Understanding Attraction well enough??

[ThaWholigan]

I have been trying to get a better understanding of attraction and exactly how it works between men and women, from the universal to the individual tastes. I feel that men need to do this more with regards to how they do in dating women. I also believe that women who haven't got this kind of understanding should also do so aswell. I think that both sexes have a lot of trouble understanding each other's attractiveness triggers and sexuality. I want to gauge people's understanding of attraction to the opposite sex and understand exactly where you're all coming from.

 

I also intend for there to be a more frank and barb-free analysis and discussion from both genders in this thread, as I don't want it to get too emotional

[jobaba]

I think it's pretty simple. Most people just want the best they can get. So best combination of looks, wealth, social status they can get. That's the baseline for attraction for both sexes I'd say.

 

Of course, for women, they are so highly emotional, even if you don't have a combination of the above (particularly looks), you can still get them if you are able to trigger some kind of 'emotional humidifier' inside them where their feelings can slowly develop for you. Stuff like confidence, assertiveness, manliness, and being exciting turns it on and off.

 

Most women will absolutely never date you if the physical or emotional attraction is not there. So, it is our job as men to find someone who is physically attracted to us (self explanatory), create emotional attraction (PUA type techniques), or find a woman who has a more practical approach to attraction (rare clams).

 

As a man, I'm attracted to a woman who is motivated, has a great heart towards other people, and shares some common interests with me. That's it. I'll filter out the rest as we go forward in the dating process. All that emotional falling in love, thinking about the other person, butterflies, crushes, etc. Garbage...

[insertnamehere]

My list of triggers, as a guy . . .

 

Physical triggers

 

• Wide hips, slight thunder thighs -- triple score if paired with a tiny waist
  
• Big eyes, especially big brown doe eyes
  
• Red hair -- automatic win without regard to raw hideousness, especially if paired with pale, clear skin!!
  
• I like a slightly pudgy, round almost child-like face.
  
• No more than a C cup. I don't get the big boobs thing at all.
  
• Height, within reason. A 5' 0" woman does nothing for me.
  
• Exotic is always a big win. Someday I'll find a mixed Dravidian-Aborigine woman who I will marry just to keep her as the ultimate exotic trophy. I've dated too many mixed race women to count.
  
• Big nose. I have no idea why. Penelope Cruz's nose is insanely hot to me.
  

Social / psychological triggers

 

• Social without being pushy.
  
• Tips that she likes me, but requires that I do the asking out part.
  
• Smiles, shows interests but doesn't go overboard. Profuse interest shuts me down hard without regard to physical attractiveness. I have some trust issues and that behavior flashes red to me.
  
• Conversant without being a grammar nazi. I like women who can find the happy balance between intelligent and folksy.
  
• Can throw back when I test her. I tend to be a prick to women just to throw them off initially. She wins massive points if she deflects it and then goes on the offensive.
  
• Ballsy appearance. Example: girls with purple mohawks or green pixies are a ridiculous turn on for me. I don't know why, but that sort of really in-your face ownership of her physical appearance drives me nuts. I love that "**** you, society!" look.
  

So, to be clear, I want an exotic, big-hipped, slightly baby-faced punk bitch who lets me be the man in the relationship while still holding me accountable. I thought I found her in France once, but she wimped out once I teased her a bit.

[ThaWholigan]

I think it's pretty simple. Most people just want the best they can get. So best combination of looks, wealth, social status they can get. That's the baseline for attraction for both sexes I'd say.

 

Of course, for women, they are so highly emotional, even if you don't have a combination of the above (particularly looks), you can still get them if you are able to trigger some kind of 'emotional humidifier' inside them where their feelings can slowly develop for you. Stuff like confidence, assertiveness, manliness, and being exciting turns it on and off.

 

Most women will absolutely never date you if the physical or emotional attraction is not there. So, it is our job as men to find someone who is physically attracted to us (self explanatory), create emotional attraction (PUA type techniques), or find a woman who has a more practical approach to attraction (rare clams).

 

As a man, I'm attracted to a woman who is motivated, has a great heart towards other people, and shares some common interests with me. That's it. I'll filter out the rest as we go forward in the dating process. All that emotional falling in love, thinking about the other person, butterflies, crushes, etc. Garbage...

 

Women who have a "practical" approach to attraction are different because they think more like men IMO. I think that it is not particularly hard to inspire emotional attraction from people unless you have literally zero charisma. Even then, it's not a handicap because charisma can be gained (yes, believe it).

 

All that "emotional falling in love" stuff is what women love. In many ways, I think some women are in love with the idea of being in love, but generally I feel it can probably make a woman feel very alive with passion especially if she knows that person is hers. And ESPECIALLY if that person just happens to be a man of pure character (looks, money, charisma, whatever-you-want-to-attribute-to-this-guy-because-he-is-perfect).

 

Now, men really need to understand attraction and learn how to make it work in their favor, not at the expense of women though, but in order to make it a win-win. This is what I would rather do, I did not feel any better when I lamented about how "awful women are", generally because I was feeling sorry for myself and didn't really believe it. I am at a place where I feel I have clarity, and I understand now what I have to do to have a fulfilling life, and to attract the kind of women I would like to live that fulfilling life with.

[jobaba]

Women who have a "practical" approach to attraction are different because they think more like men IMO. I think that it is not particularly hard to inspire emotional attraction from people unless you have literally zero charisma. Even then, it's not a handicap because charisma can be gained (yes, believe it).

 

All that "emotional falling in love" stuff is what women love. In many ways, I think some women are in love with the idea of being in love, but generally I feel it can probably make a woman feel very alive with passion especially if she knows that person is hers. And ESPECIALLY if that person just happens to be a man of pure character (looks, money, charisma, whatever-you-want-to-attribute-to-this-guy-because-he-is-perfect).

 

Now, men really need to understand attraction and learn how to make it work in their favor, not at the expense of women though, but in order to make it a win-win. This is what I would rather do, I did not feel any better when I lamented about how "awful women are", generally because I was feeling sorry for myself and didn't really believe it. I am at a place where I feel I have clarity, and I understand now what I have to do to have a fulfilling life, and to attract the kind of women I would like to live that fulfilling life with.

 

Yea. That's pretty solid. I'd say my approach is to attack at all angles...

 

You need to go through volume to get through the ones who are plain not physically attracted to you and will give you no chance. Then the ones who don't particularly like you, but will give you a chance, you gotta lay on the charisma and game and try to trigger that emotional spark. While you are doing that, you may run into one who genuinely thinks you're physically cute and then you're off and running.

 

My last girlfriend was actually an example of a 'practical' woman. She told me after we had been dating for a while that she knew from the second time that we met that we would get along and have fun together and dating was a possibility. She never got ga-ga about the really good looking guys like most women do and never really got that emotional about anything in a romantic sense (not to say she couldn't be a total emotional raging b@tch! )

 

But honestly, I wish more women were like her. That's the way I operate nowadays and it would make things easier. But women like her are RARE!