Stalemate

[BrokenFool]

Why doesnt nobody understand me , Ive posted on here time and time again and all I get is the look at yourself, go NC , dont break, etc etc etc

its hurting me every day and all i want is somebodys advice

i respect so many people on this site

basically me and my ex broke up for a year now after 3 year relationship

 

private number calls

weird texts from number i dont know

anonymous views on linkedin

 

i change my facebook profile pic within hours i get private number calls and anonymous views on linkedin

within a week or 2 she changes her profile pic

 

i rang her private number call she answered i heard her voice put it down

i got a private number call answered whoever it was heard my voice and put it down

 

she isnt going to break maybe through stubborness, fear, anger whatever

i cant have the guts to contact her in case i am seeing things wrong and she tells me she is engaged / with somebody else / does not still wanna talk to me

 

so what do we do ??????

its easy to say dont check her facebook but shes checking mine

 

how do i break the stalemate

 

please help me somebody

[BoredAgain]

Ignore, ignore, ignore!

 

Her calling you through a private number is just childish. Just don't give her anything, let those calls go to voice mail. Set your Facebook to private so she can't see your photos. Etc. If you really want to "break the stalemate" then move on with your own life. Obsessing over every attempted communication will keep you stuck in this miserable post-breakup rut.

[BrokenFool]

BoredAgain - thank you for your reply I am ignoring , I woke up one morning to find 7 private number calls starting at 07.56 and every half hour after , i knew it was her but neither answered or rang her , the 1 call I did pick up I wanted to give myself the satisfaction it was her and when I picked up and spoke and whoever it was put it down I got my answer

She took it a step further and text me from a number I didn't recognise I never replied - twice she has done this

She rang me from another number I didn't know I never answered or rang back

She put up Facebook pics that I took of her or liked I did not do anything

But the contact in some form or another is on a weekly basis now

 

My only question is why is she doing this and before anybody says for her ego yes probably but surely if it's ego you try for a bit if you get nothing back you give up that's that - to make the effort to go an purchase pay as you go simcards and then text me from them ??

I still love this girl a lot and would love just to know we could say hi once in a while without all this anger and hatred which after a year shouldn't be there

She still has me blocked on Facebook and whatsapp - I asked my friends if she is wanting contact hence the private number calls why not unblock me on facebook or whatsapp - they said no she can't do that until she knows you still love her and have feelings for her - do you agree

I would love to hear other people's views - especially Wilson

[smokey bear]

Can i point you in the direction of this thread

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t310215/

 

I listened to you, told you to break nc because it would end the situation your in, you didnt listen to me then post again that noone listens.

 

Phone her, talk to her, tell her how you feel and listen to what she says in return.

 

Dont play games, phone from YOUR number not private, say hello, its me, bla bla bla and then listen to what she says back to you.

 

Then come on here and tell us what happened and how you feel.

 

Or continue to ignore advice and stay where you are.

 

Nc isnt for everyone, if its still hurting you then stop doing it, if you've questions that need answered then ask her them.

[BrokenFool]

Smokey bear - thanks for your input , I have kept a close eye on your GIGS thread and do value your opinion

It's not that I didn't listen to you I'm scared

At the start of the breakup I started getting private number calls past midnight I had never had these before - we briefly spoke once and I mentioned to her that one night I had been missing her and she rang me private number she denied it was her and alas the private number calls came but never past midnight again

So I am scared to ask her incase she says no sorry wasn't me

And gets a kick out the fact I haven't moved on or still love her

In my heart of hearts I know it's her

What I don't understand is WHY

In March she told me I'm with somebody else now - friends later told me she had said that to get me to stop contacting her

I had said to her don't think you will be with somebody else then come back to me - maybe this plays on her mind

Maybe she feels she has burnt all her bridges

In sept I had to contact her because I had sent her a cheque for some money I owed her and 6-7 weeks later she had not cashed it . I felt in my heart then she had not cashed it so I would contact her

When I did via text she gave me one sentence

I have received the cheque and will cash it tomorrow

To which I replied thank you

I then rang her ONCE to let her know I had lost my job and their would be a delay in posting the last bit of the money

I left her a voicemail in which I said look it's been long enough I think we should bury the hatchet we don't have to be friends but it would be nice knowing you don't hate me

She ignored me

After that the games continued

A fake Facebook friends request

Private number calls

A text saying cxxe from a number I didn't know

Anonymous views on my linkedin profile and calls as soon as I changed my Facebook profile pic to which she responded to with a pic change of her own

But I'm scared if I contact her she will

Ignore me

Reiterate she is happy with somebody else

Have the upper hand that I contacted her and even if it did go positive great but she would know I can do whatever I want he will always love me and take me back

So why the games

Guys I know it's her I have had this mobile number for 9 years I don't get private number calls or weird texts and to put it into context never had them in the 3 years I was with her or before

I really really miss her and even as a best case scenario would love to catch up

I love her

I feel in my heart she still has feelings

But I really don't know what to do

I really don't

Her new Facebook picture took my breath away

I wonder if she did that thinking my picture had made her miss me so hers would have the same effect

Somebody please please help me

Knowing she Hates my guts kills me everyday

[smokey bear]

some people cant give up until they are rejected multiple times.

[BrokenFool]

Smokey bear- sorry but i don't understand your last post

Please will you explain

[Mcnulty]

My ex hates my guts....you live with it. She may not always, but what the hell, her problem, not mine.

 

I think you need to disappear from all social networking that she can see and move on, you're tying yourself up in knots...not good.

[BrokenFool]

Mcnulty - thanks

You are right I should do that

I have done it when we broke up I deleted my Facebook for 6 months

A few months later she deleted her Facebook aswell for a week - didn't get a reaction out of me - and then went back on

One part of me believes if she sees my picture on there and realises Ivan moving on it may prompt her to contact me

Rather than just disappear

I don't know why she still means so much to me

Maybe because I didn't get any closure when she upped and left I wouldn't feel like this

Do you think I should text her something like

Hey I know you don't want to hear from me I just wanted to say I've been getting private number calls , I'm not saying it is you but if it is just know you don't need to hide your number you can ring me I will talk to you

On the other hand

Friends have said - she started with private number calls which have increased lately

And in the last month has taken it a step further with the fake Facebook request and texts from other numbers etc so her regret / guilt / ego is getting worse

Just sit tight and she will make a move if you show her your not there

Ps: she is talking every night to a 21 year old across the road ( she is 32) I don't know if he is serving as a good distraction for her or if she has feelings for him

I really don't know what to do

I know it's her that's contacting me but why

Just to see if I'm still there ?

[twinkles]

Don't ask her if she is the one calling you. She will just become defensive and put her in anger mode and of course she will say it's not her.

 

Just text ..hi from me just wondering how you are. Nothing more. Then you just wait for a response. If she doesn't answer she doesn't answer. Simple as that. It sure beats what you are putting yourself through.

 

Do not mention the texts phone calls etc at all.

 

Maybe she is talking to that 21 year old across the street in order to see you.

Who knows. I mean why would she be across the street knowing you can see her.

[BrokenFool]

Twinkles - thanks for your reply

Let me explain

She added a 21 year old kid from across the road to her on Facebook told me he fancied her etc. - I said be careful what you write to him he may think you fancy him - she dumped me for saying that

A few months later i mentioned I hated how he was always posting on her wall

She said is it cos he fancies me

I said no personally I think he's ugly

She dumped me again and didn't speak to me for my whole birthday

This made me feel she had feelings for him despite the age gap

She dumped me for thinking/feeling this way

So we broke up and I checked her phone bill online and she is talking with this guy everyday multiple calls

Hes a 21 year old uni student

She's 32 and works

He lives opposite her

She told my friend she sees him as a brother and finds him funny

I can't let on I know she's talking to him as she will know I checked her bill

She has in the past When ever we have broken up ignored hundreds of my calls and texts even at the last breakup I begged for one 5 minute conversation for closure she ignored me

That's why I don't want to text her because she will ignore it which will hurt me that she can't even reply after everything I did for her

One example a 600 mile round trip to see her for 30 mins on her birthday with gifts such as a laser engraved Rose

I didn't even get a birthday card on my birthday

Plus if I text her I give her the upper hand after nearly a year NC minus two episodes

Yet the private number calls and weird texts and anonymous views on my linkedin profile persist

I really don't know what to do

I really don't

I do still have feelings for her that's the truth

[twinkles]

Sometimes a gal can like a guy and be friends with no desire for any intimacy. I have several male friends like that. You really shouldn't be jealous. When you act jealous with those sort of comments you just lower your status in the other persons eyes.

 

You just have to take a chance. Who cares if she ignores you at least you tried. Most people don't have the courage to do that. What's the worst that can happen. You are not going to die if she doesn't call you back.

 

Sometimes by doing something like this just puts your mind at ease. I can tell you are feeling anxious.

 

All you are doing is typing a few words into a little machine. That's all.

 

Just tell yourself it doesn't matter if she calls me back I want to do this.

[BrokenFool]

Twinkles - I slept on it and decided I am going to do nothing , I know 99% that she will ignore my text no matter what I write plus it would give her that ego boost that I still have feelings for her a year later

Imagining her sitting there talking to friends saying guess who texted me the other day

Plus despite the 11 year age gap she is on the phone with the lad across her street everyday and late at night so I think she is going out with him so I am not going to validate her

My contract for my phone ends in January so I am just going to end my contract and change my number

I tried like nobody would ever try for her

I put up with and did more than anybody would ever do for her

To be dumped every 6 weeks for 3 years for silly reasons

To be dumped before exams

Given the silent treatment on my birthday

You don't even treat a dog like that

Good luck to her

See if she can find what she wants

Her games don't affect me anymore

I think she is suffering from GIGS but I don't know what stage