individual much higher than the sex act with the individual.

 

I think I feel that way because I have had such a douchebag man in my life in the past, that I really place empahsis now on the person's character and integrity, more than anything physical, such as physical attractiveness or sexual prowess. First and foremost is what is on the inside of the man.

Edited December 26, 2011 by Forever Learning

[Sark]

No intimacy by choice = broken relationship, and time to move on. No intimacy due to unintended circumstances = stick it out till the end.

[in_absentia]

I'm one of the people who 'can't' have sex. My problem is something called Chronic Pelvic Pain Syndrome... basically I get really bad bladder and urethra pain every day, have done for the past seven years (I'm 23). Without antibiotics, EVERY time I have sexual intercourse, I get a urinary tract infection. Every time. Meaning I have to have time off work to recover (they hit me worst than most) and am miserable for a few days. To combat this, I'm on a strong cocktail of drugs including a synthetic cannabis, medical ketamine and morphine, to try and handle the pain. It gets tough sometimes, hospital visits every month, doctors appointments practically once a week lately, and it's a very life limiting illness, as when I get bad pain I can't drive, focus on anything, do anything other than just pace around until the meds kick in.

 

So sex... the funny thing is, I'm an absolute horn dog and heavily into kink and BDSM, have a long term boyfriend I'm crazy about and if I didn't have this, I'd be having sex at least once a day with him. But I just can't, sex is really excruciating most of the time and on rare occasions it doesn't hurt and I can enjoy it fully, but neary every other time we have to take it slow, I grimace and to be honest by that point with the pain I'm not doing it to satisfy my own urges, but to make my boyfriend happy, prove to myself I'm not fully broken and just try get through it. When I have rare periods where sex is alright, we have the most amazing time in bed (and everywhere else...) and we're still very passionate with each other, physical intimacy and doing things other than penis-vagina intercourse, work each other up very easily and have a fantastic relationship.

 

I believe him that he will stick this out with me because he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I don't know what the 'end' is, though, as I am trying to get a decision overturned so I can have a treatment that could help me on the NHS, but it costs so much they have rejected the suggestion. I'm ****ed up on drugs every day and find it hard to keep my job down. I feel like a failure as a gf and frustrated beyond belief that we can't go at it constantly. I don't worry about him straying at all, I just wish I was normal because when it is at its best, I'm a very sexual person and adventurous and I hate that I can't make the most of it!

 

With my ex I went two years without sex at one point because of the illness. I was all up for continuing sexual activity in ways that we could (oral, etc.) but he wouldn't do things like that because he didn't like the frustration that it couldn't wind up with intercourse, so we basically didn't do stuff. All the pain and worry plus the medication I'm on each day kills my libido anyway. Meh.

[ToothpasteLove]

I used to think.. you didnt need sex in a relationship.. but i think sex is the final piece that brings you both together.

 

As someone said you dont need a vagina and a penis to have sex.. there is much more.. but i think id need that intimacy.. the closeness.. but you can never predict unconditional love and what it can endure.