lolita jade Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 It hasn't happened to me but some poster's on here I have noticed are hell bent on NC that they are ignoring blatent signs that their ex wants to get back with them. Presents, wanting to meet, cards, several contacts with them= THEY WANT YOU BACK. Should you break your contact to get back with them or do you think you should strictly keep to NC until you are over them?
wilsonx Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 I will agree with you 50% of the way but most relationships ended for a reason. If the person can not determine the reason why the relationship ended then breaking NC and going back will cause the relationship to fail again. NC is a tool to remove you emotionally from a situation, look in a mirror and say, how can I improve myself to make a relationship work better in the future. If you cant figure this out, then going back to an EX will result in the same mistakes over again
headsashed Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 It hasn't happened to me but some poster's on here I have noticed are hell bent on NC that they are ignoring blatent signs that their ex wants to get back with them. Presents, wanting to meet, cards, several contacts with them= THEY WANT YOU BACK. Should you break your contact to get back with them or do you think you should strictly keep to NC until you are over them? All depends on whether you want them back or not,if you do then id contact them,if you dont then stick to NC
SkyEmtRN Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 What if all those signs are there but....they still insist that they do not want to get back or they say I don't see us getting back at the moment. Is their mind lieing to their heart? Or are those just words that are not lineing up with their feelings? This is why I hate text messageing....leads to so many misleading tone of voice
BoredAgain Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 I think going back into a relationship with a dumper isn't as straight-forward as it seems. Of course, in the first stages of the breakup the dumpee always wants to "win back" their Ex as sort of a knee-jerk reaction to getting dumped, but that often wears off after a few months. So when they finally do come around, you're left with the question, "Can I really be in a good relationship with this person?" And when you take into account the trust issues and pain caused by the breakup plus whatever problems there were in the old relationship, I'd bet the answer is often, "no."
SkyEmtRN Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 I think going back into a relationship with a dumper isn't as straight-forward as it seems. Of course, in the first stages of the breakup the dumpee always wants to "win back" their Ex as sort of a knee-jerk reaction to getting dumped, but that often wears off after a few months. So when they finally do come around, you're left with the question, "Can I really be in a good relationship with this person?" And when you take into account the trust issues and pain caused by the breakup plus whatever problems there were in the old relationship, I'd bet the answer is often, "no." It also depends on the dumpee. Me personally, I'm always willing to give anybody a second chance and start from scratch and take things slow. I wouldn't take them back and start where we left off then your deffinately bound to run into the same issue. And by starting it slow, I'm talking about new anniversary date, new first kiss, new first date. Basically a new relationship with someone you already know. But thats just me. Some people will be like "get the fu*k out of my face after you hurt me and then come crying back". lol
smokey bear Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 It hasn't happened to me but some poster's on here I have noticed are hell bent on NC that they are ignoring blatent signs that their ex wants to get back with them. Presents, wanting to meet, cards, several contacts with them= THEY WANT YOU BACK. Should you break your contact to get back with them or do you think you should strictly keep to NC until you are over them? If this refers to your personal situation, stay nc. I dont believe in nc if you want an ex back, but it is essential to get yourself back and stop the hurt. I believe its best done in spurts. on and offf.
M2155 Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 Both. Get over them first so you can start fresh with a clear head. Keep NC to see how sincere of an effort they make and to evaluate what has changed to make the relationship work. Then talk. I think actions AND words need to match.
Melrapuo Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 I will agree with you 50% of the way but most relationships ended for a reason. If the person can not determine the reason why the relationship ended then breaking NC and going back will cause the relationship to fail again. NC is a tool to remove you emotionally from a situation, look in a mirror and say, how can I improve myself to make a relationship work better in the future. If you cant figure this out, then going back to an EX will result in the same mistakes over again This. Sorry, but if you break up with someone and realize you need to do things to improve yourself first before anything else, then you should go do it. For me, it was going to a therapist to help me with my depression. I have an appointment tonight. Its something I have put off for at least 4 years, and this should be a good start to improving myself for the better.
2sunny Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 IF both people are willing to look at why it wasn't working - and understand how each participated in the way it wasn't working by own their behavior - and being honest why/how it wasn't working... Then determining a NEW way to participate to see IF it may work by implementing the new behaviors - that's the only good reason to think it may work. But it takes a commitment to change from both people... One that involves honesty.
chados Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 if they are in a relationship they should tell you if they want you back, this is not the time for you to be chasing them at all. if they still contacts you, sure they might miss you.. they might even love you, but they wont take you back if they feel its not going to work. if they are single and you've got enough distance and enough information about why the breakup did occur, it could be vice to contact them as friend, then rebuild attraction with a new beginning. this is not something that has to be done in the first month, you need to give yourself time to heal so you can start fresh again. at the same time the dumper needs time to really miss you.. people do make mistakes in their lifes. you could want someone back.. it could be a stressful period in your life and youre not sure what you want right now. christmas coming up. maybe send them a christmascard? the only bad thing here is that they probably will tell you "merry christmas and start asking you about your life" dont believe that this mean they are going to take you back
twinkles Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 I know what you mean Lolita. I don't think nc works if you want them back or see a sign that they want you back. I think people are afraid of the rejection which will make them to go back to step one in their healing phase. You just don't pressure the person into making a decision about your relationship. Don't even bring the relationship up. No begging or pleading. You just go with the flow and of course no sex until you are sure that the relationship is on again...you don't want to become a friend with benefits. Plus I think they will respect you more if you say no to sex. Light contact will keep you in touch with the person while you work on yourself and gain some self confidence. Sometimes with light contact you may even decide that there is no future for the two of you and eventually you move on. Of course if the person tells you to never call them again or they never want to see your face again then of course no contact..but if the door is left open you can put your foot in the door...and if the door is slammed in your face then you retreat once again. I say these things because I am using light contact with my ex...and i'm not sure if I want the relationship back yet or at all...it's just giving me time to think...and maybe he doesn't want me back either... time will tell
Author lolita jade Posted December 21, 2011 Author Posted December 21, 2011 If this refers to your personal situation, stay nc. I dont believe in nc if you want an ex back, but it is essential to get yourself back and stop the hurt. I believe its best done in spurts. on and offf. Smokey, No not my own situation. I am staying well and truly NC. I did get a card posted through my door today but believe that he is just returning my jesture. I certainly am not reading anything into it.
Author lolita jade Posted December 21, 2011 Author Posted December 21, 2011 I know what you mean Lolita. I don't think nc works if you want them back or see a sign that they want you back. I think people are afraid of the rejection which will make them to go back to step one in their healing phase. You just don't pressure the person into making a decision about your relationship. Don't even bring the relationship up. No begging or pleading. You just go with the flow and of course no sex until you are sure that the relationship is on again...you don't want to become a friend with benefits. Plus I think they will respect you more if you say no to sex. Light contact will keep you in touch with the person while you work on yourself and gain some self confidence. Sometimes with light contact you may even decide that there is no future for the two of you and eventually you move on. Of course if the person tells you to never call them again or they never want to see your face again then of course no contact..but if the door is left open you can put your foot in the door...and if the door is slammed in your face then you retreat once again. I say these things because I am using light contact with my ex...and i'm not sure if I want the relationship back yet or at all...it's just giving me time to think...and maybe he doesn't want me back either... time will tell My ex is 100 per cent into OW. NC is the only way for me to go. Even dropping my son back at the house makes me sad for a short while.
fetish1980 Posted December 21, 2011 Posted December 21, 2011 I agree with many others on this board, most notably WilsonX, i think he hit it on the head. People break up for a reason and if one person out of the relationship fails to realize what caused the break-up, it will fail again. So we have to make the best decision for ourselves, no matter how hard it may be to let them go. NC is a healing tool that should be used to detach yourself and emotionally heal yourself from under the spell of your ex, whether you want them back or not. If you use NC expecting to win them back, that is a bad move. My ex (been broken up since February this year) has recently mentioned trying again. I have decided not to go back because i don't really think i've had adequate time to heal myself. Although it may be nearly a year, most of this time that i've had separate from her has been grieving over her, not living my life and improving my life. Second, i realize she wants to get back together for security, and still falls short on realizing the reasons for our breakup. In the end, it's your life and you have to do what's best for you. fetish
Author lolita jade Posted December 21, 2011 Author Posted December 21, 2011 I agree with you fetish. I dont think you realise this until you are starting to heal though, as I am. You should be 100 per cent sure and things need to change. Of course everyone at first hopes NC will get your ex back but you do realise soon it is about accepting the time is for you to heal and move on. I think the only way you should get back together is if you broke up for a petty reason or lovers tiff and there is no OW/OM involved and the love you have for each other is equally as strong.
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